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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 28, 1912)
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THE BEE: OMAHA, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 2S, 1912.
SILK HAT HARRY'S "DIVORCE SinT-TheJudse
Drawn for The Bee by Tad
WE MAItKOTNfr ' A BLOCK - I 1 TOftffeT-OH TVtE SoVdctT (J OmJiOH i ( ANOMME
A . ano VHCP ,M i ANO CAr ARE I 'jgL j V' 7 H -jS V
; . 1 '"
f The New Way v J I S 1 f Putting Up a Bluff j)
m m m . r ou , -o -s j t- - i i w -
W f f I TIM
By ELBERT. HUBBARD.
The other day In a western city I sent
a bundle to the laundry.
When the clothes came back there
came also a big, square sealed envelope.
I opened . this , en
velope and found In
il three flO bills,
all ' nicely washed,
starched, Ironed and
carefully placed , be
tween, two pieces Of
cardboard and tied
up with a blue rib
bon in a lover's knot.
N o explanation
was made, but , In
the bill I saw they
had charged me 25
cents for laundering
Of course, I kicked,
but what was the
Just for the fun ot
the thing, In , order . '
to get a line on that particular wash
' house, 1 went around and demanded an
The young woman In charge said they
had found the money in the right-hand
pocket of a left-hand white vest' which
I had sent in the bundle. Then she' ex
plained, quite Incidentally, . that when
ever soiled clothes came In every garment
was carefully Inspected; 'for valuables.
Every day they found money, fa pockets,
diamond studs in shirt bosoms, valuable
links In cuffs, and collar buttons enough
to roll under all the bureaus In Christen
dom. . , ' ,
"It. is a part of our business," said
the ;young woman, "to protect our cus
tomers against their own carelessness."
She saw I was interested, and con
tinued: "We never send garments home
with the buttons off."
I said: "Do you iron many buttons
"No, we do not; but when garments
come in with buttons off we always sew
them on, so as to return the garments
in good order, ready to wear. Also we do
any little darning and mending that
should be done, all this without charge.
Out business is to please our customers."
In looking over a valume of the last
United States Industry Census, I find
that .they could not call a laundry a
factory, so they give it a class by Itself,
A laundry has only one thing to sell
and that Is service.
The laundries of the United States,
outside of hotel, factory or Institution
laundries, do a business in America of
about $125,000,000 a year. This ranks the
laundry business as eleventh In size In
There was a time when washing was
all done in the home. Blue Monday every
body ate a cold lunch, walked softly j
and never talked back. Washing by hand
on a washboard, wringing and hanging
out clothes, carrying them In, starching
and ironing, kept the housewife busy sev
eral days a week.
Commercial laundries are now to be
found in every first-class city of Amer
ica. They cleanse, wring, dry, Iron and
starch by machinery. No business in the
world has evolved such delicate, sure and
effective machines as the laundry In
dustry. It is no special recommendation to
say, "The goods are laundered by hand."
Machines are manufactured, that can do
the work better than the hunman hand
can. And, after all, the machines, yon
must remember. Is an Invention of the
human brain. And when you use a ma
chine to take the place of the dead lift
and labor of human muscles you pay a
compliment to the Inventor. . ,
The laundries In the United States do
by the aid of machinery, with the help
of one man, what ten men or women
were required to do before. And with all
this saving In labor, yet the laundries of
America employ five times as many peo
ple as does the ' Standard Oil company,
and twice ai many .as the United States
Steel corporation. ."
Our population is, say, 100,000,000, and
we pay $1.25 a year per capita for having
our clothes washed, and this "dots not
count all of the work done by housewives
who. do theljf ;own. washing. ' ,'.
" The women who used to go out 'Washing
were the women who could do nothing
else. We often gave out lanndry work as :
a matter of charity.
Laundrymen today are prosperous.
Their work comes with unfailing regular
lty. The can count on their customers
and their customers count on them. Next
to the supplying of feed and clothing, the
laundry business Is the most stable in
The men engaged In the business are
men of Intelligence, ability and worth,
who prize system, organization; and Into
their work they even put a deal of art.
Some of these laundries are very sump
tuously fitted tip with tile floors and
walls, spacious offices with atl modern
appliances and valuable automobile ser
vice for collecting and making deliveries.
No country In the world has carried the
laundry BuSlhess to the same degree of
perfection that the United states has.
Europe still lags behind, and In many
first-class European hotels the washer
woman will come In person and solicit
your patronage. Just as she used to do in
America twenty-five or thirty years ago.
.The thing that has brought the change
and put 'it on a firm financial foundation
Is Yankee Inventive genius. Ask George
Westlnghouse and Thomas A. Edison 'f
I am right. Copyright, 1912, International
BONES-MISTAH JOHH50N CAN
YOU TELL ME De DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A Dome OPfcOtTAHS
MEDICINE AND A CHILL.
INTERLOCUTOR NO BONES WHAT
15 THE DIFFERENCE.
BONES- WHY A J&OTTLC OF
POGTAHS MEDICINE YOV
SHAKE BETOH TAKM AN'lN
DE CASE OF A CHILL YOU TAKE
IT BEFOH 6HAICIN
"POK SHE WAS A PEROXIDE
THE BALD DOMED COOK, m
thc FIRST ROW FILLED WITH
THE HAPY &REW WERE YCLu
Irtfr BRAVO AT THE WfcEN ON
THE STAG-E DRESEfc A LA
MARY GARDEN. BALBlF Bfn
HorPED ON THE STAffF DiBa
BOIie IN FRONT AND SLtfKNfr
' i lit PROPERTY HAM
nvuie.0 HIS LOUDEST
RUN ABOUT "
I HAVE A NfW JOB NOW.
im an t p man. i &er
UF AT 3. Art FCED THE
HORSFS TKFN tn im amis
fULL FOUR LOADS OF
ICE CLEAN OFF THE
HORSES HOOt: UF ANDj
Don't hit Him with
THat THRgj iwiLsmiV
START OUTOM MY ROUTE.
i serve about soo
weiAwr aouto lbs
I8UY MY2INNR THEN
i co Me Sack to the
STAHLF DNWAAfc- AfiT
OF THE IC WAfrON HOO
joniwn CBMENT TRUCK
HPiVL Six LOADS OF
I HORN SFORT
M HAPPY ASATtff
with new Patent leathers
younf yens the tnitok's
amistant was croonhw
a swedish luu-aby to his
lady falx 0l.6a olson- bvt
OtfrA WA3HY AND
IT WAS MIDrtlWT SHC WA&ALH
VERY TIRED. BUT YEN5 SArff
SOME MORE AXD WHEN HE
ffEACHEp 'THOSE HEROCS
ixll trr THE WEW6 SAUCE
SL "C ANSWERED
'F THE XJAfRTHAfD Wu.
INTO THE MlUC WUf T rum
CffMPNT MT TUPnMCjj
'JNfi . hmses Pill
UP THE TANK SO WE
CAN HAV MflRt ICC
TNFNE&TTiAv r, rik,.
.rOPFTrlt tlMf Ab'
T la JM. IM ALL
On WITH THE EAR PWP5
Yov;kE d fnoTHM to
Beauty Secrets of Footlight Favorites
The Manicure Lady
, "I see there is going to be a swell row
over that Astor will," said the Manicure
Lady. "It seems that, on account of the
Astor baby being a boy, there Is likely
to be a lawsuit that means 130,000.000 or
130.000,000." . -
."Don't talk to me about no millions,"
skid the Head Barber morosely. "I didn't
have- enough left " this-morning' after I
. had paid the rent to buy a lunch for -a
vegetarian. And I've got to face the
week to come with a four-bit plecei What
do you know about that?" ' '
"Don't bore me with none of them hard"
lock stories," ; said the Manicure Xdy,
"If I was to" tell you half of the' mental
and! financial anguish that has" 'been
wringing my soul this last" few .days,
George, you wouldn't believe one-quarter
of the half I told you. Even the old gent
has got the habit of touching rpe for an
, occasional .five. I happened to mention
' in an unguarded moment at breakfast
the other, rooming, that my banker had
last sent me 250 beans, the Interest on
the last &0G0 of my Inheritance, and It
Wasn't Very long before I seen that I bad
Made a .mistake, or a foxy pass, as them
French Calls It Right away my worst
fears were justified. The old gent says to
rAe'i. "Daughter you are "growing iriore
beautiful with the passing years. The
morning sunlight never looks so beautiful
as when It Is touching up your hair with
a golden splendor,' he says to me."
"I'think that is some compliment for a
father to give to his daughter," said the
"IS would, have been some compliment,"
said the Manicure Lady," "if the old gent
.had handed it to me before I got my
Inheritance, when I was Just going along
listening to the talk of a. lot of men that
drops in to Hold other folks by the hand
bile they are having their nails did. but
coming as it did right after. my mention
ing that 250 beans I .began to mt) a
rat. la the old days lather' never said
nothing about the morning sun touching
Up my hair though he did say something
about my touching up my own hair.
Don't try to tell me, George, Any time
anybody hands you the salve when you
are broke, you can take that salve -and
anoint your foor, aching heart With It.
but when thfy, salve you after you have
shown a bunch of yellow bills, you've got
a right to suspect thorn of a exterior mo
tive, or . whatever it is. folks call having
a axe to grind. -.
"But poor old dad wasn't the only one.
Brother. Wilfred comes right along with
a beaming snjlle and says "Mother.don't
Lyon think S'ls Is getting more reeal and
stately every day?" The paor boy was
that anxious to stand strong with me that
he didn't stop, to think that the night be.
fore when him and me was having a
quarrel and when he told me that
looked like a sack of shelled corn tied
In the middle, like a lumpy hour glass.
Believe me, George, I didn't fall for any
of the coarse work. " I took my little
check and banked it at one of them
banks where Mister Becker has been de
positing the savings of a lifetime only
I put mine In a different safety ireposlt
vault, of course, because there ain't no
telling' what a lieutenant might do with
somebody's dough." .' '
"Right you are," said the Head Bar
ber. ' "Since this Becker ease the more I
hear about low lieutenants the more I
am satisfied to be a bigh private."
Sent Vmr A war. ;'
"What do you think of this scheme of
having the countries .exchange children?"
"What's the Idea?
"An English family, for instance, ex
changes children for a couple of years
with a German family. Thus both sets
of children get a chance 1o learn another
language. References are exchanged, end
all that sort cf thing." ,
"It's an elegant scheme. My neighbors
have. a kid that L would like to see ex
changed with some family la Siberia."
By ELLA WARNER.
So few girls have a graceful walk, yet
the physical culture instructors In all
the public schools make a point of teach
ing girls how to carry themselves. So it
must really be a girl's own fault if she
walks badly and I have often thought as
I watched would-be actresses and future
stars move across the stage that It Is
more a question of mind than of muscles
and bones and Joints, and all that kind of
It's always Interesting to watch the
stage director pick out a new chorus
among the hundreds of aspirants who
come to apply for stage work.
In musical comedy, of course, there Is
always a vocal test, and each girl endeav
ors to show off her voice in one or two
mlnntes' time that Is given her. I don't
think Melba could do herself justice If
she had to get up and sing a scale whan
she was paralyzed with fear, when her
whole future depended on how those notes
were produced, and when a single scale
or bar was all she was permitted to sing.
Bo it's fortunate that the stage man
agers give the girls the benefit of the
doubt when It comes to voice, and Judge
them all by their personal appearance, by
the way they act, and especially by the
way they walk across the stage.
One famous stage manager told me
that he always had to take so many
things Into consideration before judging,
even the walk of the stage aspirant.
"Why is it that you girls show your
state of mind so plainly in the way you
walk?" said this well known man, whose
name I won't mention, because he
wouldn't like to see himself Ih print giv
ing points on how to be beautiful.,
"I can tell how a girl feels by the way
she walks across the stage," he went on.
"There is a timid, shrinking little thing
with her back bent trying to hide her
head behind her shoulders; she may have
a good voice and talent, but her walk is
so diffident that no one will ever believe
her capnble of asserting herself Until shs
gets over that walk.
"The girl who brags about what a grea;
actress she is going to be, swaggers
crocs trie stage like a man until she sees
the manager's eyes upon her. and then
'she becomes so hopelessly awkward that
she stumbles over the chair, or even over
her own feet, If nothing else Is In the
way. .. . .
"The girl who doesn't care whether or I
not she Is going to succeed, nnd isn't
going to try very hard, has a shambling
sort of walk, and the laty girl generally
drags her feet.
"When you e a girl walk acsoss the
stage with a light, springy walk, yu can
be sure there is plenty of energy and
good will behind It, and I always would
rather engage a girl like that than a
perfect beauty who goes galumphing
along, and shakes the whole stage and
the very timbers of the building.
"The. shoeman , tells me that he can
Judge character by the way the girls
stand and walk, and, after all, the wear
ing of the shoe is just the result of this
bad and ungraceful, or alert and graceful,
As I was curious to know what the
Biage shoemaker thought about character
rs shown In shoes, I took the opportunity
to ask him once, and this is what he had
to say about It:
'You kn-w there Is an old proverb that
It means money if you wear a bote right
In the middle of your sole under the ball
of tha foot," aald the maker of millions
J I ' ' ' A Ml
:"-W'V J-ru . .. . r i
By DOROTHY VAX.
;t Vi v '
MJSS ELLA WARNER.
(One of the Zlegfeld beauties in "The Winwonie Widow" Company.)
of shoes. "That may sound like one of
those foolish superstitions, but It Is isn't
a superstition, because the person who
wears his shoes out evenly, itj the middle
of the sole, has a firm, well-balanced
step, and there Is nothing slipshod or
laty about such a person.
"A person like that Is bound to have
an upright,- even character, and to be
energetic and persorvering. Of course,
all those things mean that he will get
rich if he tries to, so the proverb is per
"The undecided person doesn't accu
mulate money so fast and there Is noth
ing that sbowg so plainly In old shoes as
Indecision. These shoes are partly worn
out on cither side of the heel, because
the persona stands first on one foot, an l
then on the other, balancing the weight
unevenly, sometimes on the Inner side
of the sole. Shoes like that are very hard
to patch, nnd the undecided person is
almost atways extravagant.
"You can always tell a slovenly per
son by his shoes, for they will be down
at the heel, badly polished, with laces
or buttons In disorder.
"Of course, the girl who Is very vain
still p'nehes her feet and wears shoes
that are too small for her. and any shoe
msker who gets a .worn pair of shoes
of this kind In his hands, could tell right
away that he had to deal with a young
person who hadn't yet got brains enough
to know that she must be comfortably
shod if ehe wants to be happy.
"Comparatively few women wear shoes
too smnll for' them nowadays. The better-class
of women don't seem to mind
how large their feet are and vanity is
still confined to very ignorant young
girls who will soon learn better.
"You wear yeur shoes out much sooner
by standing on them In an awkward way
then If you stood and walked In a well
balanced and graceful manner.
"People are heavy on their feet very
often because they are depressed and
low-spirited; the minute they are hap
pier, the tread becomes light and buoy
ant again, so you see that 1 not only
Judge character,'! could almont tell your
fortune by looking at your old shoes."
Since this conversation with the old
shoemaker, I have taken great pains
to notice how my shoes were wearing
out, and I am glad to say that I'm begin
ning to wear them out In the right place,
just under the ball of the foot, and the
down-trodden heels no longer worry me.
I had to learn to walk all over again,
but it was worth while. I taught myself
to wa:k gracefully by balancing a number
of bookn, piled up on my held, while I
wus walking to and fri) In my room.
Another thing which most girls forget
is to keep their arms still and not swing
them to and fro, which Is most awkward
when you have long arms.
A man asks these questions:
"Is it not a bluff when an old maid
says that she has never envied a married
woman, and wouldn't trade places with
one, and that she Is
happier single than
she would be if she
Probably every man
In the world .would
answer these ques
tions In the affirma
tive and say yes;
that every old maid
who pretended that
she was a spinster
from choice was put
ting up a bluff that
any man could call,
But a woman would
reply to the question
by saying both yes
Undoubtedly the old
maid who scoffs at
marriage and boasts of her i'ngl bless
edness is fibbing, and putting a gay face
on a sad matter. Every human being
knows, every Instinct teaches us, that
men and women are each ' Incomplete
without the other, and that It takes both
to round out the full and perfect life.
Husband and wife, children and home,
are the materials out of which real
iastlng, ' soul satisfying happiness . is
made, and no matter what else one has.
if one larks them, one has missed the
best that the gods tiava to bestow.
There is no other joy on earth so M-
nulslte as the companionship of the man
and woman who are mated as well as
marrlod, who have every thought In
common, and who find In eacli other ai
exhaustless well of sympathy f rftm. wltlcli
they may draw at will. There IS ho other
Interest In life so intense ' and ' Undy.n?
as that which people have 'n their chil
dren; there Is no happiness so sweet and
serene as that which comes from tne
feel of little children's arms about one's
neck and the touch of baby's hamis within
There can be no occupation so ab
sorbing and worth while as the making
of a beautiful home to be a shrine for
this lovely family l)f-.
This Is what marriage should w It
Is the Ideal that we all see In our dreams.
It Is the wlll-o'-the-wisp that bvjkons
millions Into matrimony, and It is fo-jlUu
for any man or woman to say ihat h
or she has not dreamed the dream, a'.il
longed to be one of the bles.4el who
dwell within some domestic Eden.
We all know that a happy mir lse
la the happiest estate In the world, but
ws also know that an unhappy mar
riage Is an earthly purgat jry. In matri
mony there is something tint brings wit
the best or the worst of ieokil, and its
there Is no other blessing equal to a
a good husband or wife, so there Is ro
other curse that compares wi.h a bad
If all marrlajfes were happy, and If
the dove of peace roosted on every roof
trce, then, Indeed, old bachelors and eld
maids would expire of envy, and their
boasts of contentment with their solitary
lots would be hollow mockery.
Unfortunately, however, there is noth
ing In the average marriage that does
anything but hold It up as an awful
warning to the unmarried, and It Is only
the triumph of hope over other people's
experiences that leads any yoUng couple
to dare attempt the holy state.
The old bachelor, returning from an
evening spent In the bosom of the family
of his friend Benedict, reflects that poor
old Benedict gets a mighty poor run for
his money, and that a fretful and nag
glng wife, and spats and jars, and the
loss of one's personal liberty, Is hardly
an adequate return for a man having to
work like a dray horse to support a
family. Therefore the old bachelor sighs
a sigh of contentment and says, "Not
for muh," as he turns the key In his
Nor does the old maid, when she visits
around among her married . sisters and
friends, find anything to shake her be
lief In the fact that she chose the better
part when she decided to stay single.
She observes that her sister has to work
ten times as hard as she does, even If
she Is a working woman and sister is on.
of the lucky ones married to a man who
"supports . er." And she takes note that
while she gets a pay envelope for her
work, and has money that nobody pre
sumes to jllctate what she shall do with,
sister has never a penny' of her own, anl
has to go like a beggar to her husband
for every cent. Also she has to give an
account of what she did with the quarter
he gave her week before last. And like
wise husband groans over how much It
costs to support a wife.
The spinster . sees that she Is better
drersed than sister unless flster happened
to marry rich, and that she looks about
five years younger.
Moreover, the spinster observes that In
addition to everything else that lister
does, she has to spend her time and en
ergy In placating husband, or else. In
quarreling with him, and that although It
Is polite and complimentary to belleva
that husband still loves sister, there's no
evidence upon which to base thta con
elusion. Appatenity It does not take mort
than three months to rub 4he gilt off of
the gingerbread matrimony.' and after
that If a man feels any admiration, or
tenderness, for his wife he doesn't take
the pains to show It.
So the tplnster takes a good, firm
grip on her latchkey and her. pockut
book, and says that she's better off than
sister, and that she doesn't envy any
married woman. And there's no bluff In
that. Bhe's simply telling the truth, nlno
times out of ten, when she makes th
that Ideal marriages are as scan 0.. as
hen's teeth, and that In the while range
of our acquaintances we scarcely know
one couple who have made U!?4S
Instead of a failure ot matrimony.',
In the past the old maid's boast that
she didn't marry because she dlda't want
to may have been a bluff und mi sin
cere, because in former day evory wo
man had to marry in order o g it homo
of hef own. That Is not the c tie now.
Any woman can support herself an well
as a husband Is likely to do It, a id .so
matrimony has become a choice lnuad
of necessity,, and It t because wocn
see so few good husbands that .they 410
getting more and more afraid of mar
riage, and to believe that It It better
to stick to the peace and contentment
they have than to -risk the danger vit a
heart-breaking disappointment In mar(.
But the single woman knows that wTVlla
she' may have missed misery, she has
also missed the highest happiness. ' She
has but the half loaf and she goes to
her grave hungering for the love, and
the man, and the child, and the 0041
that should be every woman's portion." .
Little Bobbie's Pa :
By WILLIAM F. KIRR. ,
Pa brought up a frend of his to (the ,
house last nlte. His frend was' a swaT
looking man, his nalm was Bernle Doyle.
Wife, ed Pa. I want you to meet my
frend Mister Doyle. He is a InfluenshaJ
member of the Kntertalners' club, ed
I'a. Mister Doyle, shake hands with my
wife. ,f :i
I am pleased to meet you, sed Ma,-; to
Mister Doyle. I am glad to know that
my husband Is being entertained.. That
Is one thing I will say about my husband,
sed Ma, he sure does love his" entertain
ment. . '
Mister Doyle is a grate singer, sed Pa,
You doant say so, sed Ma.
Yes, sed Pa, St he can kick a foot oTer
his head. Htm A me Is both six feet,
sed Pa, A both of us kicked , seven feet
on a standing kick. ."".".'
Yes Indeed, sed Pa. & Doyle can fits,
'too. I seen him llek three laborers .at
nnlif ' ' .1 ,
Maybe thay was tired after a hard
day's work, sed Ma.
Not at all, not at all, sed Pa. Did you
ewer hear Mister Doyle sing? Sed P.
If you think you know sumthtng about
singers you will readjust yufe ldees wen
you hear Mister Doyle alhg The Moth
; the Flame. 1 "
I am all ears, sed Ma. I am used td
being all ears anyway, so X mite as well
hear Mlvter Doyle warble. He must be
prltty good If he is the leading Spirit' In
the Entertainers' club. ,
E. then Mister ' Doyle got up ft got
reddy to sing. I felt kind of sorry for
him, beekaus I knew that he dldent want
to sing. He was only doing It to please
I will sing the sextette from Lushy, sed
Nix, said Pa, I want you to sing the
Moth ft the Flame.
That Is a old wheeze, sed Pa's frend.
Let me sing sumthlng regular. . ,, '
But Pa tn-slsted that Mister Doyle
shud sing the Moth ft the Flame, so he
The moth & the flame played a gam one
The game of a woman's heart
The moth that played was a . maid, thay
sed, ';' , .;' .
ft the flame was a bad man's art. ' ' . -ft
the moth newer knew, as, it flew so
That the lltht was the Ilaht of shame.
ft It fluttered away just In time, so thay
That's the tale of , the Moth ft the
Flame. ' -,
Isent that a Impressive song? sed Pa
li rertlngly is, sed Ma- Ma was trying
to be nice. - .
Now, sed Pa, wud you like to hear Mis
ter Doyle sing that song called Robert S.I
Ue? ' '- " i ' ,
I wud not, aed Ma. ' ,