Brian Shellito/DN
No peeking
Initial disrobed encounter uninspiring for pair
By Cinnamon Dokken
Staff Reftorier
and Gary Longsine
Columnist
C: I saw you peeking, Gary.
G: No, I caugnt you pecking. If
you weren’t peeking, you wouldn’t
have seen me checking to see if
you were peeking.
C: I was looking at your face,
Gary, and I saw you peeking. It’s
too late to save this column. Even
being naked to get in the spirit of it
hasn’t helped.
G: You know, it’s long been a
fantasy of mine to be naked with
you. I never imagined it would be
this stale, though. It seems so . . .
anticlimactic, it you will.
C: Gary, I don’t want to hurt
your feelings, but I’ve never imag
ined being naked with you.
G: A lot of women tell me that.
Just the other day, a woman came
up to me and said, “I ley, aren’t you
Gary Longsine? I read your col
umns. You know, I’ve never really
thought about being naked with
you."
C: You’re hard up, Gary. You’re
having negative fantasies.
G: You don’t know the half. Just
last week I realized that I was
savoring several possibilities for
rejection.
C: This column isn’t about your
inability to gel a date. It’s about
nudity.
G: “Nudity, Yours and Mine.”
That’s what I think we should call
it. Kind of an early 70s revival.
Nudity, I’m OK Nude, You’re OK
Nude. Try it.
C: How can you avoid trying it?
At some time, at some point in your
life, you are naked.
G: You could give nudity up, for
Lent, say. If you wereCatholic, that
is.
C: No one in her right mind
would give up nudity for Lent.
You’d have to give up showering
for Lent, too.
G: Not necessarily. You could
shower and do laundry at the same
time. Much more efficient, I think.
C: Counterproductive, I think.
How would you gel your body
clean underneath your clothing?
G: Power jets of water, like at a
car wash,
C: So you’d be using about 80
times the amount of water that
you’d normally use and you’re
calling that efficient?
G: 'Lime is money. Besides, you
wouldn’t do it at an actual car
wash, you’d . . .
C: You’d have to spend hours
drying, Gary! Face it. Showering
with clothes on is a stupid idea. I
think we should move on to other
things.
G: Yeah, you know I was just
looking at your exquisite form and
feeling quite inadequate. I wish
that nuaity were a more equal
experience between us, Cin, ya
know?
C: You’re not inadequate, Gary. '
You’re . . . different.
G: Well, anyway, now we are 12
minutes into our first mutuaiJy nude
experience, Cinnamon. How do
you feel?
C: Well, Gary, it’s not much dif
ferent from other times we spend
together. I’m not looking at you.
G: Have you ever wanted to be
a nude model? Did you pose for
Playboy?
C: They called me and asked me
to be in their “Girls of the Big Eight
who co-write columns, hate jog
ging and were born in February’’
issue, but I had to wash my hair.
G: So, do you suppose we could
be nude sometime, over pizza,
maybe? At my place?
C: The truly desperate are a piti
ful lot. Hey, editor, Gary keeps
propositioning me . . .
G: Hey! Only twice!
E: Do you think that you two
could work this out on your own?
C: Just stay on your side, Gary.
And don’t peek.
G: I’ve been looking openly for
about the last 10 minutes. I’m an
awful lot paler than you are.
C: You are a cockroach.
G: You are bitter, cynical and
uninspired.
C: You’re too pale to inspire me.
G: Put your clothes on, evil naked
one.
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