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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 12, 1973)
Also-ran critics flop, thank Goder, Tolkien? By Bruce Nelson Through the annals of time there been many writers who have in their efforts to write a rrcat no; vl. Even more unknown, however, ;r tlv; book reviewers who aspired to .::to err penetrating analysis which '(!! J h? a vork of art in its own ri'ht. ci::d who failed as well. VVIvIe lost in the library the other .y I c :t"nc ? some old, vallcved .. vspa;wrs in which I found come lxv' reviews that never mac'f: it. Here , '.,' J id Ptace by Loo Tolstoy, reviewed by Jowjpn McCarthy "Yep fo!ks, here it is, more evidence that those pinko Commies arc t'-yinij to infiltrate our country. Why it.1.;' y?:-?erday my son told me t r . t this book was required reading in h:s col'sgc English class. This just proves those professor-type pseudo-intellectuals are all card ecrryinq Communists. "Now if you take a close look at this here book you'll see that the character Pierre Bzukhov is none other than that oinko Commie Ike Ei'-enhowi".1!'. Next time you have a book burning in your neighborhood jes' take a look at it before you toss it in and yo'i'tl w. what I mean." Long wit'i the Wind by Martha Mitchell, reviewed by John Mitchell "Wind is probably an appropriate title co eo with f.y wife, but seriously I am forced to admit that this is really a terrible hook. "For example, the symbolism of color expressed by Scarlett's name is so trite Xhct only my wife could think of it. And although I humbly acknowledge that I am Rhett Butler, I have no idea as to the identity of that wishy-washy and hen pecked Ashley Wilkes. Besides, we don'f need another book on the Civil War, Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, reviewed by Billy Graham "Dear Father who Art in Heaven, please forgive Mr. Salinger for the deed he has done. He knoweth not what he writeth. But while you're doing that, Father, I have advocated that Mr. Salinger's hands be cut off, just as last spring I advocated that rapists be castrated. So help me I mean-you, Father, we'll stop all this sin for your glory because we both know that all Holden Caulfield really needed was a good old-fashioned whipping. Amen." The Bible reviewed by Luci Furr "Evidence is mounting that this book was actually written by J.R.R. Tolkien. The evidence lies in the endless genealogies and histories which are so reminiscent of the Lord of the Rings. However, this earlier work is much poorer. The structure is bad and the plots, if not endless, are aimless. It seems as if the bocks Matthew, Mark and Luke can't agree as to who did what and when. "The Gandalf in this book is not as loving, for one day he may save Hebrew children from fiery furnaces and the next day kill 42 others for making fun of an old man. (Notice also, the similarities between the words "Hebrew" and "Hobbit") This book probably will never sell, but it is an interesting look at Tolkien's attempts to create the formula he finally perfected in the Rings trilogy." Classless gifts sure to please Uselessness is r'ic thing in Christinas gifts this year, with rmio cuteness being the only other criterion for the "in" gift. This list is designed with economy in mind as well as cuteness. Some magazines, like Esquire, offer color spreads of classy useless gifts, but they all cost over S200, except for a straw basket which sells for $80 at Macy's. None of that here. These gifts have no class at all, and are, in fact, in bad taste. Rest assured, nevertheless; lots of people would be delighted to have them. k keld goord you hove my word 1 ) House junk. This stuff is intended for the young person, probably a coiler:!; student, whose abode is decorated in the style known as Counterciiltural Clutter, which is like Late Victor ian, only cheaper. Some examples: Dumb little dishes with no cigarette holes. Rocks witfrwcolored swhls in them, which you can pick up from along thejoad. Polished tin cans, cheap larps and, of course, posters, r.arrl'es and incense. I mist f fellas TuO EXTREMELY COMFORTABLE , I n Wftfjf ) TL. 1 0 if 005 ABSOLUTELY WATERPROOF, H 'TOirV,w f M rWO 13 U &y LOOKS LIKE A SHOE WHEN WORN H 2 t lWl ff ASXV) i yfQ H;ANREcutARiyrn,cEo O fl I! WtMm a A ' w. . vy. iii iwwwwwwwww limn iM F J I VA-k & 3 PkiwTr-Vi ' mfwxa n r-wt a b4wai L:1 ff II i f IE T I n ilg II I x t. II ...h tX rated and animated! CI I ( J) 2) Your own art. You don't have to be an artist to get . l ,L!. ft 1 . maamIa a .1 1 1 Lk 4.!IIaI iia4 1 away Willi iniS. IVIUSl Wltvyv ago ynsvynu ni ua uiihi iu yci a work of art, because they think everybu-iy might as well be an artist. Paintings are easy. Buy a cheap watercolor set and slop out 20 or 30 abstracts. If you want to be more extravagant, buy some colored construction paper and dribble house paint on it. 3) Semi-clothes. ID bracelets, tin broaches, bronzed insects, tiny scarves, dickies, joke nose rings, fake fingernails and red lace garters. For men, get bikini briefs in purple peony or red sunflower. 4) Import bads. Import shops sell junk which is not called junk because it is expensive and was made in foreign countries. Many people suffer from zenophobia-phobia, and love anything made by foreigners. Import bads include: Colored bottles and jars made of cheap glass. These are used to hold matches and dead flowers. Stinky candles. Thse are available in a variety of repulsive shapes. Brittle wooden toys. Thse include painted boxes with hidden compartments, animals and unbalanced mobiles. It's an easy era in gift-giving. People are afraid to dislike the wrong things, today more than ever before. Not only will they say "thank you" for anything, they will mean it. Merrv Christmasl Ring in a Merry Christmas A T ft f BACKSTAGE iMENAGCRIt. 1?th K 0 Si. OfV" c.:.:!i into t 't'l 9 b Oixn "un. 2 DIFFERENT STYLES IN GREEN, BLACK, BROWN, AND BRANDY. . N. SfcS MARINA X T J INTURA Delight your love with the sparkling splendor of a Keep sake diamond ring. Choose from our golden array of styles. All guaranteed by Keepsake and our store. KAUFMAN'S JEWELERS 1332 "r St. . ,s ! "waww. -attM if) G daily nebraskan Wednesday, december 12, 1973