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About Hesperian student / (Lincoln [Neb.]) 1872-1885 | View Entire Issue (May 1, 1885)
6 THE HESPERIAN STUDENT it "When our best girl hints Unit icc-crcnm is a prevent, ntive of sun-stroke, never tell her that it is productive of cholera ami cerebro-spinnl-ir.cningitis." "Hell has no fury like n woman scorned J" Study, study, little I'rep; How you ponder cv'ry stcpl When von are a Sophomore. You will give such labor o'er and loaf. The tutor in Mathematics dismissed the class with a bland smile and, as they were gliding out in the usua'j boisterous way common to Preps, he said "Now if any of you find any hard problems in that part of Algebra we have been studying, bring them to nie and I will gladly work them." Next day the tough boy took the tutor aside. "Professor, if a is the known distance between two points nnd x is the cubic contents of a hollow square, and j is the naperian base, what is7xe?" "No man on earth could answer that question,11 said the tutor. "ir," replied the lough boy, "is an edged tool used to chop wood." Hut no.t day the tough boy was suspended. The appearance of a performing bear in the neighbor hood of lho campus was sufficient to stir the University 0 its foundation. Students were seen running from all directions; some ran out of the doors others jumped from (ho windows. While two Sopusso far forgot their dignity as to rush from the building bare-headed. The perform ances of the bear were pronounced splcuded, andalibur al number ofnickles were contributed and all relume to their work except "Him" Eddy, who persisted in fol lowing the bear aiouud town until his mother sent for him to coiuo home. Somebody advised us to start a puzzle department. We begin with an anagram. The following sentence can be read in seven thousand and thirty-one different ways. "I have llunked." You can read it sitting or standing, tcar fullv or joyfully, calmly or angrily, with your coat on or your coat off, reclining on your ear or reclining on the garden gate, while eating a pie or while starving to death, while listening to a cat-concert or while attending the opera, but it means the same however 3'ou read it. We're "sunt punkins" on puzzles, and don't you forget it. SONG OK THE KULLBIt HINK. Sing a Mint; ot the roller rink; Strap 'urn and start with a slip go bung I Who givct. a blank what thr preuchors think! Sing hey! The graceful ourang outangl The dashing dude with striped pants; A. eliding Htrotch and a baleful break; The bumblebee slugs to the little red ants; Gaythc garrulous gang they make. Tunefully tremble the tuba's tones. Saw me a slice of electric light! A eoughiug sigh from the rattle bones, The tender tale of a llapjack's flight. Ileineward.thc geese la the gloaming glide, The jam roosts high ou the pantry shelf, Wipe up the chalk with the pantaloon slide You'll never know how till you try it yourself , A dolefutydltty, dcvoldjof brains I Oiggletel he! too giddy to think; Who cares forsense If the metre remains, Feet rank sense at the roller riuj, Stato Jooinal iiinyus gpipinfe Let us weep! Hortensius the Advocate,--what is it? a drug? Many old faces arc about, this term, and a few new ones. Did Warner go to Hastings? Oh no! It was all a mis take. The Sophomore Logic class is wrestling with such ques tions a& nominalism, realism, conreptualism, whales, etc Among those who teach this spring are Misses Lough cridge, Lcsh, Baker, and "me too" says Mallory, Behold nur teachers I Misses L-jsli, L'Highcridge, Baker; Mr. Chas. Allen, and Mallory bobs up with "me too.' Under the management of Madam Spring ami Prof. Bessey, the campus is assuming a dillereut appearance Mr. Nceley declares by the power of all that's good aud bad that if Canaday doesn't quit taking his paper, well he'll see about it. The Palladian girls have whacked up to tho extent of $G0, toward the indebtedness ol their society. Com ment is unnecessary. Prof. B-sey set out from seventy five to one hundred trees, the most valuable for ornamental purposes. This is what our campus needs. Will P. Wiggens has gone west. For tlio prescnl, th0 University will have comparative quiet. Master Willie will make a genuine clod. hopper. .Jesse Holmes, our business-like librarian is takinir in the exposition at New Orleans. During his absence Si" Polk beams over the libririaus desk. A. L. Frost of '80 has accepted the principaMiip of the Centreville schools for the spring term. Mr Frost hopes that a change of occupation may proV(. beneficial to his health which has been shattered by too close confinement to his studies. The lecture by Professor Sherman on "Literature aud Culture" was the opening event of the term. The lecture was listened to by an attentive aud an appreciative audi ence. Professor Sherman has the sure faculty of neiii" able 10 entertain an audience and instruct at the same time Keep off the grass I The Janitor has been appointed a special policeman and has had two cannons mounted in front of the University and proposes to sweep the campus . Besides this he has thecntire military department at his back. John proposes to protect the grounds if it take powder and ball aud a scene in a justice's court. Wiggenhorn has been indulging again. This time he has been learning to smoke. For the first he thought he would take something "mild" and chose a cubeb cigars ette. In about five minutes 1 e was rolling in all the agon ies of sea sickness and in the midst of a violent internal commotion he was heard to murmur "Vain world I hate ye." Try a straw next time "Wig." The new catalogue will soon make its appearance. The courses of study can hardly be recognized as belonging to the University. The preparatory courses require Latiu in all. Mathematics have been cut down and a year' course of military scionce added. The term work in all cases has been iucreasod. In the Sophomore year, eigh teen hours are required. The Senior Literary has been made entiraly .elective, save three hours of political science
