EDITOR Doug Kouma OPINION EDITOR Anne Hjersman EDITORIAL BOARD Doug Peters Matt Waite Paula Lavigne Mitch Sherman BethNarans 1 I- . “We went out and got whooped today like I didn't think this team could get whooped.” —Kansas State University quarterback Brian Kavanagh, on his team’s 39-3 loss to the Huskers “If you won’t use any football stories, I won’t tell any of my warm and humorous stories about chlorofluorocarbon abate ment.” —Vice President A1 Gore, cutting a deal with Jack Kemp during the vice-presidential debate “You can only bump into someone’s shop ping cart at the grocery store so many times without looking obvious.” —Katie Miller, owner of Chances Are... introduction service, on the dating scene “We are seeing a shift from 10 to 15 years ago when people thought an organizer was a person who could help them with their closets.” —Stephanie Denton, chairwoman of the National Get Organized Week Committee, on getting organized “I feel really fired up about being a Chris tian, but mostly when it’s convenient.” — Geoff Moore, songwriter and musi cian, on Christianity “When I first put my nose into it, I knew nothing. I just had the idea of having my own fragrance in my head.” — Michael Malcolm, a UNL freshman, on the new fragrance he developed and is marketing “There's not much point in holding onto the moral high ground when your country's burning down around you.” — Gary McMichael, leader of the Ul ster DefeiBC Association, on the violence in ^btttieirn Ireland4.01 ’ ‘ “Whatever oil you receive from Nigeria has the blood of the Ogoni people on it.” — Dr. Owens Wiwa, brother of a slain Nigerian political activist, on what he called “environmental racism” “He’s fun to watch — except when you play him.” — Texas A&M Football Coach R.C. Slocum, on Iowa State tailback Troy Davis “All of a sudden now, we’re the old ladies on the block.” — Texas A&M Soccer Coach G. Guerrieri, on the team’s early showing in the Big 12 Conference “When you make a wrong call, it hurts. And it’s demoralizing if you’re wrong. Nobody takes it harder than the official if a call is missed.” — Tim Millus, supervisor of football officials for the Big 12 Conference, on bad calls “Maybe I was naive, but I can’t think of a ballgame that we’ve gone into with Ne braska that we didn’t believe we had a chance to win.” — Kansas State Football Coach Bill Snyder, on playing the Huskers ■s Editorial Policy Unsigned editorials are the opinions of die FaQ 1996Daily Nebraskan. They do not nec essarily reflect the views of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, its employees, its stu dent body or the University of Nebraska Board of Regents. A column is soley the opinion of i ts author. The Board of Regents serves ts publisher of the Daily Nebraskan; policy is set by the Daily Nebraskan Edito rial BoanL The UNL Publications Board, es tablished by theregents, supervises the pit> ductkm of the newspaper. According to poficy set by the repents, responsibility for j die ecfitorial content of the newspaper lies sdefy in the hands of its student cntplayees. 'Tl^r. ■ J* T r r.. :t-. i • *-• > ‘ Letter Policy The Daily Nebraskan welcomes brief let ters to the editor and goest columns, but does not guarantee their publication. The Daily Nebraskan retains the right to edit or reject any material submitted. Submit ted material becomes the property of the Dafly Nebraskan and cannot be returned. Anonymous submissions win not be published. Those who submit letters must identify themselves by name, year in school, major and/or group affilia tion, if any. Submit material to: Daily Ne braskan, 34 Nebraska Union, 1400 R St Lincoln, Neb. 68588-0448. E-mail: tetters@unlinfo.unl.edu. ' ; j Steve WILLEY Doling out bad press GOP’s man can’t get fair shake Ij-etme first say that I don’t considei myself a Democrat or, * Republican; I enjoy sticking it to the rich and the poor alike. But despite my non-affiliation, it’s still painfully obvious to me that America, and particularly the press, have gone out of their way to swing this election toward Bill Clinton. , My question is this: If America is supposed to be the land of opportu nity, why on earth can’t the press afford one to Bob Dole? I think that’s all the public really wants. Someone oughta tell the media. Whether it be in political cartoons or some new illustrious poll, Bob Dole just can’t seem to win. Every day in the newspapers, the press seems to be vilifying him. All you have to do is look at the headlines. “CLINTON VISITS 372 TOWNS IN 2 HOURS; SAYS HE LIKES CHILDREN AND PUP PIES !” (Meanwhile, on the back of some Pizza Hut insert....) “DOLE FALLS INTO CROWD OF SPEC TATORS, KILLS 8; BYSTANDER CLAIMS HIS DOG IS ‘MYSTERI OUSLY’ PREGNANT!” If the press keeps this Up, I may admittedly be in the wrong profes sion. I mean, if I wanted to contuse everyday folks, I’d run around in the. nude proclaiming to be a pigeon who’s a golf pro. Yet this is exactly what the national press is doing with Dole’s campaign. Take for example the countless polls that are released every 2.8 seconds. These polls are supposed to represent an accurate idea of how much support the candidates have, but the only message they convey to readers is that Dole couldn’t win a “rock, scissors, paper” fight, much less the presidency. My favorite poll is die erne that says, “Only 11 percent of Americans said that if Bob Dole was on fire, they would douse him with NON U The only message [the polls] convey to readers is that Dole couldn’t win a ‘rock, scissors, paper’ fight, much less the presidency.” flammable liquids.” Let me show you why these presidential polls are only for the brain-dead. I recently conducted my own poll by questioning residents from only rural, non-dry, counties in my home state of Mississippi. In my poll, amazingly, Clinton was actually running two points BEHIND DOLE! Of course Dole was 13 points behind a wiener dog named “Dippy,” but that’s not important. What is important is that you will never see these polls because they don’t serve the newspa pers’ purposes. (EDITOR’S NOTE: The reason we don’t use this poll is because “Dippy” is a member of the long-defunct Whig party and,' frankly, we think Steve is making all of this up.) There’s nothing wrong with being liberal or conservative; newspapers, however, should be neither. But newspapers ARE historically liberal —1 even small-time publications like the DN. Take a look at the letter I recei ved once my editors found out about this week’s topic: Mr. Willey; It has come to our attention that you are intending to write a column that will not openly demean Bob Dork, I mean. Dole. We feel obli gated to warn you that if you ’re not careful with your wording, we reserve the right to twist your pinkie toe until it resembles a drywall screw. Furthermore, if you do not endorse Clinton as your presidential choice, the DN will pinch your rump in such a manner that will likely cause impotency. Need more pfroof? Take a look at the scandals involving Clinton’s Administration: PETA’s claim that First Cat Socks is often used as an ashtray would have floored most administrations. Yet with Clinton, they’re lightly x discussed at best and, eventually, swept under the proverbial rug. Dole just can’t win. Newspapers are supposed to be servants of the people, watchdogs of society. We’re ' here to aid people in choices, not to decide for them. Don’t get me wrong; I think Clinton’s been a good president. But Bob Dole deserves a fighting chance. But more importantly perhaps, the American people deserve a fairly represented choice. Thank you. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Ummmm, Steeeeeve. Aren’t you forgetting something?... You have a job to save, you know.) Oh yeah. Dole’s an old fiat. Go Clinton. ~ Damn newspapers. Willey is a senior news-editorial major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. XjJri+o "34 Nebraska Union, 1400 TP St, Lincoln, h;\* * liJm.-*- ^1761, ore^n«iU