' >
Opinion
Tuesday, February 20,1996 Page 4
Nebraskan
Editorial Board
University of Nebraska-Lincoln
J. Christopher Haiti.Editor, 472-1766
Rainbow Rowell.Managing Editor
Mark Baldridge.Opinion Page Editor
DeDra Janssen.Associate News Editor
Doug Kouma.Arts & Entertainment Editor
JeffZeleny.Senior Reporter
Matt Woody.Senior Reporter
James Mehsling.Cartoonist
Slim pickings
Student seating also scarce at Missouri
It appears that UNL is not the only place where students are
relegated to “the cheap seats” by athletic department officials.
This editorial appeared in the Feb. 9 issue of the University of
Missouri-Columbia “Maneater.” It was written by Jennifer
Campbell.
Student seating at the Heames Center could be worse, but it also
could be much better. Some students are lucky enough to sitcourtside,
but most watch men’s basketball games from their seats in the rafters.
Something is wrong with this arrangement.
The past several years have
been sprinkled with cam
paigns for better student seat
ing. The 1994-95 MSA ad
ministration of Steve
McCartan and Ryan Gerding
made some progress by in
creasing student seating in
the “A” section. GPC Presi
dent Ken Smith is now work
ing toward the formation of a
task force that will bring stu
dents, alumni and the ath
letic department together to
discuss the issue.
Recent progress toward
better seating has been
achieved by students. The de
cision to increase student
seating, though, doesn’t be
long to the students. That decision ultimately belongs to the athletic
department Athletic director Joe Castiglione said better student
seating was a department priority, but so far the athletic department
has taken little initiative to achieve that goal.
Understandably, the athletic department must answer to more than
just the students. Alumni donate thousands of dollars to MU’s teams
each year, and losing their support would mean the downfall of Tiger
athletics. Therefore, alumni are offered prime seating at basketball
and football games.
Keeping the alumni happy is good. Keeping the students happy
also is good. The athletic department, however, seems to have trouble
maintaining its double standard. And when one group’s satisfaction
is weighed with the other, students get shafted every time.
But despite the conflict of interest, the athletic department has
made a promise. The department claims it is committed to offering
better student seating. Now, it has an obligation to follow through
with its claim.
Editorial policy
Staff editorials represent the official
policy of the Fall 1995 Daily Nebras
kan. Policy is set by the Daily Nebras
kan Editorial Board Editorials do not
necessarily reflect the views of the
university, its employees, the students
or the NU Board of Regents. Editorial
columns represent the opinion of the
author. The regents publish the Daily
Nebraskan. They establish the UNL
Publications Board to supervise die
daily production of die paper. Accord
ing to policy set by the regents, respon
sibility for die editorial content of the
newspaper lies solely in die hands of its
students.
Letter policy
The Daily Nebraskan welcomes brief letters to the
editor from all readers and interested others. Letters
will be selected for publication on the basis of clarity,
originality, timeliness and space available. The Daily
Nebraskan retains the right to edit or reject all material
submitted. Readers also are welcome to submit mate
rial as guest opinions. The editor decides whether
material should run as a guest opinion. Letters and
guest opinions sent to the newspaper become the
property of the Daily Nebraskan and cannot be re-,
turned. Anonymous submissions will not be pub
lished. Letters should include the author’s name, year
in school, major and group affiliation, if any. Re
quests to withhold names will not be granted. Submit
material to: Daily Nebraskan, 34 Nebraska Union,
1400 R SL Lincoln, Neb. 68588-0448.
COV\E "TO THINK OF
\\mii W
DO M OF &MWI
im.
V J
Unanswered question
Cookies can’t determine the meaning of life
I, like all other curious men and
women, seek the answer to the
ultimate question. What is the
meaning of life?
The question has been asked
since the dawn of time, when Cro
Magnon man first began to ask why
he was on the planet, what his
existence was supposed to prove and
why keeping a sabertoothed tiger as
a pet was a really crappy idea.
Men like Socrates, Newton,
Einstein, Ronald Reagan and Bill
Gates have asked the question.
Reagan and Gates actually discov
ered the meaning — Reagan simply
forgot the answer and Gates lost
track of it while trying to make it
user-friendly.
Could it be possible for a college
student like myself to discover the
meaning of life? A guy whose most
intellectual accomplishment
occurred when he constructed a
science fair project that self
destructed
Well, no...
But I’m getting close.
You see, I discovered that the
secret of life is trapped within a
hollow, 1-inch by 1-inch creation of
flour, sugar, soybean oil, natural
flavors and a mess of long artificial
flavors names I’m too lazy to type
out.
The secret to life is in a fortune
cookie.
Yes, those of you who recently
had a bite to eat at the “Imperial
Palace Express” may have thrown
away the secret to life without even
knowing it. Yet don’t worry — you
can buy a NEW secret to life for a
mere 10 cents (plus sales tax).
As I’ve said before and will say
again: “No I’m not on crack,
smoking pot or am inhaling a finely
brewed mixture of fumes from
common household cleaning
products.
I’m simply going off my nineteen
years of wisdom and enough MSG
consumed from Chinese food to
make even the Statue of Liberty feel
bloated.
Kasey Kerber
“Could it be possible for
a college student like
myself to discover the
meaning of life?... Well,
no... But Pm getting
close. ”
To prove my point, I spent 30
cents (plus sales tax) and now have
three fortunes that hold the meaning
of the meaning of life. I will now
explain how each opens the gateway
to divine knowledge.
The first fortune says: “Nature,
time and patience are the three best
physicians.”
Uh, okay...
Well, we can see that after you’re
hurt in a recent “ended” relationship
— nature, time and patience are the
three best remedies.
“Nature” is to age that guy or girl
who dumped you into a miserable,
shriveled up mass of wasted
memories. “Time” is to make sure
they don’t forget what they’ve done
to you, and “patience” is waiting for
them to die!!!
Calm dammit! Calm...
Okay, next fortune. “You are an
individual interested in foreword
thrust and the future”.
Now here’s a fortune that holds
the secret of life! The “foreword
thrust” does not mean that the
individual is interested in medieval
combat or the “Highlander” televi
sion program. It means they go
forward forcefully and too rashly.
Yes, that’s it — all individuals go
too quickly into the future. No, wait
* a minute ... that would mean
construction workers work too fast
to create future roads instead of
leaning on shovels, sipping Gatorade
and waiting for the next “hot honey”
to blow past them in a convertible.
Crap ... OK fine ... the last
fortune. “You will make a profitable
investment”.'
Ah-ha! Finally, a true fortune!
Yes, you will in fact send money to
me at my address of “ 1150
Uramoron Drive, Lincoln, Nebraska
68508”.
I can tell that you’ll be grabbing
for your wallets and purses just as
soon as Florida will be returning to a
National Championship game,
botching this fortune as well.
So none of the three fortunes
hold the answer to the meaning of
life.
What does this mean?
First, it means that I have
absolutely no idea of what I’m
talking about and second, it means
that the answers to life’s hardest
questions are never in black and
white.
Many of the answers we have to
find out on our own and we’ll be just
as responsible for the consequences
if we don’t discover them as I’ll be
if I use one more sweetened food
item as a column topic.
Life is a grand journey of
experiences, decisions, regrets, joys,
wisdom gained and wisdom lost.
I’m not in the position to discover
the “meaning” of it all and neither is
the guru who writes for the fortune
cookie company.
The meaning of life is what you
make of it.
And I wasted 30 cents (with sales
tax) to figure that out...
Kerber is a freshman news-editorial
major and a Daily Nebraskan colamalst
Send your brief letters to:
Daily Nebraskan, 34 Nebraska Union, 1400 R
St., Lincoln, Neb. 68588, or Fax to (402) 472
1761, or email <letters@unllnfo.unl.edu> Let
ters must be signed and include a phone num
ber for verification.
