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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (April 5, 1912)
13 The ee Jne aazire p)a?e Mirandy on the Benefits of Invalidism Illustrated by E. W. Kemble By Dorothy Dix Beprodaced by Permission from the April Number of (food Housekeeping Xaguint. TITE BEE: OMAHA. FRIDAY, APRIL 5, 1912. r -If Ktufe$&f&m- "ALL YEK "I1 odder night." "id Mirandy. "Sis Calllne. whut la one of dm heah tall, stringy somen, whut look lak dat do had kato born 1n calllker wrapcr whut Headed to go to do wash, cornea to my nous an after we had passed de lime of day, aha folded her hand, and fetched a groan from de pit of her stomach. "Den I knowed dat de time had come when I'M fot to -inquire about how she la feelln'. for tMs Calllne enjoys po' health, an' et you wants to make her pass a pleasant visit all you've got to do Is to ax her about her tufferin's. " 'Well. 81s Calllne.' says 1. 'how does your symptrms seem to segashuate? "'Sis Mirandy.' spona 8ts alllne. 'de hand of de Lawd Is laid hevy on me. an' et It wasn't that I had a strong consti tution. 1 couldn't stand all dem deadly diseases whut I has got.' " 'Whut does de doctor call yo" com plaint.' Inquired I. f A Silly Woman's Folly Hy W1MFHKD BLACK. In love with a face, infatuated with a memory 'flying for one look from a pair ot wondrous eyes." That's what the woman tolls me In the letter that lies on my desk, breath- a kind of sickly perfume in every line of ' It. Aud she has a good husband and three . lilce children, and thny are all won dering what's the matter with mother. She saw him In a crowd a perfect ttranger tail, dark, mysterious, with eyes that melted , the heart In her I breast, and she went honte and 'mourned and I dreamed and yearned, and now she's lick ated and nobody knows what to do with I her, and what, oh what, shall the do? Bit right up In bed, mother, and think this thing over, and think It over right ' Romantic! you romantic? Just about as romantic as a bottle of asafoetida whieh la one of the things- you need and need badly right this very Instant. Have you ever spent sny kind of time In a sanitarium or at any sort ot health resort? You'll find hundreds of your soul alstera there, all pining, all dying, all fading away for the want of a good sound spanking and some good hard work to do. Doctor? You don't need a doctor, you need some hard times. If 1 were your husband I'd fait in business, I'd come homo without a dol lar In my pocket, I'd tell you we'd have to move and I'd speak of telling some r Sympathy "y MARGARET Assured of sympathy, youth la capable of great energy and endurance. Co-operation of an older and richer mind wires ft to a certain fury of performance it can rarely reach alone. It la so aeaay for the great to be great; so easy to come up to an expected stand ard. The benefits of affection are enor mous and the one event which never loses Its romance to youth ts Its en counter wtlh superior persons on terms allowing the happiest Intercourse. A young midshipman on his first expe dition, when approaching the vessel which his boat crew was to attack, suddenly, at a discharge of cannon, was so over powered with fear thai bis knees shook together and he was ready to faint. A famous lieutenant, observing his distress, placed himself close beside the midship man, gripped his shoulder with a strong yet tender clasp and whispered: "Courage, my boy! Tou will recover in a minute or so. X was Just the same when I first vent out this way." To the boy It was as If an angel had spoken. From that moment he was aa fearless and as forward as the boldest oT the boat's crew. But he dared not think what would have become of him had Ms superior scoffed at or exposed him. Nature Itself is ever kind. It weaves tissues and a integuments of flesh and skin and hair and beautiful ejlors to cover up the skeleton In Hfe, forces death down underground, and makes haste 'to cover It up with leaves and tines, wiping out carefully every trace of desoluatlon by new creation. It fai so easy ind cheap to destroy am bit km-. There ts not a joyful boy or girl buoyant with Tine purposes of duty, but a cynic can chill and dishearten with a atidCle word. i GOT TER DO IS TO CALL TER TEMPER .VERVES.'" " ire says dat I got dla heah diseases whut dey call de chronics,' spons Sis Calllne. a kind of puffin' out her chest wld pride. " Uy Ian,' 'sclaima I, 'dat a awful! But at any rate you ought to be thank ful dat you ain't got dla new-fangled rllment dat dey calls nervous pros perity, brcase folka dat has dat don t never git over hit. Nor ylt do dey die. dough all of de folks around dem would be mighty reconciled If de Lawd should tee ftttln' to take 'em!' 'Hugh!' spons 6ia Calllne, wld a ills contemptuous snort, 'dat nervous pros perity used to be so dat nobody but de rich folka ever had It, but hit's got so common now cit anybody can ketch It. lilt ain't lak rie chronica, which hit takes a pusson wld a real gift for skk ness to have.' " 'Why, 81a Mirandy,' goes on 81s Cal llne wld a beamln' smile. 'I ts tucken of the furniture to rain? money to pay the rent Id discharge the cnok and cut down the house allowance and I'd have, my oldest daughter pretend to fall In love with a faker down at Coney Island, and I'd pretend. to take to drink. I'd Rive you something to I hi nit about, something I real, and you'd forget all about lhom seulfuf eyes so quick It would surprise i you. Soulful eyes! I'd rather see a daughter ! of mine married to the ash man than 'to the soulful eyed sort of person. He Isn't dreaming of a kindred spirit when , he looks "soulful," he's just fretting about what sort or breakfast food would ! be best for his Indigestion. , And you, the mother of three children how can you live and be such a goose? Haven't you learned yet that love ts not all of life, It's Just a part of It, the best part to be sure, but Just a part after all 7 What if your husband should go Into tills "soulful" business? How wuuld you like that? Fine time he'd have keep ing the family going If he took to his bed and "dltd" for a glance from a pair of roulful eyes. Be thankful for the love of a good man, you silly womanbe thankful on your knees. I've never seen you, but I'll warrant you are no such desperately fascinating creature that men die for want of a glance from you. Come to, sister, come to. You're In a faint and there's all the work to be done. Three children to bring up. a good man to comfort and sustain In his hard working path through this world. Hop out of bed and get to work. "In love with a face. Infatuated with a memory' fudge, you're In love with yourself, that's what's the matter with you, and in love with silly sentimentality. for Youth ESTHER It AGIN. Despondency comes readily enough to the mort sanguine, without the pessi mist's bitter hints of failure, which cause youth to chock Us eager, courageous pace and go home with heavier step and premature age. We have ail failed to please when we most wlslu4 to liive pleasure; blundered when we were most ambitious for suc cess; found ourselves awkward or tedious, perhaps, in study, thought or heroism, but fervently hoped by good sense and fidelity to atone for past error. But the cynic would make this tittle hope still less by satire and skepticism, which slacken the springs of all endeavor. How much more worthy to help the young soul, add energy, inspire hope and blow the coals Into a useful flame; re deem defeat by a suggestion of new thought, new action. That would be to follow in the path of the 11 vine. TI.es a at Hiss Dowarlsht Pswllsh. On one of the most prominent street corners of Victoria, British Columbia, two Englishmen were deeply engross In conversation. This part of Canada contains a great many Englishmen who are apparently from wealthy families, and having been sent over hero tn (be hope of the country dere-op.ns; them Hiking them work, so to speak. A trolley car had turned the corner, topped for some passengers to aliglk. and started off again, when a man turned ihe currier on the run and bearded the jaoving car. The Englishmen looked at each other in amazement. "My word! &i& you see him run? one remarked. "Trie dooming as? replied his com pamon. "1 wonder tf h didn't know that there ma anothpr cvr in 3D sain isr aUpmcott s mo' dan a carload of patent medicine: an' 1 bet dat ef all de pills 1 has swal lowed was put up In a pile, dat dey would look lak a moun;iln. an' as for doctors, 61s Mirandy, I hat been de dis pensation of providence dat lias made e'vy one of 'em In de community able to set up a autymoblle. " 'You suttlnly has been ti grand per sevrrin' Invalid, an' done you' duty noble In dat line.' spona I. " Hit ain't for me to brag on myself an' my sufferings, dough as a doaer, one dat lays a heavy hand en de medicine bottle. I s got a record dat I can pint to wld pride,' says Sis Calllne, an when I dies t will leave behind me a pile of bottles dut will be a monyment to my memory. Howsumever. His Mirandy," she goes on. 'up to dls time I'se Jest been plain sickly, which ain't got no par ticular Interest In hit. 'reptln' to de on hut's got hit an' delr fambly; but now The Giants of Yesterday - Triceratops - By Garrett P. Serviss 4 eswr- . ( v THK TRICKRATOP9, FO Yesterday the yesterday of reology starts Into life scam the astonishing ani mal p&rk which Carl Hageiibrck has es tablished near Hamburg, Germany. Here, reproduced llfe-alte in concrete, stand, run, swim, flflit or tear their prey the terrible animals who ruled the world before man, and continued to be Its absolute masters for a period which may have been 16.000.uu0 or .M,UK years In length. So tona; as only their skeletons were to be seen, set up In museums, these mon sters did not appear either ao dreadful or to wonderful, but now that science has learned how to reproduce their entire forma, they are seen to surpass all tbat the Imagination could have Invented. On this p-Ie will be seen a photo jrsph showing the armored monster called the Trtreratops, which means the "beaat- wUh-three-horns," and which when full grown was about twenty-five feet long. The Triceratops was particularly abundant In western America during the Cretaceous age. when a broad arm of the si ran from the (Julf of Mexico across Texas, Kansas, Colorado. Nebraska, Wyoming and Montana, and far up Into western Canada. He dwelt along the margin of that shallow sea and Uved mainly on a recetable diet. He waded In the water also and may have devoured small marine animals. But be bad to fight for Hfe and he was prepared for It. Ills enormous body was covered wtlh a hide stronger than that of a' rhlnocerous acd studded with huge horny bosses, pointed like thick spikes Three great horns projected from his head, which wat from six to eight feet long. T,e most astonishing part of his arma ment, bowerer, was the defensive shield, six feet or more In diameter, which en circled the back of his neck like a horny ru.T, bordered with a rcw of sharp spikes The heaviest rifle bullet would lavs been unable to penetrate the shield, and probably tlte aldea of his great twenty-five-foot body and tall were aimtiet equally unpenetrable. Tnto shoms how fearful must have been the power of his enemies, although much of Ms fighting was probably done with his own kind. lYof. Msrsh'belleved that the Tricera tops Has an animal In which the develop ment of defensive armor resetted a point where H became an unbearable burden to the creature Itself. Interfering ro much wtlh Its powers of locomotion that it could no longer successfully contend la the struggle for sxiitencs with animals leas CbSBbrvusi' csstsUvctssV it was a de doctor promnastiraua as bow I la Tot die high fall ut In' trouble whut ail de Millionaires have, dat dey call de ap pendlceltful, an' dat I'll have to go to de horspltal an' have It carved out.' " 'Bless God for all Ilia mercy.' acjalme I. 'but sis Calllne you sholy la de lucky woman!' "'How's dat, Sis Mirandy T airs she. " 'Why.' spons I, 'hlt'll set you up In conversation for the balance of your life, for I never did know anybody whut had had an' operation dat ever talked about anythln ele so long as dey lived). "'Yea, 81a Calllne,' I continues, "you won't never have to search around In yo' mind for a nice, Inlereatla'. cheerful subject to discourse on. All you got to do It jest to begin to reel off de par tlclera of dat time you wat operated on. an' whut de doctors said, and whut de nusa said and whut dey done In de hors pltal, an' dere you are.. An' folks Is got to listen to you berate most of 'em has been dere. an' dey Is Jest wsltln' for you to stop to catch your brent It. so dey can tell about delr operation. 'Dat 'a whut makes me say dat you Is de lucky woman, berets when you comes out of de horspltal you'll be able to hold your own In tatalety wld de odders shut's been operated on, an' ef you don't git out of the horspltal hit tholy would reconcile you to death dat you wouldn't have to listen about odder people'a operations, anyhow.' " 1 tell you. His Calllne. dat I'se thought dat I would have to withdraw from da Sewing s'rlety, an' ds female prayer meetln', an' de Mothers In Israel, an' de Daughters of Zlon, through not never havln' had no operation, an' dar fore. not beln' able to hold up my and In conversstlon!'' "Oh. Sis Mirandy.' says Sis Calllne, 'at de good book says, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.' '"Dat's right,' spont I, 'an' I reckon dat de Creator must turn out a mighty fust-rlaaa Job when He makes us, or else we couldn't stand all da tlnkerln' dat de doctors does en us.' "But wld dst 8ta Calllne said dat sht must be on her way, as she was den makln' a few farsfell visits befo' she goes to de horspltal, an' I speeds her o her way, for ef dere is one thing dat raises my dander mo' dan anodder hit Is dese heah women whut la got de ' "Jrj r Vr CALLED BBCAV8B THIS MKAN8 "BEAST WITH-THREB-HORNS.' "Dreadnought" which attained a s!ie and weignt so great that tt could naraiy turn around and wat continually getting Itself entangled. Finally it disappeared from the earth, as the knlghta ot the middle ages, with their heavy armor, disappeared when gunpowder snd bullets took the place of spears, swords snd muscular arms on the battlefield, per haps the fsts of thu Trlcerstope may be taken as a warning against pushing armored warships too tar. One can easily Imagine the scene when a Trloerotops fought, either with a bull of hit own species or with some of the smaller and more active carnivorous, or flesh-eating animals of his Urns, which, there is reason to believe, often con quered snd ate him In spite of all hit wonderful armor. A Pair of angry Triceratopsri, rushing headforemost agsinst each other, must have shook the ground like two locomotives meeting at r SMASHIN' WINDOW GLASS i, II A nee a Certala Old Swag. Ily JAMES RAVENSCItOI-T. I met with Mrs. Spankwurst. And I took and shook her hand. And I asked her, "How's old England BOW. And how does she ttandT "A land of strife and woe." lays she, "Kor It has come to pass They're isIMn' ot the women there For amashln' window glass! "Tou scarce can walk the streets la peact With brickbat, club or rack But what the bobbles grsb you up And hale you to the dock. Ton stand before melord. the Judge, All weighted down with chains; Says he: Three months at breaking stones For breaking window panes!' "Tabooed are suffragette parades; No more are we allowed To riot through the bloomm' streets And win votes from the crowd. Our leaders csn't be seen at least Not for swhlle, alas! They've got the poor dears all tn Jail For tmashln vriBdow glass:'' Folate Paragraphs, . Getting even Is sn expenstevs luxury. ftfiven a woman sever learns to sneexe gracefully. A kitten la almost as frisky aad sense less as s litft. "A. PILE OF strength to stand thirty of forty years of beln' etek, but ain't got de strength to rook a meal's vtttola, or do' a day s washln', or sweep a floor. ' "Tastum, hit takes a able-bodied woman to stand all da medicine dry takes, an' de projlckln wld delr system dat dem Invalid ladles doesv an' If dey would put half de wuk on gettln' up an' keepln' delr borne clean an' tendln to delr husbands and ehllluna dat dey does In nusaln' delr pains, an' complalnln' of delr miseries, dey would be well. Course, I ain't drnyny dat dere la lota of -sick women, but I done took notice dat dem dat Is got real paint an' aches diet, an' dat's whut makes me have my aidrlont of oem wives whut rsn go on beln' sick, year after year, wldnut glvln' delr no1 'fltcted husbands de reward of payln' all dem doctor's bills by makln' m wid owers. 7' f ",," "-T-n :i" - i. - 4- full speed on the tame Hack. Those mighty bones, horns, shields snd msstes ot spike-covered flash weighed tons upon tons, and the great saw-edged frills being once entangled, both ot the fighters may have perished like ships lashed together. But the battles with the smaller car nivorous animals, attacking these huge, unwieldy beasts Ilka torpedo boats be setting a giant battleship, were doubtless spectsdes still more dreadful to look upon. The Immense spiked armor cover ing the vast back and the enormous tall tells us, st plainly as If ws could look upon the teens Itself, that thest enemies wars sccustomed to leap upon the Tri oeratops, seeking to bear him down with their numbers, snd to rend his flanks in despite of their horny covering. The tall, which In Itself must have weighed a ton or two. when flung about In rage and agony, would have leveled small trees and bushes with every stroke. In a later article ws shall show a pho tograph of a restoration of one of tho carnivorous, or flesh-eating monsters of that time, the dreadful Tyrannoeaurua, but just now It Is Important to remark the part that brains played, or rather failed to play. In the history of these wonderful creatures. Nature wst making soma of Its first experiments on brains with them, and It seems not yet to have mads up its mind as to the proper place to locate the bratn. In some ot th largest of them, which were sixty or sev enty feet long and twenty-five or thirty feet tall, the principal braln-and It was not muchwas located In the middle ot the backbone, where ft could do the most good, sines its main function wss to gov ern the movements of the Immense body and tail. The pigmy brain enclosed tn the great eight-toot skull was a secon dary affair; and this may have been one reason why these creatures became ex tinct. They had not sufficient intelli gence to adapt themselves to the chsnges going on around them, at the Inland M dried up and animals, with mors brains la the bead and less in the backbone, pressed them to the wsll In the struggle tor existence. The earliest animals had nothing that sould properly be called a brain; In the Triceratops snd Its fellows the brain was of Increasing Importance, but it took mil lions of years for nature to develop in some ef the successors of these mon sters. In the next age after theirs, a brain one-eighth ss large as that of the mod ern horse. In the next article of this series we shall deal with the Btegosaurus, a crea ture that wax. in some waya. even more aatnordl&arir tfeaa lb Xrauratops, BOTTLES WILL BE A MONYMENT TO "Yassum. I specs dat beln' a Invalid Is about de beet Job dat anybody ran grabble, for bit lets you In for doln' all dat you wants to do, an' lets you out of doln' all de things dat you don't want to do. All dat you got to do la to call yo' temper nerves, an' yo' cat. aay whut you likes to folks, an' Inst Id of bat tin' you over de head lak you deserves, dey has got to sympathise wld you an' take It berate you aay yqu're sick. "An' rf you se ton laiy to wuk, all you got to do It to always be a-moanln' an' a-groanln' about your aches an' paint an' somebody site wlU roll up delr sleeves sn' support you, an' you gits de breast of de chicken sn' de heart of de po'k chops, Instld of beln' kicked out of de u' lak you eughter be. 'An' you gits de best bed, an' de easiest chair, an nobody don't dast 'sput you, no matter whut you says, an' you Fables of the Ily ItOKOTHY VIX. Ones upon a time there was st bach, slor who grew weary of slub life, snd determined upon the despersls expedient ot matrimony to alleviate hit tad con dition. With this snd In view, he togged himself out In spe cial scenery, and. after having mads out a schedule of til the virtues be demanded In a wife, ha started out on a still hunt for a fe male to fill the bill. Ho had not far, however, before hs met up with a friend, who thus aocoated him: "I see," said the friend, "that you are dad In joyous hauiluuents, snd have the mien of one about to start forth on a mixed drink excursion." "That la st tt msy ensnce," replied the bachelor, "for I am seeking a wife, und I hsvs been (old by those who have been there and qualified as expert witnesses that sometimes matrimony Is a picnic and sometimes It Is a frost." "What brand of wlfs do you desire?" asked the friend with Interest. "Nothing short of perfection wtll do for me," answered the bachelor, throw Ing out 'his chest, "for I do not propose to waste my attractions on any second class charmer. No marked down calloo for muh." . "Without doubt." observed the friend, thoughtfully, "a wife who Is sn angel of goodness, and a model of all the virtues, would eommsnd one a highest respect, but dn you not think that the would be a little trying to live with, snd that Ihere would be times when her superiority would get upon your nerves?" "I had not thought of that." replied the bachelor, "but It Is undoubtedly true that I should much prefer to knock my wife's faults that to have her hammer mine. Therefore I than no longer seek for a perfect female, but merely for one who Is a good loker." "Pulchritude Is, Indeed, much to be ad mired In a female," said ths friend, "but If you marry a beauty you will have to spend your Ufa paying her com pliments Also she will spend all of your kals with the dressmaker and milliner, for off the stage a living picture has to dress ths part." "Forget It," cried the bachelor with alarm, "tor I propose to do the pedestal act In my house, snd the principle thing I went with a wife Is to have a reliable person to burn Incense st my feet. Bo I shall pass up the peach basket aud choose for my mate a high browed dam sel who hst hsd the benefit of the higher education so that ths can be a compan ion to me." "Rlght-o." replied ths friend, "hut will you enjoy Jw society of a wife who is loaded to ths guards with facts aud statistics, snd who can make you look like cents In an argument T The only way In which a masculine creature cau cinch his position aa family oracle !s by marrying a female whose outside In terests srs confined to Butterkk's pat terns and sterilised baby food." "I perceive that there la much In what you aay," agreed the bachelor, "and so I shall cut out the educated lady and center my s flections on some girl who is well provided with dough." "Money," observed the friend, "is sl wsys a handy thing to. have about the house, and there Is no denying that noth ing pads the domestic yoke like the long green, but do not forget that the hand that totea the pocket book rules the roost." "Alas." cried ths bachelor. "I fear that I would not enjoy having even a kird and Indulgent wife dais out car tars to w tJ'' . MT MEMORY." takes de money to buy medicine dat ough to go for bread sn' meat for de family, an' all you do la dea to set on de Invalid throne, an' hold up people, an' mak 'em listen whilst you discourses about your symptoms. Ef dat ain't a cinch, " den dla ola nigger don't know one, an' I . only wishes dat I had had enough sen, forty years ago to qualify In da rank of dem whut Is Invalids Instld of learning to be a number one washwoman. "But beln' aa how I'se been one of dt wukkers Instld of one of de complsiners' I Just wants to spreaslfy ds opinion dst dem ladles whut Is too feeble an' weak to take rare of delr chlllun. but bat got , de strength to sttend the bargain sales -sn' play cyards to' hours at a stretch,' will hava to flgger In a funeral befo' t ' shous any tears over delr bad health. "Yarsum, hit sholy must be might? comfortable thing to be a Invalid. Atf It gives you a lot to talk about," ' Wise Dame me, and ao I shall give ths millionaire. Ihs go by. but If all ths qualities that I" 1 have esteemed ss desirable IB a wits an ' to full of danger what the II I ssekt" " l "Mediocrity," quoth the friend, wear -. no blue ribbons, but tt Is full of peacw and safety. If you marry a homely gtri she wtll as grateful to- you for saving her from being an old maid. If you marry a poor one ths will have to do your way;' In order to work you tor new halt ar4 t French millinery, and If you marry owe ' with plenty of faults you ran keep hef ' to busy making good on her own mis- V takes that she will not have an oppor tunity to nolo your sidestepping. Heavel preserve you In your rsth undertaking. Farewell." Now the bachelor was a wise guy who -knew a good tip when It was handed to . him, so hs sought out a plain little girt,, snd married her, much to ths surprise -ot hla associates, who wondered what hs could see In such sn Insignificant eras- ' lure, but they Uved happily ever after- . wsrd. Moral. This fa We teaches why ordinary A girls mak good match, while tn bells of the town generally gets left. THE COAL MINER Bj CHESTER FIIIKI.NS. A rumbling from the deep From out th tomb Where living toilers keep - Their tryst with doom. " Th human Titan stirs , His Athean arms- " Th vast world's carriers Ring item alarms. From craters made by man The f l.i mo tongues flare; ', Across tho ocean's span Their lightnings glare. ' For he. who In ths damp Wields pick snd spsiie. Hees by his helmet lamp ' ' The world lie mad. Knows that apon bis might Ills perilled toll ' L I tots nil of earth's delight '"; ', And goklen spoil. The ships that ply the sea, Th wheels ot trade. Movo by his majesty Tha sceptred spade! , Wielding th bolt of Zeus In Vulcan's grave; Chained Ilk Prometheus, Imperial slave! Who, by his vengeance-all. Can hold today A mighty land In thrall To pros Us am ay. , .. But who asks nothing more Than food and homo For them that keep his door' And share his duom. ' A rumble and a shock; ' A challenge hurled Beneath tho bedded roof ." ' Across the world! Proud msy bis masters be, - ' To bow and yield! God gav Thy victory Unto his shield! ' ' -Mfc x-aatlew. V A commercial traveler at a railway rea--taurant m on of our smithara towns In- " eluded in his order foe breakfast, two boiled eggs. Th old darky who served hire brought three. "fncle." said th traveling bu, "why" In ths world did yea bring me tore boiled eggsT I only rdr-ed two." "Yes. sir." said th old darky, towing- -and smiling. "1 know yo did order two, 5 sir. but 1 brought three Because I Jus naturally felt dat on of thea taught fail you, sir." Harpefi "'tn. . . .