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About Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921 | View Entire Issue (June 27, 1901)
etty , or The Old . . By J. II. CONNELLY iAi'Tnu x.Continued. ( . ) - | "Oli , hut this it line' " Hliouleil several yoir.v. "line , Jim. lie down lIKIlIn ! < Ct at iiiml hojs ! " Hi H moment , OIK' of tinjoinu : men ptrPtchpil liiinwplf out mi liN back , Upon IOK. liimlim : lii" 'irtu ' cttiilKht l > ! * nlili'H , nnil luilf n ihiwi otliei * ninth . d thi'insph PH. three on cadi hide , with mete- Jy the lips "f ii loii'fliiKcrs touclihiK film dmof HIP bjilandcih cxehilmeil : "Mold In. " urn ! tinMVPII held Hidi liu'iith. until tlipj M-enird to swell ami ow roil , uhfll just UK 11 wan PV lib-Ill tliej conlil not ciiniinup ihe reslr.ilnl n ffi-fotiil loiiBpr IIP ouli . l"Noxx' " And in ti nllj tlic recumbent imm ceeiiicil to flout up In ( litmr , not lib n llflcil welulil. dm rnlliPi n n cork , llbpratpcl deep 'I'1"1 ' ' ( n tlic xxutpr. tliirtK up to tilt- sin fan- MjinlfcKtlj , the tix hntl pniiln.\Ptl | no c\ rtinn , such f would IIHVP IIPPII nt PCS tt > lo n the sttlrclj jounc fellow up , lii tlint f.iHlilott iimlci oidlnarj com ! ! ( tions. The minister wns iisioni-linl , ami tell that IIH ! Cdiilicli'iice In tin lnxot tnllon bud been dnin { elj lictrnjccl. An for an pxpbimitioii. lie had none , mul Siavint : finnp , IIP vci.x milniallj. from hi- point of vh'xx , was diipou'd lo stiKimtti/i' the IticomprpliPiislhlp llihiK as "the work at HIP devil , " a time honoied , clciiciit waj of meeting all soils of ililllcultipH. A fortunate cIlxctHlon , IIOXXCXPI , naVcd him from commlttliiK lilmsplf to even that ' ' arroKiint hound- orthodox icfiufp. 1'1'e ' pup. that had followed him upon the ground , oxeiweenhiKly conscious of ills tiiH'tlon as the mlnlstPiV don , had beei achieving a Mcadily increasing mipopii laritj ainciiiK the othei dois hj M < * super cilious manners , until pxcntunllj , a cur of low decree , taking Kilcjxous oflpiiMj at his ostentatious HCOIII , sudci'i\l ! \ > moiintccj bim and took a Hamph- piece fiom Beck. The pup's hasij comments on HIP cutrupxvcrp uttered in a tone so pierc ing that all the other plebeian dogn seem a < i suddc'iilj iiiHpiiPil b.x Ic fien/.j to keep lilm up to concert pitch , and joined In a aeneral mclei- , with him as the ccMitral jiohit of their fprooioiis actlvitj A buck- vt of xxatc-r hurled upiin tliem put a i > pccd.x end to thp tiKht , hut HIP fenr of his tattp.ied pup still further dam- was pxcii8c pnoiicli for thp minister to hiihlen awnj xvithnut Npcmlln ) ; anj timein Hicomin } , ' tipnn stratiKe iilic'iuim < > na In natuial phlloMiphy. As IIP code- on * he called back : "If I KCI time , 1 will send a commiinl- cutian about it to the WaHliliiKton Intel- llKciicer. " Him Mulveil wlipplcd tnitckly to ( loldic , v\h6 xx as hln ccuit > tant compiinlcin , and lapplni ; him on the shoiildpr , in u toneof triumph : "I've : ot It , b' co"h ! " " ( ot " \Vliat I was to hip to think of. Tlip urinnof that paper IHUIIK it hack to nip It n-as In tlu Inti'lllueneer 1 HIIW it , jjood t\\o montlis jo. " "Wellhut WIIR it , unjMnyY" "JS'perou , mind jtiBt now. 1'vp jot to JKO over toViihh I UK ton and t.pe the pa IILTK that far hack , hefoip I buy for c.e.r tain. Hut > ou'll Bee I ho piide of tliu conceited .lolin C.\meion takvn do\Vu i good ninny pptw hpfore IOIIK , and with itbpm pHias , loo. " "What ! You don't menu it ? " "ypi > f I do. Hut you l.eop jour jnw vim ! nhont it. I'll do nothing until 1 get eood and ready , for when 1 strike it will lie foi keepn. If I don't take him , I'll Quit hein' countable. " "Why , Sim ! Yon don't menu to haj thum spoons are - " "Yc * . 1 , do. Stolen , li' coHli ! " "Loid ! 1 hope jou'll piove It on him whether it's 1,0 or not. I'll help > o all I can. " "Well , you may lip able to nwenr to ouiPtliiiiK when the time cometi. ( > ) > way or another , l'\e cot to land him in JHil or kill him. " UHAPTUU XT. the iiiK'ht supceoilhiR Iloser Me- Furl.uip'.s fiolie , there was a heav.\ fall of HIIOU. That which tirst came down VHS inuiM mid I'lliiKiiiK , but ai the houu of duikness went by , the still air Krew colder and colder , mid lliu nhcoiiH ITVN tain , do , liKht and ttcecj , piled lii h upon even the munllest I\\\K \ * inthe fort - t and hridced over the Kpai'cs between them , M > that the lioiiulu bent with the neiKhtof : t iilmiilated foliate of iiniiiitcu- late wliitpnesb Likf "a IIPW hi a * 'U and H now earth , " fre li .iiid pur * from the faoliloufni ; of their Creator , hushed jet In the nue. of first conni'loiisneBR of beliiK , xhone the cloudleVn hk.t and no IpbN Hi > otli' ? > world beneath , upon which beamed the golden rajs of th 'inorninc nin. Hut nil the rcfulKPnt whltp > ; lory thnt ( lee < l 'd the universe WHS cold and still HK death Itself .Slowly and with an air of protest , ani mated Nature awoke to recognition of tin temporary domination of thp Inanimate The pppwlth , nestinj ; under thp PHVPH ol the ham , were u'rut to see. what had hap pened , and discontentedly twittering tb each other , agreed it was quite hopeless to look for a breakfast under all thai mow , nnd they had be t stay in their % \arn nhelter until the prospect Improv ed. A Kollnut game cock , champion of the buinjard , forehore Jiis giiHtomnry ma tutinal cluilleuge to the universe , and flrtimdeiiiig awkwardly through thp depp r.nnw to HIP refugeof mi ovprlianghiK , trnw pile , looked about him with dlnguat itud regret that he had left hi * com fort- able , roofit. The hiju was well up before a faint npiral of sinokp lazllj tloatetl straight toward the ypiilth from the kitchen chiuv npy of thp hntine , for tlip moiniuK wan Sunday , when latp rising IK permlHslhlc oven on a farm. A couple of dogn , snif fing the odor of breakfast In the air , crawled out from under the porch and etrotched themselves in time to meet John Cameron .ind give him their honest ca nine greeting as ho emerged from the kitchen door with an ax in bin hand , "The deepest snow yet this winter , mother , " IIP aiiiniimcpil , In a cheery \oiee. looking Imek into life house before cloning tlie dom behind him. The fpniet wire h.df bin led. the round. ( ompa < tl.\ giown apple ttees in Ihe or- ehatd lookid like enormous snow hnll > : Ihe wellswrep swollen to polooniil pro jiorlloiis lij tin iieciimuliition of now up on It , lUKReMed a r.inelful reseltlbblliee to the l.eniiiiig Towci of Pisa , lolin' Hist ilui\ , was Ihe hie.ikmg of the in in the Miitei-ing trough lor thp uittlp In ipilel. lesponse to the sound of his chopping the choru . of farm life Inokp foiIh lioi ps neighing in their stalls , lu > lls tlakling iimong the nhccp in theii sheliei iindei the him floor and the < ows in their st.ible , pigs iiieallng | shrill dpiniiidM foi Immediit- feed , chlckeiiH Iliillpilng down fnun me IIPII hotisp and iUiiwklnf ] ( in foolish aliirm at tmdlnj : lieiiM'l\es Ingulfed in the snow Tliree hour * Jaler. .lolin. mounted on lit big black IIOIM- . and ilip"i ed in his test , rodp down HIP Line on lii > > wn.to htirch. All the ehmeh-goiiiK In thp Mil- PJ thnt day hud lo IIP upon hotseb.ick , the utibioken snow in the muds bem much lee dccii to iidmil of Mireih 01 torn- forlable sleighing Hut that UMK no hard ship in n eommiinll.i of piim-irliins , and would make little dlfleieme in the at- enilancp at the meeting house , to which veiybodj , pincticall > . made ti habit of , 'olnt , ' pretty iegnlnrl.\ , \\liplhei 1'resbj- oilans or not In the vitllej one was llher a 1'iesb.Meriaii , in s.unpnth > nt p.iHt , or nothing , IIH no other sects hud \pl gained a foothidd theie , mid it was lot faHhionnlile lo lum > oneself looked upon as "nothing" from a religious point of new. < tr . . . The black hoise found himself much xuipilscd and mmojed bthe constraint liln rider | iut upon his pace. lie was not aeeurttoimd to being requited or even per mitted to go at a walk with .lolin on his iiaek , jet lieie thej weie a good two miles from cliuieh mid a tight lem still kept on him. lloihps think mid know more , how- CUT , than people me pi one to uhe them credit for , and it is not impossible that he may lime fullj understood the situa tion when he discovered that he lind been made to nrrl\p at a certain , cross road jiiHt as a' > erj dimming ba.iiime . rar rjing a j'oung wommi , whose nttiactioiiH were doubtless more iipp.nent to his IIIIIH- ter Hum to himsell emerged from that cross road. " ( Jood moraing , .Miss Mulveil ! " said .lolin , Hppakiiig with deferential dillidonce , for the \oung man uiiHt he much more hardened in the wnj of gallantry than he WIIH , who e.in , without some bashfulness - ness , ntteiupt love milking In the open air , in luoad dajlight , on the highwa } . "fo ! ) il morning , Mr Cameron , " slip re sponded demurcl.v. to meeting , I suppose ? "Kamily has to lie represented , and none of the olheiw will ventuip out. " "Why ? I'm sine it'tt a lou-lj daj for aiubody to be abroad , who IK not Nick folU. " "Well , mother thinks she mnj have rhenmiitism , fiom the eh.mgeof weather ; the HIIOW hurts Mi > s nidei's ejc's ; and , ax for Danny , IIP just wouldn't comp. " "If Dunn ) ptefpis one place more than mollipi , It is most 'pnilinhl.N because of some better ptospeci foi deviltry that his gyilus for ndehief has disco\eied. " "You mustn't be too hard on Danny , " uughed llettv. ' 011 don't know how good a hoj IIP wns List Sninlnj ulylit. " "He a good hoj ! How .oV" She told him the storj of Uiifus * ilis- 'omllture. minuting it so giaphicnllj thnt it seemed to .loliu he could see his ihnl sprawling on the Mom "Dminj is u good bo.x , " be alllimed em phatically , "and in bodj shall e\ei again u..if me sa.i otheiwlsi * . I mean to bu\ a gun for him tlie mt time I go to town. " "Yon Innc mncle an allof , him al ready. I nexer knew htm to take up so for niijhoilj else at * he does foi joii. Pm afraid such a magnllueiii picsc-nt as a gun would Hpoil him altogether. " "Nothing 1 too good for a bo.x who IHIR his genius for tunning olT trespassers. " "Trespassers1" "Yeb. AujboUy els - than me , who comei to see > ou , h a ticspiiM-er" She looked up at him with .in arch smile , blushed nnd dioppcil her CJ-CH , wltlicmt ic'plx in wouln , but voids w'ere not neressarj for him to umh > rstand her. ' "Don't joii think it natural for a man to feel that uaj about Uie ghl he lovp V" "What do I know about how a man feels when he Is In love ? " "Well , you'll learn bpforp Ions from m.x telling jon. " "Oh ! Then yon are In love ? " "You Know 1 am and with you , Het ty. " "Why. how should I know that ? You never mentioned it to me bcfoie. " "Do jou mean to saj that > ou have not known It ever since tlie ilnj wp met up ou the 'HaekboneV " "Well , perhaps 1 might have Himpi- cloned something , if 1 hud knoxvn an much an most girls do about such things " "It hufcn't been so vpty long since I found It out m.x .self. And that seems n mlght > queer thing , too , that I should have seen jou grow up right under m > nose , all theie jearw , and ne\cr have tak en nuj notice that jou were the loveli est and most lovableghl in the world and the onlj one 1 could ever care for. until I found It out b.x shooting you. I tell jou itvns a mightj big surprise- when it eiinic to me solid , llettj. And It hux made the whole xvorld dlflerent to me. 1'nexer Knew before how happy a pernon could feel. Whj , I'm secinf all there is in the xvorld worth cuilnc for , to me , when 1 look Into jour ejes , darling. " The girl's eyes spaikled xxlth happiness , hut her cheeks xyere red IIH Hume , and wlu > glanced anxiouslj up mid doxvn the road " 1 didn't see jon at spelling school Thursday night , " she said hastily , as If Interportlng n new topic to block John's too rapid public progress. "No. I had to go over to NobleBtox\n , about a span of her p nnd didn't get buck In time. " "You dldii'l object to coin * iiwny and leaving llufiis ( 'oldic with im-V" "No. When jou told HIP to do so , I saw I xvas pprfpetlj safp. " "You tnlk us if xoii x\prp surp of nip ilready " "Of coitise I am. lloxv rould I IIP oth- prwlsp ? I loxp jou , and jou know It. And jou love me , and 1 know It. " "I/aws ! John Campion , jou don't know any such thing. " "Kxery kins you pup me last Sundaj night XVIIH an alliduvil to it. I've got too good an opinion of jou , iiettj.lto think join kisses could go where jour heart didn't. Ye * , it'M jurtt solid loie between us , mid tthj should we waste time pre tending n n.x thing else , making believe what we know in our lipuits Isn't true mid what wp wouldn't , i-lthcr of u , hiixe the'other think o for all the world ? " "John , ain't \on .1 little afrnld , SOIIIP limps , Hint jou arp a vciy midden JOIIIIR munV" "Mnjlie 1 am , but life Is short. I'd rather be sudden about getting xvhat I xx-aiit than KOITJ for losing It'through slownpss. Which do jou jouroelf think Is best , llpltj ' ! " "Wi-ll It , Isn't good to be too ' slow , John. " "Spoken like a sensible ghl , mj darl mg. And noxx' , when shall WP gp ) mar- tied ? " " ( III ! It's lee soon to talk about flint. " "Not a bit We mean to get mairled , don't we ? " "I I don't know. * Oh , John , xvhat do jou want lo talk that wnj for on the toad lo meeting , and in luo.id daylight ! You omrlil to be nslmtned. " "I'd be ashamed of mx-elf if I didn't take anj oppoitunitj thai offered. " "lloxv much practice jou must ha\p had talking to girfs , lo litso bold about It. " "IMactice ? .No. I'll take mj oath that I never be due , in all m.x lite , said lo anv girl m wom.iu , except mj mothui , the words ; ' 1 loxc. jou. ' Ami when I su.x tliem to jou , Ileltj , thej .ue us true mid come a straight fiom mj heart as thej ever did xx hen I spoke them to her. 1' himplj don't sec- \\\\y \ \ n man should lie shamefaced , or bent about the hush , in liaring his heait to the girl he lines well enough to make his xxifp ; and that brings mih.icl , to tlie question I asked jou b.o- lore we mouu to get mmried , don't we ? " "John , jotl're lidlng up closer and closer alongside of UIP , imtil jou m.e spioiiKing mj nirne off the road , and I just know , If I'd say 'Yes , ' jou'd grab me round the xx.iist and ki 4 me , and people ple would be sure to see us , and I'm not going to get tax self talked about. If jou xviint mj answer , jou can come o\er to night and get It. " "Why , jou darling , that's good enough answer for the present ! Oh , how I do loved you , llettj ! Come hack into the toad ; jou needn't be afraid of m.x cutting up right out heie before folks. I won't saj but what 1 want to. The man xxouldn't be a human xvlio could love a girl as I line jou , and see her bright eyes and pouting lips so close to him , xvithont xxanting to There ! Hold on ! Don't shut off that xvaj ! 1 won't do anjthing. Thumlvi. We're almost there , and at that gnil WP wouldn't hove , live minutes mote to talk.- ' "I'ome along. AVe can do our talking to-night , without M-lting other folks talk ing to-d.ix. There's a whole lot of people coming doxvn the ridge road , and on the rise ol the lull behind us are txvo men , and I do lieliexe one of them is Uufus Uoldle. " Ilettj's keen sight had coirectly identi fied the distant hoiM-mau as Hufiis ( , ol die , and if she lmc | taken a see on ? look , she \\cinld hiixe known ccitnll.x | well his companion , who was none othei than Simeon Mulveil. Itulus lived at the con stable's house most of the time , instead of staying wheie he pioperly belonged , among his neaier ielati\es , over in Faj- ette Countj , near I'liiontown. The two men not onlj hanuoin/ed well in char acter , but hud business u-hitions which brought them into close association Mul veil , xx'lio was a xxidoxxei , owned a good farm mid a snwmill the latter an inher itance from his xvife , to whom it had been left bj a foimer husband Uufus i an the mill , on slimes , and also did some xxork on tlie faun xxhen the head or water xx as too slack for saxxing , or lumber not in demand. Hence , he and Simeon , tin own much together In their houis of labor , lull got into the habit ot ea < h nth- el V societj , generullj went nhioml in compmij mid were us nearlx fi tends us it was possible for such natures to feel friendship There was sec-irtly between them nt this time , hoxxexer , a good deal of jealousj , for each knew that the- oth er \xas a ihnl suitor for Hetty Mulveil's hand. That teelmg would prolmhlj have separated them , had thpy not been link ed b.x the bond of common hate for John CauiPron. whom thej In-line Hxt-lj nco ; - ui'/pd as the one destined to eurrj awaj HIP pr'mfrom both of them. Follow tug and spying on this ride to church , thej saw , and gnashed their teeth at seeing , how eloselj the black horse and the bay mare moxed along to ethei anil how slowl.x thej went. "I'd like to put a bullet through him , " growled Itufus ttoldie "So would I , but I wou'dii't like to be hangid for it , " Mimlid the coin-table. . "You're always afraid of the law. " "The law's something to be- aft aid of. " "No ; not the law , but gettlu caught. " "The law has a tarnation Ions reach. " "It don't co UK far as a gun , though bptwcpn man nnd num. " "It'll go far enough In John Cmneron's case to suit me. " "Do yon feel like speaking any plalm-r to-day than you did yestcrdaj about that 7" "I don't mind telling you. but jon must keep It mighty close , for if he got word of It before I am reac.x ! to jump on him , he might not be there when 1 landed. " "I'm not likely to do anj thing that would he much Kood to him " "Well. It's just this. J saw In the pa per , nlKiut two months back. Hint there xvfts a robbery of silver spoons from a house oxer b.x Canoiisburg somewhere. I read all such things beciuiMIt's mj olllelal duty , but my memorj Isn't good and r can't recollect mimes well That's nothing , though. I can go o\er to Wash ington to-morroxv or nest daj and see the paper And I'm just IIH surP as that I'm alive the spoons we saw .xestordny me the stolen ones. I feel It in mj bones so I could sxvear to It. " "Hut how are jou going to prove ho stole them ? " "I don't hove to. Jf I find them In his possession , It'll he for him to prove he didn't steal them. Hvcn If he geU off Itctxvill inivp hren put In jail anyway , and lliniS enough , llc'tx ' MitlvcH Isn't likely to muri'x mij jail blid. " Unfits winced , thnuph he nld nothing. Kof ipason l " t Known to liitnsplf ref- piptiepi to jail bhds'giiiied on all there xvus of Hciislthcncss in his belnit , "Yes , " pursued the constable , "if 1 find It's all right when I sec tlie papet. a * I'm sure I * Khali I've got them Initials mark ed down. 'H W. ir or 'U. H. W. . ' and one or the other Is bound to be tight I'll gel the warrant for him at once , Hut I won't spixe It until Tbinsdny , Training Daj. ' when half the county xvlll see him taken as a thief " Unfits started with the Impulse of a sudden thought , looked flvedly In his com panion's pjcs for a moment , and suld In a inx\- tone of Miia'estion rathei than of Inquiry : "And If he resists nripst ? " s The constable clenched his jaws with a snap1 "Then something bad may happen to him In a pprfpctlx legal wn > " Tlie two scoundrels grinned at each othei in sympathy , shook hands and lode on at a Hxcller pace after the rouple. who had b.x this lime disiippeiued under the groxi sunoundiug the house of prayer. ( To be continued. ) , ( 'hejippr than tlie Grave. Tin' advance1 of pionmtioti in Knp- land , shown liy tin * eHlalilisliincnt of a muiilcllial fiirnaw In HIP north ami HIP projection of a now e.ivinnlorlum not far ouHlde the four miler.idlttH in London , recalls the Interesting hNtory of Japan In the mutter. Oicnmtlon followed Hnddlilsm Into Japan about 1 , 00 years nj ; " . l iit It only partially hiipprspih'd the Shinto piistom of dls posing of the dead by intermont. In 1ST ! ! L-rpination was totally prohibited bj the Japam-se noveuimpnt , whose mcinliprs S.PPIII to liau- bad some confused - fused notion as to tin- practice being nii-Kinopuan and therefore linrharou" . IlnvhiK ( llM-oxcu'd that , far from be- Inn uti-Kiiropi-an , crpinatlon was HIP the Koal of Knroppnii lelorniPis liiHtiPli niattprs. Hipy ipscluded their prohibi tion lii'lotp two jcats bad elapsed Ctpinatlon In .fapan N cairled out in a somewhat rough and jetuly innnner. Tinclieapi'st pro'c'eSs onlj costs aiioilt SI.12. This Is scmvelj adapted to w'C'stuni u'ljnlic'inoiits and Is siitllcient- ly ( fpsurllied by the title which the for eign residents ot a cprtaln settlement In Japan jja\e to the native cieniatlon Kiound among the bills"Uoast Meat \ alley. " the Mouds lias recent ly become n recognized branch of prac tical meteorology. It also affotds beautiful pictures for the collections ol amateur photographers TlieFicnch astronomer. M. Antoniadi of the Juvlsi obwerxatory , who has had much ex perience In cloud photography , says that all kinds of cameras , largo and Kiniill , mounted and unmounted , canbu piriplojed for this purpose , lull consider able praelipp Is icqtilicMl to detcrinlno the pioper Unit1 of e\posuic. In order to quench the blue of the sk.r and In Ing out the contrast between the clouds ami their background yellow screetiH , preferably composed of thin cells containing a chemical solution , are eiuplnjed Hxposures vary tiom a small ft action up to one-third of n second Proteotl-xe Coloring and Komi. The sea Is full of wonders of protec tive coloring and form , and there Is one ical chameleon in It namely , ( bo chameleon shrimp. This , like HH land counterpart , changes eoloi from min ute to minute- now green out In the sunlight , noxx- yellow on the sand , ! ind agnln daik lirown undep the shadows of some piojectlng rock. There is an other ciimint little IlHh which haunts the weeds tracts of tlie Cult' Stream , and there liulldK Its m-st and lays Its eggs like a bird rather than a llsb. This uninml the aiitenn.irlus is not verje.isj to see owing to Its similarity lo It's suruumdiiipi It imitates In color the weed It Ihes in , and like the cha nil-Icon , constantly changes its color. f In tlie Wild * . The piencher had a good deal of nat ural ability but very little education , and ids umgrcKatlnn < ( insisted mainly of wood splittets , trull gioxvets } and Hinall farmers. In Illustrating bis sub ject be said. "My friends , you've been out on a dark night xvhen jou could hardly sen your hand befoie you , and you've said how pitchy daik It Is ; well.pltchydark- ness be daik , and my friends , you know vvlml a gross is ; If not , I'll tell you. A gross is twelve doxen ; now you xvlll iindersluud the darkness that covered tills people , for It wax one hundred and forty-four times pltchj dark , and thnt be dark. " An Artint When weni led with State affairs , the King of Portugal IIIIH merely to take up bis brush and palette and alltroublo IH forgotten Since bis accession to the throne , some eleven years ago , ho has accomplished a great deal In the artistic line , and the honors which have come to him have pi o veil that ho Is no mere dilettante In ait. and that he could have made bis mark as n painter. Not a Ijlou Tamer. Cecil Uliodes keeps two lions In his grounds in South Africa. He omo tried his own powers as a lion-tamer * for weeks , but without success. "I could have controlled a man In a much shorter .time , and cot him to do what 1 please , " said thegreat politician. "Lions are nobler creatures tlmn men , that's evident. " A girl cannot bo mild to really enjoj anything unless she laughs HO hard that bhe swallovvH her gum. It takes two to make a quarrel but when ono U willing It's easy enough to 11 ml another. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. IMrnmtnt InuiilentH Occurrlrm the \ \ or III Ox ur-bio in H thut Are ( .hccr- fnl to Old or Vomit : I'nmiy s-clte- tlonw Hint l.vcrjliodyV1I1 Knjoy. "Don't yon feel a tlirll of exultation ever.v time you see those symbolic let- tern I . S. ? " asked the patriotic eltlxen , xv ho had just returned from Km ope. "Yes , " answered Senator Koi'ghum. "And I like 'em lies ! In the shape of a monogram. Thej look almost exactly like a dollar mark.Washington Star. Pie that melts in rour mouth Is as- tonlsblngly obdurate after it gets into your stomach. Detroit Journal. \\ih i > Keekl'-- J'cr lnn ' Imor , "My guess concerning 'An Kngllsh- xxonum's Love Letters' ought to attract great attention. " "What Is it ? " "I believe Omar Khayyam xvrote them. " Chicago Hecord-Ilcrald. " ( Juess It's a sure go 'bout 'em goln1 ter auction oil this 'ere busied rail ' " road' - . , , . , "Why so ? " "Well , by gum , I seed red flags along the track In three or four places. " Cn.vuse Wnclp Hood. I'epperliole Pete Cayus-p Charley Is gone at last ; be tried ter throw the throuch express off In' track an" wtiz cut In two. Lariat Luke Waal , Cayiisp made good ; be alltis sed he'd never die witli his boots on. Ohio State Journal. C'IMIHC lor Coii < rriitiilntnn. ! Drummer Any mail for me John LI. * KlaalmckV IN'ttyvllle Postmaster Nope ! Drummer fiood ! The linn hasn't iltecl me yet ! Puck. 'I \\f \ Only Wny . ( "Itcires ean't bore me. " "Why nof" "I always manage to get the lead nwaj and bore them. " Puck. A Doll nil ion. Musician t'ink he's a true inoosi- clan- line artist. Friend What do you mean by that' . ' Musician Veil , a tine artist Is one vet would love art for Its own sake If he could afford It. Puck. \V\t-r \ Ho Hc-okc ! .n Mo. Mrs. Von Hlumer 1 thought you said that Mrs. Polerby had such thorough contioi over her husband that she made him go to church every Sunday lie wasn't there last Sunday. Von Hlumer No. He found It was affecting bis golf. Life. OIF and On. "lie gets on a spree occasionally doesn't lie ? " "Oh , yes , off and on. " "More often on than olT , I suppose. ' Philadelphia Press. Wise Ilors- . "I want .vou to taku me to St. John' Wood , Cabbie. " "All riK'ht , sir. but would you mlm get tins ; In the other side so ns the oh ' 01 se don't see yer ? " Phil May's An nual. A Miccewfi. "And they tell me a colony hath been planted In Delawate. Hast heard how It is prospering ? " "Marvelously ! The ( Irst peach crop hath been n glorious fnllurel" Snn Francisco Hulletin. A Ftilliintliroiilnt. She ( haughtily ) I happen to know thai jou have already proposed to two oilier girls this year. He Yes , dear , hut I assure you It was only out of compassion. Detroit Flee Press. She 1 see In New York every theater program is icqiilred by law to hear n plan of the' house on which the exits are plalnlj marked. HeOh , Is that what those things are Intended for ? 1 always thought those diagrams were , clress yttterus. Their Wt-nk Point. "So you don't think the automobile will succeed the hor&o for furm.woik ? " ticked the visitor. "Nope , " answered Uncle Sllns , "iinun- dally they would bo a fullure. When. they'd get old an' wore1 out how coulii jon turn 'em loose In u Held by the rail road so's they'd gut kill ? An' oven If you could , I doubt If the company 'ud be held icsponslble. " ludlanapolla 'loo I.ntr. After hearing evidence In an assault case between limn and wife , In which the wife had had a deal of pi o vocation , the magistrate , turning to the husband , eimuKcd' My sjotCd man. I really cannot doi nythlng In this case. " . 'Hut she has cut a piece of my eat1 ff. sir. " "Well. " said the magistrate. "I will ilnd her over to keep the peace. " ( "You can't. " shouted the huflbandj she's thrown it away. " London Tit- Mts. Tlic Situation 'Yes ; Huberts is going home becausd he war is over. " And Kitchener ? " "Oh , he's going to stay because U sn't. " Henll/ed Ilia Ovsn Miidncun. "Now you are tired of me and abuse ue , " sobbed the young wife whose husJ mud refused to hire n not her maid to nkc * cute of her put dog. "Yet , " sha ontlnued , "not two jeais ago you word ust cra/.y to marry me. " 'Yes , " answered the complacent mnn- irutc , "my triends told me so at the ) line , but I didn't tcnlize It until after ve were married. " Kansas Olty Star. Arithmetical "Jimmy. Sammy says you had mora caramels than tlie rest of the children. " Well , ma , I seen they xvouldn't go 'round again , an' so I Jes' had to eat 'em. " Dettoil Free Press. Ke'lviicw Tier. "If you want to marry her , don't ba o abjectly devoted. Yon simply cheap en yourself in her ej-es. " ( "Then she'll take me. Mary never could resll a bargain. " The King. \rt Cookery , "What lovely brown biscuits she makes : " "Yes ; in coloratura cooking she Is quite unexcelled. Puck. 1 cmitiine Mnceritv. Ted -lie stutters so badly it took him over half an hour to propo e'to her. Ned What did she say to him ? Ted-Oh , this Is so sudden. Judge * . T Fly Poor little things ! Nothing seems to grow up in this desert. A ' hort Cot li > I c inly , Agnes In ansNver to tlie question ! "How can I become beautiful in thirty da.vsV" we would recommend that you get popper to sneak in on the right slds of the pork nmiket. .Most Curious Tliine. Mrs ! Qulzzer ( who wants to knoAV evcrj thing ) Now , what do you con sider to be the. most curious thing you ever saw , professor ? Prof. Trotter A woman , madiune. Harlem Life. Heynnil n "It Is tl great diawback to he getting deaf. " "Yes. It Is ; people quit telling you > e- ciots. " Chicago Uccoid-Heiald. Wuntcil Specific itICIHB. The farmer ( wearing long boots ) lley , sonny , d'yevv want tew shine 'em lor a dime ? The Hoothlack ( looking them over ) How far up ? Hrookljn Life. A Tiii in Aclv.incc. First Waiter You MM ; , the man gave Pete a tip Second Walter What ! Hefore ha got anj thing to eat ? Kit.st. Walter Yes-a tip that he wouldn't get any if lie didn't hurry. Puck. An Adjunct to 1'e.irx. "Perhaps you can dliect me , " she said with pompous condescension to tha floorwalker. "I've ( i crying need r-vv * "Yes'iu. " Intelrupted the lloor-wnlker , in his quick , nervous way , "han'k'chlef depaitincnt , IIP counter , ne.V aisle. " IHie S-enso ol C ucrnliip , "There goes my train ! " snld the commuter - muter with e\'aspeiaton. | "If it's jour train , " said a. sarcastic bystander , "why didn't jou have it wait for you ? " Sommervllle Journal. Cnn Alwnys l-in' ' Words. He This nnthor should be ashamed of himself. A mnrricd man , too ! He-MIe sajs that a man's wife "gazed at him In speechless astonish ment. " Why.ssuch a thing Ih unknown In matrimony ! Fuck. The Host of It. "I don't see why you nicn't Industri ous and economical like the man next door , " bald the wife. "You will scarce ly have time to get to your olllce In sea son The man next door has his lunch In a basket nnd starta out nt 0 o'clock In the morning. " "Yes ; and goes tlshlng. " Washing ton Star.
