Nebraska is a whiney slate, espe
cially when the university is in the
picture. No matter what happens, no
matter how many people are affected
in a positive way, someone will al
ways step in with tears rolling down
his or her cheeks and snot being con
tinuously and noisily sucked up his or
her nose.
Introducing the First Annual Daily
Half-asskin Whiner’s Hall of Fame.
The following folk have been named
to the prestigious list because of their
incessant, non-stop bitching and
moaning about things that, well,
aren’t worth the energy to bitch
about.
Ladies and gentlemen . ..
Because of his 2,389 letters to the
DH this semester alone, BLAN
DREW WHINER has been chosen
“1989 KING OF THE WHIN
ERS.” Way to go, jerk!
_
GOV.-LORD NO MORR
What can be said that hasn’t been said already? Whining is the name of the
game. So is butt kissing. ‘Nuff said.
— —j i <mii uuoimi i r aye
. I ^ V^. Mr-J 'J
f' \j LINCOLN MAYOR BIG THOM TMr
/ A clear-cut choice for Whiners honors, gal-durnitt. An outspoken coach on
y Downtown redevelonment? players’ rights, the big guy has fervently supported college athletes getting
f P paid for their talent and pursuit of excellence in sports-- which they chose to
J Ha ha haaaa ha haaaa!!!!!! pursue once in college.
Has long opposed the fact that college football players can’t “see a movie
or buy a Coke like other college students,” because regulations prohibit them
from holding jobs while on athletic scholarship. Oh, woe is them.
Of course, if even one player would sell just half of his gold jewelry
collection, some of his designer clothes, or -- gasp! -- one of his cars, that
would allow all the team members to go out and view their favorite Disney
movies whenever they wanted. They might even be able to throw in some Milk
Duds.
“Ooooh, dammit!! The people of this state just don’t understand me. How
can we continue to have a competitive athletic department if everyone doesn’t
send us their paychecks... er, donations?! After all, when we build the Indoor
Practice Barn for the football team, it helped us prepare for those nasty
Southern teams that can practice in nice weather while we’re here shoveling
snow.
“Now that we have it, I’d just like to see those Southern teams beat us in
a bowl... er, uhhh ... never mind.”
■I
