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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 7, 1904)
2 ( ft I A ' Tradition' ( Tahiti. TIEN I first went to Tahiti," Bald a traveler from the south teu, "I landed on one of the remote Islands. The first night I went In state to visit the chiuf. lie was a line old fellow, fully six feet two In height, and a man every Inch of him. I happened to know people who had lived on hla island (or a time. Through an Interpreter he asked me all kinds of questions about then) if they were well, If their hair was gutting- gray, how much money they had, etc Then conversation languished. . "At length T heard him repeating to the Interpreter a word that sounded like yonel ulwan The Interpreter seemed to catch It finally. He said: " 'lie wants to know how Is John L. Sul livan? Ia be fighting as hard as everr " 'Oh, no,' I aald truthfully. 'John L. Sul livan Isn't champion any more. He was beaten by a big man from the west, and a nan from the big Islands beat that man, and another big man from the west beat him.' "When this was told to the chief he looked me all over and said something in a Very positive tone. " 'He tells me said the Interpreter, that he doesn't believe you. He thinks yoa don't like John I Sullivan.' "Everywhere I went on the Islands it was the same story. When they found that I was an American they all asked for John I "It appears that the Americans first be gan to come In numbers to the Islands about the time when John Ia was supposed to be unbeatable. These Americans Intro duced the boxing game. "It was a great hit. Every native wanted to loam. And when the Americans told of their great champion the natives took It all In and made him a tribal tradition." De troit Free Press, Gettlas His to Work. Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt, the president of the Woman (Suffrage association, was citing diplomatic ways of making children Work. "A Chicago woman," she said, "has a little boy who hates to practice writing. Last fall she told me that In this mattor of writing she could do nothing with the lad. But In December, when I met her again, she said complacently: " 'Well, Harry spends quite two hours a day now at his writing regularly.' " How In the world,' said I, 'did you bring tills miracle to pass?' "The woman winked slightly. 'I told him,' she said, 'to make out'. In his very best hand, a list of everything he wanted for Christmas, and be has been at It ever since.' "New Tork Tribune. nooning Ills Plghtfns; Blood. "Uncle Joo" Cannon tells this story of his early days in the practice of the law In Illinois: Patrick McDonald, an Irishman, was a well known character in the town of Dan ville. He was a loud talker and was con stantly "butting In" where he wasn't wanted. Harrison Wheelock. who was known throughout the country by the con traction of "Hat," was another local celeb rity. Wheelock was talking with a fellow eitizen In the main street one afternoon when McDonald came up and attempted to participate in the conversation. "Get out of this," Bald Wheelock, and when McDon ald attempted to parley, the former made a lunge at him with his strong right arm. McDonald ran like the wind and Wheelock was close after him. Later in the day Wheelock was placed under arrest by a constable on a warrant sworn out by Mc Donald, who charged that Wheelock had threatened him and that he felt his life endangered. "Hat" Wheelock retained Cannon, then a young lawyer struggling for a reputation, to defend him. The case, which was heard before the local Justice, attracted a large number of the townsmen. McDonald had given his version of the affair when "Uncle Joe" started In on the cross-examination. After leading him on for a while, Cannon asked. In all seriousness: "Mr. McDonald, you say that you are afraid of being deprived of your life by the defendant?" "I do, sor," McDonald replied. "Then you admit that Mr. Wheelock, the plaintiff, can whip you?" "Not by a long sight. I kin lick a dosen of him." "That's all, Mr. McDonald," responded the young attorney. "That's all, your honor," he said, turning to the court. The justice, with great dignity, dismissed the case. First Uiiobi la Wisdom. "Up in my bailiwick," said Colonel Abe Gruber, "there is a Hebrew and a son of the Ould Bod, who are near neighbors and friends, but the descendant of Brian Boru, who manages to make just enough to keep him from week to week, has long been filled with wonder as to tho causes which make for the prosperity of his Hebrew friends. To clear the matter up he called on his friend, who, by the way, bears the same Christian name as mlno, if it may be so called. " 'Abe,' said Mike, how is It you fellowi are all bo prosperous? What do you do? . Let me in on the secret.' " 'Well, we're wise,' replied Abe. 'We eat fish.' " 'Pish, Is It? What kind of fish?" "'1 sell 'em was Abe's shrewd reply. "'How much aro they?' said Mike, his curiosity now thoroughly aroused. " 'Five dollars apiece.' " 'I'll take one,' said Mike finally. " 'We don't sell less than three, said Abe, sizing up his man. " 'Well, I'll take a chance, said Mike. 'Give mo three.' "Abo went over to his safo after pocket ing the $15 and brought out three diminu tive fishes of the dried variety. These he handr.l 1r Mike, who looked them over careful!. -m1 finally took a bite from one of thorn. " 'Say, Abe said Mlko suspiciously, 'those things tasto a divll of a lot like Bmoked herrings.' " 'Now, you see said Abo In seeming glee, 'you're getting wise already.' "Now York Times. A Traaredy in School Life. Barrott Wondell of Harvard was citing examples of anti-climax. "A school master," se said, "had a visi tor. He took this visitor to the play ground. Here a half-doson boys were at play, while a seventh, a lad of most In telligent appearance, sat writing under a tree. " 'The boy at work said the school mas ter, 'is Brown. I -am prcud of him. See him, how diligently he applies himself, while his friends waste their time In Idle ness. I wonder what he can be writing? Tomorrow's Latin prose, I fancy. We'll find out.' "Ho called Brown to him. " 'Here, Jimmy, let me see that, he Bald, and he extended his hand for the paper. "But the boy flushed and hung back. No, sir he stammered. 1 don't want to.' ' 'Note his modesty the school master whispered to hie friend. Then he went on: Come, Jimmy, come on. Let me see what you have been writing there.' "Still the boy demurred. But the school master, Insisting, at last secured the pa per, and this is what he found on it, written in neat Imitation of a feminine hand: " 'Please excuse my son James from school today, as he Is needed at home.' " Palmerttaa Sat Him Dowm, When the late Lord Palmerston, who had a keen sense of humor, first put up for the Parliamentary representation of Tiver ton, and had duly Introduced himself to the electors In the usual manner at a public meeting, a youth, scarcely out of his teens, mounted the platform and re quested permission to ask his lordship some questions. The audience appeareed somewhat as tounded at his Impudence, but the veteran statesman showed neither annoyance, sur prise nor contempt. Cooly, quietly and clearly he answered question after ques tion, till the malapert querist appeared satisfied. "And now, young mnn," said Palmers ton, "may I be allowed to ask you a ques tion?" "Oh, certainly, my lord; most certainly," replied the unsuspecting catechlst, "any thing you please."- "Thank you. Then may I Inquire, does your mother know you're out?" asked his lordship, gravely, and the youth made a hasty exit amid roars of laughter. New York News. One en Cnlver. F. L, Colver, president of Frank Leslie's publishing nouse, tells the following as an illustration of the quick wit of an Irishman who was sent to take some furniture to the storage warehouse preparatory to the family going to their summer home. Colver, who was In the library, heard sounds of unusual pulling and blowing as one of the men was staggering downstairs under a weighty piece of furniture. "What are you taking down," he called out, "tho Ifght oak dresser?" "No, sor," panted Pat, "sure Ol'm takln' down the heavy .mahogony one." Mutt Carpenter's Aside. Former Assistant Attorney General James M. Beck told the fo'.lowing story the other day of "Matt" Carpenter, the famous Wis consin senator. Carpenter was pleading a case before the Supreme Court. Be fore he got half through with his argu ment tho Judges had made up thoir minds that his caso was without merit, and, more over, that he was unprepared. When he finished his argument and counsel for the other side got up to reply the Judges whispered to each other, nodded, and then tho chief Justice said: "I don't think it will be necessary to hear from you, sir." Carpenter's opponent was very deaf, snd he could only tell the chief Justice was addressing him. He turned to Carpenter for aid. "What did the chief justice say. Matt?" he whispered. "He said he'd rather give you the case than listen to you," Carpenter bawled in his ear. New York Times. What the Lion Tamer Feared. L. T. Mlnnlck, of Pottsdam, Ohio., who once traveled as head of a circus, has many stories of the tricks and manners of the show folk and of the wild animals they carry about with them. "Along In the days Just before his death Colonel Dan Boone, the famous hunter and trainer," he said, "developed a fear of bronchitis, which grew to be a regular nervous mania. He would go Into the cage with a snarling lioness with young cubs without tho slightest fear, but was scared to death oi a bieexe. Ona diy, after an exhibition fight with the fiercest ' lion we had he came out of the cage and said to me: 'Louis, this will prova the end of ma yet' 4 "Good Lord, colonel I said, 'you aren't losing your nerve? You surely are not get ting afraid of that brute? " 'Afraid of that dog!' he said, disgust edly. 'Afraid of my bat I Nothing of the sort. But these cages are the worst places for draughts in the country. I know I'll catch a cough some day that'll prova my, death "-Louisville Herald. The Bey aeealated. Baron Moucheur, the Belgian minister, visited Baltimore last luoiilh. At a dinner In Baltimore he said: "The spirit of business enterprise anal speculation is what impresses me most pro foundly in America. For Instance, X was riding one day on the outskirts of Wash ington, and at a certain place I dismounted and gut a little boy to hold my horse. I was gone about ten minutes, and on my return 1 found the first boy gone, and an other, a smaller one, standing at tlie horse's head. 'How Is this? I paid. 'You are not the boy I left my horse with.' " 'No, sir,' said the tiny urchin, 'I speck Hated and bought tho Job oft the other fel low for a dime "Of course, after that,"1 the minister ended, "it was Impossible for me to 'bear the market." How a Wnlter Lost a Tip. At one of the Kansas City hotels where the colored waiters give especially good Bervlee, but a.ways expect adequute .re munerations for the same from the guests, a waiter was especially officious the other day in serving a man from whom he ex pected a liberal tip. When the meal had been served and he was standing off at one side, eagerly looking for an opportun ity to be of service, lie said to the guest: "Didn't yo' have a brothah heuh last week, sah?" "No," said the one addressed, "I believe not." ' Well," continued the waiter, "then waa a gem'man heah at mah table what looked ve'y much like you, and he was so well pleased with the service that he gave ma 60 cents when he left' The guest had by this time finished his meal, and as he arose he said to the ex pectant servitor: "Come to think of it, Sam, that was my brother that was here, and I guess ha paid for the whole family. He may be back again In a week or two." Kansas City Journal, Incident of Collesre Life. .President Flan of the Illinois Central railroad tells tho following tale of his col lege days: Some of his classmates went to spend the "week end" at Oiirrlson's, and amused themselves on Saturday even ing with a little game of poker. On Sun day they were all assembled In the Fish family pew when the rector ascended the pulpit and 'gave out this text: "And Ephrlam went out with a full hand." One of the young collegians leaned over to Mr. Fish and whispered: "Say, Stuyv, what a d d fool EpUraloa was." New York Times. : a
