The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, October 08, 1997, Page 5, Image 5
Slap it in back Bumper stickers could be knowledge for America’s youth _mis. JIM VANCE is a senior physical and health edu cation major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. With all the problems you hear about the American educational system, and how messed up kids are today, I think it’s time we find a new source of knowledge for our youth. The big question is what other sources could there be? I think I have just the source. Chances are you’re one of the »ut there with knowledge per stickers. I like to call ickers the “Cliff Notes to Life.” Life didn’t exactly come with an instruction manual, so bumper stickers might just be the next best thing. What else has the ability to encompass humor, religion, politics and controversy all on a piece of paper no more than the size of your forearm? And what’s even better is no matter what type of person you are, laid back, uptight, conservative or sarcastic, there’s a bumper sticker out there just for you. And if by chance there isn’t, you can always make one up for yourself. Let’s say you’re a religious per son. Well then you may want to check out these witty phrases: Going to church no more makes you a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car. God is dead — Nietzsche. Nietzsche is dead - God. Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister. The only problem with Baptists is they don’t hold them under long enough. Jesus saves, by using double coupons and shopping wisely. If you don’t mind controversy, I think you’ll enjoy touting these lines on your rear end: As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. People are more violently opposed to fur than leather, because it’s easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. Work harder. Millions on welfare I like to call bumper stickers the “Cliff Notes to Life.” , are depending on you. Gun control means using two hands. Kevorkian for Surgeon General. Earth first! We ’ll strip mine the other planets later! Clinton doesn’t inhale, he blows. I love animals. They ’re deli cious. We can fire politicians because we can fire guns. How about all of you who enjoy bashing members of the opposite sex? Here is just a small dose: Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. Grow your own dope, plant a man. Feminism is the rpdical notion that women are people. My other wife is a model. Or if you are just a regular sar castic person, you probably would do well with one of these: I D.A.R.E. you to keep cops off donuts. Save a horse, ride a cowboy. I’m not obnoxious, I’m tact challenged. I’ll listen to reason when it comes out on compact disc. Horn broke, watch for finger. DAMM-Drunks Against Mad Mothers. Bad spellers of the world UNTIE! Chancellor is French for “funny-looking, bald guy." I’ll f**k anything that moves, so don’t fidget! Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. There are three kinds of people, those who can count and those who can’t. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s one for brightness, but it doesn’t work. Ron Jeremy for President. Illiterate? Call this number for help. Scixelsyd Etinu. (Read back wards.) The worst part of censorship is XXXXXXX. Anything which does not kill me better do enough damage to keep me from firing back. Never play leap frog with a uni corn. The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. Rugby players may not go down in history, but they ’ll go down on your sister. " Does doing a Muppet count as bestiality? E. Coli Happens. Have you ever had Deja Vu? Have you ever had Deja Vu? Conserve water. Shower with a friend. Parents^ can’t live withThem, can’t live without their money. These all provide examples of how bumper stickers can be an influencing factor in the person you are, you can be, and will be. So go on and help America’s educational system. Throw on a bumper sticker! \ Asserting manhood? Promise Keepers: GREGG MADSEN is a senior news-editorial major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. Nearly one million men gath ered Saturday in Washington, D.C., for the Promise Keepers movement’s “Stand in the Gap.” They spent the day singing, praying and, according to the cover of Time magazine, “asserting their manhood.” NOW, the National Organization of Women, protested the assembly, calling Promise Keepers “the greatest danger to f women’s rights.” Maybe they and the other critics of Promise Keepers have a decent argument. Aiier an, nearly a million men get ting together to learn how to subju gate women and assert their man hood should definitely be cause for alarm, right? It would be a cause for alarm - if the critics knew what they were talking about. The fact is that for each of its six years of existence, Promise Keepers has implored more than two million men of this nation to reconcile with God and with their families. Promise Keepers isn’t built upon the degradation of women. It’s built upon the power of God to change a human heart. It isn’t a threat to equality among sexes or race, so don’t believe the vocal minority out there who believes a biblically-functioning family is a danger to America. there are seven promises that the Promise Keepers movement emphasizes, none of which can real istically be seefluas a4hreat to the status of women. For^example, promise No. 3 says a promise-keep ing male is committed to practicing spiritual, moral, ethical and sexual purity. It’s no sunrise manyVeel this is a dangerous idea, considering so few hold to such high standards themselves. Do we really believe a man who has high spiritual stan dards, a desire for morality, who Stands for truth and who does n’t sleep around with anyone besides his wife is a danger o women? Heaven forbid these high moral standards seep into our polit ical systems and everyday lives, then the whole nation would be lost. If morality is now a dangerous prac tice, then we’re in trouble. Another interesting point the Promise Keepers stress is promise No. 6, which is to reach beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity. Promise Keepers is simply asserting the fact that in God’s eyes, there is no color, no ethnicity, no differences. It’s saying, in effect, that all men are created equal. That sounds vaguely familiar, doesn’t it? What Promise Keepers want to make the world realize is that true racial reconciliation cannot be man dated by policies such as affirma tive action, it can only come through a change in a person’s heart. Hmm ... ethically pure men who make a promise to see beyond eth I nicity, skin color and socioeco nomic status. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. But Promise Keepers doesn’t stop with race. Promise No.4 says a Promise Keeper is com mitted to building strong marriages and families through love, protec tion and biblical values. If you have a problem with a husband loving and protecting his wife, then you have some seriously twisted views of marriage. The sticking point of this promise is the phrase “biblical values.” Mention the Bible in the same sentence as marriage and many people instantly think one thing: Man rules, women serves. That’s a neat thought, but it just isn’t true. Pastor Tony Evans of Oak Cliff Bible Church in Dallas told the men in Washington that having a biblical marriage means when you come home from your job and step into your AT'sM I home, you start your second job, which is helping (not discriminat ing, screaming at or subjugating) your wife. Indeed, Jesus told his dis ciples that whoever wished to be the greatest must learn to become the servant of all (Matthew 20:26-27) - this includes husbands serving their wives. Talk about dangerous. Imagine if that happened. Maybe some of the 50 percent of American mar riages that end in divorce would stay together. How can a man devoted to praying for and serving his wife be a detriment to , her? That’s not subjugating, on the contrary, that’s freeing. in meir omer iour promises, men of Promise Keepers pledge to honor Jesus Christ though worship, pursue vital account ability relationships with other men, support their church by honor ing and praying for the pastor, and to influence the world by being obe dient to the great com mandment - to love the Lord with all your heart and soul and strength (Mark 12:30 31) - and the great commission - to go and tell others about Jesus (Matthew 28:19 20). A man - or any human being - who pledges to keep high standards of morality, to honor people of all races and to pray dili gently for loved ones is not someone “assert ing his manhood”,, or being a danger to ohnSypalDN women’s rights.