Editorial
■ TT^ll1\7 Amy Hdwards, Editor, 472-1766
■ _ L.cc Rood, Editorial Page Editor
I \T ♦t/iril/1 Jane Hirt, Managing Editor
| ^1 t* I 1 I 3 rC g% f 1 Brandon I.oomis, Associate News Editor
X ^ V. Brian Svoboda, Columnist
Editorial Board Bob Nelson, Columnist
University of Nebraska-Lincoln Jerry Guenther, Senior Reporter
Quibbles ‘n’ bits
I KSU policy bans sex in dormitories
Anew policy at Kentucky State University bars all first-year
students from having members of the opposite sex in their
dorm rooms at any time - including family members.
The rule also prohibits all students from having sex inside the
dormitories.
If a freshman wants to visit someone of the opposite sex, he or
| she must meet that person in the dormitory lounge or in another
public meeting place.
Punishment for the offense is suspension from the university --
sometimes indefinitely.
The policy, which took effect at the beginning of the lall
semester, was designed to help students academically. Last year,
25 percent of all Kentucky State freshmen were on academic
probation.
Univorsity officials said students have had no problem with the
policy.
I-- The Daily Northwestern
Northwestern University
I Officials at Louisiana Slate University are planning to have
LSU faculty assist them in recruiting high-quality students and
faculty.
“'The chancellor wants to let LSU retirees know the university
has not forgotten them and that it recognizes and appreciates their
dedication and contributions,” said Larry Jones, who has been
charged by LSU’s chancellor to locate former long-time LSU
employees.
University officials said contacts many retirees have will be es
pecially helpful in recruiting quality students and faculty.
- The Reveille
Louisiana State University
Two staff members at Marquette University’s student newspa
per have been reinstated to their jobs after university officials
suspended them for printing a pro-abortion rights advertisement.
Marquette, a Roman Catholic university, had disciplined the
paper for printing a pro-abortion rights advertisement about the
Nov. 12 rally in Washington D.C. The school has since reviewed
its advertising policies with the student editors and reversed its
decisions.
- The Daily Northwestern
Northwestern University
"Jim’s Journal’ inane drivel
1 applaud the recent article by Jim
Hanna concerning the critic of comic
strips (DN, Dee. 12). 1 am sure you
will receive many letters concerning
Mr. Hanna’s reviews from indignant
fans of the berated strips. I, on the
other hand, am concerned that Mr.
Hanna did not review “Jim’s Jour
nal.”
I have been subjected to the inane
ramblings of this garbage since the
beginning of the semester hoping that
it would improve. I have been disap
pointed. I must apologize to Mr. Hanna
as I assumed, when first encountered,
that Jim’s Journal was a product of his
pen. I could not imagine that this offal
was syndicated. I assumed that edi
tors, in order to fill space left by the
passing of Bloom County and to save
some money, had turned to the staff
to produce some ‘homegrown’ comic
strip. This I could stomach as I as
sumed a suitable replacement would
soon be found and I would be free of
the mind-numbing drivel that is “Jim’s
Journal.” Imagine my horror to find
that this strip was not a temporary
replacement and that it had infected
several other publications with its
pointless banal stylings.
I had assumed that the bland,4>oinl
less style of “Family Circus” and the
insipid, trite and trivial Huff that Sat
urday Night Live has mutated into
would be enough for those members
of our society that could not recog
nize originality, wit or humor if it
were splattered on their windshield.
As the networks eater more and more
to the lowest common viewers’ taste
and Hollywood produces movies with
a target audience under 13,1 see that
I am wrong. It is rare now to find
original comedy outside of stand-up
and British imports.
I have suffered in silence long
enough. Sell the office furnishings,
reduce the number of pages, get more
advertisement or even raise-my fees
yet again but do what ever is neces
sary to pul Dcxinesbury in Jim’s Jour
nal’ s place. As for the copies of Jim’s
Journal you have left, I suggest bur
ial, in an approved toxic waste dump
of course.
T.R. Shepherd
graduate student
chemistry
-C.ditqaaJLr ..
Editorial columns represent the
opinion of the author.
The Daily Nebraskan’s publishers
are the regents, who established the
UNL Publications Board to supervise
the daily production of the paper.
According to policy set by the
regents, responsibility for the edito
rial content of the newspaper lies
solely in the hands of its student edi
tors.
Cheer-mongers cause blues
Dr. Kookie tells people to fight hack, flaunt their gloominess
One of the cherished traditions
of Christmas is the newspaper
story that seeks to explain why
so many people become depressed
during the holidays.
Between now and Christmas, just
about every newspaper in America
will publish at least one story about
why so many ficoplc become depressed
during the C hristmas holidays.
These stories usually quote psy
chiatrists, psychologists and other
experts about what makes people feel
mopey.
Because 1 believe in tradition, I
decided to ask Dr. I.M. Kookie, an
expert on lots of things, if he could
explain why the holidays make people
glum.
“The biggest cause of Christmas
depression is the cheer-monger,” he
said.
w nai is a cneer-monger !
Fhey arc ihe people who go around
slicking twinkly lights everywhere,
playing Deck the Halls,’ clanging
i bells, saying ‘ho ho ho’ and wishing
; everybody g<xxl cheer. Terrible people.
I hey ought to be locked up until Janu
[ ary.”
But what’s wrong with spreading
. cheer?
It is unnatural. For 11 months of
i lhc year, people exercise their consti
i tutional right to be gloomy, glum,
I depressed and miserable without being
, harassed by cheer-mongers. But then
comes December and the chccr-mon
, gers violate this right.”
| But all they’re trying to do is bnghten
■ things up a bit.
i “Yes, but they don’t realize the
. damage they do.
Such as?
, “Well, take someone who is just
mildly glum. Suddenly he encounters
> a cheer-monger who says: ‘Well, have
you done your Christmas shopping
yet? And instead ol being mildly
I
glum, he becomes outright gloomy.
Then he runs into a chccr-mongcr
who says: Hi there, have you put up
your tree yet?’ And he drops down
another level, from outright gloomy
to total depression. All because of the
intrusivencss and insensitivity of those
who try to infect others with their
cheer.”
You sound like a Scrooge.
‘‘Don’t bad-mouth Scrooge. He
was a perfectly sensible man, who
had nothing wrong with him that a
sleeping pill couldn’t have cured.
But the cheer-mongers got to him.
You know, of course, Dickens wrote
a sequel, but it has been suppressed.”
I hadn’t heard that.
“Yes, Cratchit, a lazy incompe
tent, made bookkeeping errors that
caused Scrooge to be indicted and
jailed lor tax evasion. And Tiny Tim,
who faked being lame to avoid shov
eling the sidewalk, turned into a dope
dealer.”
I find that hard to believe.
“That’s because you’re a cheer
monger like the rest of them. I’ll bet
you drink eggnog, right?”
It wouldn’t be the same without it.
“Good. I wish all cheer-mongers
would drink gallons of eggnog. It’s
loaded with cholesterol.”
All right, assuming that what you
say is true, what can be done to alle
viate the suffering caused by holiday
depression?
‘ The answer is for people to fight
back against the cheer-mongers. And
lo do lhat, they must overcome the
guilt they feel because they aren't
cheerful. They must let their natural
gloominess out. Glory in it. Flaunt
it.”
How can they do that?
“By following my simple program
of gloom-pride.”
Which is?
“Rule one: Some cheer-monger
says: ‘Well, have you done your
Christmas shopping yet?’ Answer: ‘I
do not shop. I hate the pushy crowds,
the surly clerks, and Fin not going lo
waste my time and money buying
things for ingrates.’
“Rule two: A cheer-monger says:
‘Merry Christmas,’ or ‘Happy holi
days. ’ Proper response: ‘Whether I
nave ti ivicrry c nrisimjs or a nappy
holiday is my choice. So go roast
some chestnuts on an open lire. You'll
probably burn down your house
“Rule three: You hear the song.
‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christ
mas,’ blaring from a loudspeaker,
intruding on your right to silence. I he
proper response is to shout: ‘You want
a while Christmas? Then when n srxm s
you come shovel my sidewalk and
driveway. You have the wrenched
back or the cardiac arrest, you idiot.
I ’m going to Florida and sit by a pool
and stare at.scantily clad women. And
ane more thing. Rudolph had a red
lose because he was a hopeless drunk.
And you'd gel drunk, loo, if you had
to haul that fat guy from roof to r(x»f.
And this will make people feel
better?
‘‘I don’t know, but it makes me
leel good. Now I’ vc got to go do some
Christmas shopping.”
But you said you didn’t shop.
“I ’m buying one item. A bear trap
lo pul next to my chimney.”
(’) 1VK9 by the Chicago Tribune
! lette_
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