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About The Alliance herald. (Alliance, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1902-1922 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 17, 1920)
"I FOUR THE ALLIANCE II ETC A LD, TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 1920. ALD & RUST LAND CO. -Successors to Thomas-Bald Investment Co. BURR TRtNTINO CO., Owners OEORQE L. BURR, JR Editor BDWIN M. BURR Business Mgr. Official newspaper of the City of Alliance; official newspaper of Box Butte County. Owned and published by the Burr Printing Company, George I Burr, President; Edwin M. Burr, Vice President Subscription 92.00 year, In Advance Entered at the post office at AM Mce, Neb., for transmission through tfee malls as second class matter. Published Tuesday and Friday, Random Shots Thoro was a dance In Torrlngton, Wyo., the other night over under taking parlors. Rather gruesome Idea, isn't it? Speaking of epidemics, wasn't It a cruel time to discard the shimmy in Alliance when it had such an aw ful grippe? Harry Earnshaw says that the public has but two friends God and the grave-digger. Harry Is too pessimistic. We'll bet he lets Ms mother-in-law rule his home. When newspapers enter the door, wives fly down to the bargain sales. Hfn. 99 "A blizzard? We should worry Chesterfield LET Vr blow. An exciting t yarn, a good fire, the "id isfy smoke, and you're fixed for the evening. And, mind you, the "satisfy" blend can't be copied that's why only Chesterfields can "satisfy." And the stork of surplus caskets was stored in the rear of the danre hall. Rather gruesome reality, Isn't It? But wait! Stay with us what was in them there caskets? Believe us, those Jazxers' spirits grew-some. Times ain't what they used to D3 except in Wyoming. We hope tne op. spells those words as we have written 'em. It's hard enough work making puns, to say nothing of the terrible strain caused by worrying whether they'll turn up in print as they should. We wouldn't say anything about It, only the op. has been stepping out. This Is gratuitous information to the dear public. Those salt-water sailors certainly can jazz. They admit It. Therefore, In the language of the South Sea Islanders, let It go without argument. You Need The Best When it comes to the matter of cutting TIRE COSTS you want only the Lest of . workmanship. There is a distinct saving possible from careful repair work on Tires. The Schafer Auto Supply has experienced repair men who have the interests of the tire owner at heart. You get our sincere advice on ques tionable cases some of them arc not worth fixing. "We Do What's Best For You" Schafer Auto Supply ALLIANCE NEBRASKA GET "DARDANELLA" For Your Player Piano Q. R. S. Word Rolls Mann Music & Art Co. That story about the Torrlngton dance was a true one. And It's no ghastlier than the true story that a preacher told last Sunday: "A starv ing Armenian child was seen crack Ing a bone In order that she might receive sustenance. A sympathetic missionary said to his companion: Brother, where did she get the bone?" Moans from a victim: A widow now and then plays with the single men. ..... i lime ! say. havoc The boys over at Al's are mourn: Ing the loss of a cribbage player. Al says, "A young man married Is a young man marred." The following poem reached us Just In time for publication. It was written In Greek on a paper napkin, and the only mark of identification was a rude picture of a house drawn in one corner. We don't know pos itively that It came from the House of Mystery it was a paper napkin. Read 'em and weep: These peculiar English language are For Sale One five room house, tood condition. Modern except heat. Good location. See Nebraska Land Company. 4 i V; A miss Is as good as a m'e, A kiss is as good as a smile, But four painted kings Are the beautiful things That are good for the other man's pile. u .... . . i .i We like poetry. Here's a gem that Anna Karenina used to recite in the days when life In Russia was humdrum: She ne'er again will speak to him This stupid youth so bland. She stood beneath the mistletoe He merely shook her hand. Have you noticed that head in an advertisement in this- issue of The Herald that one about "Figg Leaves No Hope for Cheaper Clothing"? It doesn't mean what It seems to NOTICE Have taken the Agency for one of the largest wig manu factures in the country. Tou pees and wigs of all description Satisfaction Guaranteed W. G. EZELL Corner Barber Shop The voice of that same brother was never more solemn than our preacher friend when he uttered in sepulchral tones: "She got it from the graveyard." By actual count, thirteen people of that congregation took the grippe right then and there. Some thing. folks can't stomach any- Maybe that was propaganda start ed by a union of doctors and preach ers. They do Bay there's an uncanny sympathy existing between the two professions. Ever live in Schenectady (stlddy, op!)? It's a pretty place. Here's on stolen from a clever cuss: If all the slide trombones made in this country since 1875 were made Into one large trombone It would be a good thing, because there wouldn't be anybody big enough to blow it. Today's best story: "I know a man who has been mar ried thirty years, and he spends all his evenings at home." "That's what I call love." "Oh, no It's paralysis." A friend writes to ask Eddie how many boils it takes ot become hard-boiled. Scientific hint: You may be inter ested in knowing that there are five kinds of ice. Any one works well in a grapejulce highball, and better with a gin rickey. The meanest thing a homely girl can say about her homely rival is: "Oh, she's not a bit good looking!" And she takes real delight in it. too. Thllosophy of a pessimist: If men grew as tall as their Ideals are high, some of them would never be able to see over the gutter curbstone. Have You Made It? March 1st is the last day you have to make and send in your INCOME TAX RETURN. Undoubtedly many people have been so busy that they have put off making their return until the eleventh hour. There are not so very many days of grace left, and the return must be in. If You Have Difficulty over any of the features of your return, (and if you have tried it you know there is enough to worry anyone) we cordially invite you to avail yourself of expert advice at the First State Bank. Bring your difficulties to us and we will do our best to iron them out for you. Experienced Advice at Your Service Our bank offers to anyone desiring them the services of one experienced in these matters. You are nearing the final day when they MUST be turned in, and if you will accept a few pointers more can be accomplished in an hour or two, perhaps, than you could do alone in a half or even a whole day. The First State Bank Special 5 Day Sale of Surplus, Salvaged and Reclaimed Genuine U. So Army Goods Starts Tuesday, February 24 Ends Saturday, February 28 at the AUkiiine Shoe Store Come and select these goods yourself If impossible to come we have arranged to handle ihee goods later as agents. i v