Editorial ■ TT^ll1\7 Amy Hdwards, Editor, 472-1766 ■ _ L.cc Rood, Editorial Page Editor I \T ♦t/iril/1 Jane Hirt, Managing Editor | ^1 t* I 1 I 3 rC g% f 1 Brandon I.oomis, Associate News Editor X ^ V. Brian Svoboda, Columnist Editorial Board Bob Nelson, Columnist University of Nebraska-Lincoln Jerry Guenther, Senior Reporter Quibbles ‘n’ bits I KSU policy bans sex in dormitories Anew policy at Kentucky State University bars all first-year students from having members of the opposite sex in their dorm rooms at any time - including family members. The rule also prohibits all students from having sex inside the dormitories. If a freshman wants to visit someone of the opposite sex, he or | she must meet that person in the dormitory lounge or in another public meeting place. Punishment for the offense is suspension from the university -- sometimes indefinitely. The policy, which took effect at the beginning of the lall semester, was designed to help students academically. Last year, 25 percent of all Kentucky State freshmen were on academic probation. Univorsity officials said students have had no problem with the policy. I-- The Daily Northwestern Northwestern University I Officials at Louisiana Slate University are planning to have LSU faculty assist them in recruiting high-quality students and faculty. “'The chancellor wants to let LSU retirees know the university has not forgotten them and that it recognizes and appreciates their dedication and contributions,” said Larry Jones, who has been charged by LSU’s chancellor to locate former long-time LSU employees. University officials said contacts many retirees have will be es pecially helpful in recruiting quality students and faculty. - The Reveille Louisiana State University Two staff members at Marquette University’s student newspa per have been reinstated to their jobs after university officials suspended them for printing a pro-abortion rights advertisement. Marquette, a Roman Catholic university, had disciplined the paper for printing a pro-abortion rights advertisement about the Nov. 12 rally in Washington D.C. The school has since reviewed its advertising policies with the student editors and reversed its decisions. - The Daily Northwestern Northwestern University "Jim’s Journal’ inane drivel 1 applaud the recent article by Jim Hanna concerning the critic of comic strips (DN, Dee. 12). 1 am sure you will receive many letters concerning Mr. Hanna’s reviews from indignant fans of the berated strips. I, on the other hand, am concerned that Mr. Hanna did not review “Jim’s Jour nal.” I have been subjected to the inane ramblings of this garbage since the beginning of the semester hoping that it would improve. I have been disap pointed. I must apologize to Mr. Hanna as I assumed, when first encountered, that Jim’s Journal was a product of his pen. I could not imagine that this offal was syndicated. I assumed that edi tors, in order to fill space left by the passing of Bloom County and to save some money, had turned to the staff to produce some ‘homegrown’ comic strip. This I could stomach as I as sumed a suitable replacement would soon be found and I would be free of the mind-numbing drivel that is “Jim’s Journal.” Imagine my horror to find that this strip was not a temporary replacement and that it had infected several other publications with its pointless banal stylings. I had assumed that the bland,4>oinl less style of “Family Circus” and the insipid, trite and trivial Huff that Sat urday Night Live has mutated into would be enough for those members of our society that could not recog nize originality, wit or humor if it were splattered on their windshield. As the networks eater more and more to the lowest common viewers’ taste and Hollywood produces movies with a target audience under 13,1 see that I am wrong. It is rare now to find original comedy outside of stand-up and British imports. I have suffered in silence long enough. Sell the office furnishings, reduce the number of pages, get more advertisement or even raise-my fees yet again but do what ever is neces sary to pul Dcxinesbury in Jim’s Jour nal’ s place. As for the copies of Jim’s Journal you have left, I suggest bur ial, in an approved toxic waste dump of course. T.R. Shepherd graduate student chemistry -C.ditqaaJLr .. Editorial columns represent the opinion of the author. The Daily Nebraskan’s publishers are the regents, who established the UNL Publications Board to supervise the daily production of the paper. According to policy set by the regents, responsibility for the edito rial content of the newspaper lies solely in the hands of its student edi tors. Cheer-mongers cause blues Dr. Kookie tells people to fight hack, flaunt their gloominess One of the cherished traditions of Christmas is the newspaper story that seeks to explain why so many people become depressed during the holidays. Between now and Christmas, just about every newspaper in America will publish at least one story about why so many ficoplc become depressed during the C hristmas holidays. These stories usually quote psy chiatrists, psychologists and other experts about what makes people feel mopey. Because 1 believe in tradition, I decided to ask Dr. I.M. Kookie, an expert on lots of things, if he could explain why the holidays make people glum. “The biggest cause of Christmas depression is the cheer-monger,” he said. w nai is a cneer-monger ! Fhey arc ihe people who go around slicking twinkly lights everywhere, playing Deck the Halls,’ clanging i bells, saying ‘ho ho ho’ and wishing ; everybody g a cheer-monger who says: ‘Well, have you done your Christmas shopping yet? And instead ol being mildly I glum, he becomes outright gloomy. Then he runs into a chccr-mongcr who says: Hi there, have you put up your tree yet?’ And he drops down another level, from outright gloomy to total depression. All because of the intrusivencss and insensitivity of those who try to infect others with their cheer.” You sound like a Scrooge. ‘‘Don’t bad-mouth Scrooge. He was a perfectly sensible man, who had nothing wrong with him that a sleeping pill couldn’t have cured. But the cheer-mongers got to him. You know, of course, Dickens wrote a sequel, but it has been suppressed.” I hadn’t heard that. “Yes, Cratchit, a lazy incompe tent, made bookkeeping errors that caused Scrooge to be indicted and jailed lor tax evasion. And Tiny Tim, who faked being lame to avoid shov eling the sidewalk, turned into a dope dealer.” I find that hard to believe. “That’s because you’re a cheer monger like the rest of them. I’ll bet you drink eggnog, right?” It wouldn’t be the same without it. “Good. I wish all cheer-mongers would drink gallons of eggnog. It’s loaded with cholesterol.” All right, assuming that what you say is true, what can be done to alle viate the suffering caused by holiday depression? ‘ The answer is for people to fight back against the cheer-mongers. And lo do lhat, they must overcome the guilt they feel because they aren't cheerful. They must let their natural gloominess out. Glory in it. Flaunt it.” How can they do that? “By following my simple program of gloom-pride.” Which is? “Rule one: Some cheer-monger says: ‘Well, have you done your Christmas shopping yet?’ Answer: ‘I do not shop. I hate the pushy crowds, the surly clerks, and Fin not going lo waste my time and money buying things for ingrates.’ “Rule two: A cheer-monger says: ‘Merry Christmas,’ or ‘Happy holi days. ’ Proper response: ‘Whether I nave ti ivicrry c nrisimjs or a nappy holiday is my choice. So go roast some chestnuts on an open lire. You'll probably burn down your house “Rule three: You hear the song. ‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christ mas,’ blaring from a loudspeaker, intruding on your right to silence. I he proper response is to shout: ‘You want a while Christmas? Then when n srxm s you come shovel my sidewalk and driveway. You have the wrenched back or the cardiac arrest, you idiot. I ’m going to Florida and sit by a pool and stare at.scantily clad women. And ane more thing. Rudolph had a red lose because he was a hopeless drunk. And you'd gel drunk, loo, if you had to haul that fat guy from roof to r(x»f. And this will make people feel better? ‘‘I don’t know, but it makes me leel good. Now I’ vc got to go do some Christmas shopping.” But you said you didn’t shop. “I ’m buying one item. A bear trap lo pul next to my chimney.” (’) 1VK9 by the Chicago Tribune ! lette_ The Daily Nebraskan welcomes . bricl letters to the editor from all readers and interested others. c Letters will be selected for publi cation on the basis of clarity, original s ^m^'ness and space available - 1 nc Daily Nebraskan retains the right to edit all material submitted. Readers also arc welcome to sub mit material as guest opinions. Whether material should run as a let ter or guest opinion, or not to run, is left to the editor’s discretion. Letters and guest opinions sent to the newspaper become the property of the Daily Nebraskan and cannot be returned. Anonymous submissions will not be considered for publication. Letters should include the author’s name, year in school, major and group affili ation, if any. Requests to withhold names will not be granted. 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