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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 14, 1998)
EDITOR Erin Gibson OPINION EDITOR Cliff Hicks EDITORIAL BOARD Nancy Christensen Brad Davis Sam McKewon Jeff Randall Bret Schulte Editorial Policy Unsigned editorials are the opinions of the Fall 1998 Daily Nebraskan. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, its employees, its student body or the University of Nebraska Board of Regents. A column is solely the opinion of its author. The Board of Regents serves as publisher of the Daily Nebraskan; policy is set by the Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board. The UNL Publications Board, established by the regents, supervises the production of the paper. According to policy set by the regents, responsibility for the editorial content of the newspaper lies solely in the hands of its student employees. Quotes OF THE YEAR “I knew that he would get attention, and I knew that people would take it wrong.” Justin Kalhoff, then junior premedicine major, about e-mail sent by former English Professor David Hibler that some members of the university community have deemed racist “And I want you to know that even though I’m saying goodbye, I will never forget you, because even death can’t end a life like yours.” Shannon Heffelfinger, then a UNL sophomore and Daily Nebraskan senior sports reporter, to her friend and roommate, Laura Cockson, who died last spring in a car accident caused by an alleged drunken driver “Seeing how it’s sunny outside, maybe we should go out and settle this whole thing right now.” * President Bill Clinton, speaking at the White House, to members of the University of Michigan and University of Nebraska 1997-1998 national champion football teams “I’ll put them right up in front of your eyeball! I’ve got a duck with three legs, a lizard with two heads and a half-chicken, half-turkey that’s alive, man!” State Fair sideshow animal handler “Lefty, ” about his “pets” “Enough is enough.” Daily Nebraskan opinion editor, Cliff Hicks, and editor in chief, Erin Gibson, on the President Clinton/Monica Lewinsky issue “If I ever see him at a governor’s con vention, I definitely won’t challenge him to an arm-wrestling match.” Governor-elect Mike Johanns, on the election of former pro-wrestler Jesse “The Body ” Ventura as governor of Minnesota “I think I am a goddess.... I have so much more strength inside me than I do in my muscle mass. Every woman is a goddess, in a way. I hope they see that” Therese Alshammar, NU swimmer, on her tattoo, which reads “Diva,” meaning “goddess ” “I can drive all over the city every day, and I can easily find the quickest way to get there. I didn’t think that made me exceptionally bright, but apparently that disqualifies me for government service.” Tim Francis, a 12-year downtown resi dent, on the post office’s claim that they have had problems with the adjustment of traffic on P Street, which later was reversed “A lot of that 10 grand was fun money.” Dallas Smetter, 1995 UNL graduate, on how he spent his loan money “Five miles, five beers. What the hell was I thinking?” DN columnist Todd Munson, on his participation in the 10th annual Beer Run Letter Policy The Daily Nebraskan welcomes brief letters to the editor and guest columns, but does not guarantee their publication. The Daily Nebraskan retains the right to edit or reject any material submitted. Submitted material becomes property of the Daily Nebraskan and cannot be returned. Anonymous submissions will not be published. Those who submit letters must identify themselves by name, year in school, major and/or group affiliation, if any. Submit material to: Daily Nebraskan, 34 Nebraska Union, 1400 R St. Lincoln, NE. 68588-0448. E-mail: letters@unlinfo.unl.edu. Mook’s VIEW Making amends Time comes to offer gratitude, apologies was my crowning achievement. Thanks. To Emily for giving me the idea for that last joke. Apology. For stealing it. Thanks. To that nice homeless guy who saves me a parking spot every day by sleeping in it. Best $4 a week I ever spent. Apology. To everyone for that last joke. Thanks. To my mom for not tak ing that gun article seriously. At least, I hope she didn’t take it seriously. Uhh, where did I leave that body armor catalog, anyway? Apology. To all the girls I’ve loved before, who’ve traveled in and out my door. I’m glad you came along. I dedicate this song to all the girls I’ve loved before. Thanks. To Julio Iglesias’ attor ney’s for not suing me. Apology. For any columns that weren’t funny. Thanks. For any that you found funny. Apology. To Nick Hytrek s wile, Erin, for corrupting your husband with liquor and baseball, then blam ing him for it. Thanks. To the entire staff at the J-school for beating an education into my head against my will. Apology. For making their jobs so damn difficult. Thanks. To the Lincoln Journal Star for paying me. Apology. To the Daily Nebraskan for paying me. Thanks. To everyone who never takes me seriously. It’s a common mistake to believe everything you read in print as serious, heartfelt rea soning. It’s not. Apology. For the heebie jeebies. Thanks. To all those people who hold deep-seated beliefs in causes. And for not getting in my face and preaching about them. Apology. For teasing Erin Reitz with Chocolate Chunk cookies. Thanks. To Gov. Jesse Ventura (I Minn.) for his warm, friendly call. Double thanks for not giving me that A.L. FORKNER is a junior news-editorial major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist “Good night sweetheart, well, it’s time to go. (doh doh-dee doh doh) Good night sweetheart, well it’s time to go. (doh doh-dee doh doh) I hate to leave you but I really must say ... Whoa, good night sweetheart, good night.” As the end of the year approaches, it’s time for me to perform an annual ritual. No, it doesn’t involve the sacri fice of a virgin. (Supply and demand problem, you understand.) This time every year I look back and take an opportunity to thank Apology. To my co-worker with whom I had an improper relationship. I know now what I did was wrong. It was poor judgment on my part, and it will never happen again. Next time Roger asks me to play office baseball with the Super Happy Fun Ball, I will decline. I don’t care if he is the Employee of the Millennium. Thanks. To Bill Clinton for fill ing the humor void after Dan Quayle left public office. Apology. To A1 Gore. For his being A1 Gore. Thanks. To all my new sponsors. Gargoyles Eyewear, Reebok Outdoors0ear and Dakota Angler and Outfitters. Apology. To Jimmy Buffett for being too damn drunk to remember any of his October concert. Thanks. To Rapid City Central High School for the basic education that has helped me to succeed in life. Apology. To Rapid City Central High School for revealing that I am an alumnus. Thanks. To Nick Hytrek for giv ing me reason not to pack it up and move to Key West to live of^pf recy cled aluminum. Also, for corrupting me with liquor and baseball. Your wife should be proud. Atomic Drop fie originally promised. Apology. To the Center for Handgun Control, Inc. and Director Sarah Brady. It was a horrible event that resulted in your husband’s shoot ing. But lady, it wasn’t my gun, so get off my back. Thanks. To the National Rifle Association (and what a fine organi zation it is) for that lovely check for $25,000 dollars. Apology. To my German teacher, Yvonne, for missing classv I was going to write in German that you rock, but I don’t remember how. (Not the Editor’s Note: Thanks, for the ability to randomly pop these in for a cheap laugh.) Apology. To Erin Gibson, for attaching her title of editor to said notes. Well, and for using her name to refinance my tattoo payments. Finally, apology and thanks to the Chief for hiring me and for not fir ing me. Yet. Hang in there, Hombre. Well, I think that about does it. If I forgot anyone, please let me know, and I’ll put you on next year’s list. Now that I have all my sins and slights taken care of... Who wants to get nekkid? everyone who has helped me out dur ing die year. Especially the educators, friends and family that have supported me. Primarily, because I’m gonna be ask ing for more of the same help next year. It’s also the time of year for me to apologize to everyone who I’ve angered during the year. As you can see, this could take a while. Get comfortable. Thanks. To that one very special person. I appreciate your not pressing charges. Apology. To the People for the Ethical Treatment of Poodles. Honest, that poodle was that color when I got there. Thanks. To Jesus, whom I met in a bar last week. Most people don’t know this, but He’s a drywall hanger from Florida. Oddly enough, the Savior has only three teeth. Go fig. Apology. To every person with e mail. I have a confession that’s been weighing heavily on my soul. All those annoying forwards that you get? That’s me. I did ’em all. The teddy bear made out of exclamation points