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About The courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1894-1903 | View Entire Issue (March 27, 1897)
THE COURIER. .11 1 i! 5 i I MEM EXCHANGE NATIONUI BIN LINCOLN, NEB. I.M. RAYMOND, A.J. SAWYER President. Vico President S.H.BURNHAM. D.G.WING Cashier. Assistant Cat bis CAPITAL, $250,000 SURPLUS 525 000 Directors -I. II. Raymond, S. U. Bornhao C. O.Dawes. A. J. Sawyer, Lewis Gregory NZSneU.GMLambertson. DO Wing, 8 W Barnbam. DfN UNI Is the BEST to reach the NEW GOLD FIELDS in the BLACK HILLS. Call at office for valuable information. A. S. Fielding, Citv Ticket A?t,. 117 So. 10th St.,Lincoln, Neb. s m HUE II TIE ind Ctoo Ut C O. Towjuktd, F. D. Cobkslx, O. P. T. Agt. C. P. T. Aft ST Louis. Ma 1301 II L 1215 M Street. Best 8er'loe, Chef Recently of Burlington Route Service. Mrs. J. Haskell, Prop. WANTED SALESMEN. We want one or two men in each county to take orders for Nursery stock, and are willing to pay well for good work. We agree to REPLACE FREE anything that dies from natural causes. We also have a choice linn of SEED POTATOES. Give us a trial . THE HAWKS NURSERY COMPANY Milwaukee Wis. See My New Dress? ' This is an old dress, Strong:, Sure, but no one Fast, Beautiful aai Cheap knows that, for its color is new and fresh, ioc. and a few stitches are all it cost. Diamond Dyes should be in every household Diamond Dyes JQ Sold by flSssUHS sBsBKPsfWsV im m RECTOR'S Pharmacy a George Ade, who writes Stories of the Streets and Town in the Chicago Record, has just puplishal the best of them in a little book culled "Artie." The illustrations are by McCutchson of the same paper, whose ejmpaign cartoons were unequalled for originality and point. The hook has enough "material" to make three or four of the pudded novels that Henry James and Howells have been turning out. The humor in "Artie" is of the same quality as Kip line's "Three Guardsmen." The story printed below is the eporting editor's ex perience at a church social. One day Mrs. Morton, wife of the city manager, camp to the offices and in polite brigandage compelled each man in the room to pay fifty cents for a ticket to the charity entertainment. This entertainment was to be given at a South Side church on the following Wednesday evening. Artie bought a ticket with apparent willingness. "I don't want you young men to think that I'm robbing you of this money," said Mrs. Morton. "I want you to come to the entertainment. You'll enjoy it, really." "Blanchard can go all right," sug gested Miller, with a wink at young Mr. Hall. "He lives within a few blocks of your church." "Then he must come," said Mrs. Mor ton, decisively. "Won't you, Mr. Blanchard?" "Sure," said Artie, blushing deeply. "Why, Mrs. Morton, he hasn't been in a church for three years," said Mil ler. "I don't believe it," and she turne.l to Artie, who was shaking his fist at Miller. "Now, Mr. Blanchard, I want you to promise me faithfully that you'll come." "I'll be there all right." said he, smil ing feebly. "Remember, you've promised," and as she went out she shook her finger at him as a final reminder. "Well, are you going?" asker Miller. Artie put on his lofty manner and gazed at his office companions with seeming coldness. "What's it to you whether I do or not? Didn't you hear what I said to her? Sure I'm goin'. I've got as much right to go out and do the heavy as any o' ycu pin-heads. If I like their show I'll help 'em out next time get a couple o' handy boys and put on a six round go for a finish. Them people never saw anything good." "I'll bet you don't go," spoke up young Mr. Hall. Artie laughed dryly. "You guys must think I'm a quitter, to be scared out by any little old church show," said he. That was the last said of the charity entertainment until Thursday morning, when Artie, after dusting off his desk, strolled up to Miller and gave him a friendly blow, known to ringside pat rons as a "kidnry-punch." "Ouch!" exclaimed Miller. "Well, I goes," said Artie. "Where?" asked Miller, who had for gotten. "Where? Well, that's a good thing. To the church show the charity graft. I didn't do a thing but push my face in there about eight o'clock last night, and I was 'it from the start. Say, I like that church, and if they'll put in a punchin bag and a plunge they can have my game, I'll tell you those." "Did you see Mrs. Morton?" "How's that, boy? Did I see her? Remember the Whit ebi east Coal acd Lime Company is still furnishing its customers with best grades Penn. hard coal at $3 delivered: I lit" 118. Say, she treated me out o' sight. She meets me at the door, puts out the glad hand and says: 'Hang up your lid and come into the gamp.' " "I never heard her talk like that." suggested Miller. "Well, that's what she meant. She's all right, too, and the only wonder to me Is how she ever happened to tie herself up to that slob. It's like hitch In' up a four-time winner 'longslde of a pelter. He ain't In her class, not for a minute or a part of a minute. What kills me off is how all these dubs make their star wlnnin's. W'y. out there last night I see the measliest lot o jays regular Charley-boys lloatin' around with queens. I wish somebody'd tell me how they cop 'em out. Don't It kill you dead to see a swell girl you konw, a regular peach holdin' on to some freak with side whiskers and thinkln' she's got a good thing? That's right. She thinks he's all right. Any way, ehe acts the part. And say, you know.Percivnl, that works over In the bank little Percy, the perfect lady. There's a guy I've knpwn for five years, and so help me. If he gets on a street car where I am, I get ofT and walk. That ain't no lie. I pass him up. I say, 'you're all right, Percy, and you can take the car to yourself." and then I duck." "Was he there?" "The whole thing! That ain't no kid. He was the real papa the hit o the piece. One on each arm. see? and put tin' up the large, juicy con talk. They was beauts too; you couldn't beat "em, net in a thousand years. There they was, holdin' to this wart. Up goes my hands in the air, and I says to myself: 'Percy, you're all right. I wouldn't live on the same street with you, but you're all right at that.' But he couldn't see me." "Couldn't see you?" "No, he lost his eyesight. He looked at me, but he was too busy to see me. No, he had on his saucy oat .and that touch-me-not necktie, and oh, he was busy. He wasn't doin' a thing. I think I'll give the bank a line on Percy. Any man that wears that kind of a necktie hadn't ought to handle money. But you ought to seen the two he had. I'd like to know how he does it. I had a notion to go up to one o the girls and say: 'What's the matter? Ain't you ever seen any others?" "Did you like the show?" asked Mil ler. "It's this way. They liked it. and so" with a wave of the hand let 'em have it. If they put the same turns on at any variety house the peopIe"d tear down the buildin', tryin to get their coin back. Mrs. Morton got me a good seat and then backcapped the show a little before it opened up, so I didn't expect to be pulled out o' my chair and I wasn't. If I'd been near the door I'd 'a sneaked early in the game. but. like a farmer, I let her put me way up in front. I saw I was up against it. so I lasted the best way I could. Two or three o' the songs was purty fair, but the woman that trilled with the piano for about half an hour was very much on the bummy bum. Then there was a guy called an entertainer, that told some o the gags I used to hear when my brother took me to the old academy and held me on his lap. But he got 'em goin", just the same. 'Well, I say3 to myself, ' what'd a couple o' hot knocka bouts do to this push?" On the dead, I don't believe any o them people out there ever saw a good show. It just goes to prove that there's lots of people with stuff that think they know what's goin on in town, but they don't. I ain't got no kick comin', only it wa3 a Members of the legislature say the Annex is the best place to feed. Try it and be convinced that the lawmakers know a good thin; when they taste it. yellow Hhow, and I'm waitin for forty five cents change." "I should think you would have got the worth of your money simply by seeing so many good looking girls," said Miller. "The girls are all right, only I think they're a little slow on plckln the right kind. If I had time I'd go over to that church und make a lot o them Reuba Icok like thirty-cent pieces. Not that I'm strong on the con talk, but I know I'd be In It with them fellows. I think It must be a case of nerve. That's all there is to 'em Is nerve. But the girls wow!" "Beauties, eh?" "Iollypaloozers!" Rock Issltixacl Sb JPoclf 1c JR-. 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