Hanna
Continued from Page 9
eyed, gel-headed, bad suit-wearing,
commie-loving, pimply-faced, gross
looking, worthless, gruesome, sni
velling, bad-breathed, putrid, grumpy,
low-down, stinky snake in the grass
who has no clue how to run a parking
meter, much less a university. If he is
less, he’s nothing. But he’s more, had
I more names for badness.
Whew! Was that mean enough.
Wait, here’s more.
Coach Tom Osborne is so shallow
and so miserable over his team’s crappy
season that he loves to slug back Jack
Daniels and Valium while listening
to Smith’s songs over and over. He
hates the new coaching wonder Danny
Nee so much that he keeps a stuffed
doll of the basketball chief in his
Memorial Stadium office and throws
darts at it in between shots of Absolut.
And Danny Nee? Don’t even get
me started on Danny Nee. Did you
know that he likes to dress up like
Cher and sing “If I could Turn Back
Time” in front of his mirror at home?
I swear on a Bible.
And Governor Ben Nelson? Few
people know that he was abandoned
at birth by his parents because he was
so damn ugly. They pierced his feet
with a leather thong and left him to
die of exposure high on Chimney
Rock.
The future governor was found by
a pack of wolves and was raised by
them to adulthood. When he was 21,
he was found roaming the sandhills
with his wolf family. Authorities
brought him home, retrained him to
be a human and nominated him for
governor. The sad thing is, he has not
been able to fully rescind his lupine
past and still feasts on wild animals.
In fact, at least once a month, an
entire deer is thrown into his office.
He can clean the carcass down to the
bone with just his teeth inside 20
minutes.
And he’s still ugly.
Phil Gosch, AS UN president, is a
big weenie. Interim Chancellor Jack
Goebel is a pig. The Lied Center still
sucks. Love Library is still a hunk of
architectural dung. The parking po
lice, both at UNL and in the city, are
moronic idiots who are lucky to have
the jobs they have because Burger
King isn’t hiring. UNL city campus is
the ugliest campus in the world. All
the red, god-awful art structures in
the world won’t change that. And
what the hell is the Willa Cather
Garden? It’s grass! It’s not a garden!
This university sucks, and all the people
here suck. I hate this place. I can’t
wait to leave.
There, Ken, I think we all feel
better now.
Hanna is a senior theater arts major and
a Daily Nebraskan senior arts and entertain
ment reporter and columnist.
Morrissey
Continued from Page 9
with its dynamic ups and downs. This,
coupled with Morrissey’s unique vocal
style and breathy voice, makes for a
great album.
This pairing makes comparisons
to Morrissey’s former group, the
Smiths, unavoidable. Though they are
very similar, this is not a problem. So
much of the Smiths was Morrissey
that this similarity seems more of a
continuation of his work, rather than
a cheap way out of producing some
thing new.
Morrissey has managed to give us
a pleasing collection of well-crafted
work with the eclectic style and whimsy
that is all his own. “Kill Uncle” gets
high marks for its wit and the appre
ciable musical talent evident therein.
‘ ‘Experience the Best ’9
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Hyonae Blankenship/Daily Nebraskan
Warlock
Continued from Page 9
heroine, Kassandra (Lori Singer).
There he learns that she just happens
to have one of the pages of a long-lost
book of witchery. If he can find the
other two pages, he will possess the
power to rule the world.
Redfeme will have none of that
and vigorously pursues the warlock
in order to prevent him from finding
the other missing pages. Kassandra
decides to come with him because
that nasty warlock has cast an aging
spell on her and she is now 80 years
old.
After finding the second page at a
Mennonite farm (you figure it out),
the warlock learns that the last page is
in a cemetery in Boston. Redferne
and Kassandra are with him every
step of the way and they head for a big
showdown in the graveyard.
While “Warlock” is a bad movie,
it does have a sense of humor about
itself. There are some genuinely funny
moments that seem to have been
planned by the movie’s makers.
Sadly, most of the the movie’s
humorous moments are unintentional.
Too many iaughs are generated by
the stupefyingly idiotic plot.
Some of the biggest belly laughs
come from the embarrassingly crummy
special effects. Most notable is the
flying effect used for the warlock. It
is difficult to describe just how ama
teurish this effect is, but it is likely
that most high school film classes
could do better.
“Warlock,” the tale of Satan’s son,
is a bad flick. Now we can only pray
that Satan doesn’t have a daughter
too.
“Warlock” is playing at the Plaza
Four Theaters, 201 N. 12th St.
Nebraska rhythmic Brass to pert orm
From Staff Reports
The Nebraska Brass’s focus on
rhythm will continue Wednesday and
Thursday with its fifth of six concerts
in its 1990-91 concert season.
The concerts, titled “Rhythmic
Brass,” feature works for brass per
cussion. Works ranging from renais
sance dance music to rock'n’roll will
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be performed. Joining the group on a
variety of percussion instruments will
be John Scofield. Scofield is a mem
ber of the Lincoln Symphony Orches
tra and also teaches music in the Lincoln
Public Schools.
Concert selections include “To
Anacreon in Heaven” by John Staf
ford Smith, “Quintet” by Malcolm
Arnold, “Early One Morning” tran
scribed by Scott Anderson, “Elizabe
than Dance Suite” by Anthony Hol
bome and “Rondeau” by Jean Joseph
Mouret.
Members of the group include Dean
Haist, trumpet and business manager;
Michael Anderson, trumpet; Tim
Anderson, french horn; Scott Ander
son, trombone and John Thomason,
tuba.
Performances will begin at 8 p.m.
w»^nesday at Kountze Memorial
Lutheran Church in Omaha, 2650
Famam Sl„ and at 7:30 p.m. Thurs
day at St. Paul United Methodist
Church in Lincoln, 1144 M St.
Individual tickets arc available at
the door. General admission is S7;
senior citizens arc S5 and students S3.
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