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FOUR
THE ALLIANCE II ETC A LD, TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 1920.
ALD & RUST LAND CO. -Successors to Thomas-Bald Investment Co.
BURR TRtNTINO CO., Owners
OEORQE L. BURR, JR Editor
BDWIN M. BURR Business Mgr.
Official newspaper of the City of
Alliance; official newspaper of Box
Butte County.
Owned and published by the Burr
Printing Company, George I Burr,
President; Edwin M. Burr, Vice
President
Subscription 92.00 year, In Advance
Entered at the post office at AM
Mce, Neb., for transmission through
tfee malls as second class matter.
Published Tuesday and Friday,
Random Shots
Thoro was a dance In Torrlngton,
Wyo., the other night over under
taking parlors. Rather gruesome
Idea, isn't it?
Speaking of epidemics, wasn't It
a cruel time to discard the shimmy
in Alliance when it had such an aw
ful grippe?
Harry Earnshaw says that the
public has but two friends God and
the grave-digger.
Harry Is too pessimistic. We'll
bet he lets Ms mother-in-law rule his
home.
When newspapers enter the door,
wives fly down to the bargain sales.
Hfn.
99
"A blizzard?
We should worry
Chesterfield
LET Vr blow. An exciting
t yarn, a good fire, the "id
isfy smoke, and you're fixed
for the evening. And, mind
you, the "satisfy" blend can't
be copied that's why only
Chesterfields can "satisfy."
And the stork of surplus caskets
was stored in the rear of the danre
hall. Rather gruesome reality, Isn't
It?
But wait! Stay with us what
was in them there caskets? Believe
us, those Jazxers' spirits grew-some.
Times ain't what they used to D3
except in Wyoming.
We hope tne op. spells those words
as we have written 'em. It's hard
enough work making puns, to say
nothing of the terrible strain caused
by worrying whether they'll turn up
in print as they should.
We wouldn't say anything about
It, only the op. has been stepping out.
This Is gratuitous information to the
dear public.
Those salt-water sailors certainly
can jazz.
They admit It. Therefore, In the
language of the South Sea Islanders,
let It go without argument.
You Need The Best
When it comes to the matter of cutting TIRE COSTS you want
only the Lest of . workmanship. There is a distinct saving
possible from careful repair work on Tires. The Schafer Auto
Supply has experienced repair men who have the interests of
the tire owner at heart. You get our sincere advice on ques
tionable cases some of them arc not worth fixing.
"We Do What's Best For You"
Schafer Auto Supply
ALLIANCE
NEBRASKA
GET "DARDANELLA"
For Your Player Piano
Q. R. S.
Word Rolls
Mann Music & Art Co.
That story about the Torrlngton
dance was a true one. And It's no
ghastlier than the true story that a
preacher told last Sunday: "A starv
ing Armenian child was seen crack
Ing a bone In order that she might
receive sustenance. A sympathetic
missionary said to his companion:
Brother, where did she get the
bone?"
Moans from a victim: A
widow now and then plays
with the single men.
..... i
lime ! say.
havoc
The boys over at Al's are mourn:
Ing the loss of a cribbage player.
Al says, "A young man married Is
a young man marred."
The following poem reached us
Just In time for publication. It was
written In Greek on a paper napkin,
and the only mark of identification
was a rude picture of a house drawn
in one corner. We don't know pos
itively that It came from the House
of Mystery it was a paper napkin.
Read 'em and weep:
These
peculiar
English language are
For Sale One five room house,
tood condition. Modern except heat.
Good location. See Nebraska Land
Company. 4
i V;
A miss Is as good as a m'e,
A kiss is as good as a smile,
But four painted kings
Are the beautiful things
That are good for the other man's
pile. u .... . . i .i
We like poetry. Here's a gem
that Anna Karenina used to recite
in the days when life In Russia was
humdrum:
She ne'er again will speak to him
This stupid youth so bland.
She stood beneath the mistletoe
He merely shook her hand.
Have you noticed that head in an
advertisement in this- issue of The
Herald that one about "Figg
Leaves No Hope for Cheaper Clothing"?
It doesn't mean what It seems to
NOTICE
Have taken the Agency for
one of the largest wig manu
factures in the country. Tou
pees and wigs of all description
Satisfaction Guaranteed
W. G. EZELL
Corner Barber Shop
The voice of that same brother was
never more solemn than our preacher
friend when he uttered in sepulchral
tones: "She got it from the graveyard."
By actual count, thirteen people
of that congregation took the grippe
right then and there.
Some
thing.
folks can't stomach any-
Maybe that was propaganda start
ed by a union of doctors and preach
ers. They do Bay there's an uncanny
sympathy existing between the two
professions.
Ever live in Schenectady (stlddy,
op!)?
It's a pretty place.
Here's on stolen from a clever
cuss: If all the slide trombones
made in this country since 1875 were
made Into one large trombone It
would be a good thing, because there
wouldn't be anybody big enough to
blow it.
Today's best story:
"I know a man who has been mar
ried thirty years, and he spends all
his evenings at home."
"That's what I call love."
"Oh, no It's paralysis."
A friend writes to ask Eddie how
many boils it takes ot become hard-boiled.
Scientific hint: You may be inter
ested in knowing that there are five
kinds of ice. Any one works well in
a grapejulce highball, and better
with a gin rickey.
The meanest thing a homely girl
can say about her homely rival is:
"Oh, she's not a bit good looking!"
And she takes real delight in it.
too.
Thllosophy of a pessimist: If men
grew as tall as their Ideals are high,
some of them would never be able
to see over the gutter curbstone.
Have You Made It?
March 1st is the last day you have to make and send in your INCOME TAX
RETURN. Undoubtedly many people have been so busy that they have put
off making their return until the eleventh hour. There are not so very many
days of grace left, and the return must be in.
If You Have Difficulty
over any of the features of your return, (and if you have tried it you know
there is enough to worry anyone) we cordially invite you to avail yourself
of expert advice at the First State Bank. Bring your difficulties to us and
we will do our best to iron them out for you.
Experienced Advice at Your Service
Our bank offers to anyone desiring them the services of one experienced in
these matters. You are nearing the final day when they MUST be turned in,
and if you will accept a few pointers more can be accomplished in an hour or
two, perhaps, than you could do alone in a half or even a whole day.
The First State Bank
Special 5 Day Sale of
Surplus, Salvaged and Reclaimed
Genuine
U.
So
Army Goods
Starts Tuesday, February 24 Ends Saturday, February 28
at the
AUkiiine Shoe Store
Come and select these goods yourself If impossible to come we have arranged to handle
ihee goods later as agents.
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