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About The courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1894-1903 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 10, 1894)
THE OOURJER A VERSE WITH A MORAL. WANTED A PARTY. A wise man once, of Haarlem town, Went wandering up and wandering down ., And ever the question asked: "If all the world was paper, And if all the Bea was ink, And if the trees were bread and cheese, P, What would we do for drink ?" C Then all the folk, both great and small Began to beat their brains, But they couldn't answer him at all, In spite of all their pains. But still he wandered here and there That man of great renown, And etill he questioned everywhere, The folk of Haarlem town: "If all the world was paper And if all the sea was ink. And if the trees were bread and cheese, What would we do for drink?" Full thin he grew, as day by daj He toiled with mental Btrain, Until the wind blew him away, And he ne'er was Been again. And now, methinks, I hear you say, 'iWas e'er a man so fool- lish, pray. Since first the world began?" Oh, hush, I'll tell you secretly, Down east there dwells a man, and he Is asking questions con stantly, That none can answer, that I see; Yet he's a wise-wise man. Howard Pyle. GOING TO RETIRE. One of the sad things re sultant from the late ele ction is the assurance of the speedy retirement from official life of that sainted and saintly man, Austin Have-a-look-at-me Weir now mayor of the city of Lincoln. Mr. Weir must be a good man. He has said so himself, and he has had "A Citizen" say it for him. We are moved to tears when we think of this transcendently good man being suddenly jerked back into private life. But there is a measure of consolation in it all. There are lots of vacancies in private life for good men like Mr. Weir and he will fill one of these gaps beautifully. In the quiet and peace of the privacy that awaits him he can write a bookon "Lincoln as I Made It, or Still Alive After Two of My Administrations." OBSTINATE COLDS. DR. HUMPHREYS' SPECIFIC No. 77 will "break up" an obsti nate cold that "hangs on.'' Put in small vials of pleasant pellets; just fit your vest pocket; price 25c; all druggists. - " a. "What became of that fellow who invented the bullet-proof coat?" "He went over to New Jersey to try it, and the musquitoes ate him up.1 TAQT1 The democratic party in Nebraska. About two months ago , JJJO the democratic party, then in an apparently sound and health ful condition, was suddenly lost or stolen. The undcrsicned have endeavored diligently to recorer the lost party, but thus far without success, and wo hereby offer a reward, suitable to tho occasion, for the safe return of our party. Georoe L. Miller, N. S. Harwood, J. Sterling Morton, Andrew Jackson Sawyer, Albert Watkins, D. W. Cook. The above notice, paid for liberally by Messrs. Miller, Harwood, Morton, Sawyer, Watkins and Cook, in inserted in The Courier partly for what there is in it, and partly through a desire on tha part of the management to assist these gentlemen in getting in out of the cold. If you have never had a party stolen from you in cold blood, with winter and election coming on, you do not know what it is. and you cannot appreciate the suffering of these gentlemen. Their grief at its absence is rendered more poignant by the fear that the old party will be raped of its virtue before it is once more restored to the fond embraces of the Faithful Few. In the years agone it has successfully withstood many a tough assault; but uever before was its virtue in such'emineut peril as from the dalliance of the smooth tongued youth, and when it comes back it must needs undergo a medical examina tion before Messrs. Miller, Harwood, Morton, Sawyer, Watkins and Cook et al will take it to their bosoms. Great preparations are making for the safe keeping of the democratic party once it returns. Each dem ocrat will be required to take an oath not to steal it or give it away, and it will not be allowed to get into double harness. It will be enshrined in a holy of holies and Dr. Miller will guard the left curtain, and Mr. Harwood the right while J. Sterling Morton will have charge of the in cense. Tho Honorable An drew Jackson Sawyer will sing paeans to the glory of the enshrined and enveloped party, and Mr. Watkins and Mr Cook will weep con stantly in anticipatory sor row lest somebody with a shield of vitrified gall, and a nerve like that of ten thous and old maids, breaks through and carries off the White china to decorate at Crancer's, 212 So. 11th. party for a second time. But all this is premature. The party is not yet returned. It has not yet cleared itself of de filement, and the future is by no means certain. Messrs. Miller, Harwood, Morton, Sawyer, Watkins and Cook are grumpy and full of wet tears, and they are not sure, until the want ad printed above is answered, whether this life is worth living. No party to turn to nothing but a memory of glorified democracy se duced by a wandering minstrel, compelled to bear the jibes a cruel world delights to heap on men shorn of their mistresses. What to Wear at Marlborough House. An amusing little paragraph, is going the rounds regarding a gen tleman who recently received an invitation to dinner at Marlbor ough house. He did not know what costume he ought to appear in. so he sent a note on the sly to the private secretary. Sir Francis Knollys replied that "as nt ladies are to be present trousers may be worn." At first sight this seems embarrassing, if not positively shocking. The simple explanation of this dubious message, how ever, is that, as a rule, knee breeches are worn with evening dress at Marlborough house. V X r n KMf