OMATTA, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 1911.
"fhe ee'g Jrne Mag'a z i rys p)a
r
Bleat of the Innocent Bystander
Tho BEES (Junior Biphday Bookr
ge
" ft nnsyi aria Is sending out corps -of j
mn to combat the chestnut blight, what
ever that Ik, announced the Regular Fel
low. "The, chestnut blight you are ' familiar
with In th policeman who take a handful
and then chases the peddler off the block
replied the Innocent Bvstander. "But this
Isn't that kind of a chestnut blight at all.
ire tne blight that has atruck the. musical
comedy and vaudeville stage, that hat
made deadly Inroads on the joke books
nil has laid Its heaviest curse on the
banquet table not the eating part, but the
place where the toastmaster get up and
says. "Ve have with ua tonight," meaning
to blight,-. of course.
"A slate commission in one state can t
stop the chestnut blight, because It Is
nation-wide, world-wide, if you will. You
can't escape the chestnut blight, no matter
where you eo. There are fifty-seven verle
tiea of office chestnuts, and when you try
to escape you run Into the man waiting to
make a touch an-1 h hands you a chestnut
about paying it right back.
"There Is the barber shop chestnut and
when under the razor even the worm
doesn't dare turn. If you Inquire your way
to nn address of a passing human being
and ask where thin street runs to, like
a not ho gives the chestnut that it doesn't
run at all, but lies rlslit beneath your feet.
Then here are domestic chestnuts, not
counting mother-in-law. There1 There's the
chestnut Might in its fullest bloom. I
couMn't get through talking without hav
ing to ring In tha mother-in-law chestnut,
nnd there was only one man who didn't
tHW. ", r rt E.M TtHm (turn Vt Mira to M Nira
food and what do you find? Chestnuts. As
of th theater: Well, if there i any place
where the chestnut blight la thicker or
bllghtlnger! They're still handing out the
ones about getting a diamond from a lob
ster, what the ashman said to hit horse,
why King George wears blue suspenders,
we can what we can and what we can't
wa tin, caught two trout and one smelt,
slipping on the head of the stairs and
coming down, and several forests more of
them. The comic papers have the ad
vantage because they can put all of the
chestnuts on aeroplanes and take them up
to date."
How do they combat the chestnut
have to stand for that and he was Adam, .blight?" asked the Regular Fellow, yawn
lo went in for apples. ! lng discreetly.
"The. newspapers and magazines are ; "With a large club," replied the Innocent
undfr the chestnut blight. Sit down at a : Bystander.
table, to decorate the interior with some (Copyright, 111. by New York Herald Co.)
One Mother's Way of Managing Her Girls
When the girls go off to boarding school not because we like It, but because we
thia autumn we may be quite sure tha
no matter how homesick and lonely the
feel, they are not taking the change s
badly as the mother that they left be
hind them. How, then, does it come about
that we meet o many women at thla sea
son not rejoicing that their girls have
"finished" arid came home for "good." but
deploring the- fact because they don't know
what to do with them?
By way of a beginning a mother of, ex
perience suggests that there can be noth
ing better than letting the girls do some
thing with themselves. Her oldest girl
stayed at home, the aecond became a
teacher, the third a typist, and the fourth
also came to remain home from achool
because her eldest alster was to be mar
ried. . All these girl were happy In Ihelr
various way, and all are closely united to
th mother, a woman of happy tempera
ment. who, having been her children' 'pre
ceptor when, they; vr Jrttl. knw how to
become their mrde"asrthey grew older.
"It 1 eay enough" with the girl who
go to business If only one I able to re
strain tha motherly desire to Interfere. I
didn't find It easy, for ,1 wanted to guard
my chlcka. end., there . were, many things
that modern girls say and, do that I disap
proved of In every, fiber of my being. I'm
an old-fashioned woman, .and vry sorry
for th unchaperoned girl. . But I knew
that time had changed and T saw also the
unreaaonahlcnes of. giving freedom to
young brother and curbing elder girl
Of course you know wha I mean. Our
boy -can do anything and go anywhere
aren't Interfere; our girls, even If they
ire 40, mustn't accept an Invitation to tea
"lthout telling us all about It, and can't
save home for a visit without having a
use made.
"Well, I felt it wasn't fair. Sometimes
I didn't like my girls to have certain
friends and go to certain places, but I
didn't complain. On the other hand. I
showed all my Interest and approval In the
friends fcnd th way that I dl-d like, and
gradually things adjusted themselves. -
"Each household should have Its own
rules, but I. cannot express too strongly
my feeling that before laying them down
the Another should discuss these with the
daughter of the house and receive her
acquiescence. The fact that she has con
sented to their making puts the girl on
her honor to see them duly carried out.
After a time. When she ha gathered some
experience, my daughter and I took
weekly turn at housekeeping, and the
boy quite frequently turned against their
mother and agreed that atster' week wa
bast. .
"Besides all this! my girl needed a o
clal training. W read book together
and talked about them, and, a It hap
pened, .we, golfed together, though natur
ally the companion on the link wa oft
ener a boy or girl friend."
Ttils woman Is considered, fortunate In
her daughter, but luck ha really had lit
tle to do with It. If other mother whose
daughters have come home experiment on
similar' line, they would be equally
"lucky."
(Copyright,1 1911. ' by the N. Y. Herald Co.)
What's in a Name?
THAT IO-R0OM flPAKTMEtfr
I ( STICKER. J CM ' IFT '
AM cHlt-iRFrri,iY it'. TOO
BK FOR one MNI4.Y
O J
tufa?
thirteen, pmr
THEY'RE LL IN
THE CEMETERY.
A A
s J ISfriFrkC
CANT IMAGINE
what they want
ten Rooms foR,
VT THE IMSR"
Wii-L HOLD. trf
TO IT
t 1
WE'VE PtEN ieoMN
A I inn i r- nun
PARTMtNT - .
IS IT TQR USEI
YES, IT5 FOK
LEASE, HAVE
CMILDRSNf
A JS
'(W 1
LtflbES IT FOR
YEAR -rtCW If
C (loll A yowii JtST si&N v V
SCOTT!
THEY WERE
PLAYING-IMTMK
T I ,
I MW NOME .jJM&ffllM
1 J L lilt --fYJ-5
f ) "VJM
7
... ,
Lorejita's Looking Glass-Held Up to the Girlie in the Bathing Suit JJ
WA. Phelon of Cincinnati tell thi tory
a an actual happening, the seen being a
boxing arana In Milwaukee. 'Th box-
er were announced oh ' th bill
a Kelly and Mahoney and: the bout
brought many Irishmen to the ring
side. Kerry . and Connaught men were
as numerous aa Germans, who discovered
Milwaukee,
A th fighter cam on both In green
trunk and with Irish flag for belts there
wa . mad applause, and eighteen fight
war started in the gallery. Tha boy took
their corner vlcjous. warlike fellowa, both
of them and a typical -old-timer from Gal
way made hi way from on of th boxes
to the cornaa occupied by .Kelly. ''Many'
th lad Ol'v known be the name av Kelly,"
rroakeS the good old tad. "Folne byea an'
g-r-ran' follghers. Kelly, ' ma bouchal. Ol
wish y luck. ",
Kelly leaned over, the ropes and' shook
the old man e hand. "I raucha thanka you.
slgnor." said Kelly. "I doa da beat I can.
Maybe so I knocka de head off da monk In
two, fre round, si. s.lgnor?",
Th tad gave ."Kelly" on look of utter
horror and blighted , happiness, and than
went stumbllngly over to th other corner.
"Mahoney." he almost sobbed. . "Mahoney,
me bye, what do yes tlnk? Thot felly do
be a dago! Kill the Eyetallan. Mahoney.
for the sake ay the ould sod'.."
Mahoney reached down and pressed the
old fellow's paw, reassuringly. "Pon'4 you
worry, olt poy." he spoke, soothingly.
"Ven I ged him by dose rope mlt. yoa
chust vatch me soak him. I vlll from ,hlm
de kopf ge-nock In we roundt alretty!"
. With a wall of heart-broken agony and
despair the tad collapsed. The bell ' rang,
and Vgo Michel), known in the ring as
Hugo Kelly, and Otto Jung, known tn the
ring as Young Mahoney, went' bravely out
.to fight a red-hot draw.
Cynical Musings
When a man haa a clear conscience he
doesn't care If people do see through him.
Quick Quitting
It Isn't every fellow who can fall In
love- without fracturing something.
A woman I never afraid to tell her age
o much a she la afraid some one else
wlll.i-Philadelfhla Public Ledger.
Blessed is the man who hasn't time to
tell hi trouble.
Tha only man who can afford to be a
sluggard I th one who ha a rich aunt
to go to.
Qulntus Aemie Lepldus, Roman general.
In passing out of his house stubbed his
great to against the threshold and ex
pired. Thomas Otway. Engllsii poet, in a trv
lr.g condition wa given a guinea, with
which ha bought a loaf of bread, and died
as ha swallowed the first mouthful.
You ought not to mind having a mirror
held up before you. Tou are gotten up
with uch an eye for effect that the ex
perience will not disconcert you. But
vou will be mad. as mad a tha proverbial
hornet when I begin to tell what the
mirror shows.
But I am going to do It. You cannot
have the reflections all ! your way. you
know. It la time some on cast one, at
least, on you. You have been reflecting
discredit on the member of your sex
who have a regard for modesty, who
Ilk to took like ladle, long enough
And a whole lot ' of them resent your
flagrant abue of th delicacy which
Should characterize a . woman. .
Your bathing, suit wa a dram In the
hep window. It la an outrage against
propriety on the beach; If you could
wear any ' less clothing doubtless you
would. But you COULDN'T and escape
arrett.
And th screaming absurdity of your
costume strikes any sensible being. Th
reason for join Into the great waves is
defeated by the stiffness of your whale-bone-and-teel
armor. How much exercise
can you set with such a muscle squees-
ilnir mechanism compressing your anatomy? ,
It you would deign to wear a little more
good In your gown and a little less
corset, you might escape a lot of nottc
which you may transiMe as flattering.
but which Is really derisive.
slightly, the contours of the human form
divine. And If there 1 any disguising
done by your bathing suit, it Is not as
sociated with your figur.
I have actually known nice girls, girls
ho were really refined at heart, to wear
clothe which seemed to brand them as
tha opposite. And I am not o narrow
as to believe that the revelation of your
bathing suit necessarily Indicate that you
are out on a tour of attention attracting
which 1 unflattering t& your womanhood.
But there, is - room for question. No one
looking at you can. feel at all certain
that you are a "nice girl.'" People judge
by appearances. And there certainly are
plenty of appearances . about you from
which to draw a most uncomplimentary
conclusion.
You loolt ilk a ballet girl turned loose
on the beach. No, you look worse that
she does on her native stat'e, for distance
and footlights and grease-paints do a little
bit of illusloning that sand and sunshine
cannot achieve. You look crude and coarse
and common! Mercy! Isn't It awful to
say that right straight out In spelled out
words! But It NEEDS to ba said.
If a plain-looking girl, dressed sensibly
and with no obvious effort to attract at
tention, goes into the briny deep, she 1
regarded as a decant ' person taking I
perfectly legitimate recreation In a per
fectly sane way. But you! The men look
at you. and the smile they wear 1 more
a neer, a derisive . mental comment
virtually expressed, on your vanity and
Indelicacy as It 1 one of approval. If
you believed In vivisection, and, could look
Into one of the heart of men, you would
find yourself outside the warm spot kept
for ' dearest interests and most beloved
things. The women who look, as well
as are, ' modest and womanly, decent and
refined, have these choice places, not th
silly little . girl In Immediate bathing
suits, which show that they want attention
even If it 1 the wrong kind.
Wonderful, but
J
Early In the legal career of Joseph H.
Choate the future ambassador was op
posed to a hot-tempered attorney, who. In
Why will women deliberately defy th I the heat of argument, shouted impetuously
truism that the appeal of suggestion is
more subtle and more certain than that
of revelation? I do not mean suggestion
in any broad or vulgar sense, either. I
Just offer the information that physical
beauty Is lent a charm by modety that
It ne"er has without It. And modesty
never goes with an Indecently exposed
person. Phe Is the companion of enough
gathers and tucks to disguise, at least
at his young opponent: " vs hy, I can whip
ix like you."
Choate looked at the other with profound
contempt. "My father owned a bull," he
said at length, "that was a wonder to
flsht He could lick ail the cattle In tha
neighborhood, and he did It, too. But,"
concluded younj Choate significantly, "he
couldn't win a law suit." Ladies' Horn"
Journal.
f
Knocking Ohio
J
This is &q
DayWQ
September 11,' 1911.
- - K ' , .'
JACK Sl'TCUFFE.
3T15 Leavenworth Street.
School.
Year.
19P2
, .1S9
Name and AddrvM.
Ethel M. Adams. 8904 Gold St Windsor
Rogena Anderson, 2215 Lake St Lake .
Blanche Adkina, 209 South Twenty-fourth St Central
Luclle Andrew, 3213 South Twenty-first St Vinton 1902 '
Grant Barnes, 3516 Poppleton Ave ....High 1S94
Iwlng W. Benolken. 122 South Twenty-ninth St. High 194
Helen E. Bloes, 3515 Sherman Are Lothrop 1905
Fred Braasch. 2631 Lake St Long ..1S95
Leslie Burkenroad, 2060 North Nineteenth St. High 1S93
Irene Carey, 1938 South Thirty-fifth St High 1S95
Hazel Chapman. 4109 Corby St .' Clifton Hill 1900
Marvin Chase, 3325 South Twenty-fourth St Vinton 1905
Luclle Clausen. 1138 North Seventeenth St Kellom 1901
Martha Chri6tansen. 2012 California St Central 1&96
Florence Coon. 3901 North Twenty-first St .Lothrop .1900
Lillian R. Dillon. 1109 South Twenty-seventh St Park .'. -.1904
William Donnelly, 2782 South Eleventh St Bancroft .' . .19"2
Ernold C. Falk. 2813 Webster St. .... Webster 1897
Ulna M. Furstenberg, 2520 Rees St Mason .'...1901
Charles M- Garvey. 443 North Thirty-eighth Are Saunders 1905
Edna Graner, 2729 South Twenty-fourth St Vinton 1901
Ludmilla Grleb. 2019 Bancroft St.. St. Joseph.. ..1897
Ruth Goss. 1440 South Eighteenth St Comenius 1905
Herny Hansen, 1923 North Eleventh St Lake . 1900
Paul Hansen. 4304 Patrick Ave Clifton Hill 1898
Frederick O. Haines. 1922 South Twenty-ninth St Park .'. . IS9S
Elizabeth Henkel. 5320 Pierce St. Beals 1903
Donald A. Hardin. 1204 North Twenty-fifth St. . . Kellom ..JS96-
Frances M. Johnson. 4221 Seward St Walnut Hill ..... .1905
Hazel Johnson, 2540 South Ninth St Bancroft .1899
Mary'a Johnson. 4930 California St High 1895
Paul Kohlmeier. Forty-first and Fort St Central Park 1904
Alfred Kramer,, 1402 South Seventeenth St Comenius ..1901
Mildred Landon, 2215 Spencer 8t Lothrop 1901
Olga Lenser, 2907 South Twenty-first St ( Vinton 1901
Stella Madsen, 5116 North Fortieth St ..Central Park ..1900
George Mann, 2606 Rees St Mason 1904
Henry C. Mlunch, 1619 Center St i..St. Joseph. .. ... ..1898-
Ruth Myers,. 1762 South Ninth St High ...... .1895
Mildred M. Nelson. 3117 Taylor St ...Monmouth Park... 104
Albert E. Nuelson, 1329 South Thirty-second St iPark . .4897
Jesse Phlllins, 1806 Ohio St.. . ..vLake ; .V. . . .i. ... . 1901 .
Vrt, Plnnns SiH Smith FIftnth St. .....Hleh :...189-
Vera G- Renatrom, 4248 Maple St. .". . .'. . ". . .Webster ... ., - lS!f
Delia Reis, 1843 North Twenty-first St Lake I9f
Andrei Rocco, 4622 CuminS St. Columbian .1?'
Lena Rosenthal, 3018 Burdette St. . '. Howard Kennedy. . i" .
Katherlne Sesemana. 6002 North Sixteenth St Sherman. . " ' ).
Roy Shlveley. 2806 Dodge St. Farnam ;.,
Alice Stephen!, 5922 North, Twenty-eighth St. . ... Miller Park .....
William Stewart, 408 South Tenth St.'.. Pacific . . .1
Zita M. Sulley, 2620 Parker St Long li, i
Jack Sutcliffe, 3715 Leavenworth St Columbjan ..... ,1902
Helen Swanson, 1025 South Eighteenth St Mason 189
Isabel Turkington, 1208 North Twenty-aixth St .High 1895
Donald M. Vesey, 2011 North Twenty-seventh St .Long . . . '. 1896
Clarence Waybrlght. 2917 Douglas St Farnam 1900
Katie Wexelman, 1217 Davenport St.- Cass 1905
Carl Witzeg. 3427 South Thirteenth St Vinton .1898
Queer Quirks of "Literary" Folks
The nobl battleship Ohio (teamed Into
Quito harbor, one day and anchored along
side a British tramp. Presently the
the tramp' dingy wa lowered and sailor
men rowed out to th battleship. Thoy
arrived under the name plate and pain
fully spelled out the warrior's handle. All
looked puszled. Finally one Britisher tried
it aloud.
"A 'ho' and a 'haitch' and a 10." " he
said softly. "Wot a 'ell of a name for a
ship!"
It is good luck to find a. horseshoe.
Anent th peculiar viw of th Upton
Sinclair and the alleged butter-In, one
putative poet named Kemp, the following
from th Pan rranclco Chronicle will b
of Interest to student of the curious quirk
of human nature:
Andrew Lang says that the reason
literary characters are often unhappy In
marriage U that theirs is a home Industry
and they and their wives see too much of
each other. The Carlyles rise to the front
a a rueful Instance; the Orote more
humorously. "I like Mr. Grote," exclaimed
Bydny Smith, "he so ladylike; and I
like her, she such a perfect gentleman!"
Jenny Und compared th historian to a
fin old bust In a corner which on longed
to dust. "And," commented Hara. "Mr.
Grote dusted him!"
More aggressive In defense wa th Bv.
R. C. Maturln, who, when In th throe
of compoition, would be seen with a red
wafer tuck on hl forehead, a sign to hi
wife and numerou family that he wa
not to be spoken to. That th tome In
dustry 1 not, however, th sole cau of
conjugal annul I ugget4 by the famous
letter of th French wlfa: ' I am writing
you becau I do not know what to do, and
I am ending my letter because I do not
know what to say."
The traffic tn kind spch and ocea-:
ional lp from th ehallc prepared for
other Hp ar potent factor tn th pleas
antness of married life. When Ham Jan
Huldekoper and his wife added up the
am column of figures to see of the, re-,
suit would correspond, and they would '
sometime differ, he would si ways say:
"Dear, I must have made a mistake." Less
tact wa shown by th autograph collector
who, perceiving that the house wa on'
fire, scrambled out of bed crying to hi
wife: "You save th children and I will
save the autographs." Obviously," If an Im
portant thing Is to be done, one should do
It on' self. i
Wordsworth, nn on occasion, when talk. '
lng to his wife, referred to a time when,
"a you Irnow, I was better looking." "But,
ray dear." replied she, "you were always
very ugly."
Lady Dcr on her eighty-third birthday
WTOt to her granddaughter; "I do assure
you that If I had .been a lovely young
bride striking 19, more affectionate and
gratifying speeches could not have flown
from my bridegroom's Up of 23. I am so
little worthy of It.. It belongs to his na
ture; I have nothing to do with it," a de
lightful Instance of the dormant qualities
which core out In elemental partnerships.
Win . ...
A family tre doesn't alwav bear
fruit of a man's industry.
th
The great trouble with our running
pens is that they ar such sprinter.
Th man who Is forced to swallow his
pride should see that it Is predigeted.
Don't ba a mall potte If you want to
get to the top of th heap.
Clock are wiser than some men. They
step to rest when they feel run down.
W should all be Impervious to gossip.
Even a good book Is talked about behind
It back.
Th fact that beauty is only skin deep
shouldn't Influence a woman to b hal
lowPhiladelphia Public Ledter.
X reasonable amount of egotism I good
for a rasn. It keeps him from brooding
over- bis neighbor's succm
How Do They Do It?
MOW LlS)Tti1. POM'T TALK
BACK TO ME! NO MAN
EVER DID THAT AND LIVED
THff SIZE OF YOO
HUH! A POLICEMAN
DON T ArOWfcK MC.
SACK.: I'M MAKU!
WELL, DON'T LET IT HAPPEN
AOAIN! I COULD EAT UP
ArjOUT A DOZtH JANITORS
UJ YOU mc-n
bY ri&INQr TWO
MLN0TE5 LATE
FOR. SUPPER, f
1 Inqw You'll EAT " I
NEVER. KEEP ME
lvVAITINQ- AQAINI
ll i rv u a lj ' a
-L M I -xJ jruKr ; 1
" 1 . a , - , , , r-r - 1 m- ' - -1 imm -mmm---' ss- " " .-ss
"l
r
Was Willing to Pay
)
Th Rt Rv. Bishop of Delawar tell
th following tory:
"A young man came to me on day and
aid: Bishop, I want you to marry m
on nt Wednesday.1
" 'All right, young man; Ml marry you.'
I assured him.
" Well, I want th bell to ling,' ha con
tinued. ' 1
"'Very well, you , can have trie' bn
rung." .
' Well, I want the organ te play.'
" 'AH right; you can have th organ
played.'
" "And I m-ant everything la that any
body ver had at 'a church wedding.'
" Certainly; you shall have it.'
"Wall, the night cam, th ball rang, the
organ played, the church wa crowded and
everything went off as the young man
wanted It. When th ceremony was over
the young couple waited. Instead of leav
ing the chancel. Eo I held out my hand,
shook hands with th brld and then held
out my hand to the bridegroom ' He had
hi hand deep In his trousers pocket, and
aa I stood with my hand out he said, oma.
what Impatiently and in a tone that could
be heard all over th .church: . ..
" 'Now,'-don't be In suoh aa all-fired
hurry, bishop;. I'm getting the money ,oui
Just a fast as -I. cart.' ...
" And everybody in th church giggled ''
Housekeeper. ' .-...'.
a
