IS
j The ee fn agazire
Til H .BEE: OMAHA, FIUDAV. . VTinnPAKY 24. 1011.
& a $ e M
Si
The Tired Business
PV WALTER A. HINCLAIM.
"Tht Georila Judge who rnled a woman
didn't have to lay home darning k-lif
f e precedent, didn't be?" ask Friend
wire.
"He got a darning hi," retorts! the
Tired Hu.ia. ,, Man. "Whil'i the uw of
being rnarrkd If a wife cr put aforesaid
darning egg In tha sock and beat It?"
"If the men understood positively In ad
tance that they would have to do their
own darning and other mild profanity
there would be a marked decline In matri
mony, pf cenire. we know there are fre
l'ient dei Hups now, although the girl eel
df m mean 'No.' but that's mere Individual
opinion.
What I mean In that men could mas
ter sockology if they had to. and do It
Hter than the women, too. Instead o'
the kIo device of darning up a ragged
rent In the toe, aa la the present antiquated
method, a man would tie a string above
ha torn part and then cut off the late site.
'"Why. look at the advertisements of socks
wa can't wear out -In daytime at leant, un
less we're awfully reckless. Pon't you re
alise that they're Jtist part of man's prepa
ration to free himself from dependence on
woman? Let me warn you that when an
absolutely puncturelens sock la perfected
man will cease to toe the mark or mark
tha toe with tha engraving made by coarse
darning.
"This Heorgla wife aald she would
rather work for a living than ait home
dumlnir socks, and had a court restrain
her h unhand from Interfering with her em
ployment. But could the court restrain
tha husband's socks from wearing out?
Could the learned Judge repair the damage?
Remember, It la easier for a toe to pass
through a. hole In a sock than for a rich
man to pass through the eye of a darnlnff
needle, which Is blind, like Justice.
"I'm not up on law. but when It comes to
socks I'm there with both feet. Mr Idea
Is that tha court should have made the
order reach both waysthe husband to let
tha wife work aa hard as she wanted to
at her outside Job and she to spend .some
of h'T salary every week to keen her
spouse amply provided with pairs of new
and faultless hose. In that way It would
Breaking
A letter In the New York. Sun from
Med ford. L, I., tells of a woman who ought
to ba able to tell Madame Curia bow to
break Into tha French academy against
all odds. Mrs, BUaa Cornellum, HI Cor
nellum'a wife, who has shared Ms triumphs
and adversities In the peddling business,
who has picked Si's huckleberries and
raised his children and mada a home for
Mm and mended Ms swallow-tall coat,
which ha wears to Riverhead when sum
moned to be a Juror, . Mrs. Cornellum, who
has dona all theaa things and many others,
unwept, unbonored and unsung, has auo
.ceeded In getting Into tba local barrelhead
academy which la In session every day
but Sunday In tha stora and postotfica
here. . . . .
Mrs. Cornellum didn't attain this signal
triumph for womankind without a atruggle.
The barrelhead academy did not want her
and public opinion In Medford baa strongly
condemned soma of the methods she has
resorted to, auch aa refusing to get SI any
supper unless ba did a dajr'a work, and beat
ing him with a broom on two occasions, so
that bis feelings wera lacerated and con
tused and hia spirit was internally Injured.
Mrs. Cornellum says that these harsh
Methods were Inevitable; that In no other
way could aha have established woman's
right .than by exercising them.
All tbosa who met at tba Medford store
and poalufflce read tha city papers, and
so when soma on who had read Mms.
Curia's defeat apoka of tha French academy
and said that Medford ought to have an
academy, particularly In vlaw of tba fact
that tha JCqual Franchise league has a
branch la Palcbogue, every one In the
store that morning agreed that to form
an academy would be a fine thing. The
notion was made a motion and carried
without a dissenting voice. .
Mrs. Cornellum did not hear of the new
Institution until SI came home to dinner.
II bad a tine appetite and aa he ale the
cabbage ebe bad cooked au gratln he told
ber with pardonable pride of the new
rank he had., lie was to be secretary of
tha academy.
"And keep the hour of each meeting T"
said Mrs. Cornellum.
"Ha. bal That'a agood 'un. You mean
the minutes of each meeting. Ha, ha!"
said 81, who had often said that hi do
mestic happinesa was bait of it due to
bis ability to appreciate his wife, to sym
pathy with her, to feel with her, aa it
ere.
"No. the hour, of the meeting." replied
Mrs. Cornellum, shortly.
"Well. I keep good hours, don't I?" her
hsuband asked. ,
"I shouldn't say that." his wife re
marked. "You spend good hours loafing
In the store and postotflce when you
ought to be working to support your
eeamtly."
After dinner 61 stretched himself and
observed In his customary way:
"Well, guess I'll go over to the store 'n
see If there's any mall."
Mr. Cornellum looked hlra square In the
e and aald:
"If you do you'll find no aupper waiting
vou."
In spite of this warning ber husband
spent the afternoon In the third armchair
from the north end of the stove. There
wa no aupper when be got home. He was
In great anguish until be Went to bed.
fclAXTNO SURE.
At you sure I'm the only man
you ever kissed?"
"I m sure of tt. I ent over
Ihc whole list only thtg morwnj."
.
WW
Man
Te-lW KYipnt Wife All
About 1 turning Kfg
ml Keating It.
"SOCKS."
be Christmas every week, with wlfie hang
inn up the socks us presents' for hubby.
"Darning nocks is one home Job which
the wife from time immemorial has kept
to herself. refusing to delegate It to others.
It's the epitome of married life, or maybs
the oh-plty-nip. It Is the obedient wife's
chance to prepare something to place be
neath the tyrant foot of man and often
the only thing which stsnds between him
and the cold, cold world. "That's when
he has bis shoes off.
"Apparently this Georgia wife has been
awed by the example of tha beautiful ac
tress vho abandoned the false, fickle, arti
ficial life of the stage to Just darn socks.
For her life was to be Just one darn thing
after another. After sacrificing one hus
band to get a good sock destroyer she set
tled down to life of dsmlng. And alas!
what do we see now? The darning wife
again on the stsge. before the false, fickle
footlights. Are we to believe that tha
husband Joined Ray Duncan's barefoot
cult? Or did tha wife decide that holes In
the aock feet were like eyes?"
"Like eves?" echoed Friend- Wife.
"Yes, windows of the sole," said tha
Tired Business Man.
(Copyright, 1311. by the N. T. Herald Co.)
Si's Spirit
Awaking In the morning he found that
his wife had not got up and made a fire.
He had to do It himself. When he had
she cooked his breakfast After breakfast
he felt better and went over to the stora
Mrs. Cornellum went. too.
Bhe stayed there ail morning and gos
siped with the academicians as they came
In and lingered. 1 was greatly Upset. Mr.
Cornelium was calm throughout..- Khe
went home with El at noon, but dinner was
not ready till z o'clock. The village by
that time was pretty well scandalised..
This kept up for two days. In That
time Mrs. Cornelium lost her composure
twice and whacked her husband with a
broom. A both assaults were committed
at home with no witnesses 81 had no re
dress. On the third day be gave In and
stayed at home to work in- the woodshed.
The fourth day he could not refrain from
visiting the store. Mrs. Cornelium said
nothing, but went along and stayed all
morning wath him. In the afternoon te
did some more work In the woodshed.
They argued all day Sunday and by
Monday had reached a compromise. SI wa
to have a couple of mornings to spend In
the store. The rest of the time he wa to
work. Mr. Cornellum was to go to the
sewing circle and the Phoebe oclety two
afternoons. These terms were to be en
forced at any time by strike or lockout
by either.'
It waa suggested to Si that he could get
better terms by Imposing his presence a
few times on the sewing circle and the
I'hoebe society, but his spirit unfortunately
wa already broken and be couid not nerve
himself to retaliation.
The barrel head academy res suffered
too, other wive pointing to Mrs. Cornel
lum' victory over It.
Coraerla Papa.
"Tapa," say the little boy. "I'm hungry.
Lets go get a sandwich."
"After I've thought out thl problem,
Willie. Don't disturb my train of thought"
After waiting in alienee and patience for
ten minutes, the little boy venture:
Papa, hasn t your train of thought got
a eliner jon It?" Chicago Post.
r
The Guardhouse
J
O I'm lyln' In the mill with my fet agin'
1 m as thirsty as the Arlsona sand
Both my eyes are turnin' black, an my
shirt s torn up the back.
An' my head la achin" uie to beat the
band.
I was woikln' up a rep. so that I could
get my step.
Now t U call upon the Colqnel In the
niornin'.
O It a "Prisoners! Turn out!" you can hear
the berarant shout
When as time to see the Colonel In the
mornln .
Though I'm feelln" badly bent. I ain't
aorry that l went.
For the soldier be muat have hia little
fun :
But It dutin t do to fight when the guard
has got you light.
An' oud better take that tip from me
my son.
O I tnl to Ink the guard, but I found the
Job too bard.
So 1 11 call upon tha Colonel In the
niornin'.
An' It s "Prisoners! Turn out!"
It was only yesterday that I drew my
monthly pay.
An' toniKhi my name Is written In the
bonk.
An' Instead of mounted drill, I U be
cicanin' op the mill.
Or eiae pelin' Molly Hogan for the
cook.
So. you rookies, metad your ways, or you'll
get your thirty daya
When you call upon the Colonel In the
inurotn' A
For It's "Prisoners! Turn out!"
'Ta a eld an' dreary gay that the
ov meiit took away
All the canteens where used to get 'ir
lel': m
Hut It oidered them shut down, ao w
have to So to to n.
An' that a Ji.kt the very reason I sm
tin r !
O It's all tit tiov'meot a fault aa sure aa
"Hump:" means "Halt!"
An' I 11 tli t.ial tu the Colonel in the
luornin !
1 It s '1'ris.mers' Turn out ' yuu csa
hMr the bVrgert shout
V h-n it s tm.e to .- the Colonel In ih.
m--min. William Pa it era n Wtite in
fa ill- il. -ill hly I
twVKjmimnit W i m niiiimuii.iniiinstiui.spii n.i n
! H
tfiS LhL A
'VL . 1:1
k i VXm J -
( 7 f . ifT " -
AttTcT : pow; you oit (gct up:"crT
C BicJ JwuTtriwiu fV: reu: i
yv? J DAT. f Trn,LTJ?ril jSAY. GET(JP -rv
h0 WORM I ry. - S' v (F0R60T TCr. WHAT,' Ijp' lip- iipl I (
-VAcfotirusH a N ,. V Wt-hday! UP' UP.' v
rH VJ1 c.?i.T (A. A k. .... j V w
I DATJrtTF! If r' i , nAH -sl
V W. ft"E' COMf 0 I i? V' J cK
Htltt 10 Mf! , I f I V S 1 I V
(JrTnti ln I rTrriffNow. m T.
I WMAtTwaS? tOUGETuP G0TY6U.' ) "
WHAT 1 WANT. If I I AND STAN& tTeAbf 1W
I IT "TAKES Mt All, -THtRE! get SElF.peTrl X
Si Summer you yjJ up: j &ay aho tnt'y- li
Sj -1 know twoy&H I GET UP! me! now:( yO
'J Cbt,youre tqqJ
lUpUPl UP! 7 : f ftwoTnr- If fTwrfF:r
yj-v kuP! up: up: m ony ict me
Human Body Strangely Made Up
Aa every man may feel a personal Inter
est In Vnowlng what the average full-
grown Individual . is composed ot here Is
the official formula: He ha stored within
him sufficient material for thirteen 'pounds
of caudles and the-following other useful
articles of commerce: ' One pound of nails,
WO carbon pencils, binding for sixteen iiooks
(octavo), 500 knife handles, twenty-eight
violin strings, twenty teaspoonfuls of salt
and one pound of loaf sugar.' , ,
Dr. Alexin Caroel of the Itoekef eHer In
stitute, New York, has been conducting a
series of experiments w hich the New York
World thinks may point to the future pos
sibility of taking the component parts of
a man" and endeavoring to develop .from
them a Uvlng, breathing being. Dr. Carrel
ha been able to take tissue eel hi and grow
them separate from the living organism, to
alter the character of these cells and even
to take cells from a body from which life
be departed and cause them to grew and
-Thl Weekly Bumble
VOL l.
THIS Bl'HBLE BEE,
A. STINGER Editor
Communications welcomed,
and neither signature nor re
turn postage required. Ad-
dress the Editor.
NO BAD MONEY TAKEN.
NO AI6 AT AN Y PrflCK.
Coaarat slat loss.
Ye Edilur deslrea hereby .to
extend ins congratulations to
bis admired contemporary,
Editor ttueculer ot Ura.-xl
Island who will hold down the
postofflce job at hia home town
lor the next tour years. It s
one of the best little appoint
ments Congressman Norris has
yet pulled off. .Now if he will
just get Adam Breeds properly
located at Hastings, we.wiil be
ready to call Jim EJliott and
Aaa Wood to order. "
However, the job has Its
drawbacks. Asa Wood says
the glue that Is being put on
(he stamps noadas has lost
most of its nutritive quality,
and a healthy postmaster can
no longer exUl merely by lick
ing stamps. This ought to be
looked Into.
What Ye Editor doesn't
know about managing a , treat
railway would almost fi.. one
aue of The bumble Bee.
Hut he venturee to suggest
as one wsy of avoiding col
lisions that steps be taken to
Increase the number of trains
run and reduce the rpeed at
which they travel. This will
add both to the safety and
comfort of the passengers, but
It may cut In on the net rev
tnuee of the com i any.
Perhapa the fact that the
Street railway Is operated
primarily for profit baa some
thing to do with conditions
that prevail.
Araaaseat.
Maybe the city roun.il
doean t realise It, but It Is fur
nishing a most potent argu
ment in favor of tba plan of
goveruuutut by commlsKloa.
If the city attorney's advice
is to be sought at all. It ought
tu be with the Intent ion of
heeding It. "We are the
J'irora," say the councilman,
' And we will do as we like,
no ntstter what our lawyer
itla ui"
advice.
Ksyhe If tba city council
bed taken the advice of the
city attomei a little more sort
eul. several very f iWli
law suits and other tiin:ar j
?ompli aUna might hsve been)
svoided. The city e history Is
foil of Instances where trouhle !
fallowed oa ttie council's ae- I
r-trtoa tnat It knew better what
to d-v j
n..i
multpiy as thejr did when a part' of the
body.
Incredible a It may appear Dr. Carrel
has found tha'fc by aurgical operation It I
possible to graft the vital organ of ani
mals on other. beast In auch a fashion
that the strangest creature of ancient
mythology carf be created i He has" mad
lh kidney of one cat grow In another,
the legs of one dog grown; on another and
there- la a possibility that the legs of one
animal could fe grafted on the body of an
other, and so forth until the weirdest com
binations had been made.
In growing tissues taken from living or
ganism they are put Into a plasma, ' or
nutrlfled fluid, and sealed In hollow glass
slides. These vlldea are kept at a tempera
ture slightly higher than that of the blood.
The tissue of' an old animal will slowly
develop new .cells under- these' conditions,
and. then It artificially . grown cells are'
taken away 'and incubated under the same
UMAtiA, KfcBKl'AKV -24, .1911.
D0ISGS - AT - LrRCOLN
Proareas k.u liy Appro
priation) te Pay for Gov
ernor's Servaats.
(From a Staff Correspondent.)
LINCOLN, Feb. 23. - (Spe
cial By Courtesy of the B. &
M. Brakeman.) We are mak
ing progress; a couple of year
ago a governor of Nebraska
expressed doubts a to his
rlnht under the law to accept
rent free the mansion provided
by the state. Now an ap
propriation bill Is reported In
which Is a "new Item" of :..Vit)
to pay servants of the gov
ernor's family at the mansion.
As the governor gets but ai.Sut)
a year under the constitution,
which says he shall have no
more In the way of emulu
ments or perquisites! this
shows how fast we are getting
on.
Another blow ha been struck
at the colonels. A bill has
been introduced which will
hold 'em down to even lower
titles. This serves them right.
If they had gotten together In
the organization for mutual In
terest and protection, as out
lined by The Bumble Bee
weeks ago. they might not
now be subject to this unrea
sonable raid on the part of
Jealous members who can
never be called anything but
"Hon." In their after lives,
I wss pleased to note that
the Lincoln Commercial club
avowed that something existed
In the way of a state supported
Institution the Uncoln eople
do not want. It happened to
Oe something they couldn't get.
and yet the admission la a
signlflcane one. It was the
Omaha Medical college, which
Is about aa likely to be re
moved to Lincoln as la the
Missouri river bridge
I am told tm It la still pos
sible to get i. (or It Is pos
sible to get it still) In -Lincoln.
No one KTin to know
wkare it comeVj-om, but every
now and then the Holy City la
shocked by .oe appearance of
seme unregenerate cuss who
gives every outaard and visible
evidence of having obtained It
somewhere.
Halt the session has slipped
away, but half tbe work is
not vet done. This fact la be
ginning to augseet Itseif to
the members, and frem now
on the wheels will go around a
little faster than they have.
The oratory that Jarred the
p aster off the celling In -the
bouse this Week Isn't a patch
on what la certain te be turaea
loose during the next few
weeks- And at thai. If they
will just tske it out In talk, it
111 help a lot. IKE.
- f
Gas. -
la the meantime. you'll
ktndlv take note of the fs.1
that i he atrert lights are still
burning.
GOOD TIME IS COMING
Ead of Bralal Aaastalts oa
Issocesl Hoaerable
. I.orlmer at Haaa.
(From a Staff Correspondent.)
WASHINGTON, Feb. 23.
fSpecial Outside ' Delivery.)
One thing reconciles me to the
approaching end of . this ses
sion. It will bring with tl a
cessation of the cruel assaults
on the tender person and sen
sitive nature of tho Honorable
Lorlmer. How the senators
ran be so thoughtless aa to
persist day after day In ac
cusing this tender, Mhrir.king.
mpdest man of aaclr heinous
ccnuut-t as has been lata
against bun parses under
standing. Mr. Larimer admits
that he was elected in Illinois,
and admits' that the members
of the leglitlature who con tens
to having been sharers lit the
jack pot's pleasures voted for
him; but he also admits that
he Is not la any way reion
sible for them. It waa Cpv
emor I-neen who did It., not
Hon. Xorimer. and that ought
to aettle It. for Hoi), lxuimer
says ao. And then Hon. Jo
btitley says that If all the sen
atore whose titles might be
clouded in the same way were
to be expelled, he would feel
mighty lonesome.- Let s have
done with this. ' I
Hon. lia:e is going out ot
ofiice In a (aw flays; tout be
wants it very distinctly un
derstood that for the time
he la on the job. and no dlaxy
little administration measure
ran get by him. He doesn't
propose to let any president
get the notion Iliat he tan
hurry the eenate. What the
uae? Japan will be there In a
hundred year, just the same
aa now.
Much . correspondence of an
Interesting character la pass
ing too and fro between
Omaha and the capital Just
now. Several officials snd
prospective officials are con
cerned In this matter,
tine reaon why the members
of congress do not
vacation is that their pay -goes
on Just tbe same. 1m
prospect of an extra session
to Interfere with their
to Eur. pe .and their dates on
tbe Chautauqua circuits IS
not at all relished, feo we snay
look for some ' record-breaking
legislation action during
U.e next . few days. 'I ll - be
tight here till the Mow-otf
coji.es.
Vlaglnatlea.
The ground hog aimply
couldn't stand the Jibea of the
poets and othera, who made
htiu taryet fu,r their wit, and
tnat s why he - upset th
weather acain. He le vindi
cated. Mahe ' tbe Smart
Al ks whl li-i bun alone tht
next lime. ' - . i
gy g:r.A xj
conditions they grow with remarkable ra
pldityt like the tissue cells of a young
snlmal.
4 Ulbt Good KrtiiM.
Dr. ' Har'ey W. Wiley, the govemmenf
food expert, was discussing In Washington
the fall in the price of meat.
'"The reason given us for this fall are
ludicrous," said Dr. Wiley. "They are as
ludicrous as the young woman's reason
for avoiding tight lacing.
" 'Is' tlubt lacing unwIseT her teacher
asked-this Vyoung woman In a physiology
lesson'.
J 'Yes, It is very unwise," was the re
ply. ! "
" 'Why la It .unwise?' the teacher pur
sued '' '
" 'because It bus( the corset,' kald the
young1 woman.?' - v
School Hoys and Milton.
I visited a school the other day where a
clasi of boy waa engaged on an essay on
Milton. One had written the following:
"Milton was a splendid poet and wrote that
beautiful poem, 'Paradise Lost,' and on
the daih of his wife 'Paradise Regained.' "
-Jani'heeter Guardian.
NO. 225.
FEUD IS NOW ENDEI
K. B. T. Aerepte t. Flee Us-
Uy's Teader of
, , Amity.
OMAHA. Feb. J3 -To 1 he
Editor of The Bumble Bee: Our
friend, U Kee Ossity. blossoms
forth like a new spring posey.
He Is gay and wlttv and his
own happ self again. 1 know
hie identity but not a word as
tu his name or sjusiness. Suf
fice it to say that he is a "live
I wire" and when bis batteries
are connected he can turn
"the trick." '
I have alwajs maintained
that it Is the proper caper to
taca our troubles bravely. Ses
the good results In this in
stance. Our- friend wss In a
peck of trouble over the condi
tion of the streets and the
prevalence of tin cans on oth
erwise vacant -lots: then the
odors from .-South Omaha In
cenaed. him.
Lid he pine or did he mope
L'ld he hasten for a rope'.' '
Not he: nor did lie ga him to
B nunnery or other resort,
there to eat away tun heart In
bitter reflections upon the -Inutility
of this earthly life?
Nut on your cameo: Instead,
he sent a list of questions to
your able Journal, demanding
tile reasons why 'wanted to
know, you know."
And now. bless his heart, he
boid him writing with charm
ing vivacity and versatility oil
other and - happier, themes!
t.reat is the power of the
press! Yes, it pays to adver
tise! He say. In' r'oslng, "It' the
lull can am alter. Isn't It?"
1 accept the invitation but
don t lor Ret tliev clou, st
-sharp. After that you canteen
get. a cantuu.
Here's death to animosity! '
' Three cheers for Reciprocity!
tlood luck to y. Kee osMty
Long live hi corporocitv:
f. ft. T.
Calaaaltr.
The distressing accident
whk h befell on of Colonel
Moise's placea of business oa
Cuming street Is surely to be
regretted. This reduce the
fcverege to about one saloon
to the block in that neighbor
hood, i
dread a
Journeys
Wkail
Can you con! ure up a picture
of Jg Dunn reading what Joe
Hummel said about Hie cite
council taking the advice of
tbe city attorney?
BILL.
SVr-vtew. ,
What's the matter with Jol.n
O. Yelaer aa a public eervant?
He la willing te furnish wind
for Omaha and water for
Lnindee.
Read The Bumble Bee-
Hie Bcc'5 Junior
!Mr- T'":r:Ti iFuslTI gTI
F
CMFFOnn P. STONET.
1C1 N. Thirty-fourth St.
Name anil AtMrrs.
Earl r.oyd, 603 Pierce St
Irene Harnett, 217 South Twen'y-nlnth
Walter Rastian. 422 Cedar Et
Thyr M. Bloom, 4321 California St
I Douglas Cooper 4 320 Blondo St
! Cvw 1 ne " 1 u -r- i M
II i ' r- III IE 1 l . L m sm M M
A r . ; ! j"- ' os
MBJ UUIIKMI, 17 11 OUUIU I HClllJ-IIIItl ni , , , . I .
Anna S. Kiiraon..,.
Wlllard F.ckman, 2633 Chicago St
John S. FlaKR, 3C01 South Twentieth Ave
Luther Fraer. 1338 South Twenty-fifth Ave....
Frank' Graf, 313 North Twentieth St.'
Mary Oibbs, 3322 Hamilton St
Richard Hoye, 1915 Martha St.
Myia Hinman, 3 4 20 North Twenty-eighth St. ... .
Clifford W. Hammond. 6.103 North, Thirty-fourth
Maude 'Hodgson; 156 South Eleventh St
Mildred Hungate. Thirty-seventh St. and Ellieton
Carl Hull, 1019 South Twenty-second St
Vere Jensen, 4111 Coiby St
Anna Jensen, 2S0S Leavenworth St
Frank Knapp, 33S7 Evans St
Eugene L. Lowe, 2639 Parker St
George D. Martindale, 4203 Karnam St
Leonard McGrath, 610 South Thirty-fifth Ave. . . .
James II. McMlun, 1808 California St. ..'
Charles Mansjield West. 3810 South Forty-eighth
George Nielson, 3302 Vinton St
Arthur R. RIngwalt, 3110 Chicago St.
Fay E. Rorapaugh, 2602 Bristol St
Lena Etrangler, 1075 Kavan St.....
Clifford P. Stoney, 1631 North Thlrty-rourth St.
Hugh Sherwood, ,2727 Chicago St
John Wachtler, 2212 South Eighteenth St
Arden We&tbrook, 2533 Maple St.;
Frances Wolcott, 1015 South Thirty-sixth St. . . .
Pauline Ziegman, 1123 North Twentieth St....
The Clinging Woman
Have you noticed the woman who clings
and clings? The woman who can't carry
her own .suit case from the" car to the
ferry, even when all it haa In it Is Laura
Jean's latest and a lingerie shirtwaist? The
woman who can't sew her own buttons on.
or fasten her gown down the back, or do
ner own nair, or ue a uow on me vaca oi
ber neck, or hook ber cloak collar under
her chin, or go home from the car on the
corner alone, or get her rubbers ununas-
i listed, or stay In the lr apartment alone
' after dark while perclval attends an abso
; lutely compulsory lodge or board meeting?
j The woman who wouldn't know what to
do with a quaver in her voice and tears
In her perfectly adorable upturned eyes If
she were left alone, with no one to take
care of her In this hard, cruel, cold, cold
world?
Have you noticed ber? And fetched and
carried tor her?
And bought her ticket for her at the
ticket window becaure she couldn't find
her purse; and paid her tare because she
forgot to get a transfer, and taken her to
dinner because she missed ber train by
just a nilnutt, on the very night before
pay day.
The perfect type of her. the Incarnation
and qulneassncs of her, as complete and
finished and Illustrative aa though made
by a master hand, stood on the sidewalk
midway between a taxi and a hotel en
trance. Her skirt wis too long and cling
Ing clinging, of course; her bat wa too
laige, and I strongly suspect, being f
feminine and Incredulous mind her shoe
were too small; and her arms full of par
cels, little parcels, big parents, round par
cels and square. Bbe tripped on her gown,
i r turned her ankle on her high heel, or
f
The Fat and the Lean
"Wow!" shrieked the Fat Ouy.
"What are you 'wowing' about?" asked
the Human Nail, with elongated acidity.
"lxKik! Look at tbe bulletin In the win
dow there!"
The Human Nail looked aa directed and
there read the announcement that the sen
ate committee had. by a unanimous vote,
endorsed San Francisco as the site for the
Panama exposition.
"Welt, that settles It now," raid the Hu
man Nail, quietly. Enthusiasm doesn't go.
you know, with great height and a small
bct. It Is not In the "airy" temperament.
So the Human Natl rpoke very quietly. He
did not' "wow." .
-' Haven't you got a 'wow' left In you?"
asked the Fat Liuy. Now I the time to
shout. I'm for shouting my head off."
"Wouldn't require tnuch shouting to do
that." said the Human Nail.
"To retort In kind." said tha Fat Ouy.
"I might say that yeu should be called a
Ptnlnihlng Nail one of that kind that the
carpenter drlvea 'way Into the wood and
thfn covers over the hole with putty. A
finishing nail hasn't any head, Lo you
get nr
"Simple abuse te not wit," answered the
Human Nail, flaring up like a long flam
beau, a he ambled aay. Ban Francisco
Chronicle.
. tahappr Title.
"Tese Mad at him? Why, he wrote a
lovely poem to her.
Jess Yes, but shs never read It. When
she saw the title of It she tore the whole
thing up In a fit of anger. You see, he
called It "Lines on Mabel Face." The
Calhollo Standard and Time.
Hesae Chat. -
Bertha Why, mother. Just look! My pus
)' got a lot of kitten In your asw hat
and 1 never evea knew she was married.
Birthday BodR
.... . .
St
February 24, 1911.
8chooL
High
Farrram
Train ,
Saunders
Walnut Hill
Caitellar
High
Farnam
Vinton
High
Central
High
Casteliar
Central Tark
Central Park....
Lincoln
Lake
Mason
Clifton Hill
Farnam
Howard Kennedy
Long
Walnut Hill
High
Cass
Beals ..........
Windsor
Webster
Lcthrop ,
Forest ,
Franklin ,
Webster
St. Joseph
, Lothrop ,
Columbian
Kellom
ar.
.18?!
.1191
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.1903
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.1901
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..1898
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..1897
.1902
.1904
.1894
..1904
.1903
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.1899
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, .1900
,.190s
..1898
..1901
..1900
.1901
..1897
st. .
Ave.
St.
Do You Know Her? J
caught her hat In the taxi doer; but, what
ever was the contretemps, she loosed her
parcel like a summmer day starting aa
avalanche, and stood ba the midst ef hat1
scattered possession the picture of oon
fused despair, surprised helplessness, lis
resistible woe.
Puch a pretty picture the clinging sister
hood are alway pretty, for Indolence la
becoming to women; and they nevtr grow
old. tor they never worry there are )
many who will worry for them and so
they remain smooth and smiling and
sweetly appealing forever, or uatil death
kindly assists them Into another and bet.
ter world.
Such a pretty picture Just tendrtla blow
ing about her eye, fettlnf In the way
and curling dlstractlngly, and oalffuna
drooping and draping her, faintly calling)
on all the world: "Com and help me.''
It went like a wireless for irdlag and
miles; at any rate acroee the street, and
up and down the block, tor a helpful man
rushed to her, narrowly missing aa up
town car. Just escaping a downtown ear
and dodging a limousine.
Another cam currying up from a jilde
treat, the boy la livery on the door wa
fur abandoning hi post, the haughty
chauffeur had a neat, ready leg ever tht
Ide. while the man oa the spot with over
coat snugly buttoned ever bis embonpoint
stooped redly te the first work; ef reeeue,
It took two men to earry the pare! la
the door, another to receive them, and the
liveried one to dear the way,
"How awkward ef me. Thank yott so
much."
And a glow et pleasure tlagied where
chill apathy dwelt before. aa Vraaelsee
Chronicle.
Daily Ileaith Hint
V
It Is possible to provoke blllouiaeae by
despondency, fear and worry, whleh are
ssld to be deadly enemlee ef the kidney
end the skin, and ' seriously prevent the
elimination of poisons.
Mewey la It.
An enthusiastic suburbanite waa ahewlng
a guest about hi domain, dilating en lie
Joys and comforts aa they walked. The
guest ventured:
"Tee, but I don't think ther' much
money la It."
"Great gins, msnt Money In It? Kvery
cent I've got end all I ran borrow I la
It." Lipplncott'.
GOING UP.
'They gay that gocceaaAJ men
re generally bald."
Ye; Ijsatlce they moetJy com
eut en top."
