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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 12, 1997)
lime out! , Pro-choice, pro-life activists can find common ground DANIEL MUNKSGAARD is a sophomore English and philosophy major and a Daily Nebraskan Columnist. I propose a truce. This proposal goes out to the warring factions of a debate in which there seems no common ground of which to speak and no room for compromise. I’m talking about the abortion debate. I use the term “debate” loosely, since all it really amounts to is a gigantic screaming match, interrupt ed by the occasional bombing or shooting. The line has been drawn, sides have been chosen, and it looks like civil war from here on out. But what neither side seems will ing to realize is that there is a very basic common ground: Nobody wants more abortions. Everyone would be a lot happier if women did n’t need to get them in the first place. Of course, admitting that means admitting that the other side isn’t darkness personified. It means look ing at the people on the other side of the line, and not thinking something simple like “baby killer” or “woman hater.” It means admitting that we’re all human beings trying to do what we think is right. God forbid. All right, fine. So nobody wants abortions. Wfaat does admitting that accomplish? Well, besides maybe calming us down a little, it means we have something with which to work. It means we can sit down and try to seriously cut down on the number of unwanted pregnancies. And it’s at this point that we start shouting at each other again. It’s also at this point that I’m going to break away from a fairly neutral stance and offer a challenge to one side in particular in this debate: the pro-life side. Yes, folks, I know that you think premarital sex is immoral. And I think we can all admit that way too many kids are having sex before they’re ready for it. But it’s time to question where your priorities stand. Do you really want to put an end to what your side has often called “the worst genocide in history?” Do you truly believe that your ultimate goal is to stop this pro cedure from taking place? If so, then listen up. Back when Roe vs. Wade was simply the option for crossing a river, abortions were still a pretty common thing. In fact, they were legal up until the later part of the 1800s. And even after they were made illegal, they still happened. So many, in fact, that most hospitals had a special.ward for treating victims of botched abortions. This was because, as an illegal procedure, abortions were usually performed by either incompetent moneymakers in dingy rooms, or by the women themselves with whatever they could find. When you also take into account that Brazil, where the procedure is illegal, has three times as many abor tions as the United States, I think it’s fairly safe to concede that making abortion illegal won’t result in fewer deaths. Because even if the number of abortions drops, the number of women dying because of complica tions will skyrocket. So if you follow this equation: Dead fetus/baby + dead mother = more death (bad), then you’re still with me. If, however, you prefer: dead fetus/baby + dead mother who killed her fetus/baby = justice (good), then you’re free to leave the room. But please leave your “pro life” sticker at the door. I’ll see you at the death-penalty debate. So for those of you who are still left, let’s talk prevention. Yes, I know that’s a bizarre concept for our war on drugs, lock-‘em-up-for-life American way, but let’s consider it. I think we should all agree, first and foremost, it’s time to educate the children. Which brings us to our third shouting match: abstinence vs. birth control. To which I say: Fact: Switzerland instituted a massive sex education program with its teenage population a few years back, a program that included exten sive information on birth control. The numbers are in, and while the sexual activity of the Swiss kids has neither risen nor fallen, the pregnan cy rate has dropped quite a bit. Result: fewer Swiss abortions. Fact: The World Health Organization (WHO) recently reviewed 19 separate sex education programs, which included education on condoms and other forms of birth control. Not only was there no evi dence of increased sexual activity among the participants, but five pro grams actually resulted in a substan tial decrease or delay of sexual activ ity. My Humble Opinion: Abstinence programs are like communism and libertarianism; they’re a nice idea, but they just don’t work in the real world. Plus, what are the major edu cational forces acting on our children today? Television, the movies and their friends. Do you think any of them are going to promote an absti nence-only approach any time soon? I say it’s better to address what they’ve seen and heard than to pre tend it doesn’t exist. In the end, I understand that endorsing birth control education would violate the moral principles of many pro-life activists. But I have a question for them: Where do your priorities lie? Even if sex education does increase sexual activity (despite there being little evidence to suggest this), is that much worse than letting things stay status quo, with millions of abortions, and millions of pro choice activists who are no more likely to budge than you are? Are you more concerned about what actually happens in the world, or do you just care about looking right eous? If the two movements were actu ally to sit down and jointly endorse pregnancy prevention education, people would be so shocked they might actually listen. It is within the power of people on both sides to make a difference here. Please, let’s just stop the screaming for a few minutes, and maybe we’ll get some thing done. I am NOT Tiger Woods -> Some of us don’t belong on a golf course STEVE WILLEY is a senior news-editorial major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. Mark Twain once said that play ing golf was an excellent way to ruin a good walk. Now, I have always thought Mr. Twain to be a man way ahead of his time, but despite my feelings on the man’s wisdom, a lot of other folks don’t share his views about the game. Today, golf has young studs like Tiger Woods; a man who has single handedly resurrected the popularity of the sport. His often amazing shots have lured just about everyone into being golf fans. Old men, who before had a difficult time remem bering where they lived, can now successfully recall what’s par for the fifth hole at a particular private golf course in Turkey. And expecting fathers are now dangling baby golf shoes in front of places baby golf shoes were never meant to be dan gled. Even I was bit by the golfing bug when Tiger came along. Sure, I had played a little with my father when I was growing up, but he never instilled a firm grasp of the true goals of the game. For example, up until I turned 20,1 thought the sole objective in golf was to consume as many beers as one’s finances permit ted and eventually, to purposely drive one’s golf cart into a water hazard. I quit playing golf in 1988 when my father was permanently banned from all Mississippi golf courses after he “personally enlarged” all of the golf holes in my hometown by about 11 feet. He has since been reduced to playing a sport he calls “Car Golf” at the Wal-Mart parking lot. The object of this game, I’m told, is to get the ball into the tailpipe of a predetermined car or truck at the other end of the lot. My father claims it’s just as fun as the old sport only “with more flying glass, explosions and none of them poontangin’ tee times.” Ordinarily, this display of family stupidity would be enough to quell even my golfing desires, and it did for a while. But ever since Tiger won the Masters Tournament this year, I’ve been teeing up the ol’ dimpled ball on a regular basis. Soon after I take my first swipe, however, I quickly realize that I have no earthly business being on a golf course. Tiger makes it look so easy. His well-maintained form and beaming smile make it easy for folks to mis construe the difficulty of the game. I even tried to dress like Tiger, but it sure as hell doesn’t help me play like him. Now you may be asking your self: “Just what does Tiger play like?” Well, I’m glad you asked. I realize most of you will never have me opportunity to watcn 1 lger play golf in person. And likewise, most of you will never have the misfortune of watching me play. Therefore, I would like to do a few imperson ations of the many - and very differ ent - sounds Tiger and I might make while playing the game: SOUND ONE by Tiger. “Keeerrackk! Whirrrzzzz,” (This is the sound of an excellent 375-yard Tiger tee shot.) SOUND ONE by Steve: < “Whoosh. Twib. Som’ a BITCH! Fubba, Fubba, Fubba, Thubk. ARP! ARP! ARP!” (This is the sound of me sending the ball an astounding two feet behind me, hurling my 1 wood into an oak tree and then pro ceeding to kick a stray puppy in the jaw.) " :\p^' ' SOUND TWO: “ Thuut. Yes! YES! HOORAH!” (This is the " sound of Tiger chipping the ball within two feet of the hole, much to the delight of the crowd.) SOUND TWO: “Twack. Left. LEFT! GO LEFT! OH SHIT! FORE!! Augawee.” (This is the sound of me slicing the hall onto a neighboring green and trying unsuc cessfully to warn a priest that my golf ball is heading straight for his nose. The “Augawee” is a noise I have often tried to duplicate when I’m alone at home. But oddly. T’m only able to produce the noise when I strike a man of God with an object of some sort. It’s a very hard sound to describe in written words, though I suppose it is not unlike the noise a cat makes when you catch it watch ing a pornographic film.) SOUND THREE: “Dabb. Pat. PShhh. SSSiip.” (This is the sound of Tiger mopping his brow and taking a sip of bottled Evian water after scor ing 7 under par.) SOUND THREE: “Lousy, Rotten (Wheeze) A**HOLE! I (pant) just can’t hit the (wheeze) CRAP! Rumble. Rumble. Glub, glub, glub, Errt. KNOCK IT OFF, KNUCKLE HEADS!” (This is the sound of me being quite displeased and totally exhausted after missing the ball 27 times in a row, then sloshing toward a tree and sticking my head inside the water cooler, where I am promptly “removed” by se* al hairy, fat men who w^ waiting in line before jr me.) I suppose golf, like most things in life, is not as easy as the pros make it look. I mean, ordinarily, peo ple don’t watch one episode of “This Old House” and go out and try to put in a new septic system. So why should golf be any different? I hate to say it, but maybe Mark Twain was wrong. Maybe golf isn’t r . just an excellent way to ruin a good walk. Maybe golf’s ^ just a better way to ruin vour chances of getting into heaven. Aaron Steckelberg/DN ' * ' ; ' *' " * > i '• v _