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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (June 15, 2000)
‘Gone’a surprisingly poor effort GONE from page 4 that doesn’t make up for 90 minutes of anticipation. “Gone in 60 Seconds” not only thinks it’s humor ous, but a riot. So many dead-air jokes have been added to the screenplay, probably after the fact. Sena, or someone, must have known that the drab look of die production, cou pled with its length, needed something to spice it up. The result is a light hearted affair - really, it is - that takes die time to watch the crooks get stoked to die song “Low Rider” before the big boost. It may please some people that there is little to zero blood, because really, it’s hard to kill off cops trying to do their jobs in a movie not serious about its subject. In fact, only one person dies in “Gone in 60 Seconds.” Three points to you for guessing who. But it’ll still leave you one point in the red for seeing the movie in the first place. ★ NO APPOINTMENTS NEEDED! 17th A N St 476-9466 OIL I I I dailyncb.com What’s up with Ralph? Americans need to wake up to our alternate presidential candidate Here’s your wake up call, Nebraska. I would be so bold as to encompass all fifty states in the “wake up call” but forty of them have already jumped out of bed, showered and shaved while the other ten are STILL SLEEP ING. It’s time to quit being tired and listen to the news. Here goes. Let’s try to put a new name on the ballot for the November election, shall we? You know that the only two voices of wisdom, reason and right (in lieu of God!) that we have to choose from to run the country are A1 Gore and George W. Bush. As much as I love to think of the things they could do for we the people (corporate slaves) and the environment (oh, beautiful waste sight) let’s think about what it meant long ago to be a Democrat. I myself have seen the con vergence of the Republican and Democratic parties. They sorta seem like the same self-centered entity when you strip off the labels, huh? So lets use our bio genetic engineering skills we learned in sixth grade to breed the two “animals” and make he pviiwi pvoiuvm. Oh wait, the perfect presi dent has already been formed, it’s just been locked in the base ment for quite some time now. ' Donkey and Elephant have mated and have formed a radical offspring. This offspring, whom we will call Ralph Nader because it’s easier on his accountants than Elephonkey, no longer likes his parents because they’re weird and they smell funny. I mean, they’re animals and they poop wherever they damned well please. So Ralph sucked the best traits from his parental units and added his j own spice. So Ralph, an elephonkey ' if you prefer sick ancestry, is rebellious and yet strangely down to earth. He gets picked on. He is a geek. But he knows how to use a toilet properly so he is forgets about those who relentlessly ostracize him. He forgets die bullies who tease him and gains strength from their slanders instead. Ralph is running with the Green Party (a herd of a rare lib eral breed) and he isn’t out of breath yet The Green party isn’t worried about society’s conde scending eye because they are real. Call them underdogs or weaklings but they are real. Bush is an idiot (not real) and Gore is an alien (so not real). What better reason do you need than to listen to my flatter ing comments about ole Ralph? Ralph has made quite a name for himself in his lifetime and he continues to. He doesn’t give a shit about corporations and technology - he cares about what Democrats of long ago used to stand for. He cares about die downtrodden working man (the individual farmer) and the environment (maintain the land we quit loving long ago). We, as Nebraskans, have always been a bit, how shall I say, conservative? This is why we need a wake up call. Forty of the states in this here ■k U.S. have already expanded tneir horizons and their freedom of choice by putting Nader on their ballot. As for us Nebraskans? Well, someone slipped a slow-tempo no-need-for-change pill into our water that we have been drinking our whole lives and it’s so com forting that we don’t want to try any other water. Itls not our fault; people can’t see that some times labels (i.e. Republican — or Evian if you still want to use the water analogy) don’t always mean it’s the best for ■ you ' It’s no ones fault that people woe bom lazy. If you vote a straight ticket every time, P | well, color you lazy. Every four years should provide an exciting time to take time and learn why idiots keep run ning “the big show”. If you want to see such items on your Patriotic Shopping List as universal health care courtage, cam paign finance IjL. reform, fair trade poli cies, Its no ones fault that people were bom lazy. If you vote a straight ticket every time, well, color you lazy. Every four years should provide an exciting time to take time and learn why idiots keep running i(the big show ” living wage, protections of the ecosystem, family farmers, less money for a wasteful Defense Department, and more money for education and human servic es then this crazy son of an ele phant and donkey is your man(?). A vote for Ralph (after we all work in harmony to get him on the ballot) will make you feel like a million dollars (that Ralph would spend on education and not McDonald^). Ralph needs approximately 6,000 signatures from Nebraska with 1/3 roughly coming from each of the three districts. If you sign the petition (for the love of God, PLEASE!) it’s not a vote it’s just giving (me more voice to the people. You’ve heard of democracy right? Then sign the damned petition! If you want to get your hands on the petition of which I speak of, you can contact Tim Rinne at 475-7616. You must be a registered Nebraska voter so don’t tell me that you’re apathet ic enough never to have regis tered. You must not care a lick who runs the country, eh? Idiot or alien makes no difference, eh? You could think of all this not as politics but as a challenge in exercising one of the greatest FREE gifts we have in America. The gift is that of voting, and the challenge is trying to pick some one who will help ‘we the peo ple’ not ‘diem the corporations’. If you’re worried about taking votes away from Gore if you vote for Ralph, well, Nebraska hasn’t carried a Democratic win since 1964 (LBJ) and 1936 (FDR) before that. Gore won’t win Nebraska, so vote for the host with the most and ensure qualification of the Green Party for federal matching funds in 2004. OK, make me proud Nebraska or I’ll make you sorry that you ever listened to me in the first place. Karen Brown is a senior English and film studies major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist