Slap it in back
Bumper stickers could be knowledge for America’s youth
_mis.
JIM VANCE is a senior
physical and health edu
cation major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
With all the problems you hear
about the American educational
system, and how messed up kids are
today, I think it’s time we find a new
source of knowledge for our youth.
The big question is what other
sources could there be? I think I
have just the source.
Chances are you’re one of the
»ut there with knowledge
per stickers. I like to call
ickers the “Cliff Notes to
Life.” Life didn’t exactly come with
an instruction manual, so bumper
stickers might just be the next best
thing. What else has the ability to
encompass humor, religion, politics
and controversy all on a piece of
paper no more than the size of your
forearm? And what’s even better is
no matter what type of person you
are, laid back, uptight, conservative
or sarcastic, there’s a bumper sticker
out there just for you. And if by
chance there isn’t, you can always
make one up for yourself.
Let’s say you’re a religious per
son. Well then you may want to
check out these witty phrases:
Going to church no more makes
you a Christian than going to the
garage makes you a car.
God is dead — Nietzsche.
Nietzsche is dead - God.
Want a taste of religion? Bite a
minister.
The only problem with Baptists
is they don’t hold them under long
enough.
Jesus saves, by using double
coupons and shopping wisely.
If you don’t mind controversy, I
think you’ll enjoy touting these
lines on your rear end:
As long as there are tests, there
will be prayer in schools.
People are more violently
opposed to fur than leather, because
it’s easier to harass rich women
than motorcycle gangs.
Work harder. Millions on welfare
I like to call bumper stickers the “Cliff
Notes to Life.” ,
are depending on you.
Gun control means using two
hands.
Kevorkian for Surgeon General.
Earth first! We ’ll strip mine the
other planets later!
Clinton doesn’t inhale, he blows.
I love animals. They ’re deli
cious.
We can fire politicians because
we can fire guns.
How about all of you who enjoy
bashing members of the opposite
sex? Here is just a small dose:
Women who seek to be equal to
men lack ambition.
Grow your own dope, plant a
man.
Feminism is the rpdical notion
that women are people.
My other wife is a model.
Or if you are just a regular sar
castic person, you probably would
do well with one of these:
I D.A.R.E. you to keep cops off
donuts.
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
I’m not obnoxious, I’m tact
challenged.
I’ll listen to reason when it
comes out on compact disc.
Horn broke, watch for finger.
DAMM-Drunks Against Mad
Mothers.
Bad spellers of the world
UNTIE!
Chancellor is French for
“funny-looking, bald guy."
I’ll f**k anything that moves, so
don’t fidget!
Very funny Scotty. Now beam
down my clothes.
There are three kinds of people,
those who can count and those who
can’t.
I wish there was a knob on the
TV to turn up the intelligence.
There’s one for brightness, but it
doesn’t work.
Ron Jeremy for President.
Illiterate? Call this number for
help.
Scixelsyd Etinu. (Read back
wards.)
The worst part of censorship is
XXXXXXX.
Anything which does not kill me
better do enough damage to keep
me from firing back.
Never play leap frog with a uni
corn.
The weather is here, wish you
were beautiful.
I’m as confused as a baby in a
topless bar.
I used to be indecisive, but now
I’m not so sure.
Rugby players may not go down
in history, but they ’ll go down on
your sister. "
Does doing a Muppet count as
bestiality?
E. Coli Happens.
Have you ever had Deja Vu?
Have you ever had Deja Vu?
Conserve water. Shower with a
friend.
Parents^ can’t live withThem,
can’t live without their money.
These all provide examples of
how bumper stickers can be an
influencing factor in the person you
are, you can be, and will be. So go
on and help America’s educational
system. Throw on a bumper sticker!
\
Asserting manhood?
Promise Keepers:
GREGG MADSEN is a
senior news-editorial
major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
Nearly one million men gath
ered Saturday in
Washington, D.C., for
the Promise Keepers
movement’s “Stand in the
Gap.” They spent the day
singing, praying and, according
to the cover of Time magazine,
“asserting their manhood.”
NOW, the National
Organization of Women, protested
the assembly, calling Promise
Keepers “the greatest danger to
f women’s rights.” Maybe they and
the other critics of Promise
Keepers have a decent argument.
Aiier an, nearly a million men get
ting together to learn how to subju
gate women and assert their man
hood should definitely be cause for
alarm, right?
It would be a cause for alarm -
if the critics knew what they were
talking about.
The fact is that for each of its
six years of existence, Promise
Keepers has implored more than
two million men of this nation to
reconcile with God and with their
families. Promise Keepers isn’t
built upon the degradation of
women. It’s built upon the power
of God to change a human heart. It
isn’t a threat to equality among
sexes or race, so don’t believe the
vocal minority out there who
believes a biblically-functioning
family is a danger to America.
there are seven promises that
the Promise Keepers movement
emphasizes, none of which can real
istically be seefluas a4hreat to the
status of women. For^example,
promise No. 3 says a promise-keep
ing male is committed to practicing
spiritual, moral, ethical and sexual
purity. It’s no sunrise manyVeel this
is a dangerous idea, considering so
few hold to such high standards
themselves. Do we really believe a
man who has high spiritual stan
dards, a desire for
morality, who
Stands for truth
and who does
n’t sleep
around with
anyone
besides
his wife
is a danger
o
women? Heaven forbid these high
moral standards seep into our polit
ical systems and everyday lives,
then the whole nation would be lost.
If morality is now a dangerous prac
tice, then we’re in trouble.
Another interesting point the
Promise Keepers stress is promise
No. 6, which is to reach beyond any
racial and denominational barriers
to demonstrate the power of biblical
unity.
Promise Keepers is simply
asserting the fact that in God’s eyes,
there is no color, no ethnicity, no
differences. It’s saying, in effect,
that all men are created equal. That
sounds vaguely familiar, doesn’t it?
What Promise Keepers want to
make the world realize is that true
racial reconciliation cannot be man
dated by policies such as affirma
tive action, it can only come through
a change in a person’s heart.
Hmm ... ethically pure men who
make a promise to see beyond eth
I nicity, skin color and socioeco
nomic status. Sounds like a
recipe for disaster.
But Promise
Keepers doesn’t
stop with race.
Promise
No.4 says a Promise Keeper is com
mitted to building strong marriages
and families through love, protec
tion and biblical values. If you have
a problem with a husband loving
and protecting his wife, then you
have some seriously twisted views
of marriage. The sticking point of
this promise is the phrase “biblical
values.” Mention the Bible in the
same sentence as marriage and
many people instantly think one
thing: Man rules, women serves.
That’s a neat thought, but it
just isn’t true.
Pastor Tony Evans of
Oak Cliff Bible Church in
Dallas told the men in
Washington that having
a biblical marriage
means when you
come home
from your
job and
step into
your AT'sM
I
home, you start your second job,
which is helping (not discriminat
ing, screaming at or subjugating)
your wife. Indeed, Jesus told his dis
ciples that whoever wished to be the
greatest must learn to become the
servant of all (Matthew 20:26-27) -
this includes husbands serving their
wives.
Talk about dangerous. Imagine
if that happened. Maybe some of
the 50 percent of American mar
riages that end in divorce would
stay together. How can a man
devoted to praying for and
serving his wife be a
detriment to
, her? That’s not
subjugating, on
the contrary, that’s
freeing.
in meir omer iour
promises, men of
Promise Keepers
pledge to honor Jesus
Christ though worship,
pursue vital account
ability relationships
with other men, support
their church by honor
ing and praying for the
pastor, and to influence
the world by being obe
dient to the great com
mandment - to love the
Lord with all your
heart and soul and
strength (Mark 12:30
31) - and the great
commission - to go
and tell others about
Jesus (Matthew 28:19
20).
A man - or any
human being - who
pledges to keep high
standards of morality,
to honor people of all
races and to pray dili
gently for loved ones is
not someone “assert
ing his manhood”,, or
being a danger to
ohnSypalDN women’s rights.