THE OOURJER
A VERSE WITH A MORAL.
WANTED A PARTY.
A wise man once, of Haarlem town,
Went wandering up and wandering down
., And ever the question asked:
"If all the world was paper,
And if all the Bea was ink,
And if the trees were bread and cheese,
P, What would we do for drink ?"
C Then all the folk, both great and small
Began to beat their brains,
But they couldn't answer him at all,
In spite of all their pains.
But still he wandered here and there
That man of great renown,
And etill he questioned everywhere,
The folk of Haarlem town:
"If all the world was paper
And if all the sea was ink.
And if the trees were bread and cheese,
What would we do for drink?"
Full thin he grew, as day
by daj
He toiled with mental
Btrain,
Until the wind blew him
away,
And he ne'er was Been
again.
And now, methinks, I hear
you say,
'iWas e'er a man so fool-
lish, pray.
Since first the world
began?"
Oh, hush, I'll tell you
secretly,
Down east there dwells a
man, and he
Is asking questions con
stantly, That none can answer,
that I see;
Yet he's a wise-wise man.
Howard Pyle.
GOING TO RETIRE.
One of the sad things re
sultant from the late ele
ction is the assurance of
the speedy retirement from
official life of that sainted
and saintly man, Austin
Have-a-look-at-me Weir now
mayor of the city of Lincoln.
Mr. Weir must be a good man. He has said so himself, and he has
had "A Citizen" say it for him. We are moved to tears when we
think of this transcendently good man being suddenly jerked back
into private life.
But there is a measure of consolation in it all.
There are lots of vacancies in private life for good men like Mr.
Weir and he will fill one of these gaps beautifully.
In the quiet and peace of the privacy that awaits him he can
write a bookon "Lincoln as I Made It, or Still Alive After Two of My
Administrations."
OBSTINATE COLDS.
DR. HUMPHREYS' SPECIFIC No. 77 will "break up" an obsti
nate cold that "hangs on.'' Put in small vials of pleasant pellets;
just fit your vest pocket; price 25c; all druggists.
- " a.
"What became of that fellow who invented the bullet-proof coat?"
"He went over to New Jersey to try it, and the musquitoes ate him up.1
TAQT1 The democratic party in Nebraska. About two months ago
, JJJO the democratic party, then in an apparently sound and health
ful condition, was suddenly lost or stolen. The undcrsicned have endeavored
diligently to recorer the lost party, but thus far without success, and wo hereby
offer a reward, suitable to tho occasion, for the safe return of our party.
Georoe L. Miller,
N. S. Harwood,
J. Sterling Morton,
Andrew Jackson Sawyer,
Albert Watkins,
D. W. Cook.
The above notice, paid for liberally by Messrs. Miller, Harwood,
Morton, Sawyer, Watkins and Cook, in inserted in The Courier
partly for what there is in it, and partly through a desire on tha part
of the management to assist these gentlemen in getting in out of
the cold.
If you have never had a party stolen from you in cold blood, with
winter and election coming on, you do not know what it is. and you
cannot appreciate the suffering of these gentlemen.
Their grief at its absence is rendered more poignant by the fear
that the old party will be raped of its virtue before it is once more
restored to the fond embraces of the Faithful Few.
In the years agone it has successfully withstood many a tough
assault; but uever before was its virtue in such'emineut peril as from
the dalliance of the smooth
tongued youth, and when it
comes back it must needs
undergo a medical examina
tion before Messrs. Miller,
Harwood, Morton, Sawyer,
Watkins and Cook et al will
take it to their bosoms.
Great preparations are
making for the safe keeping
of the democratic party
once it returns. Each dem
ocrat will be required to
take an oath not to steal it
or give it away, and it will
not be allowed to get into
double harness.
It will be enshrined in a
holy of holies and Dr. Miller
will guard the left curtain,
and Mr. Harwood the right
while J. Sterling Morton
will have charge of the in
cense. Tho Honorable An
drew Jackson Sawyer will
sing paeans to the glory of
the enshrined and enveloped
party, and Mr. Watkins and
Mr Cook will weep con
stantly in anticipatory sor
row lest somebody with a
shield of vitrified gall, and a
nerve like that of ten thous
and old maids, breaks
through and carries off the
White china to decorate at Crancer's, 212 So. 11th.
party for a second time.
But all this is premature.
The party is not yet returned. It has not yet cleared itself of de
filement, and the future is by no means certain.
Messrs. Miller, Harwood, Morton, Sawyer, Watkins and Cook are
grumpy and full of wet tears, and they are not sure, until the want
ad printed above is answered, whether this life is worth living. No
party to turn to nothing but a memory of glorified democracy se
duced by a wandering minstrel, compelled to bear the jibes a
cruel world delights to heap on men shorn of their mistresses.
What to Wear at Marlborough House.
An amusing little paragraph, is going the rounds regarding a gen
tleman who recently received an invitation to dinner at Marlbor
ough house. He did not know what costume he ought to appear
in. so he sent a note on the sly to the private secretary. Sir Francis
Knollys replied that "as nt ladies are to be present trousers may be
worn." At first sight this seems embarrassing, if not positively
shocking. The simple explanation of this dubious message, how
ever, is that, as a rule, knee breeches are worn with evening dress at
Marlborough house.
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