Auf Wiedersehen
Columnist leaves ‘the good life’for better life in Germany
..
KLAUS MARRE is a senior
broadcasting mqjpr and a
Daily Nebraskan colum
nist.
When I was in the German army, I
started to count the days to my dis
charge with about two months left.
In Nebraska, I started counting
days 2Vi years ago. I compare my col
lege experience with a cloudy night
sky. It wasn’t all that great with the
exceptions of a few bright spots which
made it memorable in its own way.
So here it is, my final farewell to
Nebraska and the University of
Nebraska-Lincoln.
I am quite sure I’ll never win any
thing in my life, so this is my only shot
at one of those speeches people give
whenever they are honored, so bear
with me.
ii you nave read my columns, then
you will know that I’ll go ahead and
skip the part where everybody else is
thanking the Lord. Instead, let me go
straight to giving credit were credit is
due.
More than anybody, I would like to
thank my family for having made me
the person I am now proud of.
Everything I have accomplished is a
reflection of the greatness of my par
ents and everybody else in my family.
Every one of my successes also is their
success. I would be nothing without
their love and support
As you can probably tell by reading
my columns, I have never felt really
comfortable or at home in Nebraska.
It would be wrong to say I hated it;
there were too many good and memo
rable things, but more often than I
would have liked it, living here was a
very unpleasant experience. At times I
felt lonely and isolated, and it is need
less to say I didn’t particularly cherish
such feelings.
Still, I received what I believe to be
a good education; and I didn’t come
here to have fun, so I guess I can’t
complain.
niereiore, more uianKS goes out to
everybody in the College of
Journalism and Mass
Communications. I think it has assem
bled a fine group of people, and the
reason it is one ofUNUs best colleges
is because of its staff.
Obviously one of the things I will
look back on is my work on “Three
Men and a German.” It has been a
good run, and I wish Dave, Matt and
Jay great success without me (although
it would suck if die show would be bet
ter without me, because it would make
me look like a jackass).
Thanks to all our listeners and
callers who have made the show a
forum for anybody who wants to talk
about oral sex and masturbation.
This year, I was UNUs King of all
Media when I also got to write in this
fine publication. I would like to thank
the folks here at the Daily Nebraskan
for making me feel welcome, although
I was totally aware of what they said
behind my back.
utumg me wiuc un a uay wiui
Malcolm Kass was really nice because
his gibberish made my columns look
good. No, that’s not true.
Actually Erin Schulte made them
look good. She gave my columns sense
when she proofread them and correct
ed not only orthographic mistakes but
also pointed out time and time again
that I’m a worthless piece of German
slime. So, if you have enjoyed my
work, a lot of credit goes out to Erin.
To the rest of the Daily Nebraskan
staff (apart from Chad Lorenz and
Erin, for whom I have the utmost admi
ration, and Lisa, with whom I am in
love): Broadcasters are the better peo
ple. Still, thanks for giving me the
opportunity to write.
I also appreciate all the people who
took the time to read and think about
my columns, and I would like to
express my gratitude to those who
responded (including everybody at the
University of Oklahoma who told
me I’d go to hell).
I want to thank the
administration for selling
out time and time again,
most recently to
Pepsi, to show us
students what
real-life cap
italism is
all
aoout. ujnl onicials have taught me a
great many lessons, most often how
not to run things.
There have also been a couple
questions left unanswered: How come
Andrews and Burnett look exactly
alike, but only one building had
asbestos in it which needed to be
removed? To everybody in the English
department: If you have cancer in a few
years, I would consider suing the uni
versity.
One of those rare bright spots here
has been my work at the University
Child Care center. Staff and children
alike were like a family away from
home, and I could not have graduated
in three years if they hadn’t kept me
sane.
Some people asked me how I could
take 23 hours and still work, and I told
them it is because of my work that I
can take 23 hours.
Obviously I will miss Husker foot
ball when I’m back in Germany. I’d
like to thank the team for winning a
couple championships while I was
1_
11W1V.
Our last title run resulted in me
going to the Orange Bowl with a few
friends, and it was one of the best road
trips in history. If you want to get mar
ried in a trailer home church, look no
further than Tennessee.
The trip included memorable
events, such as one girl asking us if we
were from “out of town” Mien we
asked whether we were in Alabama or
Mississippi.
I will never again blame the
Yankees for participating in the Civil
War. The North had every right to go
south and kick some Confederate ass.
Not enough thanks ever goes out to
all those people who were really
responsible for me being able to gradu
ate. ^ . ;■
Therefone, my grati&i<Jrgoe$ outto
all of the nameless persons who assist
ed me in everyday life. They include
the fine people in the Selleck cafeteria
(I’m sure the food isn’t your fault),
Abel desk workers, librarians, the cus
todial staff and even all the great cam
pus security officers who guarded me
in my sleep.
In general, I was never truly happy
in Nebraska, and I have always won
dered why.
I think the state lacks diversity, and
I had a hard time making true friends.
In my humble opinion, friendship is
demonstrated by actions and not
words, but sometimes I felt as if this
does not necessarily hold true here.
Still, I have met a handful of very
neat people.
First and foremost Greg, Tom and
Craig, who were willing to form the
band Spiceballs with me. The project
never got under way, but I’m sure we
would have been huge. How could
anybody resist a singer named Old
Snice?
It also is the fault of these three
people that it will take several years
before I will be able to watch a movie
in Germany that I have not seen in the
United States before.
I believe I am a better person when
I am around my people and in an envi
ronment in which I feel comfortable,
so I encourage anybody who is in
Europe to stop by.
I live in the big yellow house in
Horrem, which is just outside of
Cologne. Just ask for me anywhere in
Germany; they’ll know.
There will be many things I’ll miss.
Obviously “The Simpsons” with
German voices will just not cut it.
Many people asked me whether I
would miss Jerry Springer. The answer
is no. We have the same show every
Saturday when tens of thousands of
people beat the living hell out of each
other.!
Wq call it Fussball; you So8-* 3
cer. Ariybbdyviho tKM&ffie! -n u ■1
Nebraska-Colorado rivalry is intense
should spend an afternoon in a German
stadium, trying to cheer while avoiding
knives and firecrackers.
Actually, while we are talking
about Germans, let’s just get rid of
some of the stereotypes for a minute.
My country is not obsessed with
David Hasselhoff. This affects only a
minority of senior citizens, and I blame ,
Alzheimer’s for that, not a lack of taste
on the part of the Germans.
Also, die vast majority of European
women shave, and I’m not talking
mustaches (well, apart from the -
Romanians), so don’t ever bother to
ask another European this question.
And to all of you who have told me
they are German, half-German or
whatever percentage German: You are
100 percent idiot.
the only way to be German (and I
find it questionable to be proud of that
heritage in light of recent history) is to
have a German passport.
I just explained this to Todd
Munson, who claimed to be a woman
just because he likes to wear bras. It
just is not the same.
Yet, although I didn’tyeajjjyfficeit
here, I benefited iiom my time in |
Nebraska. Therearempya^b^mgl^J
will take back to GeriKa^. ; ;
One of them is the “Abdarpinizet^
which I purchased for tfiree easy ^ •
installments of $39.95 through a one
uiuc uiuy uuer on television, .rnnenca
does have great things to offer.
Actually, it is not fair for me to be
so cynical.
There have been many good times,
and I have met good people with
whom I intend to stay in touch. Apart
from a good education, I made a few
friends, and if nothing else, living here
has made me mentally tougher.
In the beginning of the column, I
compared this experience
>8i#§^jealdti
I thought f
Right now I am just ready to go
back home and to be there for all my
friends and family who have had noth
ing but support and love for me.
I am sure when I look back at my
Nebraska experience in a few years,
the sky will have cleared up and I will
be able to remember more of the
good things and not the bad.
This is the moment when I
get all teary-eyed, because I
have to say my final good
bye to everything I liked about
my three years here.
Maybethete^L^^ \{k
“H<^rtlahd”K.taking it a/
little too far, but there afe
many good people
here whom I will
miss a lot and who
have earned a spot
in my heart and my
III memories.
Hjj| Farewell.
