Garnish plucker seeks respect
An Open Letter to Tom Osborne:
All this past year, I have har
bored a dream that Tom Osborne
finally would acknowledge my
contributions to the Huskers’ 1994
National Championship.
I did my best to hide my disap
pointment when Tom took the stand
to make his victory speech, stopping
to thank his parents, nis wife, his
children, his dog, his cat, and die
Husker fans.
So what if he didn’t mention me,
and how I devoted the best years of
my life to his athletes?
I told myself that recognition was
meaningless. I hadn’t done it for the
money, the glory, or the television
endorsements.
I had done it for the Huskers.
By day, as a starving graduate
student, I was but a cog in the
great, greasy academic machine.
But at night, as a caterer and tutor
to the football team, I felt that my
life had dignity, meaning and
purpose.
When the Huskers won a game, I
knew that it was the pre-game
chicken enchiladas I had prepared
by hand and served at noon that
powered every move they made.
When they scored a touchdown, I
knew it was my patient tutoring that
helped them decipher their other
wise cryptic playsheets.
I, and my fellow caterers and
tutors, fueled their minds and their
bodies.
I felt a maternal glow on those
days, as I stood in the hot catering
kitchen, slapping chicken patties on
whole-wheat buns, cleverly arrang
ing parsley and radishes as garnish.
On other days, I tastefully '
arranged chopped-up luncheon meat
and little crackers as the Huskers
watched play-by-play videos.
Often they flung a garnish across
Debra Cumberland
‘7 ivalk by the stadium
and press my face
against the bars, in my
best Oliver Twist
imitation, remembering
those days of glory when
I had a hand in forging
the Miracle at Miami. ”
the room, but I didn’t mind picking
up after them. After all, they needed
the practice.
If picking up garnish was what it
took to get them to the National
Championship, I was willing to do
it.
But as I slunk out of the catering
office, in my little black skirt,
tuxedo shirt and too-tight black
pumps, I kept hoping, Q’ust like
Adam and Eve) for a glimpse of
God’s Hindquarters.
I knew that Tom was there —
just down the hall — because every
week we wheeled milk and orange
juice to the football players, while
the coaches got beer and wine. I
could hear the cries of protest from
the players, and my heart bled.
As I stood there, shredding
lettuce, I imagined Tom coming up
to me, his craggy face wreathed in
smiles.
He would beam down at me from
On High and say in a slow, thick,
(yet expressive) drawl, “Thanks,
Deb.” And it would all be worth it
—the garnish-picking, the swollen
feet, and my refusal of higher
paying jobs in my devotion to the
Huskers.
But it never happened.
Of course, Tom was a busy man,
I told myself two weeks before the
playoffs, as I plucked more garnish
from the floor. But any day I knew
there would be an airline ticket to
Miami. My heart beat faster as I
approached the mailbox.
Nothing.
I tried to forgive Tom, I really
did. And yes,
I know that this is all in the past, and
that I should let bygones be by
gones.
But now that football season is
upon us again, the old wounds have
reopened.
I walk by the stadium and press
my face against the bars in my best
Oliver Twist imitation —remem
bering those days of glory when I
had a hand in forging the Miracle at
Miami.
In my little apartment, half an
hour’s walk from campus, I can still
hear every play as it’s belted from
the million-dollar HuskerVision
speakers, reminding me of how
close I used to be to glory.
It seems so long ago.
C’mon, Tom. It would be so easy
for you to help relieve the pain.
Don’t make me wait any longer
by the phone, or search the mail for
the long-belated thank-you card.
All I want is a free lunch.
Cumberland Is a graduate stadeat la
English aad a Dally Nebraskaa colamalst
Mantle, Garcia live on in history
The summer of 1995 has been a
season of loss.
America lost part of her past with
the recent deaths of baseball great
Mickey Mantle and Grateful Dead
leader Jerry Garcia.
Mantle and Garcia: Cultural
icons who stood as significant
pieces of our country’s social fabric.
They served as the gateways to
youth for millions of baby boomers.
Both men had their devout fans.
Both were gifted with talent and the
ability to entertain. And sadly, both
led fast lives that brought their
untimely deaths.
But there, the similarities pretty
much cease.
Mantle and Garcia were two very
different men, grabbing the national
spotlight during two very different
eras.
Mantle became a hero of the ’50s
by hitting tape-measure home runs,
chasing down fly balls and stealing
bases. He made fathers and sons
happy. He brought people together.
Garcia gathered his congregation
in the late 1960s and ’70s, by
singing songs of the hippie philoso
phy: drug use, despair and the usual
barrage of such ’60s-type thinking.
It was the followers of both men
who revealed so much about the
icons themselves.
Mantle fans were always a happy
lot; cheering the Mick’s long blasts
and rooting for the belated twin of
Babe Ruth.
My father can describe, to
perfection, the Mick’s swing. He
tells me stories of how, as a child,
he and his neighborhood friends
would carry Mantle’s trading card
everywhere—as they did their best
to imitate every aspect of the
Yankee’s game.
Stories linger about how grown
men would argue over who was
better—Joe DiMaggio or the Mick.
Any Mantle fan old enough to recall
will tell you, in vivid description,
the hits, the catches, the World
Series games.
Deadheads, on the other hand,
can’t explain the phenomenon of
Jamie Karl
Now both Mantle and
Garcia are free from
their worldly problems.
But their stories, their
legacies ivill live on for a
long time to come.
Garcia and company. “You just had
to be there, man,” Garcia fans will
tell you.
Truth is, they probably just can’t
remember, since drugs contributed
to much of the Dead experience.
While both Garcia and Mantle
led destructive lives off their
respective stages, each brought a
different message when the spotlight
shined on him.
Mantle was a hard-working,
honest man. His performances
brought out the best in everyone, as
well as himself.
Garcia was the spokesman for an
entire subculture—a
countercultural movement that cared
nothing for hard work or self
enrichment.
Garcia s followers seemed to
thrive off despair. Dead songs
wallow in disaster—disaster that
the band members and their fans too
often escaped by narcotics use.
Elder Deadheads still joke how
Garcia was sometimes so stoned that
he couldn't remember the lyrics to
his own songs.
It wasn't Mantle fans who tore
down fences or attacked security
guards, for which Dead fans
suddenly became notorious in recent
years.
Sadly, neither man lived to be
elderly. Yet both had time to reflect,
reconsider and make right their
mistakes.
It is in these later innings of both
men, where the true distinction
between the two is found.
In his last years of life, Mantle
admitted his faults. He acknowl
edged he had squandered his talents
and warned his admirers he was no
role model.
After two years of treatment for
his alcoholism, Mantle was dedi
cated to getting his life back on
track, even though most of the
damage already had been done. In
his years of alcohol abstinence,
Mantle had come to embrace
Christianity, along with starting an
organ donor program to help those
in similar situations.
The Mick, even off the field, was
a natural high.
On the contrary, Garcia took his
drug use lightly. He once tabbed
heroin as “the perfect comfort
drug,” and often joked about how he
and his band’s members took time
out for acid breaks during shows.
That was the true fault of Garcia.
While the Dead leader may have
put out good music, his message
was wrong. He misguided and
brought destruction to many of his
devotees.
And not once did he publicly
show remorse for his own abuses.
Now both Mantle and Garcia are
free from their worldly problems.
But their stories, their legacies will
live on for a long time to come.
Fans and followers of both men
will move on. They will have to.
And as they do, time will
determine the contributions of their
heroes, and what they meant to us
while they were still alive.
Karl It a sealor aews-edltortal major
aad the Daly Nebraskaa wire editor aad
colamalst
■i INTERNET
Five Things You Can Do
To Fight Entropy Now
Rom ana Machado
“You can combat
personal entropy now,
with a campaign for
personal enhancement
through applied
technology and hard
science. ”
This essay is for anyone who
looks to a better future but has
not yet begun an aggressive
course of personal action toward
that goal. Action is necessary,
because “rust never sleeps.”
If you do nothing, personal
entropy wins. Entropy is a
measure of increasing disorder, a
force of nature that opposes the
life of each person, driving all
dullness, depression, disease,
death and decay. Personal
entropy is your sworn, sleepless
enemy. There is much that each
person can do, privately, to win
against it.
You can fight personal entropy
by increasing personal extropy.
What is personal extropy?
Extropian Principles define
, extropy as “a measure of intelli
gence, information, energy,
vitality, experience, diversity,
opportunity, and capacity for
growth.”
How can personal extropy be
increased?
“Self-transformation is a
process that increases personal
extropy”, explains Extropian
philosopher Max More.
Self-transformation can begin
with simple activities. Don’t wait
for tomorrow’s technologies! You
can combat personal entropy
now, with a campaign for
personal enhancement through
applied technology and hard
science. In this spirit, I offer five
ways you can start to win right
now.
• One: Care for your mind.
The Extropian Principles declare
that “...living vigorously, effec
tively, and joyously, requires
dismissing gloom, defeatism, and
ingrained cultural negativism.”
But how can we do this? We
can cultivate healthy optimism by
making use of advances in
psychology.
Recently, there have been
great advances in treatment of the
physical factors that cause
depression, especially in the use
of new drug therapies such as
Prozac.
Prozac is now the most
frequently prescribed mood
altering drug in the U.S. Other
new antidepressants, such as
Deprenyl and melatonin, have
been shown to extend lifespan
and improve mental performance.
Knowing the latest techniques
of dealing with major problems
can be useful in dealing with
smaller difficulties, too. Remem
ber, “if there’s no gardener,
there’s no garden.”
• Two: Care for your body.
Why not get the best possible
performance out of what you have
now? By following a program of
regular exercise, nutrition and
supplementation, you can fight
entropy on a visceral level every
day.
You can create a better body
for yourself, right now, without
waiting for advances in upload
ing, and without a large invest
ment.
Fitness makes it possible to
enjoy the present to the fullest. It
has been shown to reduce
depression and anxiety and to
boost resistance to disease.
Physically fit people look good
and feel good.
Recent psychological research
confirms that looking good
enhances your social life, and
probably your finances, too.
Using “smart drugs” and
nutrients may also help you to get
the best out of what you’ve
already got.
Smart drugs are substances
that can enhance physical or
mental performance with few
unwanted side effects.
• Three: Care for your
financial security. Take advantage
of what remains of capitalism and
buy your own freedom to pursue
life’s options.
It really does not matter how
brilliant you are if you cannot
realize your dreams.
Attaining financial goals
requires strategy as well as
personal effort.
Effective financial planning
can help you to use newer
technologies sooner, as newer
technologies are often more
costly to use at first.
What you spend now shapes
your future self. Keeping track of
your spending can help you to
reveal your true priorities in
action.
Will you buy more computer
power or more life-extending
supplements? Will you erase
debts? Budgeting can help to
balance your priorities, and
increase your personal extropy by
expanding your opportunities and
capacity for growth and change.
• Four: Empower yourself.
The Extropian Principles state
that “We are evolving...towards a
polycentric system of distributed
power shared among autonomous
agents.”
To be prepared for a future
that may be frill of difficult
changes and survive in an
entropic world, take personal
responsibility for your security.
Following a course of study in
martial arts may help you to
develop the proper attitude
towards the use of force in self
defense. Learn the proper use of
devices and techniques that can
protect you from harm.
• Five: Get a cryonic suspen
sion contract. Though entropy’s
final assault - death - cannot yet
be completely avoided, the most
rational means of surviving past
death available today is through
cryonic suspension.
Cryonic suspension arrange
ments need not be expensive, and
in most cases are funded by life
insurance policies that cost less
than $45 a month.
When you have made these
arrangements, neither death nor
afterlife need concern you; you
can more effectively bring your
focus to the present, and the real
possibilities of the future.
This article appears in a more
complete form oa the World
Wide Web at: <uRL:httpi //
www.best.com/~fqa/romana/
romanaworx/fivethings.html>
