Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 10, 1911)
SILK HAT HARRY'S DIVORCE SUIT
I VknTTD THANH BOTH WOU tkNi
E HAe TH15 (f C)00O TOUCH
I THE 0 BOJJ TOOA-v CMy
ME THW FOR- 10,000 (RON WtN
HAnJE ft NO fi NATION- 00 VOO
COM KMOvn"! I
Too Good to Last
By DOKOTJIV IHX.
A youtiK man In Clilcago, where divorce
x Is said to bs easy, has sought to forestall
domestic trouble by filing with the county
recorder a guarantee to be a model hus
band. This ante-nuptial contract, duly
signed and witnessed by a notary,
"My wife may do. as she pleases. She
is free to go and come when she likes,
to go with whom cha chooses, and I will
not be jealous. I will not go xunnlnK
Tor a fellow because he admires her
beauty, and because she smiles when he
(peaks to her.
"I will not Interfere with any of her
"I will bo kind and good to her. I will
lve'her all of my earnings, and It will
b her privilege to do with my Income as
h llkea, to long as sho feeds me well.
"When we hav a surplus and It goes
U the bank, J agree not to hold the key.
"THERE IS NO FUN IN MANAGING A MAN WHO NEVER KICKS."
J agree to come home at the proper hour
each night, or give her a valid excuse.
And I further agree that I will let
er get a divorce If I fall to behave us a
lnd, loving, gentle, considerate husband
10 ner. yt
When the guarantee had been placed
on record tho couple sought a minister
and were married.
This case In a curious and Interesting
phase of the domestic question, for It
Indicates that one man, at least, has
undertaken to solve the problem of mak
ing matrimony a grand, sweet song by
putting the soft pedal on himself, so to
Of course. It is no new thing for a
man to promise anything and everything
to the lady he U wooing. It is a time
when the lover, lets go all hold upon
veracity and qualifies for' membership
In the Ananias club.
There Isn't a married woman who
doesn't recall how her husband before
she was married swore to her that she
was the only woman In the world and
that his love would never grow colder
or less Impassioned than at that minute,
and that he spent whole evenings assur
ing her that her slightest wish shouiJ
be h'.a law, that he could sit up and holu
her hand forever, and that he asked
nothing fit fate but tho prlvlllege of toll
ing to surround her with every luxury.
All of which hat n't prevented him from
arriving at the place where his kisses
are perfunctory pecks on the cheek, when
he growls over the couking, and when
fc MOT A
"UK GUARANTEED TO
She asks for the price of a new hat he
snaps out, "Great Bi ott, Mary, do you
think I've got nothing better ti do than
to slave from morning to night to pay
Perhaps It was observing that pie
crust has nothing. In point of brittle
Bens, on the promises a oian makes a
woman befjre marriuKe that Induced l'ie
aatute Chicago ludy to make her pros-
I'LL iTC Twe BoiS HI
TMG KAUE ANO 6rT TVS
pective bridegroom put his vows Into
the shape of a legal document, but, as
a matter of fact, this affidavit will b
no more effective or binding than have
been nil the other lovers' oaths.
In tho first place, It promises too
much. It Is not In the power of wea'.t
humanity to be the pin feathered d -niewtlc
angel this man agrees to be, and
if he could, no woman on ;aith would
be Ion.? Buffering enough to be able to
A brute of a husband Is bad enough,
goodness knows, but heaven preserve
a woman from the awful fate of being
marr.ed to a masculine doormat, that
doesn't even resent being trodden upon
and kicked about. A moan husband at
ie:ist furnishes a woman with some In
terest, but of the too good husband, she
dies of surfeit or boredom.
The Chicago man must know little,
lndeed, of" women If he believes he is
going to retain his wife's love and in
sure himself a tranquil married life by
tho program he had mapped out.
To begin w'ith, ho asserts that his
wife may do as sho pleases, that she
can come and go as she likes, and
with whom she chooses, and that he will
not be jealous.
That, no doubt, sounded noble, and
strong, and self-abnegating to him aa
he promised It, and he pictured, his wife
throwing fits, of Joy over It. But will BheT
Nay, nay, Edward; she won't. About the
second time she takes a squint at that
proviso in the antenuptial contract it
won't look like 'a gorgeous compliment.
It will appear a deadly Insult to her.
She will begin to think that her hus
band must esteem ljer a very poor thing
If he doesn't think her worth taking care
of. Also that he wouldn't be willing for
her to go with other men unless ho be
lieved her so unattractive that no Other
man would take a second look at her.
Sort of grandmother business, you know.
Then the jealousy paragraph will begin
to soak In on her, and she will perceive
that the only reason that a man can
premise never to be Jealous of Mi wife
Is because his love Is of such a milk and
watery brand that it hasn't enough sub
stance In It to even curdle. Oh, no son,
you can't make a hit with your wife by
giving her the right to flirt around with
Xcr does a man make a winning with
lis wife by letting her do exactly aa
UU A MiJUEI, liCiUA.ND.''
Khe pleases. There's no fun In managing
a man who never kicks, nor rears, nor
bolls, nor buck Jumps, but who comes
up l.ke a brbken-spUiUi? old plow horse,
ani mi'ks his head under the yoke.
Neither docs a man clinch domestic
hnpplrwss by turning over every cent he
earns ti his wife and letting her become
the family banner. The hand that holds
the purso rule the roost, and there isn't
?iNHtl ilV 6
PiPf FO- A
Phase Stop, Mr.
rws teachsh. HD rue. BOOB ON A
LBior m IXE CHAiF-FER. CrRAH
PCTFEVt-V 00 SOU NOT "ME AJfCCO
AV M6. HOPPED TH BOOB AAmTCP
AT TVS& VNH1- A MOCTamO
THEN PA'O MEETCI--V THC(l5
OHE TXlNCr I'D i-!KE TO KNO
BET'-oA.e. vow 0TPAiPt ano (Ti
IF A KESTAruP-AHT IS OlfXTV
VOU CALU IT A
'AWE TDfA, $JT DEATH
t-t- pics' in rrtE vAu.es
HA-I GCT ;xtB MOW .
THAT HA DOOOH in
IT- vxOrttciH AT
- 00 NT MAVJE TO
GT UPTILU 3- A. A . HA W A
Where's aa old woman to go when
Leave her alone with her sighs and
Gray-hatred and pennlleKs, feeble and
Where' aa old woman to go?
a woman living that can help feeling a
sort of contempt for the man that xhe
Is shrewd enough to work Into abdicating
his (i.ruoe and taking a second place la
the family circle.
. -. n 1 1 .jh"m,I'! ii i i i j t.ii 1 1 in. I,, -I,,, . i.sjwii ii i i ipummwuuiwiijw" imin 1 1 himij i jilhijsj m 1 1
OMAATIA FKIHAY. XOVKMUKU 10. 1011.
The Judge Was Nominated All Right, All Right
CM - -HERE
PARCXO CVPAriUlviA HHT rHE.
CAT TO TDvn A-- fH vA-y FfiO
JA MrDftA MxiTH TUG MOLt-it .
B .cm SCR. cm niK a terrei..(T JAin.
" TXNnY let THE CAT GO AyvAW
TH HOUiE UNi.GE.iJ VOW
PJT 0(jTTE7t ON H CI. FEET- JMt
mam -oia .vn av. oonT
f-KCD MER CRQCf-Ell NOR.
rAV cHl LO . Ou MAM irl-HCr
fSE-ArsS, (CIO ffOAT5 Ar-0
CON G-t-OEUATlON BvT
Si) camT Bull faoj-S -
TO R)--OVA4 0U CLEfM
TO fttO IAn IERO.
V I Jffl A .
THEM I FECTJ Tte MORSE
Mitch HiopMo taick
OUT THK MC(tHinCr KOiK
ATi? PA OAtlt -iiprriMO
A5HC5. ctAH(Hc opTMi
VW, VJASMIMO- WAOrONJ.
TMN I MITCH Up AOAiH
ANO PCUvlEg.TV6 UJNCM
RO-'TS. Tiut 2 Dm TM KM
HOT UtCAD Tit-L. &.pM.
TMEH I TURN IN TME CASH
ANO CHARO-ei VST THE Plft-
6- flEi.fAHt ANP
liy II. E. II.
Wbat'g an old woman to do when her
Fall to remember that hands, worn
Cared for thHn, slaved for them, all
the yeara through
What's an old woman to do?
No. No man ran sixuie hit domestic
happiness, or the love of his wife, by
making a vassul of himiolf to her and
rtnnlltiiig hr to htiipeck hint. Litueuih
. .i , - v
I fiHAT OiO THEN
V NO FOR.0
T DAppyi BEST 6IRL--
BEN RitXV HAOORPcpED HH
houe. painted a DEAmpi-'U
THE PAin TE-p- HO CEN
ON THG Joe TAN0 pAW5 ANO
Bejn THiriK.(N(r He. Aimr
Be STAt-t-IN (r OH TME. ' 2
T60 A VfVAi-K OWETd TO i-OOK
THETMir-tOr ovC"f-' "THE. VER.V
Fl -!rTX(Cr K6. JAW WAS
A tUHCH OF- ISTZKJHCr ON
THE NOfiTX SlPE. WAiWNir
up Ct-OJCP- Ht REAP.TiAlO.
IPtriC SeNOlTA, vwitpe
IN viiTETO TO rAicG A TUlP TO
THE NoarH fou AnO pEFtfED
WOV-D THE H I 0ALQO ?
THEiafS QrOL.O IM
THEM Ht-uS BOVS .
Wbat'g an old woman's reward for
Given to others as MOTHER and
Leaving her faltering, furrowed and
What's au old woman's reward?
Ihfi vei.eer of civilization woman is still
as primitive at hem t aa her cuve mother
wan, uuil she mill worship brute HtrciiKtli
in a iiian, and iuves lrt the man who
is strung tU'JUfch to muster her.
- - fWa
When a woman bristles with her
wrongs, she shows It by addressing the
one man who makes up her audience as
If lie were two men. or a host. This
is so unfailingly true that L4samlr John
Appleton knows the nature of what is
coming the moment tlayiey Mayme aays:
Kef ore the has said another word,
anticipation, born of painful expe
rience, has made him look likn a to
mato vine tha morning after the first
"You men,'' she said, and Iysander
John began to ferl the cold creeping
Into his veins, "talk of the emancipa
tion of women as if It will he secured
the moment we have gained the glorious
privilege of voting for a dog-catcher.
tell you. It will not lie. We are not
slaves to mnnl We are rlavra to his
demand that we become beautiful In his
A feeble protest from Lysander John,
who felt that as the sole representative
of his sex he should be defiant.
'You have led us to believe that a
woman should be beautiful or apologise
tor the room she takes up on the earth,
and you have worshipped so steadfastly
at the shrine of a fair skin or a pretty
dimple, that we are wasting our live
trying to make of oursulves something
which we are not.
"We deny ourselves every pleasure
that leaves a freckle in Its wake; we
fix our ideals on a certain weight, and
starve or aet food that tastes Ilk ashes
tUl we attain It; we are so greased with
cold cream at night that our faoea slip
off the pillow, and we are burned worse
than the Christian martyrs of old, for
thoy never knew tho tortures of the curl
ing iron. We train harder than a foot
ball or boat raolng crew; we have Mara
thons of endurance to put flesh on and
take flesh off, with this difference be
tween us and the eollege athletes: We
are working for a prise that won't last
aa long aa the colors of their pennant in
the first rain the admiration of man,
"We don't let ourselves think because
you men prefer a woman with a face
We are all born with a handicap of
on kind or another. Many of those
who have most to tell their follow-men
are more handicapped than anybody else.
It Is comparatively easy for a thinker
to writ what ha want to tay and get
It before others, for most of u can read,
or w think we can.
Uut many a great thinker cannot give
out his thoughts In words. He has to
find some other way ot expressing him
self, liunca there ure great men who tell
ua what they think of life and Its prob
lems, in sound, or patnl, or marble, or
soil. And If we want to be acquainted
with th thoughts of these men we mutt
loam to understand music, painting,
sculpturo and farming. All these activi
ties are methods by which men tell what
they think, Just as the article in thl
paper tell what writers think.
One day we read thati Mr. Morgan,
or tome, other man ' of means, ha
bought a painting and paid 1100,00)
for It. Perhaps w think how fin It
must be to own such a painting, or how
fine It it to tiav flOOOuO to spend for
such a thing.
Certainly the averag humble home it
short of fin paintings. And the average
humble cltlaen makes up his mind that
art I for th rich alone and h la de
There are two things to be laid It) reply
Th first I this: Nearly all of ua can
vlolt a gallery tome tliua or other and
fill tho head (and memory) t full of
picturei at w wish.
And the second Is this: A reproduction
of practically every great painting and
of all famous building tnd statues I to
be bought vy anybody for th avfiage
piles of 1 cent In the coin of our realm
lou can tnus tecure lor a sum to
trifling that It is not worth mentioning a
print of any painting by Raphael, Item
bmndt. Van Pyck, and all the rest ot the
With a few pint you can affix a few
of them to the wall of your room and be
In good company. When you feel Ilk a
change, you can construct a new gallery
for 10 cents, or even a nickel. Th same
pins will serve again, to there It no ex
pense for frames or picture cord.
Of course, thee ar not originals. But
you can hav th satisfaction of knowing
that the works of th great artlita in the
sulloiies could no more b purchased by
Mr. Morgan than by yourself. Galleries
rarely, 'If ever, part with tueh workt,
and If a rich man wants to see them he
mUHt either pay his fare to the gallery
or be coiitoiit with a reproduction. And
CewrlfM. 1011, ICdlontl Xrwt Aocilta
' V XV : -Bh. 'II.. I
and Her Folks
that looks like the map of an undiscov
ered country, and thinking makes the
lines that show tho country Is Inhabited;
we go through life denying ourselves that
we may become beautiful ami win your
admiration, and what do you men give up
to win ours?"
Lysander John thought and thought.
and scratched his head, but couldn't re
call a sacrifice.
"You enjoy what you like best in life
without any thought of your hair or your
skin, and you come to us with unshaved
hair on your face and no hair on your
head, and a red tip on your nose, and a
form that would make a straight front
corset shriek with despair, and demand
that we admire you. And to my dying
humiliation I confexa that we do,
"You like a new little pink baby, with
out a feature that Is good, a complexion
that la all one color, and no shape to
you, and we look at you and get down on
our knees. We don't say, 'You need train
ing down,' or 'You weigh too little,' or
'Your color Is bad.' W Just look at you
and admire you, and begin to bait our
"With our figures made good by self
denial and our complexion mad
pleasing In your eye by more de
nials, put a bait on the hook, w
throw in the line, hoping with to
much effort and elf-tacrtflce to catch
a whale, and some of us don't catch
anything, and most of u catch minnows.
And those of you who are minnows,
which mean nearly all of you, spend th
rest ot your live In making ua believe
you or whales,
"What good will th ballot do woman
to long as sho will refuse to go to th
poll In a hot sun for fear of spoiling her
oomplexton, and In that way lose th ad
miration of the Very man whose neck th
ballot put under her foot?
"Until we are freed from the .burden
of caring what you men think of our
looks, we will not be free," said Daysey
"And it doesn't appear to me," said
Lysander John to himself In a very low
whtspor, "that you will ever ba free."
you can get reproductlona for about 80
cents a hundred.
For a cent a shopgirl can hang a
Raphael in her room and feast ner eyes
on something worth while If ah ha that
kind' of eyes. If not, no on will pre
vent her spending the cent for a con of
For a cent a boy who want to ac
quaint himself with a great building,
tay the Greek Parthenon, can buy a
picture of that noblo ruin and pin It on
th .wall of bis room. Or ha can apend
the cent for gum and go about hum
giving a fairly good imitation of a cow
chewing ltt cud. : i,.;',.';"'
Nuarly all great plcturea tr owned
by nuUons which will never part with
them. Bo the rich cannot buy them.
Nearly all great picturei hav been
photon raphed, and th print can b
bought by any on. This includes tha
Icu cream cone and gum ar available
to alt, rich and poor. liut w never
heard of Mr. Morgan or any on els
la',ng in a hundred thousand dollars'
worth of either.
The moral to this Is: You can study
and enjoy the art of great men If you
And the question of this It:
Do you want to?
An Autumn Query
Ky i'KKCV KUAW.
What makes the college youth give up
The cigarette, the flowing cup?
What mokes him early teek th rot
That ufcuully know hlin pot? '
Why does he train his hair to grow
Till ringlets on his shoulders flow?
What makes him don the padded clothe
And thuut Strang numbers through hi
What makes him laugh at legs a-twlct.
At ankle sprain and broken wrist?
What makes him weep when led away
To think he's useless for the fray?
What makes staid old spectator yell
And carry on like 1 Very weil
What wipes out hats and voices, too,
And leaves In an ecstatic ttew?
What makes th girl who would not go
Across the street in wind or snow
Sit ehllled out doors with tense delight
And wave a flag with all her mlKhtr
Tiay let u end this long suspense,
Your sufferings must be intense.
This mania that rhymes with Pall
fa known to science at Foot ball.
Powered by Open ONI