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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (March 27, 1887)
10 THE OMAHA DAILY BEE ; SUNDAY MAROH 27. 1887.-TWELVE PAGES. FAIR FEUNINim FASCIES An Essay on Women Banning in Debt/ with Payments "Afar Off , " DRESS , DESIRES , DEPORTMENT 41 Why arc Wo the Weaker Box ? " i'rofonslotial Ilenutloj Spring II at ft ( lotirnnllstlo Olrls Women's Doings. Two Women. J.ijt. Away from the footlights' glare and hpaf , She sits In her box In thu illin-llt Kloom ; Her tender eyes like n child nro sweet. Aud her facollkon fair wild rose in bloom. About licr eddied n well dressed crowd AVIth many an idlu jest nnd speech ; Her Ituuli H tnurry , tier laugh Is loud , Sliu hat Bomcthlng pleasant to say to each Near her there snores the lord of her heart , lie hold nnd portly nnd lend of sleep ; llo leaves his jounc wife to play her part , And knows she will never KO In too deep , J'rouil Is lie of her > outh and grace , lln loves her next to his bonds and stocks ; liesidu his trottur slio holds n place , Alter his cnld her polilen locks. AVaiHlcrinK over the llainlng jets Of the uoldun horseshoe her proud glance goes , Where a spangled dauseuso pirouettes While tlio merry music ebbs and Hows. My lady's clanco Is stern and cold ; And nan unconscious the blushes start , For here Is u woman , she has been told , Who oncu reigned over her husband's heart The pretty dnnsoiiso about the stage Skips andoL'lcs and shakes her locks ; Ono telgnlnic beauty and social rate Flirts on an actively In her box , She scorns the other with all her heart , Though she never loved her lord 'tis true ; Uotli sold themsdvea and both play a part What Is the dllforenco between the two ? ItunnlnR Into Debt. The Queen : In spite of the healthier tone cxihtinff there is still too much in difference to debt ulltmt , nnd among other reforms sorely necdc'l is that of the public verdict on those who spend beyond their mentis to pay , and so make others sutler for their pleasures. In tills wo are sorry to siiy that women Who ought to bu the great torch-bearers of virtue and who in some dlroctions as sume to themselves that oillco , to the ab solute extinction of men. are to the full ns reprehensible as men , and perhaps moro so. The curse of social emulation nnd personal jealousy lies heavily on thorn ; and that terrible striving to ap pear richer than they arc , which racks sobriety from end to end , centers in thorn more than in men. Very few women who are not miserly are content to bo simple to live wefl within their moans , having all things in harmony and all things iu sufficiency , these which arc tin- scon as well as these which nro visible. Most of thorn prefer an outside- grandeur with a skimped and dilapidated interior , so that the world to which they sacrifice shall commend and perhaps envy soolng nothing of the flaws below the surface. What tno family feels docs not count ; what the servants say is not hoard ; of Bolf-respcct there is no question : of the fiontiment of thoroughness also is there nono. The whole strength of the man- ngomcnt goes to make a show to have an occasional display and the debt by which this is brought about troubles the conscience of the lady as little as the dis comfort of her family disturbs her feel ings. Her friends do such and such things In such and such a style ; so must eho. She puts her self-respect in emula tion not in sincerity , not in thorough ness and holds herself worthv of her position in proportion to the extent to which she spreads its pretenses and in creases its fundamental rottenness. If ehe gives dinners she goes beyond her liome powers , anil lias to borrow from the outsido. A plain , well cooked , sim- plu and succulent repast , such as she could accomplish without aid , and such RS would delight hcr uests , would bo a confession of comparative poverty she could not bo induced to make. Vvhoro- fore she spends more in a bad imitation of llrst-chiss co9kmg than her finances can properly nflbrd , and goes into debt for the margin. What is true of housekeeping is truer Btill of personal expenses the milliner's bill and the dressmaker's with the thousand little fads and fancies dear to the feminine mind and destructive to the feminine sense of honor. Some women have neither conscience nor coaipasslon neither thought nor feeling tor the poor creatures whom they mulct the victims whom they cheat. One runs up n bill with her laundress and quietly ruins a hard-working woman who has nothing but her own labor between her self and starvation. But our fine lady , who docs nothing more arduous than dress , paint her face , flirt , and dlno out. uses her income on things that show , and ignores these that do not. Hence she runs into debt with her laundress , who dares not offend her for fear of losing every thing with her smaller trades-people and with her servants but she pays largo eums to the florist , who will not leave so much as a bunch of violets unpaid , to the largo shops which demand cash down , and to the wine merchants whoso orders are ilankcd by a request for a check and not executed until the quid pro quo is re mitted. A room like a tropical bower a well-appointud carriage for her airings --wine of a line brand for connoisseurs these are of the first necessity to our Buondthrift lady , who makes the little tradesfolk pay , now by tholr distress and now by their completed ruin , for the linorios which , according to her , are the very sum and substance of her ladyhood. Ah , how many ruined homes ana deso lated lives these thoughtless , selfish , self- indulgent people have made ! How tlie Dress U Swung. Paris Letter in the Chicago Herald : -A largo grain of truth , wrapped up in nonsense - sense , was the reply of a Chicago girl while hero to a Boston paper asking of her a fashion letter : "Dross , " she wrote , "why , u all depends on the way you swing It. " This jou d' esprit went the rounds of the French press.and.althougn it was found an Americanism untranslat able , novertholesj was it admitted that fiho had caught and caged the Far- isicnno's greatest charm. The English woman cannot "swing it11 at all. the American "swings it" pretty well , bul the swinging of a French woman is t poum. . . GlrU In Journalistic Harneii. We have in England , says a correspon dent of the Queen , ladies engaged ir quite ns extraorninary work on tno prose us any performed by journalists in Amur ica or elsewhere , For instance , it Chicago [ the correspondent evident ! } means New York and ahss Morgan of the Now York Times ] a young lady is dailj employed aa "live-stock reporter" : it England , howover.I find resident at Now castlo-upon-Tyue quite if not moro that the equal of-the woman of Now York ai regards the uncommon character of fern miua occupation in a young ladywhc earns a fair income aa a writer for ship ping and marine engineering journals , J may add that this lady has boon writing and compiling a book ol sailors'songs Cousin Jonathan is unquestionably before - fore us in point of the number of hi ; lady journalists , but John Bull n I not far behind if not before him in tin unusual character of the literary wori performed by a woman. I think n younj lady who is engaged in writing for ship pinzand marine engineering journals besides being at work on n book of sail ort'ongs , Is a much moro uncommoi object for contemplation , not to gay ad miration , than oven a young lady whc officiates an "livo stock reporter. " Th < majority of women naturally would in trrcst themselve * in the prices of llv < cnttlu or poultry , for the figures have i direct bearing ou thu sums that auut b < paid in stocking the household larder with dead meat and birds ; but a young lady who cnn make herself sufficiently won acquainted with the mutlfarious details - tails of shipping hnd marine engineer ing ( most uncongenial feminine studios , I should Imagine ) as to bo able to wrlto intelligently on these subjects excites ono's wonder , even in those days when now flems of employment for women are being constantly opened out. ThoPrlncRKs ofVnlc4. . London World : The princess of Wales , accompanied by her royal husband nnd oldest son , occupied n box at the Princess theater , an evening or two ago , during a performance of Mr. Jones' "Noble Vag abond. " It will sootn strange to some American women to read that tlio wlfo of England's future king and the mother of n boy who , In all probability , will also we.ar the English crown before ho dies- should have boon nttirod "in a plain , white dross of simple tulle , " without jnnolry or ornamants of any kind , yet that Is exactly what she wore. It was noticed i\l.so that slio did not sit In the most conspicuous spot the box nflbrdud , but drew her clinir within the shadow of the curtains with whicii the royal box was hung. When she did loan forward once , not to bo scon but to sue , a mur mur of admiration wont up as her well- preserved lace and form were tccognixcd , which she acknowledged with n quick smiln and n quicker return to her retired scat. The prince nnd his son were the ordinary evening suits , with-whito lias and lavender gloves , and wont out to gether after the first act , presumably to sco the same old man , The Fnto of Professional Beantles. London Pall Mall Budget : Mrs. Lang- try , before she disappeared from English society , had seen many other ladies raised by royal favor to the now extinct position of "professional boauty. " There is hardly ono of thcso ladies whoso fate is not worthy of commiseration and whoso confessions would not bo valuable. Their reigns terminated in various ways. Ono oflbudcd by observing that or certain waist was not as thin its formerly ; an other , that a certain head of hair was not as thick as of yore ; a third , in a fostlvo moment , poured a tcaspoonful of ice cream down : i royal shirt collar ; n fourth falsely and wickedly stated to her friends that a certain brucclnt WHS n royal gift , whereas in truth and in faol it was bought out of the hard earnings of her husband's brain. The position of reigning favorite invoh d untold , expenses , for to know the prince involved kuowing his set. who were numerous nnd thirsty , and for whoso nccommodatlon in a house often of the tiniest the friends of a lifetime had perforce to bu discarded. Fulsome was the adulation poured upon the beauty during her brief reign , nnd cruel were the slights and snubs put upon tier when it ended , and when nothing remained to remind her of it but shattered health , an alienated husband and an infuriated father-in-law. In such circumstances there is nothing for lovely women to debut but to go and winter on the lliviora. The future of such a fallen star is dark in deed , unless , of course , her husband can secure election as member of parlia ment , when she cai ; get back into so ciety by another door. A Popular Fallacy. Boston Courier : It is usually held that woman nro the weaker and more delicate sex , but to one who considers the modern fashions of dress the proposition must appear at least open to grave doubts. When on a bitterly cold day a man wrapped in a voluminous and mighty ul ster , with fur cap drawn over his ears , and thick gloves gets into a horse-car and sees sitting opposite a row of fragile- looking young ladles in closo-littins gowns of which the alcoves arc so tight as necessarily to impede if not wholly to stop circulation , and hats whoso only aptitude Is that of hight perched jaun tily on the top of the head , and no other protection to their small hands fhan thu suggestion of kids , ho must wonder how his neighbors manage to get on without freezing to death. A man when ho puts himsoliinto the low-cut waistcoat pro scribed by fashion for evening wear , compromises with- extra underclothing for the unaccustomed thinness of his dress. Ills sister , frail and delicate crea ture , wanders about drawing-rooms and. unevenly heated parlors wim neck and arms bear , and , instead of dying of pneumonia before morning , as in compli ance with all physiological laws she ought to. do , suffers no inconvenience whatever. The truth is , that give a man and a woman equal health at the start , the former barely manages to keep himself alive nnd well by the most constant and careful prudqnco , while the latter disre gards all hygienic rules with a boldness and consistency beautiful to behold , and comes out all tlio better for it. llo has to protect his foot from the snow in his clumsy arctics , boncatli which ho wsars the thickest of leathcr.sho smilingly trips over the icy pavements m thin boots through which cvorv shiver of the wind ' must uo plainly folt'and she does it with perfect impunity. Ho shuns draughts and sudden changes as the only way of baflling the flonds of rheumatism lying always in wait for him ; she dances until she is in a glow and then saunters down some cool corridor or out upon a breezy piazza and no harm comes of it. Ho finds in a thoughtful prudouco and regu larity the only means of persuading his stomach to loavc him in decent peace and tranquillity ; she cats all sorts of odd and unexpected hours , gorges Herself on unwholesome pastries and sweats , and in n green old ago possesses still unimpaired the digestive force of an ostrich. The truth is that the idea of the fragil ity of the sox is ono of these popular fallacies which should long ago have van ished before the general difl'usion of knowledge , but which persistently hold their own despite of everything. Spring Bonnets 80011 at a Wedding. London Truth : There was such n very pretty wedding at St. Paul's , Knights- bridge , on Saturday afternoon , that wo did wish for you to Lo there to sco it. The bride was Lady Adela llous. nnd she looked charming in her marriage gown of white moire , with a small wreath of orange blossoms fastened on with mul titudinous diamond stars , and a magnifi cent bouquet of lilies and other white flowers. The bouquet , I am glad to say , was not curabrously largo , as some brides' bouquets have been of late ; and the arrangement of the lovely blooms was perfect. The train of thn wedding dross was carried by two of the very tiniest pages 1 have over seen. They were dressed in white satin. The brides maids were really tasteful dresses of some palo blue or eau-do-Nil material , relieved witli brown velvet. Their hats had high crowns of either straw or brown velvet , out the brims were blue. Their bouquets were azaleas , in lovely tones of pink and coral intermingled. This attire looked warm and comfortable. I always think that white or cream colored dresses for bridesmaids look cold and chilling at any time , save summer and early au tumn. I have never scon suoh bonnets ns these worn by the smart people in the congregation. One lady appeared in a very spring-like bonnet of white straw , trimmed with a high bunch of Naples violets. A largo cluster of similar flow ers was tucked in the bosom of her dark heliotrope-velvet bodice. A necklet of cut amber lay upon folds of white lace , which came down in points upon the somber velvet The ear-rings wore amo- thyats , just a little too blue in tone to assort comfortably with the palo roanvo of the violoU. Tula lady carried a de licious little wrap made of tiger-skin just the sort of thing that only a very wealthy woman dare buy , for It could not possibly be worn tuora than half a dozen times during the year , being too conspicuous , DA handsome brunette had a ruby vel vet jacket , quite tight-fitting , edged with beaver. Her bonnet wo * red and o was her gown , but the former was velvet , the latter silk. A tall and splendid blonde , with glorious cells of pale brown gloss.v hair , were n bodice nnd overdress of putty colored ottoman overn&klrt nnd plastron of brightly striped silk. The collar and cud's wcro of the stripes. The small bonnet was embroidered and cdgpd with a fluff of silk chenille , just a shade darker and n tone richer than the putty tint of the silk. It was trimmed with a group of red roses nnd popoles. The car-rings wcro very long and very old- fashioned , but they were of diamonds and pearls of the rarest. A short ruby velvet mantle , trimmed with sable tails , just matched the flowers in the bonnet. Two sisters in half-mourning were beautifully dressed , ono in black velvet , trimmed witli chinchilla , and bonnet to match ; the other also In black velvet , with trimmings of rich , finely cut stool. A handsome but morose looking woman had no li-ss than three diamond stars in her bonnet strings. A blonde who was present had something black in her hair. \vccoiiltlnotmako out what it was , so decided that she had trulllcd her hair as a refreshing novelty. A Woman Who linn Won Her Way. Albany Journal ; Miss Mary Booth Is said to bu going abroad for rest , and ono of the papers , in commenting uuon it , calls her ' 'the septuagenarian editor of the Harper's Fashion Weekly. " Miss Booth is no longer young , but I doubt If she is sixty , nnd she 18 well prcscrvvd for her ago , retains her thick , gray hair , strong , sound teeth nnd hef erect liguro. Every morning early , Uint is. early for a journalist say 10 o'clock or thereabouts she arrives at the little den where her work Is done in the Franklin Square building , and Is steadily at her desk until 4. She scorns to have no assistants. For twenty-live years she hosbcin the "trans later in ordinary" for tlio Harpers , and for twelve years the editor of the Bazar. What Women Are Doing. In Milwaukee county , Wisconsin , 3,000 , women pay taxes on $4,500,000. The number of women employed as pension ollicials in England is stated to bo 318. Miss Ethel Dickens , granddaughter of Charles Dickens , has started a typewrit ing ofllco for the copying of parts and prompt books. In the now university of California , built by Lclsnd Stanford , women are to share the bcnolils of every department equally with men. Miss Hewitt , daughter of Mayor Hew itt , of New York , Is said to have intro duced the fashion among mrls of having mastifls nnd other largo dogs as pets. In the Curzon street oflice of the Lon don & Northwestern railroad company about twenty fcmaloclerks are emploved They are said to give every satisfac tion. Missionary work seems popular just now among educated young women. Eight Wellesley college students recently signified their preference for this field of usefulness. Mrae. Dl Ccsnola is receiving much en couragement in her scheme to support and educate the Italian orphan girls , and especially to make good house servants of them. There are 40,000 Italian imiui- grauts in Now York City. Mme. Provost-Pousin , who obtained the first prize in comedy at Pans conservatoire vatoire In I860 , has left a sum of money to this institution to found an annual prize. The prize which will bo called Prix-Ppusiin is to bo awarded to the most dcserviutr female student of declamation. Mine. Zioger , better known as Albonl , is living yet and inging at sixty-two as grandly as over. Italy is to have a now review , given exclusively to the discussion of feminine interests. Fanny Zampini Salazaro is to bo tlio editor of this periodical. Miss Mary A. Livermore proves that there are no superfluous women by the statement that there are now 227 voca tions open to women , as against seven at the beginning of the century. A California woman owns nnd runs the factory wliich makes nine-tenths of tao prango boxes for the Pacific coast. She invented the box while trying to make a cradjo for her baby. Miss Alcard , of London , entered a convent twenty years ago and cave to the sisterhood her property , which was worth 10,000. Becoming dissatisfied with the rigorous penances inflicted on her during thirteen years , she left the convent and brought suit for restitution of part of the money. The suit has just been decided against her , EDUCATIONAL. A new American college Is talked of In Rome. Evelyn College Is the name of the new In stitution for women at Princeton. There wore 4,031 graduates of the Chau- tauqua Library and Solentilic circle in 1SSO. The Pratt institute In Brooklyn , N. Y. , will bo the largest Industrial school In the world. Plans are being discussed for a now athle tic association in Boston to consist of 1,000 members. Mr. lloss of Montreal , has' given S400.000 for founding a college In that city for the higher education ot women. Dr. William Hammond will open the April Popular Scientific Monthly with an article on "Brain-Forcing in Childhood. " Chief Justice Watte and Senator Evarts will attend the fiftieth anniversary of the graduation of their class at i ale this year. Dr. Chapln of Hololt college who resigned last year , was the oldest college president m continuous service In the United States. The University ot 'Bologna has decided to celebrated its booth anniversary In the spring of 1888. The exact date of Its touudatlou Is not known. General Francis A. Walker and others are clvlng the Yale students a scries of valuable lectiues on political topics from a business point ot view. Professor Goodwin of Hatvard was Inter ested to see at Olympla , In Greece , where the Olympian games used to be played , some human bones excavated from the ruins and Inclosed In kerosene oil cans , each of which was labelled Philadelphia. " The schools of Connecticut produce moro each year in cash returns than all her man ufactured roods. An educated Connecticut boy U worth annually to tlio country (510,000. An uneducated boy Is a drag upon the pros perity of thi community to the amount of from 910,000 to 520,000 each year. It is said that Alice Longfellow Is regarded with a decree of love and regard amounting almost to reverence by the students of the Harvard annex. Miss Longfellow Is one of tlio ollicors of the society for the collegiate Instruction of women and Is often at the an nex biuldlng in Cambridge. A centleman of an Investigating turn of mind has taken the trouble to ascertain ac curately how many days the children ot Mexico lost from school during l&a. Hero Is the result : 62 bundays , 28 Saturdays , 4 na tional feaat days , 45 davs of vacation , and 50 Catholic holidays making a total of 177 days , and lenvliiK only 189 school days. The state of California has spent 9250,000 for type and presses for the printing of text books to bo supplied to the public schools , and she is warned that her experience Is Koiuc to ba a costly one. That may be. but In Brazil books for the public schools are bought with public money , and much as the people complain of corruption In the government In other respects no one complains of it In the purcnose ol the ffchool books , Moat Not be Disturbed In Lent. Pittsburg Dispatch : Melissa. "Mad ame. " Madame. "What is it. Melissa ? " Melissa. "Madame , there is a poor man at the door who says ho Is out of work and has a large family who depend upon for support and have nothing to cat. Ho wants employ " Madame. ' 1 > o tell him to go away , Meliasa. I am keeping Lent and my prayers and meditations must not be in terrupted. " . SOME JOURNALISTIC JOEINCS. Hnmorista Who Giro a Bright Coloring to / Lenten Sack-Cloth , SOME SOLEMN SEASON SMILES. Method In Her Madness A Candid legislator Cardinal Gibbons Taken Hack Hits In Ithymo and 1'roso. A Method In It. Merchant Traveler. In nil citelosof society , wherever you may BO , You will llnd you can't ' Judge people simply by their outward show. Tlicro nro moods and manners suitable In every time nnd plnco , And sinlle.i oft times to perfidy their origin cnn unco. The hnlt-madpoct makes his line show cither joy or sadness , According to the people's will ; there's method in his madness. , , The statesman erstwhile so reserved.so dlRiil- lied nnd grand , Surprises his poor neighbor as ho grasps htm by the ( mud , Ami wishes him jrood day nnd asks In sym pathetic mood How business iR.nnd If his own and family's health Is eooci. Ho seems Insane ; but then election time , which grief or gladness Will bring to him , Is close at hand : there's method In his madness. When your wife employs a cross-eyed girl whoso talent Is to shirk , Who takes four aftei noons a week and never does her work ; Who talksbackconstantly.andher dire clatter will not cease ; Who wears an apron spotted o'er with stains of dirt and urcitbo ; Whoso grammar Is distinguished by Its most surprising Dadnsss , You may think your wife Is crazy , Lint there's method in her madness. Not Invpctcd. Wall Street Nowa : Ho had been court ing her for six months without coming to the point , when she turned on him one evening with : "Charles , isn't it awful for n pirl like mo to have to worry over how I shall in vest 9 75,000 ? " He thought it was , and thrco months later they were married. "I'll Invest that $75,000 for you danr , " ho observed a 'lay or two after mar- riago. "Oh , I was afraid some end might love me for my money.nud Igavo it to papa , " was the artless reply. She Would nialc It. Detroit Free Press : "I carne down hei'o to go out on the Lansing train , " she said to Officer Button at the Ihird street depot yesterday morning , as she held a satchel in ono hand and an umbrella in the other. "Yes'm train goes in thirteen minutes. " "How are thc-stoves in the cars ? " " "Perfectly safe , mam. All the cars on that road can roll over twice and not take fire. " "Bridges all safe ? " "Entirely so. The bridge inspector has iuit finished his trip. " "Don't the rails ever spread on that road ? " "Never. " "How is it about collisions ? " "They don't have any. " "Any chance for some other train to run into the rear end of ours ? " "Not u bit. " "Well , 1 don't know but I'll take the risks and go , but 1 want you to under stand that if anything does happen br which 1 am killed oil my old man won't take a cent less than $3,000 , and mcbbee he'll want the burial expenses to boot. " How Frenchmen Drink. Philadelphia Times : A little man , with n bald spot on the back of his head , and a big man , with a large , nose and a smooth face , wore socially discussing a dozen of beer in a restaurant the other night. After finishing his beer the little man called for a cup of coffee and a pony brandy. In response to the inquiring look of the big man lib said : "In Pareo vo olaway drinu cof-foei after liquor. Zo cof-fco settle 7.0 stom'ach. zobrandeo absorb serb KO poison in zo cof-feo , nnd vo burn ze branded to destroy 7.0 poison in ze brandeo.en ve drink zo cof-fec and zobrandeo and , feel just iofoly. " "Ha-ha ! " said the big man , tapping his nose significantly with his linger. "Dat vaa schr goot ; I dry thim. But not dis dime ; 1 feel lofoly enough mltout him. " The big man was Herr Hubert Wilko , the "llat-cathor " and the little star of - , man was the great Imro Kiralfy. The Bong of tlic Grocer. "Oh teas me not , " trie maiden cried , ' Such things I do nesplco , I wish you really would bo weigh , And from your knees would rise. " " 1 cannot help this coffee said , For you have chilled mo through , Though you to me have given the back , No fairer Hour e'er KIOW. " "This soap has slipped away from me , That I can rail you mine ; 13 ut if the barrel be removed i'loaso drop to me a lino. ' I'd scale the highest grade lor you , Or grind my way so line ; Whatever ulso sots mixed , vou'll see My heart will round you twine. "I shall not strlvn you to appoas , Though this is butter blow , 1 still must think what might have been Jiad you not said mo no. " Good Joke on Cardinal Gibbons. Now York Standard : Father Carroll , of St. Francis Xavier's church , in this city , tells how , instructing some colored Maryland children in their catechism , ho explained the function of a bishop by call ing the attention of the children to a Hock of wild geese Hying overhead- to whom ho compared the bishop , "tho loader of his Hook , " at the head. Shortly afterward Archbishop Gibbons paid the school a visit and proceeding to exauinu them in their catechism , asked : "What is a bishop ? " There was a pause for an Instant , and then an ebony midget shot up his hand and said : "I know , I know. " "That's well , my child. " said Arch bishop Gibbons. "Now tell us what is a bishop. " "Ho's , " answered the ardent youth , with a zest that betokened the confidence of superior wisdom , "tho old gander what shows the rest of the gccso liow to fly. " Unconiolablo. Boston Courier : "Don't take on so , my dear , " said a sympathising friend tea a young widow who had just buried her husband ; "you will get over it by and by. Why , you will coino to look upon your loss in time with resignation , and marry again. " "Marry againl" exclaimed the beauti ful bereaved , with a shower of indignant tears ; "Nover ! neverl at least not lor a year. " An Auctioneer's Repartee. Wilkesbarro Record : It was an art auction sale in this city the other even ing. A well known "sassioty " man , somewhat under the influence of the rosy , stumbled in. 'lie edged his way forward and by dint of hard pushing managed to elbow his w'uy to the very front There hostood critically examin ing the picture then up for sale , and turning around Jtngudeutly looked the auctioneer straight m the eye , and reach ing up lit his cigar stump at the reflector in direct violation of the sign "no smok ing , " after which hq negligently throw his rumpled form In the chair , and naughtily commanded the auctioneer to putT'up something He liked. " "Can't do it , my dear sir , " politely answered thai gentlnman , "we don't keep it , but jou'l find it on tap next door , " nnd the laugh that went up was broad nnd mlahtv but our Intoxicated trlond did not join in nnd was silent aa a clam the balance of the evening. _ Two Pair Should Win. She "Whore are you going , Charley f" Hoeing to the theatre. " She-"Hhl I understand. The ballot. But why don't you go to the dog show instead ? 1 think you will like It over BO much bolter. The dogs , you know , have four ; twice as ns many each ns the ballot dancers. " 1'osilblo and Impogaibtc. Ccdnr JfiipM * Co'sd > . 'make a friend look weary , If von say to him. "What's Now ? " drive folks from the parlor bye o a-warbllnjc "Pcek-a-boo ; " canigtarUas annctor ) ir nue Donovan evan you Jump , run n Dig milk dairy with a simple water pump , 'always bo thoucht funny when you rim : n chestnut bull , makn It any warmer by the oath ; You can't "H'scoldV ( ) as"-wcll ; v-uu ' \ . - y0llr ; j.cent pieces oil as dimes In buying beers- write such "rot" ns this , It you try a thousand years. In the Cool Conservatory , The cool conservatory , A face for son e or story , And nalr a cnldeu glory , We two. Eyes blue as amethyst Is , Whore now a tender mist Is. How sweet the hand I kissed la ? Wee , too. Ah , life Is filled completely , When to my question , neatly Proposed , she answered sweetly , "Oul"to. Didn't Want to bo Hard Upon Him. New York Mall : The other morning Chief Judge Clement , of the city court , gave judgment for absolute divorce to Anna Louisa Tico against Leon Tico. Mrs. Tico is a very sweet lady of about twenty-live , "How much alimony do you want ? " asked the court. "A dollar a week , " was the answer. "Why , that's very small , " said the court. "What's your husband's busi ness ? " "Ho's a physician , sir. " "Ho can nftord to pay vou more than a dollar a week. " "Oh , but he's only a young physician with a small practice. " "I think | 5 a wceic would be fair"said counsel. "I would have given her $10 , " said the court ; "make it $5 , however. " Spring Poetry. A Washington poet writes : On every trco a warbling Gabriel sits And sounds Its trumpet In the sunborn hours , Down through the portals of their winter tomb , The notes of resurrection to the flow ers. A moro accurate poet , however- was the bard who wrote : The first bird of sprint ; Attempted to sine ; But ere he had sounded a note , llo fell from the limb ; A dead bird was him The music had friz In his throat. Southern Solono. Arkansaw Traveler : Member from Sandstone Knob "Mr. Speaker , I hope sir , that you will let mo have a few min utes time in which to place myself square on the record. Yesterday evening Mr. Buckley Brown from Gum Bottoms , said that lhad accepted the present of a new hat from a railroad superintendent , and hinted , in a way inclined to sting n sen sitive man , that I had practically sold myself. 1 should like to know if there is anything in our constitution that pre vents a man trom accepting presents. I say there is not , and sir , when our con stitution arises and says that I shan't take everything that is given to me , then I will say. 'Mr. Constitution ntttend to your own aO'airs , ' Mr. Speaker , I am a present taker , and as an encouragement to these who may con template giving jiuo something , let me say that my capacity for taking pres ents , although well developed , has not been overtaxed. 1 may also say that the man who won't take a hat and thereby save himself the cxponso of buying ono is composed of a mixture of fool , liar and a Uriel. I'd bo afraid to meet such a man away out in the woods. I would feel sure that ho would knock mp down and rob me. I know of an afl'air in my county that strongly illustrates the dishonesty of men who nro afraid to accept presents. A red-bearded fellow named Watson went to work for old man Clark , and made himself so useful that Clark , who well know how to appreciate merit , went to him and said : " 'Watson , 1 never had a man that 1 think more of than I do you.1 " 'Much obliged to you , ' replied Wat son. " 'And I have decided. ' Clark con tinued , 'to give you my daughter , Lorena. ' " 'Much obliged to you , ' said Watson , 'but I ain't acccptin' any pre&ents. ' "Well , Mr. Speaker , that man was so honest that he would not accept the daughter as a present , but the next day he ran away with Clark's wilo. Since then I have been extremely suspicious of men who are * too high toned to accept presents , and to keep other fair-minded men from suspecting me. I have de termined to refuse nothing. " tt-AJteralaptcoJveart statement ! eonfirntna Uie rffitury of Ut. Jarolii Oil anil Ut permanent caret , are given below. From nil Indian MUilonury , March , 1883 6t Alphotuiis Church , Glon'i Falls , N. Y. I am kept In bed by rheumatism , crip pled , and am trying M. Jacob * Oil. Uuo elnelo application cued tbopoiaaudgavo me comfortable tloep. KEY. UN. ST. ONQE , P. P. From Same 4 Y ir * Later Permanently Curs * . Glen's Fall * , N. Y. , Oct. i ) , 1886. Ercnrtblag foiled to relieve mo until I tried fit. Jacobs Oil. One application U ufllcient to Mop pain in ten minutes ; a very low applications reduced the swelling In my Jolnu and curud me. REV.L.N.Sr.OKGEP.P. From a Leading Lawjir April , 1B82 Cured. The sworn statement of David Strorae , aq. , N w Haven , Ct. , avers iu tulwUtnc * : " 1 had Mvuto rheumatism in arm , baud , If K anil foot. I used a bottle of lit. Jacobs OH and obtained a cure. " From Sane 4Te n Later Fxrmsuiaat. Neir Ha\cn.a..Nov.l.lEfcC. I bad severe rheumatism , which disabled me ami ono bottle of St. Jacobt Oil cured me icousldctuagood lug Frooi'.On * AUendcdlLlke a Child-May , 1882. Kramer , Snvdcr Co. , Tcnna. I had rheumatism o badly they tended no like a child. I used two bottles of tit. Jacobs Oil and am now well M ever. J01IN HELD. From Same 4 Yenri later No Return. Kramer. Enyder Co. . Feiina. , Nov.6. 18S8 , llyloluts andllmbawcro contracted anij swollen. Two bottles of bt. Jacobs Oil en tirely eradicated the dlseaio. TiwUy I am a stout , hearty man. JOHNriliLD. THE CHARLES A. VOQELEnCO.Btlllmon , M. * Ml pertoni wisa St.Jacoti Oil or Ked Star Cbuok Vure.tetUtiy lending a tuo-cent itamp , STAR COUGH CUH : FB03C OPIATES AIO > rOISOH. SAFE. SURE. ( YPE WRITERS , new HOT or old , TYPE Moline , Milburn & Stoddard Co. . WHOLESALE DEALERS IX AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS OF ALL KINDS Buggies , Road Carts , Fanning Mills , Corn Shelters , STOVER TRIPLE- GEARED FEED MILLS Also Special Inducement * on Price * mul Terms Furnished on Application. Gorntr Ninth and Pacific Streets , Omaha , Neb ! X CALL AT ONCEX And f c Can Tel ! Yon Somefa Spring Overcoats. HEIGHTS BESTS THEM ftLL More attractions and less objections than any other addition. The grand view of these heights from Paxton Block , Omaha's business center , is unequalled. Property well bought is twice sold. The north half of this addition is now platted and will be sold at prices which' challenge competition , considering loca tion and general surroundings. ; TO . . . . ' ! .ie- ; > - - " ; > -ti : l-r T . . ; . - : . - Owned ARTflUH-REMINGTON. | j T.S/CL'SRKSON / , . _ OMAHA REAL ESTATEURUSTC ? REMIN6TON&M5CQRMICK. For Sale by CLARkSQN&BEATTY. MORSE&BRUNNER. The south half will be platted so soon as railroad line , depot grounds , and a bus iness center and grounds for several large manufactories can be determined and laid out to accommodate all. No pains will be spared to make this large , fine addition a success. LOTS 25O TO 500 DOLLARS ; One-fifth down , balance easy payments. To appreciate this addition you must view the Heights from city , and the city from the Heights. Special inducement * in price of ground with railroad facilities and running water to manufacturing enterprises. HILL & YOUNG 1213 Faruam Street. FURNITURE House Furnishing Goods. THE 75th GRIND DRAWING , K * RCH 20th. NO BLANKS. 1SIG 1 1KIZES Olt REWARDS ! One Million Distributed Every Year HE ACCUMULATED IXrEBK ST MONKT DIVIDED AMONG A VKVf fcUCKV UOLUKUt ) KVJCUY 3 MONTHS. Only | 2.00 required to secure one Royal Italian 100 francs gold bond. Thews bondi participate in four drawinpt every year and retain their original value until the year 1944. Prizes of 2,000,000 1 , < JOO,000 , 500,000 , 250,000 , &c. franc * will bo drawn , beside * the certainty of receiving back 100 francs In gold , you may -win 4 time * CVThft U oi afe , and fi boit , Investment ever offered , at the inverted money mu . t I * pall back when bond mature * . Bond for vlrauUr * n It will pay you to dD. or wed yrur ord.rt . witU mono/ or retniturod letter , or postal notes , and In return w. will forward the document * UEULLV BANKIXG CO. . 305 llroadwtty , New York Cltjr. N. B. These bonds are not lottery tickets , and tlieirale legally peruutted in the IT , S. by law of 1878.