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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 21, 1991)
Brian Shellito/DN No peeking Initial disrobed encounter uninspiring for pair By Cinnamon Dokken Staff Reftorier and Gary Longsine Columnist C: I saw you peeking, Gary. G: No, I caugnt you pecking. If you weren’t peeking, you wouldn’t have seen me checking to see if you were peeking. C: I was looking at your face, Gary, and I saw you peeking. It’s too late to save this column. Even being naked to get in the spirit of it hasn’t helped. G: You know, it’s long been a fantasy of mine to be naked with you. I never imagined it would be this stale, though. It seems so . . . anticlimactic, it you will. C: Gary, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’ve never imag ined being naked with you. G: A lot of women tell me that. Just the other day, a woman came up to me and said, “I ley, aren’t you Gary Longsine? I read your col umns. You know, I’ve never really thought about being naked with you." C: You’re hard up, Gary. You’re having negative fantasies. G: You don’t know the half. Just last week I realized that I was savoring several possibilities for rejection. C: This column isn’t about your inability to gel a date. It’s about nudity. G: “Nudity, Yours and Mine.” That’s what I think we should call it. Kind of an early 70s revival. Nudity, I’m OK Nude, You’re OK Nude. Try it. C: How can you avoid trying it? At some time, at some point in your life, you are naked. G: You could give nudity up, for Lent, say. If you wereCatholic, that is. C: No one in her right mind would give up nudity for Lent. You’d have to give up showering for Lent, too. G: Not necessarily. You could shower and do laundry at the same time. Much more efficient, I think. C: Counterproductive, I think. How would you gel your body clean underneath your clothing? G: Power jets of water, like at a car wash, C: So you’d be using about 80 times the amount of water that you’d normally use and you’re calling that efficient? G: 'Lime is money. Besides, you wouldn’t do it at an actual car wash, you’d . . . C: You’d have to spend hours drying, Gary! Face it. Showering with clothes on is a stupid idea. I think we should move on to other things. G: Yeah, you know I was just looking at your exquisite form and feeling quite inadequate. I wish that nuaity were a more equal experience between us, Cin, ya know? C: You’re not inadequate, Gary. ' You’re . . . different. G: Well, anyway, now we are 12 minutes into our first mutuaiJy nude experience, Cinnamon. How do you feel? C: Well, Gary, it’s not much dif ferent from other times we spend together. I’m not looking at you. G: Have you ever wanted to be a nude model? Did you pose for Playboy? C: They called me and asked me to be in their “Girls of the Big Eight who co-write columns, hate jog ging and were born in February’’ issue, but I had to wash my hair. G: So, do you suppose we could be nude sometime, over pizza, maybe? At my place? C: The truly desperate are a piti ful lot. Hey, editor, Gary keeps propositioning me . . . G: Hey! Only twice! E: Do you think that you two could work this out on your own? C: Just stay on your side, Gary. And don’t peek. G: I’ve been looking openly for about the last 10 minutes. I’m an awful lot paler than you are. C: You are a cockroach. G: You are bitter, cynical and uninspired. C: You’re too pale to inspire me. G: Put your clothes on, evil naked one. BE A RED CROSS VOLUNTEER American Red Cross S ij Or you'# be surprised When you cut me. I'm sprayed with stinky ■ Jg^ Fox urine, you Enjoy me outside where I'm supposed to be! ; - ■ ,\ ■ CINL DEPT. OF LANDSCAPE SERVICES PaidAdrcriisvmvni ......-.--. "I fell in love with a modem woman. Only a diamond this exquisite l could reduce her to old-£a§hior\ed tears." \ The Diamond Engagement Ring * * Special student financing available r 15% "off ■ all wedding bands* ♦Excluding Hamann Comfort Fit wedding bands iGateway Downtown ^ ‘Good through Dec. 31,1991 _ j467-2509 nth & 'O' 476-8561
