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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (April 24, 1987)
Friday, April 24, 1937 Daily Halfaskan Pago 3 Chastity belts, codpieces to be distributed here By Ty Prider Staff Letterman The UNL Moral Majority plans a cod piece and chastity-belt giveaway and ice-cream social in celebration of "Chastity Day," May 1. Moral Majority spokespersons Virgi nia Cherry and John Lackluster said they received 700 codpieces and chas tity belts (c-belts) from their parent organization, the Moral Majority, ear lier this year. With the paraphernalia, the group plans to hand out pamphlets that will explain the use of chastisty belts (securely fastened belt-like devi ces of metal or leather fastened on a woman to prevent sexual intercourse Webster's new 20th century dic tionary) and codpieces (an ornamented bag or flap worn fastened over the fron opening of tight breeches Webster's). The pamphlets will also include proper use and consumption of ice cream. A controversial quote in one of the illustrated brochures reads: "Ice cream should be placed on a cone and licked or put in a dish and eaten with a spoon. Drips should be avoided." "Since the 1980s borrows so heavily from past decades, we thought it would be only one small step to borrow from past centuries," Cherry said. Ironically codpieces, worn by men in the 15th and 16th century including trendsetter King Henry VIII, were used by some to call attention to the male organ. Some were even jeweled. Those given out at UNL will be much plainer, and the idea behind them will not be to draw attention to the male organ, but to de-emphasize it. The cod piece symbolizes a male version of the chastity belt, Lackluster said. Chastity belts were worn by women in the Middle Ages when their hus bands were away as proof and enforcement of faithfulness. UNL attorney Rich Woody refused to confirm or deny a report that the uni versity planned to go to county court to stop the distribution which was to take place by Broyhill Fountain and in both student "unions." "I have no comment at this time " he said. "Codpieces and c-belts convey visual messages," Cherry said. "We hope col lege students are mature enough to handle them." God: I need Lied; NU Foundation shaken The construction of the Lied Center on the UNL campus is all part of God's plan, the DH learned today. NU Foun dation chairman D.B. (Woody) Farmer said that he had been told by God to build a "huge empty monument of insig nificance to me." When Farmer asked God where to get the money, he was nearly stricken by a thunderbolt, according to Farmer. When asked to confirm his part in the story, God replied, "It's my plan, and it's none of your business. Do what you're told, or I'll make you build me a rec center." Farmer, who is staying in the Prayer Tower near God's South Stadium office, commented upon the seriousness of his mission. "God has graciously charged me with fulfilling his work, and I sure hope people keep those donations coming. I I just can't count on PTL support anymore." Sliorts Il&ngg 'em higher Lincoln police rushed into Hamilton Hall just in time Thursday to save Prof. Harold Stank from being hanged from the ceiling by his Chemistry 109 stu dents. The students became violent when Stank announced he would give a quiz on the Wednesday of dead week. "Apparently Stank didn't take the term 'dead week' seriously," said Chancellor Martian Coffinnail. "But the students did." Record-size ANUS The ANUS election commission has updated the election rule book. The 300-pound book breaks the record for size of any book on campus, said UNL Dean of Libraries Ben Bookbinder. I. Spy, head of the commission, said "We'll really get 'em with this." The male election commissioners also have ordered falsies and wigs for next spring's search of the women's bathrooms for illegal posters. . Surority creature' ." A group of five UNL "women were attacked by unidentified space crea tures as they walked across campus Tuesday. One of the creatures spouted sounds which were translated by a modern languages professor. - According to the professor, the crea tures mistook the women for female space creatures, because the large bows on the women's heads resembled antennas. Penis of the Plains The Beastly Boys are set to appear at the Farm Aid III Concert in Memorial Stadium in September. However, band member Mike-D. says their huge phal lic symbol will not come with them. "Lincoln already has one of those in plain sight of the stadium," he said. "They even let little kids have tours in it." , n i. ... v.1 - ' IIIWUII Mllll 1IP .1 l .. ,11! - ; j V, I ' jj . ' " K (Z1 iY ; t - : ' 1 .J r,. in :-;-r-.-:---. -. -. - ) V 5, V 1 -v L Par coarse pioneer malces UNL history Delbert Brinkmeir made history Thursday morning when he became the first person to use the UNL fit ness course since it was completed last year. Enduring the stares and guffaws of his peers, Brinkmeir half jogged, half walked from station to station, contorting his body in many bizarre ways to complete required exercises. The Daily Halfaskan caught up with him at Station 8, east of the Kappa Delta house, where he was doing the body curl: "Grasp bar. Lift leg up and over head" Afterward, Brinkmeir, a sopho more plant pathology major, was lifted by a usually non-athletic crowd of students and thrown into Boil Hill fountain. "It felt good to run the course. I felt like a pioneer breaking new sod," he said. Brinkmeir completed the course in a record-low and high time of 3 hours, 52 minutes and 8 seconds. He said he plans to run the course again, next time possibly in the dark for an added challenge. "I got confused in pre-class, rush traffic once between Selleck and Andrews and lost the trail," he said. "Next time I'm sure I can shave a good 13 minutes off my time." J: V - Lstl WondtriogDaily HaKaskan BdDims, paupHmg tote to be eTmmgsmt Official: students will just have to live and park elsewhere SCANDAL from Page 1 the DH has learned the university will build similar lots all over campus. It's just the touch this campus needs to jack up everyone's low morale," Cof finnail wrote in the report. A measly $100,000 will be the pri cetag of a university permit for the luxury praking spaces, complete with enclosed pavilions for owner-sponsored festivities. "No more mud to drity-up cars, no more obnoxious Greek pledges trying to sell fans parking spaces, no more pick-up trucks to steer around in park ing lots," Coffinnail envisioned in the report "Football Saturdays will become the truly cultural events they are meant to be." UNL Parking Administrator Pay Highpark said the lots will replace stu dent and faculty parking north of the Nebraska Union, south and west of Harper-Schramm-Smith, east of Abel Sartdoz and east of Cather-Ppund. Should the demand for the spaces be higher than anticipated, Highpark said, Oldfather Hall could be razed for a sixth lot. "That location close to Memorial Stadium would be ideal. Besides, Old father interferes with golf-course play," he said. Doug DaBoss, revered alumnus, will put in his 2-cents worth to improve the overall football experience of Corn husker fans. DaBoss told the DH that he plans to create a valet parking ser vice to give ex-NU athletes jobs and to provide new-car financing free for foot ball patrons. Highpark said that in order to "enhance the pleasing atmosphere" in the lots, cars made before 1883 will be barred from the lots. Mavericks, Volks wagens, Chevettes, Pintos and Novas of any year will be towed automatically. Condo-dcms Another service planned for football fans and Lied patrons is the conversion of UNL residence halls into luxury liv ing condominiums. Plans have been revealed to turn student-go jrnment meeting rooms and study carrels into Jacuzzis and saunas. Student assist ants will be employed as personal valets and shoeshine boys and girls. One-hundred percent cotton towels embroidered with "Annihilate Okla homa" will replace the bathrooms' paper towels (in the halls that have paper towels). The food services will undergo mas sive changes. Waiters and waitresses will be hired; reservations and formal attire will be required; sushi bars will replace salad bars; veal scallopini, moo goo gai pan and filet of dover sole Lord Calvert will replace the ever-popular turkey Americana and Johnny Marzetti. "Students will just have to live and park elsewhere," said one administra tor, who spoke on the conditions that he be made a fool of. BJjou Business theatre Only one report plan was specifically designed for students' benefit. When BIG party candidate Steve Showoff called for the College of Busi ness Administration Building to be bul ldozed and replaced with a drive-in movie screen, he came close to the se ret plans of the UNL administration. In fact, on a tape that Coffinnail secretly recorded in his barricaded office (dis covered and copied by the DH) Jack Goofball worried that the ASUN "joke" party might have accidentally disco vered the "luxurization" plans. "If this all comes out before its time," said a voice identified as Goof ball's, "I'll take the fifth. . . The Legis lature will never get anything out of me." Apparently Goofball worried that the Legislature would not approve funds for "Clubbe Rec," if the luxurization plans were revealed too soon. In fact, the truth is much more shocking than the BIG party proposal: The administration plans to rename the lackluster CBA building the "Byoux Business TheatreCollege." This sum mer, van-loads of big-screen TVs, mic rowave ovens (for snacks), fainting couches, Lay-Z-Boys, refrigerators and other couch-potato paraphernalia is to be loaded into the alleged "classrooms." Then in phase II of the project, in collaboration with the music depart ment, so-called "teaching assistants" will be assigned to each big screen to introduce videos and provide intimate details of the video-instructors' lives, their other videos and who they're sleeping with. The VJTAs also will present weekly segments on the mak ing of the videos, explaining special effects behind each project. "The plan will not only help stu dents stay awake and interested during the videos, but it will also make sure music students are trained for some real work not this pansy conducting and composing stuff," CoQnnail wrote in the "Bijoux" segment of the report ' Already some music students have beefed up their wardrobes, tinted their hair, acquired fake tans and taken speech lessons in preparation, . Other colleges were ignored in the report