lime out! ,
Pro-choice, pro-life activists can find common ground
DANIEL MUNKSGAARD
is a sophomore English
and philosophy major and
a Daily Nebraskan
Columnist.
I propose a truce.
This proposal goes out to the
warring factions of a debate in which
there seems no common ground of
which to speak and no room for
compromise.
I’m talking about the abortion
debate.
I use the term “debate” loosely,
since all it really amounts to is a
gigantic screaming match, interrupt
ed by the occasional bombing or
shooting. The line has been drawn,
sides have been chosen, and it looks
like civil war from here on out.
But what neither side seems will
ing to realize is that there is a very
basic common ground: Nobody
wants more abortions. Everyone
would be a lot happier if women did
n’t need to get them in the first place.
Of course, admitting that means
admitting that the other side isn’t
darkness personified. It means look
ing at the people on the other side of
the line, and not thinking something
simple like “baby killer” or “woman
hater.” It means admitting that we’re
all human beings trying to do what
we think is right.
God forbid.
All right, fine. So nobody wants
abortions. Wfaat does admitting that
accomplish? Well, besides maybe
calming us down a little, it means we
have something with which to work.
It means we can sit down and try to
seriously cut down on the number of
unwanted pregnancies.
And it’s at this point that we start
shouting at each other again.
It’s also at this point that I’m
going to break away from a fairly
neutral stance and offer a challenge
to one side in particular in this
debate: the pro-life side. Yes, folks, I
know that you think premarital sex is
immoral. And I think we can all
admit that way too many kids are
having sex before they’re ready for
it.
But it’s time to question where
your priorities stand. Do you really
want to put an end to what your side
has often called “the worst genocide
in history?” Do you truly believe that
your ultimate goal is to stop this pro
cedure from taking place?
If so, then listen up.
Back when Roe vs. Wade was
simply the option for crossing a
river, abortions were still a pretty
common thing. In fact, they were
legal up until the later part of the
1800s. And even after they were
made illegal, they still happened. So
many, in fact, that most hospitals had
a special.ward for treating victims of
botched abortions. This was because,
as an illegal procedure, abortions
were usually performed by either
incompetent moneymakers in dingy
rooms, or by the women themselves
with whatever they could find.
When you also take into account
that Brazil, where the procedure is
illegal, has three times as many abor
tions as the United States, I think it’s
fairly safe to concede that making
abortion illegal won’t result in fewer
deaths. Because even if the number
of abortions drops, the number of
women dying because of complica
tions will skyrocket.
So if you follow this equation:
Dead fetus/baby + dead mother =
more death (bad), then you’re still
with me. If, however, you prefer:
dead fetus/baby + dead mother who
killed her fetus/baby = justice
(good), then you’re free to leave the
room. But please leave your “pro
life” sticker at the door. I’ll see you
at the death-penalty debate.
So for those of you who are still
left, let’s talk prevention. Yes, I know
that’s a bizarre concept for our war
on drugs, lock-‘em-up-for-life
American way, but let’s consider it. I
think we should all agree, first and
foremost, it’s time to educate the
children.
Which brings us to our third
shouting match: abstinence vs. birth
control. To which I say:
Fact: Switzerland instituted a
massive sex education program with
its teenage population a few years
back, a program that included exten
sive information on birth control.
The numbers are in, and while the
sexual activity of the Swiss kids has
neither risen nor fallen, the pregnan
cy rate has dropped quite a bit.
Result: fewer Swiss abortions.
Fact: The World Health
Organization (WHO) recently
reviewed 19 separate sex education
programs, which included education
on condoms and other forms of birth
control. Not only was there no evi
dence of increased sexual activity
among the participants, but five pro
grams actually resulted in a substan
tial decrease or delay of sexual activ
ity.
My Humble Opinion: Abstinence
programs are like communism and
libertarianism; they’re a nice idea,
but they just don’t work in the real
world. Plus, what are the major edu
cational forces acting on our children
today? Television, the movies and
their friends. Do you think any of
them are going to promote an absti
nence-only approach any time soon?
I say it’s better to address what
they’ve seen and heard than to pre
tend it doesn’t exist.
In the end, I understand that
endorsing birth control education
would violate the moral principles of
many pro-life activists. But I have a
question for them: Where do your
priorities lie? Even if sex education
does increase sexual activity (despite
there being little evidence to suggest
this), is that much worse than letting
things stay status quo, with millions
of abortions, and millions of pro
choice activists who are no more
likely to budge than you are? Are
you more concerned about what
actually happens in the world, or do
you just care about looking right
eous?
If the two movements were actu
ally to sit down and jointly endorse
pregnancy prevention education,
people would be so shocked they
might actually listen. It is within the
power of people on both sides to
make a difference here. Please, let’s
just stop the screaming for a few
minutes, and maybe we’ll get some
thing done.
I am NOT Tiger Woods
->
Some of us don’t belong on a golf course
STEVE WILLEY is a
senior news-editorial
major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
Mark Twain once said that play
ing golf was an excellent way to ruin
a good walk. Now, I have always
thought Mr. Twain to be a man way
ahead of his time, but despite my
feelings on the man’s wisdom, a lot
of other folks don’t share his views
about the game.
Today, golf has young studs like
Tiger Woods; a man who has single
handedly resurrected the popularity
of the sport. His often amazing shots
have lured just about everyone into
being golf fans. Old men, who
before had a difficult time remem
bering where they lived, can now
successfully recall what’s par for the
fifth hole at a particular private golf
course in Turkey. And expecting
fathers are now dangling baby golf
shoes in front of places baby golf
shoes were never meant to be dan
gled.
Even I was bit by the golfing bug
when Tiger came along. Sure, I had
played a little with my father when I
was growing up, but he never
instilled a firm grasp of the true
goals of the game. For example, up
until I turned 20,1 thought the sole
objective in golf was to consume as
many beers as one’s finances permit
ted and eventually, to purposely drive
one’s golf cart into a water hazard.
I quit playing golf in 1988 when
my father was permanently banned
from all Mississippi golf courses
after he “personally enlarged” all of
the golf holes in my hometown by
about 11 feet. He has since been
reduced to playing a sport he calls
“Car Golf” at the Wal-Mart parking
lot. The object of this game, I’m told,
is to get the ball into the tailpipe of a
predetermined car or truck at the
other end of the lot. My father claims
it’s just as fun as the old sport only
“with more flying glass, explosions
and none of them poontangin’ tee
times.”
Ordinarily, this display of family
stupidity would be enough to quell
even my golfing desires, and it did
for a while. But ever since Tiger won
the Masters Tournament this year,
I’ve been teeing up the ol’ dimpled
ball on a regular basis. Soon after I
take my first swipe, however, I
quickly realize that I have no earthly
business being on a golf course.
Tiger makes it look so easy. His
well-maintained form and beaming
smile make it easy for folks to mis
construe the difficulty of the game. I
even tried to dress like Tiger, but it
sure as hell doesn’t help me play like
him. Now you may be asking your
self: “Just what does Tiger play
like?” Well, I’m glad you asked. I
realize most of you will never have
me opportunity to watcn 1 lger play
golf in person. And likewise, most of
you will never have the misfortune
of watching me play. Therefore, I
would like to do a few imperson
ations of the many - and very differ
ent - sounds Tiger and I might make
while playing the game:
SOUND ONE by Tiger.
“Keeerrackk! Whirrrzzzz,” (This is
the sound of an excellent 375-yard
Tiger tee shot.)
SOUND ONE by Steve: <
“Whoosh. Twib. Som’ a BITCH!
Fubba, Fubba, Fubba, Thubk. ARP!
ARP! ARP!” (This is the sound of
me sending the ball an astounding
two feet behind me, hurling my 1
wood into an oak tree and then pro
ceeding to kick a stray puppy in the
jaw.)
" :\p^' '
SOUND TWO: “ Thuut. Yes!
YES! HOORAH!” (This is the "
sound of Tiger chipping the ball
within two feet of the hole, much to
the delight of the crowd.)
SOUND TWO: “Twack. Left.
LEFT! GO LEFT! OH SHIT!
FORE!! Augawee.” (This is the
sound of me slicing the hall onto a
neighboring green and trying unsuc
cessfully to warn a priest that my
golf ball is heading straight for his
nose. The “Augawee” is a noise I
have often tried to duplicate when
I’m alone at home. But oddly. T’m
only able to produce the noise when I
strike a man of God with an object of
some sort. It’s a very hard sound to
describe in written words, though I
suppose it is not unlike the noise a
cat makes when you catch it watch
ing a pornographic film.)
SOUND THREE: “Dabb. Pat.
PShhh. SSSiip.” (This is the sound of
Tiger mopping his brow and taking a
sip of bottled Evian water after scor
ing 7 under par.)
SOUND THREE: “Lousy, Rotten
(Wheeze) A**HOLE! I (pant) just
can’t hit the (wheeze) CRAP!
Rumble. Rumble. Glub, glub, glub,
Errt. KNOCK IT OFF, KNUCKLE
HEADS!” (This is the sound of me
being quite displeased and totally
exhausted after missing the ball 27
times in a row, then sloshing toward
a tree and sticking my head inside
the water cooler, where I am
promptly “removed” by se*
al hairy, fat men who w^
waiting in line before jr
me.)
I suppose golf, like most things
in life, is not as easy as the pros
make it look. I mean, ordinarily, peo
ple don’t watch one episode of “This
Old House” and go out and try to put
in a new septic system. So why
should golf be any different?
I hate to say it, but maybe Mark
Twain was wrong. Maybe golf isn’t
r .
just
an excellent way
to ruin a good
walk. Maybe golf’s ^
just a better way to
ruin vour chances
of getting into
heaven.
Aaron Steckelberg/DN
' * ' ; ' *' " * > i '• v
_
