THE COURIER.
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MEM EXCHANGE NATIONUI BIN
LINCOLN, NEB.
I.M. RAYMOND, A.J. SAWYER
President. Vico President
S.H.BURNHAM. D.G.WING
Cashier. Assistant Cat bis
CAPITAL, $250,000 SURPLUS 525 000
Directors -I. II. Raymond, S. U. Bornhao
C. O.Dawes. A. J. Sawyer, Lewis Gregory
NZSneU.GMLambertson. DO Wing, 8 W
Barnbam.
DfN UNI
Is the BEST to reach the
NEW GOLD FIELDS in the
BLACK HILLS.
Call at office for valuable
information.
A. S. Fielding,
Citv Ticket A?t,.
117 So. 10th St.,Lincoln, Neb.
s m
HUE II TIE
ind Ctoo Ut
C O. Towjuktd, F. D. Cobkslx,
O. P. T. Agt. C. P. T. Aft
ST Louis. Ma
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1215 M Street.
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a
George Ade, who writes Stories of the
Streets and Town in the Chicago
Record, has just puplishal the best of
them in a little book culled "Artie." The
illustrations are by McCutchson of the
same paper, whose ejmpaign cartoons
were unequalled for originality and
point. The hook has enough "material"
to make three or four of the pudded
novels that Henry James and Howells
have been turning out. The humor in
"Artie" is of the same quality as Kip
line's "Three Guardsmen." The story
printed below is the eporting editor's ex
perience at a church social.
One day Mrs. Morton, wife of the
city manager, camp to the offices and
in polite brigandage compelled each
man in the room to pay fifty cents for
a ticket to the charity entertainment.
This entertainment was to be given at
a South Side church on the following
Wednesday evening. Artie bought a
ticket with apparent willingness.
"I don't want you young men to
think that I'm robbing you of this
money," said Mrs. Morton. "I want you
to come to the entertainment. You'll
enjoy it, really."
"Blanchard can go all right," sug
gested Miller, with a wink at young
Mr. Hall. "He lives within a few
blocks of your church."
"Then he must come," said Mrs. Mor
ton, decisively. "Won't you, Mr.
Blanchard?"
"Sure," said Artie, blushing deeply.
"Why, Mrs. Morton, he hasn't been
in a church for three years," said Mil
ler. "I don't believe it," and she turne.l
to Artie, who was shaking his fist at
Miller. "Now, Mr. Blanchard, I want
you to promise me faithfully that you'll
come."
"I'll be there all right." said he, smil
ing feebly.
"Remember, you've promised," and
as she went out she shook her finger
at him as a final reminder.
"Well, are you going?" asker Miller.
Artie put on his lofty manner and
gazed at his office companions with
seeming coldness.
"What's it to you whether I do or
not? Didn't you hear what I said to
her? Sure I'm goin'. I've got as much
right to go out and do the heavy as any
o' ycu pin-heads. If I like their show
I'll help 'em out next time get a
couple o' handy boys and put on a six
round go for a finish. Them people
never saw anything good."
"I'll bet you don't go," spoke up
young Mr. Hall.
Artie laughed dryly. "You guys must
think I'm a quitter, to be scared out
by any little old church show," said he.
That was the last said of the charity
entertainment until Thursday morning,
when Artie, after dusting off his desk,
strolled up to Miller and gave him a
friendly blow, known to ringside pat
rons as a "kidnry-punch."
"Ouch!" exclaimed Miller.
"Well, I goes," said Artie.
"Where?" asked Miller, who had for
gotten. "Where? Well, that's a good thing.
To the church show the charity
graft. I didn't do a thing but push my
face in there about eight o'clock last
night, and I was 'it from the start.
Say, I like that church, and if they'll
put in a punchin bag and a plunge
they can have my game, I'll tell you
those."
"Did you see Mrs. Morton?"
"How's that, boy? Did I see her?
Remember the Whit ebi east Coal acd
Lime Company is still furnishing its
customers with best grades Penn. hard
coal at $3 delivered:
I lit" 118.
Say, she treated me out o' sight. She
meets me at the door, puts out the glad
hand and says: 'Hang up your lid and
come into the gamp.' "
"I never heard her talk like that."
suggested Miller.
"Well, that's what she meant. She's
all right, too, and the only wonder to
me Is how she ever happened to tie
herself up to that slob. It's like hitch
In' up a four-time winner 'longslde of
a pelter. He ain't In her class, not for
a minute or a part of a minute. What
kills me off is how all these dubs make
their star wlnnin's. W'y. out there last
night I see the measliest lot o jays
regular Charley-boys lloatin' around
with queens. I wish somebody'd tell
me how they cop 'em out. Don't It
kill you dead to see a swell girl you
konw, a regular peach holdin' on to
some freak with side whiskers and
thinkln' she's got a good thing? That's
right. She thinks he's all right. Any
way, ehe acts the part. And say, you
know.Percivnl, that works over In the
bank little Percy, the perfect lady.
There's a guy I've knpwn for five years,
and so help me. If he gets on a street
car where I am, I get ofT and walk.
That ain't no lie. I pass him up. I
say, 'you're all right, Percy, and you
can take the car to yourself." and then
I duck."
"Was he there?"
"The whole thing! That ain't no kid.
He was the real papa the hit o the
piece. One on each arm. see? and put
tin' up the large, juicy con talk. They
was beauts too; you couldn't beat "em,
net in a thousand years. There they
was, holdin' to this wart. Up goes my
hands in the air, and I says to myself:
'Percy, you're all right. I wouldn't live
on the same street with you, but you're
all right at that.' But he couldn't see
me."
"Couldn't see you?"
"No, he lost his eyesight. He looked
at me, but he was too busy to see me.
No, he had on his saucy oat .and that
touch-me-not necktie, and oh, he was
busy. He wasn't doin' a thing. I think
I'll give the bank a line on Percy. Any
man that wears that kind of a necktie
hadn't ought to handle money. But you
ought to seen the two he had. I'd like
to know how he does it. I had a notion
to go up to one o the girls and say:
'What's the matter? Ain't you ever
seen any others?"
"Did you like the show?" asked Mil
ler. "It's this way. They liked it. and
so" with a wave of the hand let 'em
have it. If they put the same turns on
at any variety house the peopIe"d tear
down the buildin', tryin to get their
coin back. Mrs. Morton got me a good
seat and then backcapped the show a
little before it opened up, so I didn't
expect to be pulled out o' my chair
and I wasn't. If I'd been near the door
I'd 'a sneaked early in the game. but.
like a farmer, I let her put me way up
in front. I saw I was up against it. so
I lasted the best way I could. Two or
three o' the songs was purty fair, but
the woman that trilled with the piano
for about half an hour was very much
on the bummy bum. Then there was
a guy called an entertainer, that told
some o the gags I used to hear when my
brother took me to the old academy and
held me on his lap. But he got 'em
goin", just the same. 'Well, I say3 to
myself, ' what'd a couple o' hot knocka
bouts do to this push?" On the dead, I
don't believe any o them people out
there ever saw a good show. It just
goes to prove that there's lots of people
with stuff that think they know what's
goin on in town, but they don't. I
ain't got no kick comin', only it wa3 a
Members of the legislature say the
Annex is the best place to feed. Try it
and be convinced that the lawmakers
know a good thin; when they taste it.
yellow Hhow, and I'm waitin for forty
five cents change."
"I should think you would have got
the worth of your money simply by
seeing so many good looking girls,"
said Miller.
"The girls are all right, only I think
they're a little slow on plckln the right
kind. If I had time I'd go over to that
church und make a lot o them Reuba
Icok like thirty-cent pieces. Not that
I'm strong on the con talk, but I know
I'd be In It with them fellows. I think
It must be a case of nerve. That's all
there is to 'em Is nerve. But the
girls wow!"
"Beauties, eh?"
"Iollypaloozers!"
Rock Issltixacl
Sb JPoclf 1c JR-.
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