EDITOR
Erin Gibson
OPINION
EDITOR
Cliff Hicks
EDITORIAL
BOARD
Nancy Christensen
Brad Davis
Sam McKewon
Jeff Randall
Bret Schulte
Editorial Policy
Unsigned editorials are the opinions of
the Fall 1998 Daily Nebraskan. They do
not necessarily reflect the views of the
University of Nebraska-Lincoln, its
employees, its student body or the
University of Nebraska Board of Regents.
A column is solely the opinion of its author.
The Board of Regents serves as publisher
of the Daily Nebraskan; policy is set by
the Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board. The
UNL Publications Board, established by
the regents, supervises the production
of the paper. According to policy set by
the regents, responsibility for the editorial
content of the newspaper lies solely in
the hands of its student employees.
Quotes
OF THE YEAR
“I knew that he would get attention,
and I knew that people would take it
wrong.”
Justin Kalhoff, then junior premedicine
major, about e-mail sent by former English
Professor David Hibler that some members
of the university community have deemed
racist
“And I want you to know that even
though I’m saying goodbye, I will never
forget you, because even death can’t end
a life like yours.”
Shannon Heffelfinger, then a UNL
sophomore and Daily Nebraskan senior
sports reporter, to her friend and roommate,
Laura Cockson, who died last spring in a
car accident caused by an alleged drunken
driver
“Seeing how it’s sunny outside, maybe
we should go out and settle this whole
thing right now.”
* President Bill Clinton, speaking at the
White House, to members of the University
of Michigan and University of Nebraska
1997-1998 national champion football
teams
“I’ll put them right up in front of your
eyeball! I’ve got a duck with three legs, a
lizard with two heads and a half-chicken,
half-turkey that’s alive, man!”
State Fair sideshow animal handler
“Lefty, ” about his “pets”
“Enough is enough.”
Daily Nebraskan opinion editor, Cliff
Hicks, and editor in chief, Erin Gibson, on
the President Clinton/Monica Lewinsky
issue
“If I ever see him at a governor’s con
vention, I definitely won’t challenge him
to an arm-wrestling match.”
Governor-elect Mike Johanns, on the
election of former pro-wrestler Jesse “The
Body ” Ventura as governor of Minnesota
“I think I am a goddess.... I have so
much more strength inside me than I do
in my muscle mass. Every woman is a
goddess, in a way. I hope they see that”
Therese Alshammar, NU swimmer, on
her tattoo, which reads “Diva,” meaning
“goddess ”
“I can drive all over the city every day,
and I can easily find the quickest way to
get there. I didn’t think that made me
exceptionally bright, but apparently that
disqualifies me for government service.”
Tim Francis, a 12-year downtown resi
dent, on the post office’s claim that they
have had problems with the adjustment of
traffic on P Street, which later was reversed
“A lot of that 10 grand was fun
money.”
Dallas Smetter, 1995 UNL graduate, on
how he spent his loan money
“Five miles, five beers. What the hell
was I thinking?”
DN columnist Todd Munson, on his
participation in the 10th annual Beer Run
Letter Policy
The Daily Nebraskan welcomes brief
letters to the editor and guest columns,
but does not guarantee their publication.
The Daily Nebraskan retains the right to
edit or reject any material submitted.
Submitted material becomes property of
the Daily Nebraskan and cannot be
returned. Anonymous submissions will
not be published. Those who submit
letters must identify themselves by name,
year in school, major and/or group
affiliation, if any.
Submit material to: Daily Nebraskan, 34
Nebraska Union, 1400 R St. Lincoln,
NE. 68588-0448. E-mail:
letters@unlinfo.unl.edu.
Mook’s
VIEW
Making amends
Time comes to offer gratitude, apologies
was my crowning achievement.
Thanks. To Emily for giving me
the idea for that last joke.
Apology. For stealing it.
Thanks. To that nice homeless
guy who saves me a parking spot
every day by sleeping in it. Best $4 a
week I ever spent.
Apology. To everyone for that last
joke.
Thanks. To my mom for not tak
ing that gun article seriously. At least,
I hope she didn’t take it seriously.
Uhh, where did I leave that body
armor catalog, anyway?
Apology. To all the girls I’ve
loved before, who’ve traveled in and
out my door. I’m glad you came
along. I dedicate this song to all the
girls I’ve loved before.
Thanks. To Julio Iglesias’ attor
ney’s for not suing me.
Apology. For any columns that
weren’t funny.
Thanks. For any that you found
funny.
Apology. To Nick Hytrek s wile,
Erin, for corrupting your husband
with liquor and baseball, then blam
ing him for it.
Thanks. To the entire staff at the
J-school for beating an education into
my head against my will.
Apology. For making their jobs so
damn difficult.
Thanks. To the Lincoln Journal
Star for paying me.
Apology. To the Daily Nebraskan
for paying me.
Thanks. To everyone who never
takes me seriously. It’s a common
mistake to believe everything you
read in print as serious, heartfelt rea
soning. It’s not.
Apology. For the heebie jeebies.
Thanks. To all those people who
hold deep-seated beliefs in causes.
And for not getting in my face and
preaching about them.
Apology. For teasing Erin Reitz
with Chocolate Chunk cookies.
Thanks. To Gov. Jesse Ventura (I
Minn.) for his warm, friendly call.
Double thanks for not giving me that
A.L. FORKNER is a junior
news-editorial major
and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist
“Good night sweetheart, well, it’s
time to go. (doh doh-dee doh doh)
Good night sweetheart, well it’s time
to go. (doh doh-dee doh doh) I hate to
leave you but I really must say ...
Whoa, good night sweetheart, good
night.”
As the end of the year approaches,
it’s time for me to perform an annual
ritual. No, it doesn’t involve the sacri
fice of a virgin. (Supply and demand
problem, you understand.)
This time every year I look back
and take an opportunity to thank
Apology. To my co-worker with
whom I had an improper relationship.
I know now what I did was wrong. It
was poor judgment on my part, and it
will never happen again.
Next time Roger asks me to play
office baseball with the Super Happy
Fun Ball, I will decline. I don’t care if
he is the Employee of the
Millennium.
Thanks. To Bill Clinton for fill
ing the humor void after Dan Quayle
left public office.
Apology. To A1 Gore. For his
being A1 Gore.
Thanks. To all my new sponsors.
Gargoyles Eyewear, Reebok
Outdoors0ear and Dakota Angler and
Outfitters.
Apology. To Jimmy Buffett for
being too damn drunk to remember
any of his October concert.
Thanks. To Rapid City Central
High School for the basic education
that has helped me to succeed in life.
Apology. To Rapid City Central
High School for revealing that I am
an alumnus.
Thanks. To Nick Hytrek for giv
ing me reason not to pack it up and
move to Key West to live of^pf recy
cled aluminum. Also, for corrupting
me with liquor and baseball. Your
wife should be proud.
Atomic Drop fie originally
promised.
Apology. To the Center for
Handgun Control, Inc. and Director
Sarah Brady. It was a horrible event
that resulted in your husband’s shoot
ing. But lady, it wasn’t my gun, so get
off my back.
Thanks. To the National Rifle
Association (and what a fine organi
zation it is) for that lovely check for
$25,000 dollars.
Apology. To my German teacher,
Yvonne, for missing classv I was
going to write in German that you
rock, but I don’t remember how.
(Not the Editor’s Note: Thanks,
for the ability to randomly pop these
in for a cheap laugh.)
Apology. To Erin Gibson, for
attaching her title of editor to said
notes. Well, and for using her name to
refinance my tattoo payments.
Finally, apology and thanks to
the Chief for hiring me and for not fir
ing me. Yet. Hang in there, Hombre.
Well, I think that about does it. If I
forgot anyone, please let me know,
and I’ll put you on next year’s list.
Now that I have all my sins and
slights taken care of... Who wants to
get nekkid?
everyone who has helped me out dur
ing die year.
Especially the educators, friends
and family that have supported me.
Primarily, because I’m gonna be ask
ing for more of the same help next
year.
It’s also the time of year for me to
apologize to everyone who I’ve
angered during the year.
As you can see, this could take a
while. Get comfortable.
Thanks. To that one very special
person. I appreciate your not pressing
charges.
Apology. To the People for the
Ethical Treatment of Poodles.
Honest, that poodle was that color
when I got there.
Thanks. To Jesus, whom I met in
a bar last week. Most people don’t
know this, but He’s a drywall hanger
from Florida. Oddly enough, the
Savior has only three teeth. Go fig.
Apology. To every person with e
mail. I have a confession that’s been
weighing heavily on my soul. All
those annoying forwards that you get?
That’s me. I did ’em all. The teddy
bear made out of exclamation points
