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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (May 2, 1891)
"V P6Pd UR PAPER op AopcRN TIMES "
Voi. Q No. 21
LlNCOt.N, NlCHWASKA, SATUWDAY, MAY 12, ltJOl.
Pwicic Fivic Cunts
mmmmMwmi mwamm mffimm & m&mm
I5'ES MmMM ISSSm I US I I W l-lfflffl K 1- I .. - Ife56iSWVVE4f
4J.. 1. -'iiin JTiIWb lift nA -
My esteemed friend Kugeiie KiM Iiiih ngnln
ltecn burliiuliiK tlio American ilny writer
nuil tliu following Isonoof his Intocinislons In
the Ohlcngo News. DM I say burlesquing
no it Is too new the coM truth for tlmt. Hut
heronre Ills witty lines:
V lien 1 wits young mill cnllnw iwhlch waa
many years ago).
Within mutlio afHntus went surging tomiil fro;
And bo I wrote it tragedy that fulrly recked
Wlth every net concluding with the- dead piled
on the floor;
A mighty ulTort, by tlio godul nnd after I hod
Tho manuscript to Daly, tlmt dramatic censor
"Tho plot in most exciting, nnd I llko tho dia
logue You should tuko tho thing to Providence and
try It on n don!"
McOmbridKo organized a troupe, IncludltiK
many a name
Unknown alike to guileless mc, to Hlchos and
A pompous man whoso namo was Hno was
Nestor of this troupe
Amphibious, ho wns quite nt homo outsldo or
la tho soup!
Tho way McCambrldgo billed him why, such
drcntns In red and green
Had no'er beforo upon tho boards of Yankco-
dom been seen;
And my proud namo was heralded oh, that
I'd gone Incog,
When wo took that piny to Provldonco to try It
on n dog!
Shall I forgot tho awful day wo Htruck that
Yet In what melting Irony tho treacherous sun
The salo of scats had not been largo, but then
Tho factory peoplo seldom bought their Bents
so far ahead;
And Rao Indorsed McCauibrldgo, bo they part
ly net at rest
Tho natural misgivings that perturbed my
For I wondered and lamented that tho town
was not agog
When I took ray play to Provldonco to try It
on a dog.
Thoy novcr camo at nil aha! I know It all tho
Thoy nover camo to boo nnd hear my tragedy
Oh, fateful moment when tho curtain roso on
net tho first
0 moment fateful to tho soul for wealth and
But lucky factory girls nnd boys to stay nwny
When tho author's fervid soul was touched by
When desolation settled down on mo UkoBomo
For having tempted Provldonco nnd tried it on
Thoso actors did not know their parts they
maundered to nnd fro,
Ejaculating platitudes that wero quite mal
And when I bought to reprimand thogrncoleM
Bcamps, tho lot
Turned fiercely on mo and denounced my
charming play as rott
1 might have stood their bitter taunts without
a passing grunt
If I'd had a word of solace from tho peoplo out
But that chilly corisiral's guard sat rouud llko
bumps iiKin a log,
When I played that dny at Providence with
designs upon tlio dogl
Wo went with lots of baggage, but wo dldu't
bring It back,
For who would be so hampered as ho walks a
"O ruthless muso of tragedy! what prodigies
Wuut limn els of Injustice are coiinulluil In
Thus groaned I In thu spirit as I strode what
stretch of ties
Tulxt Providence, Ithoilu Island, and my nat
ive tJothiim lies;
Rut Itae, McC'uinhrldgu and tho rest kept up a
'Twos not thu first time they had piled their
arts upon tho dog.
So much for my first battle with tho flcklo god
And I hear that koiiio folks nowadays are far
ing Just tho tiame;
Oh, hapless ho that mi thu graceless Yankee
The dog fares stout and hearty, and tlio play It
Is that dies!
Soo with tragedies to try, I Iteg of ou lie
waro Put not your trust In Proldenco, that most de
Cut, If you will, your pearls of thought beforo
the western hog,
But never go to Providence to try It on a dog!
Dining tlio week just nt u close Hentfruw's
Jolly Pathfinders occupied thu bonnlii nt
Fiiuko', presenting u repoitnlro of Mnmlnul
plays to uuiloiitily good business. Thu coin
mny contains some clover people among
them n iniiiilN'r of good Kpeciiilty peoplo mill
altogether tlio engagement his been a big
success, ending tonight with "Six Peas In
a Pod." At tho matinee "Cupid's CnHTs"
will lie given
A I10YAI. I'AHH.
(1(H). C. Staloy, thu (lernian dialect come
dian in lilt successful comedy ilrama, "A
Hoy ill Pats," Is tho attraction at Kunke'H
Monday evening. Ho lias established a repu
tation In other cities that entitle him to duo
consideration here and it dcscrHsd ax a blind
homo mini of lino dramatic ability, bii
Hecliilty being tho lino ol comedy. Hu com
mands ti sweet olee, and Introduces some
beautiful songs mid lullnbyH iluring.tho play.
A Ho) ill l'nss Is highly Interesting and
amusing, Ih richly nnd picturesquely cos
tumed and Interpreted by a strong company.
Sisjiikllig of tho scene showing two locomo
tlvos raring on tho Huge, nil eastern pajier
hays: "In witnessing tills greatest railroad
scene of today, jou becomo m wrapped up In
Its startling leullstlc. natiiro tlmt you forget
for tho moment that It is only a stngo picture,
with front and back panoramas moving, tho
eiigluodiiveiH turning swiftly around, tho
hissing nolso of escniiliitjBteum, wblstloHbloW-
IliR, bells rliiRlng nnd tho engineers seen nt
their posts, each set striving to outdo the
other in tho race."
Under tho Woman's Christian Association
is to Ih) given May lltli, Wednesday, 18111.
At Fiinkos' Opont House. Wo linvo only to
call to mind former entertainments given by
this association, tho uoblo purjioso nnd tho
magnitude of tho work, to Insure n largo
nutllenco. A scoro or earnest workers nro
making every effort to make this a pleasing
and profitable entertainment in every res
pect. Como every ono and aid In this good
JOHN L. BULLIVAN FHIIIAY.
Few Americans hnvo not In some manner
either heard of or seen tho great pugilist,
Etninlly as few of tho American H.ople hnvo
seen him In tho rolo of it bright, dramatic
star. For tlio past two yenrs Hoston's favor
ito man of muscle has been btforo tho theatre
loving public and nutdo a decided hit in a
play that was written vsiecially for him.
Tho Philadelphia Press of recent date says.
"Duncan Harrison nover wrote a prettier
play than "Honest Hearts mid Willing
Hands." It is it pathetic Irlth drama replete
with episode of human interests nnd thrilling
situations, enlivened with n lumpy vein of
bright comedy, which makes It very pnlatea
hie to all cities of theatre goers. Mr. Har
rison assumes tho lending role of Jo u Daly,
nnd has fairly won the title of "Ktniifht Ac
tor." John Ij. Hulllvnn Is a revelation. Al
though he has been only a short time on the
stage, ho has already acquired thu easo of an
old-timer, articulates clearly and distinctly.
The company Is strong and carefully'sulected,
w itb a distinct view to lit the varied roles to
which they are assigned. The scenery is
realistic, and the entile ensemble is of much
merit. The Casino Uleo Club enlivens thu
great forgo scene w itli much melody." Keats
go on sale Thursday morning at nine o'clock.
The Indies of St. Pnul's Pipe Organ society
liavo engaged Professor Hylvester of thu
l.awience University at Applulou, Wis., to
give the oiH'iiing rtcitalof their now pipe or
gan which will bo a brilliant event at the
church on Wednesday u veiling of noxt week.
Prof, Hylvester wns forni"iiy a lesldent
and student nt ICdlnboro', Scotland, where he
had charge of the cathedral organs and was
considered an artist of unexceptional ability.
The prog ra ni for thu notable event will be
one of musical interest and you cannot af
ford to absent yourself.
KI'ICV KTAIIK HAUCK.
Minnie Palmer sails for Loudon May IT).
Eteelo Maekayo Is writing a now play for
Ihjw Is Morrison.
Clara Morris is at tier handsome homo In
ltlverdiilu on tho Hudson,
Hoyt and Thomis hnvo secured it lease of
tho Mndlson Square Then tie.
Ivate Forsythu is on her way to this coun
try. .Shi may attempt another stalling
"Betrothed" will play a short spring en
gagement on the road after it leaves thu
Puail Kytlugu will star next season In n
piny called "Vivian." Of coin so William
Heron will manage her,
A magnificent $400,000 opern house wns
erected nt tho toutheust coiner of Twelfth
mid N streets Tuesday afternoon.
Mtiniwer McHoynolds of Fimkes' enter
tallied the ball players Wednesday evening
nt tho s-i fonnunce of "Fun by Kxpress,"
Ki'iH toy's new opera homo was dedlcnted
last night, the state nlllcluls mid other piom
incut H)ihonnges ussihtlug In the ceremony
Tho reputation of Ayer's Hiirsaparllla, ns n
blood medicine, is nialiitaln.xl by daily cures.
BBHPf ( BBBBi BHBH
DM you over hlop to think wlmt storlrn
iiicvpiiKiT IiojsmiiiI men KervautKiulKht tell!
nsked a wouiiiu tho other day. AVomen who
mo accustomed to male servants, a butler
for lnstiiuce, come to i cont'd them Komewlint
us they do tin it It ti I o. In the elites it In no
uncommon tiling for them to Mnnlt mk-Ii ii
nervant to enter tho room while at their toi
let, if he Iiiih any duty tlicliyind perhaps pay
no attention to Ills prcemv. And then nt
women's luncheons what a frightful freedom
ofuosslpl What nicy otorles nro told and
what a reckless use of names! And tho
quiet servant U supposed to have no cars.
Hut supposo ho had and a mouth, IT-iu-nil
One of the Western Chautauqua assemblies
has eugngcsl Huv. T. Duwitt Tnlmagi) for thu
coming season, but instead of a lecture he
will give a sermon. Ills lecturing last year
was not altogether satisfactory, us Lincoln
peoplo will recall. Tho distinguished gentle
man was amenablo to tho charge of being
"chestntitty." His sermons, how ever, are a
iHHerent matter. They nro bis tortouud un
doubtedly command bis best thought. They
nro frosh mid original, and they are full
of thu Talmndgiaii pel sodality. Most mW
mirersof this eminent preacher hate seen
and heard him, so there Is no novelty in that,
'I'm: CouiiiKii oilers them his sermons every
week and it is a plensuio to statu that many
people look eagerly for tho Talmago dis
courses in tlio CotmiKlt every Saturday, lo
gardlug It as n valuable and w holesome fea
ture. Wlmt unexected ellects little things some
times have! Now, there Is thu little illiuu
savings bank which has become m common
of Into. The Inventor conceived no attrac
tive novelty that would nppeal to man's av
arice and love of change, nnd ho hoped to
make a foi tuuu out of his trinket. Hut thu
thing is causing a deal of niiuoynucu to the
business peoplo in some places. The "hank"
is constructed to take In fifty dimes, and it
cannot be opened until it is full. (Suppose a
thousand of them wore in use in Lincoln,
In duo time they might have between 4000
and oOOO dimes packed away in their shining
little cylinders, mill thu probability is tlmt
thero would bo such it dearth of ten cunt
pieces ns to seriously Inconvenience business
people. Complaints of this kind como from
several eastern cities, but tho craze has not
yet become general enough in Lincoln to
hnvo any appreciable elTect. Or, if it Iiiih,
the chief eifect is an increase in profanity.
If anything is calculated to temporarily
knock tho early Sunday school training out
of n fellow It is to want n little money nnd
have it locked up in ono of those tantalizing
banks in sight but out of reach. The ilimo
bunk is a craze and like most fads will pass
away. One cxerienco in filling such a con
cern Is enough to satisfy most cople.
Speaking of new hotels, how often Is the
remark made: "Tho Lincoln ought to have
been built on the situ of tho old Capital;" or,
"What n pity the owners of thoCnpltal don't
tenr it down nnd put up it fine big hotel."
The wish to have the location of the Lincoln
changed is all wrong. It was built by the
owners of adjacent property to keep business
from drifting up town. It Is a magnificent
building, mid It Is serving its purKMi ad
mirably right where It Is. If it bad been lo
cated further east It would very likely have
been the only building of its class erected
for many years. As it is now there are plen
ty of peoplo who think another big hotel lo
cated somewhere on O or P street from
Kleventh to Fourteenth would catch thu
cieiim of thu business. Some of these jieoplu
are ready to put monuy into such an enter
prise ami it seems that It will only bu u ques
tion of time until they entliUMieuotigh others
to bring forth their castle In Spain to a statu
of sober leality. tint that is not what 1
started out to say. It is not beyond tho line
of possibility that there will be a now and
magnificent hotel on thu situ of thu Capital.
Thu owners of thu property, Hurwnod, Ames
and Kelly (who bid it in at a big bargain, by
thu way), hnvo engaged T. .1. Mickey to inn
thu house two years. If they make a success
ofitdiliiug that exieiiuieutal ieiiod, thoy
purjioso teplacing it with a largo and hand
somer modern structure, They will buyout
thu livery stable property on tlio Kleveuih
hticct alley and make thu new house cover a
quill ter block. At least that is th talk at
picent aliii these gentlemen have plenty of
cobli within runiiniiml to cairy out any pro
ject of tlio sort.
And, after all, since thu adjournment, of
the legislature (lie Capital seems to have re
sumed its iKuuiou as the meeting and loung
ing place of the politicians. Olio may drop
In almost any evening ami see ex-Attorney
(leueral Leosu, Judge Mason, ex-Senator
Hoover, Judge lteeso, ex-ltepreseillatlve
Oliilstend of Hiifctiugs, ex-Oil lusptctor
Smith Caldwell, Willis IMclmrdsou of David
City, Pooh Hah Walt Mason and a dozen
stars in tho local political firmament, and
well known politicians fioiu all parts of the
state aru almost daily visitors. Such s'ciih
to bu the force of habit mid tho wonder U,
how long will it hold.
Many good people, 1 imagine, am prone to
think of all boaid of tiadu dealings in grain
as a species of gambling mid highly repre
hcnslble, Tlie sensational writer In order to
present a picturesque account has dwelt upon
the feveiishuess, the excitement, the aval ice
and all that sort of thing, and many simple
minded people who do not know the ti nth
have let their Imaginations loose with sonie
whutdisastioiiH lestilis to the facts, Now Lin
coln has a brunch ol tho Chicago and St. Uni
ts boards of trade In fact there Is quite n
bunch of tlieni on N street, just oh" Kleventh,
Tlio scarcity of grain tins sent tho pi ices sky
ward this season, and a uumtcr of fortunes
have been made in Lincoln by trading ii,
rnln din lug tlio Inst two mouths. And yet,
it Is all done so quietly as to attract little nt
teutloii, One may pas b the open door of
these commission houses without healing u
sound but tin) tick-tick of u telegraph Instill,
incut, and yet theie may be several thousand
dollars at stake on tho operator's interpreta
tion of that ticking Adoen men may lu
watching the IsMird uion which thinciiitnr
Is chalking the sales actually Hindu at Chica
go nnd Ht. Louis, and Ihey limy engage in n
passing conversation with each other, but
the casual observer limy not sen n pin chase
or u sale iiinile, Among the favorites of for
tune Is an cx-oll itispirtor, who is said to bu
(IO,tH)to P-MNXInliead or thu game. An
other H)lltlclan, a well known joung fellow
who lives In Lincoln, has niailu about ffl,(HHI
by "trading on thu hoaitl." One of the suit
ors of bashful foi tune does what hi) calls a
"scalping" buslmwy. He buys or sells on bis
Judgment, and when the nun ket favors him
it cent ho doses the deal. Ho frequently
makes ?1(X) to $lfiO u dny. Of course ho loses
occasionally, but so fur lie Is a long wavs
ahead. And yet, it is all naughty, you
know, and not to Ihi encouraged,
The other day it well known cltleii, ills
ctlHng the project of a new building for the
Union club, made tlio remark ; "I do not ap
prove of clubs they encourage the develop
ment of bachelors." The Idea Is not new,
but to hear It urged in Lincoln against a
local Institution Is something to give one a
shock. The thought that Lincoln clubs lire
having any elfcct on the local matilmonlal
market Is enough to imike tlio eyi blows rise
In surprise, to say thu least. Hut even If it
wero true, what of ill Many well meaning
peoplo seem to think that thu bo all ami thu
end all of life is marriage. If all uuiriiages
W(jriihnppy there might bo sense in it, but
look around you and try to measuio thu mis
ery entailed by thu yoke. Most of us can cull
to mind dozens of cases In w hlch couples hnvo
Iss'ii inlMiinted, mid In which It would hnvo
born better for the husband to have I email, ed
it bachelor, better for the wife to havo re
mained a maid, better for the children if they
hod never been bom, better for the world If
nolio of them hud ever been, It is true,
probably that the social clubs of tho coun
try lend men to delay uuirrliige, but It Is an
own question if they and their families uinl
the world lu general are not lstter for tho
delay, because of their maturer judgment,
their m'tter senso. Been use times and cus
toms ciiaiico It is not necessarily for tho
wcrse, tlio croakei s to tho contrary notwlth
Fun In Four Art.
Golly, won't then bu fun when I gets
this over his head!
An Ohio lady was so frightened by n snake
that, her glossy black hair turned white ns
snow-. It wns soon returned to Its oilglnnl
color by Hull's Hair Henewer.
Diamonds aie all the rage again in fact,
theynlwit)s hnvo been notwlthstnndlng tie
coiifta'it tnlK that this or tlmt stone has ro
placed It in popular fnvor. Fact really Is
diamonds ai e nlwaya in jMipulnr favor. They
repioont value letter than all other precious
stoiics, look better, more chaste and refined
and wear letter than all others. A diamond
as a. rule cannot be marred or scratched, but
when cleansed Is ns retty mid equally us
valuable ns when purchased, Hallvtt bus lots
oftfiem, Call nnd seo him,
m. E LI' Sfcta' M
Saturday, after a hot light, Lincoln was
downed by it scorn of i to I, Cllne made the
one mil for Lincoln while Cm Icy, (IimhIu
uiigh nnd Handling scored for the Asistles,
StntTord was lu thu box for Lincoln, Hint
fur St. Paul. The game wns won III the
Over!l,000 H'ople witnessed Ht. Paul down
Lincoln Sunday afternoon. It was a good
job too. Theie was hoiiiu bad luck on Lin
coln's slduof tlie games but St. Paul lenlly
outplayed us, Huikell slut ted III to pilch
for tho home club hut gave out and was ro
llovcd by Dnriibioiigh hi the fourth Inning,
the Apostles I cached the homo plate six
tliui's; Lincoln got theio twice.
After tlnee Nttalght defeats Lincoln pulled
herself together and w tested a l'iiiuo from St.
Paul Monday tho last of thu wiles, The
seine was 15 to II, Our boys tnntilfiMtcd mi
unexpected ability to hit tlie ball, and there
was sniiiu very pretty slugging, SlalTord
twilled Hie ball for Lincoln and although he
was mi insolently, lie pitciiisi a fair game.
striking seven men out. Oslxirue was m the
box for St. Paul. He let eight men take
their bases on bulls. Tomney, who played
second partially redeemed himself by making
a couple of neat plays, nnd Jack Howe and
Irwlu wero "In It." Patton was Injuicd dur
ing the game ami was succeeded by i'rnllley
Tho young ladies uru not lu favor of Sun
day base ball. Many of them have conscieu
tlom scruples against the desecration of the
Sabbath; but the objection to the Sunday
gaiiiu is inspired by another reason. Usually,
lu the upper tier or thu UK) Sunday aftciiiiMiii
Is the faoi Itetiniu for calling, many of thu
young men being too busily engaged thiough
the week to devote much tlmo to matteis of
tills Mirt. They enjoy ill opplug in on the Initios
on the day of lest, nnd It is siippoxsl that the
Indies like to have them di op in. Hut last Hull',
day you could have counted the callers on tlio
lingers of two hands. The rest of them weie
out on the i ouster watching St. Paul walking
over Date Howe's hIh. The ladles say they
are willing to let their charms conictu with
anything except huso ball. Thero they drnw
(lairuoy has n great leputatlon as an tun
pile, butho fnllod to sustain it lu Thursday's
game, lu fact bu out-ranked Collins lu tho
ruukiiess of bin decisions. Lincoln might
not hnvo won uny way, but n Inrce share of
the responsibility for our defeat rests on his
shoulders. Ho Hindu onu eloso docUlou onrly
lu tlie game lu fnvor of thu corn hunker.
Then lu the ninth inning he declared it jier
fo:tiy good ball sent by TralTloy out in the
left field it foul. This was pretty bad. Then
Hoich got to first all right, but wns declared
out lu the face of ticunliig's fumble. This
wns rank. It wns hardly mrprWng that
Lincoln lost. Dave Howe plujod a good
game in center field lu place of Patton, who
was laid up with a lame ankle. Hoaeh mid
Hogcis were evidently not lu good trim,
though roach succeeded in striking men out.
Ho wns iHiundcil unmercifully when liu
knock.il a beautiful two bagger out to left,
oir Duwald, evurylKsly held their breath.
The scoro stood 0 to 7.
OKNEHAI, M'OIITIMI .NOTKK.
Dave Howe has released Pitcher Hood and
he has been seounil by St. Paul.
Tlmt must havo been a great game at Deli
ver Monday Milwaukee 1; Denver 0.
Nuw York won for the Hist time Monday,
dow Ming Brooklyn by a scoro of 1) to T.
Tlie Biuret, IU'8 north Kleventh, now bulle
tins thu t cures of thu home gaiuis by Innings.
After the games witli Sioux City the Liu
coin club will stmt on it's (list trip lasting
If tho weather is propitious some of tlie
young peoplu will picnic either at Cusliman
or thu new pink, early next week.
Umpire Collins is not n ssrlal favorite
with Lincoln fans. But then he laliousl un
der a disadvantage coming after Kmslle, who
imido himself popular in Ills short stay.
Theie is a strong demand to have the game
commence at I o'clock instead of .'dm I or
il:l5, nudit is believed that when this is
made the starting time there will Ihi nil In
a eased attendance.
The Lincoln mid Sioux City seiles terinl
nate with tomoirow's game. It docs not
look at this writing at if thu Sunday game
would bo stopjM'd.
Manager Howe makes it a point to have all
employes about thu gi minds pay procr
cointesy mid paitlcular attention to ladies, a
fact duly appreciated, which is demonstrat
ed by tho constant Increase in attendance of
Thu members of the tenuis club aiu en
deavoring to Interest uioru of the ladies in
the garni. Too year ugo they wero very
elithii'fiistk' supporters of tenuis; but Inst
season for some unaccountable lenson, their
interest ilagged a little.
It is doubtful if any man in tlie state gels
as imich enjoyment out of lawn tenuis as S
L. (ielsthardt of this city. Ho is thu most
indefatigable player Lincoln eer introduced.
It'su very cold day when you cun'i see him
w hiding u racket at thu club grounds
What Is known as the "Sandy liristtold
htylu of liaso ball has lsvoum veiy common
lieicibniits. Watch any of the Nebiaska
lion spa-rs and you will see what wo mivin.
(irlswolil has made a umik on thu lite as an
oilglnnl wilier on sporting matters, and as
might beex'H-cted, all of the lemr iglils lin
,tute linn. The young man who lepoils the
Lincoln gsmes for thu World-Heiald hi h
ultout tho woit ntlack of the Oiiswoll
A (Ileal Siinibi) IHiiner.
All week S. J. Oil. 'II and his laige corp cf
assistants lint o U-eii hind lit it mot lug Into
the new ithue In the Brown blick, l.VJ? 0
slpet and when n reporlei nihil there yes.
Ul day he found things Inn V'Cgicsslvo con
dition. The store ix)in h : l.irv.o one, H'j
fttt devp mid limply wide to kettno rowiiof
tables, with convenience to guests equal to
that hud in Hie old lis'iitlnn. The walls liitv.o
been beautifully decorated and pais'ivd and
nil the lUtuies pi cent n niw ami neat ap
Tomorrow the Hist meal will be served anil
Mr, Oi U-II promises all patrons one of tho
finest Sunday illimets that hu hus eter spread.
Kverythlng delicious nnd new on the market
will bu n-rvisl and the town with It's nil r
foundings will bu scoured lor the s"iison's
most (iHithsomo delicacies. It will Ihi ii lino
meal, In n line place and by the public's most
popular dining-room cateier. It will there
fme Ihi duly In order for you to nirango tp
lake dinner theie tomoi ro.v, not only to en
joy thu excellent fine that will be nlfered
bill also to give Mr. Odull u good house
wanning anil welcome on his new Ventura
lu Lincoln's new nnd popular business dis
trict.. Hemember the place, Ifi'Ji O stleet.
"Is This n Dream?"
A Product of Modern Culture.
She can toll where every nation
Htarted In at tho creation.
And she much prefers cremation
When sho dies.
8ho enn namo each bono and sinew,
And If you're too fat or thin you
Boon will havo her dally din you
She ran write thu chemlo symbols '
Of all couiKitinds; play tlio timbrels
Till right through your curs sho wimbloaj
Yes, she can.
Bho just dotes on Athabasca,
Has it mission lu Alaska,
FluiiueU sends to "Madagascar," ,
Willi a fan.
Shoil sniiiu o'er n rnnlo soctlon
That lu ou would rouso dejection,
And her love ne'er knows defection
From her books.
But one day her husband fainted,
And her fright cannot Ihi painted.
For shu'd never Ih-cii acquainted
Willi such looks.
For a cure her fond heart bled:
But of one she'd never read.
Bo sho sbsid him on his head,
Till hu died.
Though thu Jury learned sho cherished
Him nuxt to her lIlinlfHMVcrlslit,"
"Ho of tint much learning perlslied,"
They nil cried.
A Nice Distinction,
A guest nt ono of our leading hotels
waited for his dinner its long iw patleuco
allowed ami then rnpjH-d smartly for n
waiter. Tho head waiter approached,
"Hasu'tuiiy gentleman taken your order,
sail?" ho asked blandly.
Being told that "no gentleman" had yet
volunteered for that service, hu said in
most stately manner:
"You must hnvu been overlooked. I will
kcu that it do not recur agin." Detroit
A l're eilenl.
Alumnus (during a baseball game)
What iiinUcri your ienionado mi weak thisj
Jimniy .1. Y-y-jou know thu g-gu-gooil
Iwok says, "Wh-wh-w hen y-y-you meet A
st-st-st ranger y-y j on inust t.i-ta-taku hiia
In. Princeton Tiger.
Jones What are you doing now for A
Smith I live by writing,
"For the pre-s?"
"Oh, no; I write to tho old mini twico
mouth to send
mo Mime more money,"
lly lire unit Wuter.
Mr. Jlnkster Ah, Miss Hosstiine, I hMff
you have hud u lire in our hoii-u?
Miss II. Yes, quite n serious one.
Mr. J. Was there much diumigu donaf
Miss 11. Oh, you; the building was la
tcstined from garret to collar. Hrooklya
Sb Knvw Alrmdy.
Mr. Anglomuiiiac Here's an article om
thu dissolution of pavliameut. Shall I rM
Mm, Nou-Anglouiiiiiiiic N'o.you needn't.
I always knew those lords wero it dUsolut
it. Princeton Tiger.
Where the Tronliln XV.
Mr. Snopps rinipps, your chickens coma
over into my yard.
Mr. Sulppa Yes, ami they do not come
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