EDITOR
Doug Kouma
OPINION
EDITOR
Anne Hjersman
EDITORIAL
BOARD
Doug Peters
Matt Waite
Paula Lavigne
Mitch Sherman
BethNarans
1 I- .
“We went out and got whooped today like
I didn't think this team could get
whooped.”
—Kansas State University quarterback
Brian Kavanagh, on his team’s 39-3 loss to
the Huskers
“If you won’t use any football stories, I
won’t tell any of my warm and humorous
stories about chlorofluorocarbon abate
ment.”
—Vice President A1 Gore, cutting a deal
with Jack Kemp during the vice-presidential
debate
“You can only bump into someone’s shop
ping cart at the grocery store so many
times without looking obvious.”
—Katie Miller, owner of Chances Are...
introduction service, on the dating scene
“We are seeing a shift from 10 to 15 years
ago when people thought an organizer was
a person who could help them with their
closets.”
—Stephanie Denton, chairwoman of the
National Get Organized Week Committee,
on getting organized
“I feel really fired up about being a Chris
tian, but mostly when it’s convenient.”
— Geoff Moore, songwriter and musi
cian, on Christianity
“When I first put my nose into it, I knew
nothing. I just had the idea of having my
own fragrance in my head.”
— Michael Malcolm, a UNL freshman,
on the new fragrance he developed and is
marketing
“There's not much point in holding onto
the moral high ground when your
country's burning down around you.”
— Gary McMichael, leader of the Ul
ster DefeiBC Association, on the violence in
^btttieirn Ireland4.01 ’ ‘
“Whatever oil you receive from Nigeria
has the blood of the Ogoni people on it.”
— Dr. Owens Wiwa, brother of a slain
Nigerian political activist, on what he called
“environmental racism”
“He’s fun to watch — except when you
play him.”
— Texas A&M Football Coach R.C.
Slocum, on Iowa State tailback Troy Davis
“All of a sudden now, we’re the old ladies
on the block.”
— Texas A&M Soccer Coach G.
Guerrieri, on the team’s early showing in the
Big 12 Conference
“When you make a wrong call, it hurts.
And it’s demoralizing if you’re wrong.
Nobody takes it harder than the official if
a call is missed.”
— Tim Millus, supervisor of football
officials for the Big 12 Conference, on bad
calls
“Maybe I was naive, but I can’t think of a
ballgame that we’ve gone into with Ne
braska that we didn’t believe we had a
chance to win.”
— Kansas State Football Coach Bill
Snyder, on playing the Huskers
■s
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Steve
WILLEY
Doling out bad press
GOP’s man can’t get fair shake
Ij-etme first say that I don’t
considei myself a Democrat or,
* Republican; I enjoy sticking it to the
rich and the poor alike. But despite
my non-affiliation, it’s still painfully
obvious to me that America, and
particularly the press, have gone out
of their way to swing this election
toward Bill Clinton. ,
My question is this: If America is
supposed to be the land of opportu
nity, why on earth can’t the press
afford one to Bob Dole? I think that’s
all the public really wants. Someone
oughta tell the media.
Whether it be in political cartoons
or some new illustrious poll, Bob
Dole just can’t seem to win. Every
day in the newspapers, the press
seems to be vilifying him. All you
have to do is look at the headlines.
“CLINTON VISITS 372
TOWNS IN 2 HOURS; SAYS HE
LIKES CHILDREN AND PUP
PIES !” (Meanwhile, on the back of
some Pizza Hut insert....) “DOLE
FALLS INTO CROWD OF SPEC
TATORS, KILLS 8; BYSTANDER
CLAIMS HIS DOG IS ‘MYSTERI
OUSLY’ PREGNANT!”
If the press keeps this Up, I may
admittedly be in the wrong profes
sion. I mean, if I wanted to contuse
everyday folks, I’d run around in the.
nude proclaiming to be a pigeon
who’s a golf pro.
Yet this is exactly what the
national press is doing with Dole’s
campaign. Take for example the
countless polls that are released
every 2.8 seconds. These polls are
supposed to represent an accurate
idea of how much support the
candidates have, but the only
message they convey to readers is
that Dole couldn’t win a “rock,
scissors, paper” fight, much less the
presidency.
My favorite poll is die erne that
says, “Only 11 percent of Americans
said that if Bob Dole was on fire,
they would douse him with NON
U
The only message
[the polls] convey to
readers is that Dole
couldn’t win a ‘rock,
scissors, paper’
fight, much less the
presidency.”
flammable liquids.”
Let me show you why these
presidential polls are only for the
brain-dead. I recently conducted my
own poll by questioning residents
from only rural, non-dry, counties in
my home state of Mississippi.
In my poll, amazingly, Clinton
was actually running two points
BEHIND DOLE! Of course Dole
was 13 points behind a wiener dog
named “Dippy,” but that’s not
important. What is important is that
you will never see these polls
because they don’t serve the newspa
pers’ purposes. (EDITOR’S NOTE:
The reason we don’t use this poll is
because “Dippy” is a member of the
long-defunct Whig party and,'
frankly, we think Steve is making all
of this up.)
There’s nothing wrong with being
liberal or conservative; newspapers,
however, should be neither. But
newspapers ARE historically liberal
—1 even small-time publications like
the DN. Take a look at the letter I
recei ved once my editors found out
about this week’s topic:
Mr. Willey;
It has come to our attention that
you are intending to write a column
that will not openly demean Bob
Dork, I mean. Dole. We feel obli
gated to warn you that if you ’re not
careful with your wording, we
reserve the right to twist your pinkie
toe until it resembles a drywall
screw. Furthermore, if you do not
endorse Clinton as your presidential
choice, the DN will pinch your rump
in such a manner that will likely
cause impotency.
Need more pfroof? Take a look at
the scandals involving Clinton’s
Administration:
PETA’s claim that First Cat Socks is
often used as an ashtray would have
floored most administrations.
Yet with Clinton, they’re lightly x
discussed at best and, eventually,
swept under the proverbial rug. Dole
just can’t win. Newspapers are
supposed to be servants of the
people, watchdogs of society. We’re '
here to aid people in choices, not to
decide for them.
Don’t get me wrong; I think
Clinton’s been a good president. But
Bob Dole deserves a fighting chance.
But more importantly perhaps, the
American people deserve a fairly
represented choice. Thank you.
(EDITOR’S NOTE: Ummmm,
Steeeeeve. Aren’t you forgetting
something?... You have a job to
save, you know.)
Oh yeah. Dole’s an old fiat. Go
Clinton. ~
Damn newspapers.
Willey is a senior news-editorial
major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist.
XjJri+o "34 Nebraska Union, 1400 TP St, Lincoln,
h;\* * liJm.-*- ^1761, ore^n«iU<letter8@unlmfo:mii:iedtt:
||| indwb a pnooe number for verification '_j
