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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (April 2, 1951)
T PAGE' 2 THE DAILY NEBRASKAN Monday, April 2, 1951' 4 1 1 .J ,r J ' , t ' 1 I i 2 ? I 4 Editorial Comment ' Squeaks' Dr. Hanson Shaves Van Dyke In Favor of Jacquet Goatee By Atoysius Gerp r The Fire House five plus two have just proved a new record that is a cinch to break all exist ing record sales. The tune, "The Firebird Suite," by Stravinsky, has so much strength and bal ance to it that all music lovers will enjoy to the end this rendition that the seven do. The first movement is opened with a surprise. Harper Goff plays a beautiful banjo solo that is done in true classical style. In the second part the entire group blend to gether to form the background for a tuba solo played by that noted tubist Edward Penner. The third and final movement is a wonderful ar rangement of clarinet and piano with another solo. This time the solo is by Danny Alguire and his cornet. For a song that is done by the men who can do it, hear "the Firebird Suite" as done by the Fire House Five plus Two. Word has just been received that Dr. Howard Hanson, noted music composer and lecturer has shaved off his Van Dyke in favor of the goatee. According to the press dispatch, Dr. Hanson has done this to throw off the false feeling that he has for classical music. From now on it is nothing: but the modern progressive music for him. Although Dr. Hanson agrees that the music of the old masters is pas sible, that music can not compare, can not hoM a candle, to the modern progressive music of Stan Kenton, Illinois Jacquet and Dizzy Gillispie. In fact, the goatee that Hanson is now sport ing is a direct copy of Jacquet's. The complete change that the Doctor has made can be summed up in his own words. "From now on I am a gone cat. It will bebop and nothing else." Comedt (Errors 8" iffc Rjf f 6WS ill ilIW Skunks Open Fire I'm sure that you are all familiar that as of late Les Paul has been doing a wonderful job with his new sound on record. The sound con sists of dubbing one record over another one. Now he has done the greatest. He now has a But now that Kegline season is back-tracked song called "22 Guitars." For the newest sound on wax hear this latest release by Les Paul. By John and Marcla "AN ODE TO APRIL" Spring has sprung and winter has come and went. we all thousand beavers, armed with I sal crime syndicate and will ctool hplmAte nnrl shflrnened ' throw out all anti-crime meas- ine unneci ixiauons iorces re-; teeth, had dug mile-wide trenches ures. treated sixty miles from the 38th across tne Tjgriver. U.N. troops! "After all, you-all," the Presi parallel last week. tripped and "plunged" four miles dent told newsmen upon return- United Tripe reported that Chi-: jnto unknown depths, but re- ing from his' recent five-year va nese communist ammunition was sumed normal upright positions cation to Key West, "what would exhausted after ten battalions 1 under the protection of commu- the country do without its long committed hari-kari from sheer ,nist yak-yak which was aimed at remembered gunfights staged by boredom. However, the commu-tne beavers in payment for their j such national heroes as Lucky Lu nists staged a new defensive outstanding disDlav of militarism, ciano and Dillinger?" I whereby fifteen thousand skunks Chinese war correspondent,! The president plans to stage a I were patrolled n:ong the 38th sing-Me-Song, reported the com- national campaign for a huge me- e au get skinny, observing parallel. The skunks were armed ' munists are working feverishly morial to Charlie Binaggio, th ow that tfiin- !Mmn i, . bulet-P,of vests which on fresh opposition along the j Kansas City crime hero who wa Stan Kenton and his orchestra have just cut a new record that is sure to go over great. At every dance that "Stan has been playing he has been requested to wax this top tune. Under the pressure of his public he has done it. The "Ten nessee Waltz" with a trumpet solo by Maynard Ferguson. Up In the Village in New York, Tony Pastor has a brand new trio, with a great thrush. The "Mil lion Dollar Trio," as they are called really sent the cats out of this world with each song that they do. The trio consists of Art Rubenstien piano, Jash Hefitz violin, and Greg Piatigorsky bass. The singer is Helen Traubel. I do believe that some day these people will be known as great musi cians. The Boston Philharmonic Symphony have just cut some new records for Victor Red Label. These scores are some of the best that they have ever done. Reason for this is the new additions that have been made to the orchestra. They include such all times greats as Buddy Rich, drums, Lester Young and Flip Phillips, tenor sax, Ziggy Elman, trumpet, Bill Harris, trombone, Chubby Jackson, 'cello, and Woody Herman, clarinet. With these new numbers, the music has added spice. That's all Paul. "Pilfered Material" Bold Com Shucks Staff Steals 'Rag9 Writers By Lucy Schmatz Happy April Fool's Day to all you fools who are going to read this column today. With spring in the air all over the country, students at campuses all over the country are finding it difficult to concentrate on their book larnin'; as a result, purgatory has broke loose on many of these schools of higher education. Dearie, do you remember when the "Rag" told you the lurid details of the case of the missing Daily Northwestern newspapers at Northwest ern university? History has repeated itself, more or less, at your own University. Usually I print only stolen goods from other papers, but I feel that in the public interest, I should report this to you. . . The bold Corn Shucks staff is plan ning on stealing not only Daily Nebraskans, but the Daily Nebraskan staff as well. From now on, the Corn Shucks will be printed daily, and the "Rag" will be printed six times a year. Now who was it who said that any change Is a change for the good? The Chancellor of the University of Animal Dentistry in Oshkosh, O., has disclosed a report stating that the board of regents at that school have been dismissed. Details of the dismissal were held strictly secret until the student news paper at the university interviewed the chan cellor and wheeled out the details. "The story boils down to this," stated the sen ior class president at Oshkosh, Ayran Smith. "It seeems that the regents went on a beer binge instead of attending their weekly board meet ing." "This in itself wasn't bad," stated Smith, "ex cept, the chancellor felt left out and hurt when he found that there wasn't enough beer for him." The chancellor has appointed new regents al ready. They are: Dr. Alvin Budweiser, Mr. Her man Schlitz, Dr. George Hamms, Miss Wiihel mina Storz and Dr. WiHiam Miller, a prominent member of an Oshkosh family high in the life of the university. "I will see," stated the chancellor, "that such an occurrence never reoccurs again on our fair campus. The University of Stalingrad just held a cam pus election, reports the Daily Pravda Blow at that university. They wrote, and I quote, the election results: School president, Bob Stalin; veep, Marylou Molotov; secretary, Jack Gromyko; treasurer, Gloria Vishinsky. School spokesman, Al - Abcdefghijklmnopqrstu vwxyzicoff, stated that "the elactions vas fair and sqvare. Dere vas no ballot box stoffing, no at-the-poll campaigning, und best uv all, ve did nut even hev to use our guns; I gass dat EVERY BODY knew jost how to vote." The Lousley-Benton university at Lousley Benton, Tex., reports a new and ultra-modern method of graduating from university. Thanks to new governmental policies at that univer sity, no exams are being given, and all students are going to receive grades no lower than 8.0. The deans and chancellor of that school put this ruling into effect after they had been kid napped and held for ransom by students there whose averages averaged a 7.9, and who had that "left-out" feeling when in the company of those whose averages were higher. The board of regents there are still laughing over the humorous prank. They stated (hysteri cally laughing all the while), "I guess that boys will be boys!" (this is a remarkable statement considering the biological fact that boys cannot be girls. This proves what I have always main tained: there is absolutely nothing like a college education). So much pilfered materials for now. So long, "Flush" really here. Let's all go out and have a beer. We aren't concerned with this and that, Or who is and who ain't gettin' fat. Nor with Prof. Burbank, and his lamous potato Kids, what we want to know is, HOW IS YOUR OLD TOMATO. Digging deep for the material found in this column, the "Cats" found these little tid-bits of news for the day. Fritz, "Lord Winterbottom" Wefso and HowarC Dennivitch were seen in the realms of Ron's Supper club Saturday eve churt ling over a glass of milk and their own jokes. Duke Ellington wants everyone and especially Jerry Beripan and Ha Jungbluth to know that "He loves you, madly!" Gerome Pssvol and Andrew Risquclavitchs were married Fri day in the First Sault Peter church. The groom was dressed in a hand woven imported China silk tie, high botton shoes (black bottons), box-back T-shirt with roll away cuffs, and black flannel trousers. This was high lighted by a midriff westcott. The stun ning outfit was set off by a World War I bandoleer which jointly served as a Cumberland. This in cidntly was a gift of the bride. Miss Risquclavitchs wore the con ventual white satin gown. Pinnings of Tie week-end in clude: Betty Kennedy and Ted Randolph, Burdette Randolph and Bill Mundell, Charles Chill and Little Orphan Annie, Betty Mun dell and Bruce Kennedy. Boris Karloff and Shirley Temple. Among those present at the Breck Nazaire were Bob Jensen and Lane, Keith Lytle and Mary Lou Rips, Frank Jacobs and Mary Mackie and Walt Stevenson and Dean Wilderness all were dressed appropriately in the latest spring fashion, with black built in flask pouches. Couples spending their idle Easter vacation hours at the State Reformatory's annual shin-dig, the "Jail House Jump," included: Figg Flugg and Donna Bully, Tex Guardiner and Rusty Totter, Frank Costello and Nancy C. It is rumored that Mati Japp has been named by the Univer sity to represent Nebraska in the all Big Seven invitational indoor beer drinking tourney to be held next week good luck Matt. Coming events: Friday: Alpha Sigma Sigma formal in the men's lounge of the O'Shea Rodgers ga rage; Saturday: All About Marge and the Gay Decivers, double fea ture playing at the Ellen Smyth. Upon completing the physical, the doctor said, "Mrs. Jones, I have some very good news for you!" Whereupon the lady said, "But I'm Miss Jones, not Mrs." To this the doctor replied, "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you!" Seen on Mockingbird Hill were Beautiful Brown Eyes, Redwing, Pretty Baby, Bill and Mother Mc Craee dancing the Tennessee Waltz on their way to the Shanty in Old Shanty Town. An open note to Lucky Luci ano: So you should go play in your asparagus patch! all ammunition SO 7nmilQ front tr hnlH hark new that the U.N. troops were forced tj n troops to "run for their lives." i Retreating thirty miles from rr, i . r the "overpowering fumes and Iruman liOOStS Crime ammunition," U.N. troops at-! Truman will fight for crime! tempted a mass comeback. After' President Truman stated last advancing ten miles, opposition Thursday that he will take "posi was again encountered. Sixty itive steps" to fight for a univer 1 " J r , 51 SPRING FASHIONS Miss Ethyl Alcohol models the latest garb for the cool days on the campus. The classic dark skirt is made of men's weight flannel and is 21 inches above the side walk. The contrasting light blue parka and pink fuzzy-wuzzy mit tens are worn to protect the coed in her defense battles against the Nebraska winds. Her shoes, Navy gun-boats, and service weight hose keep her from getting her legs dirty on "dirty sock days" when she is jumping the little mud puddles. Hoods, Mouton Mittens, Cuban Heels 'Fashion for Spring Draft Hits Campus; Grad Students Predict, 'No One Will Be Left' Let's face it. The draft has hit the University. It has not only swept come of the students away, but has also engulfed many in its radically al ternating gusts of hot and cold air. Temperatures roared to an all time high when white hot and red winds came blustering from several of the assembly halls on campus recently. Hot air customarily sweeps from a number of the classrooms daily, but never had the students at the University experienced any thing like this. "The red heat wave has washed so many students up, that before long there will be no one left," commented one of the more pro phetic graduate students recently. Throw Greenbacks to Wind Cold drafts have had an en tirely different effect. It has swept the coeds off their feet. They have been forced to throw many of their greenbacks to the MnbT Intercollegiate Press roRTV-KIOHTH fEAB The DbIIt Nebrtkn li puMUhed by the faculty of the University of Ne braska for expression of their views. According to Article II of the by-laws, "It is declared policy of the Board "hat any news which Is printed In this publication shall be purely coincidental. Any resemblance to the truth shall be purely accidental. If any views published In this paper are libelous It shall be the duty of the University chancellor to pay any fines renal tins; therefrom." Subscription rates to the paper shall be 2c an issue or $M per semester. Pub lished during the school year with the exception of Tnesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, holidays, blue Mondays and washdays. Entered as natter with the Dally Worker. Joint sebscrlptloni may be obtained by contacting Misa Joan Krueger, communist saleswoman, at this office. Editorial MMar Horace Greeley Manarlni editors Kin. ti i.ihnr nnrifmv News editors Judy Holllday, Julius Caar, Hcdy I,ainarr, Queen Elisabeth, I be TUSt-prOOf, collapsible but not k. a. oustavson' crumbly and the plutonium ele- wind with the onrush of the cold front and accompanying new styles. Since the frigid gusts have compelled the girls to blow their dough, a new ornament for skirts has been introduced. The great est thing since the dog leash belt, the lead weight hemline is taking the campus by storm. As a result, Chicago is storm ing. Boston is storming. Said one fashion expert from the "Windy City," "War demands have left our lead supply almost wholly untouched. The Univer sity of Nebraska, now the crit ical world situation, has depleted our reserve." University coeds, In response, have thrown up their hands in defeat, although they argued at length that it is one of the most sensible innovations that hit the campus along with the draft. Scientists Heed Plea Scientists all over the nation have heeded their pleas. They are now working on a more dur able alloy, composed of aluminum and plutonium. "This," they say, "will be a substance that Willi ast longer than lead. In fact, it may even replace lead entirely in the very near future." These alloy amalgamists pur port that it, the "alutonium," will pporss Mitor Iledda Hopper Assistant sports editor Harold E. Stamen Feature editor Porohantas Ag Editor B,thr M. Zilch Hoeiety Editor Wln.ton Chnrchlil; Krvt.A ohservfr Pbetograpber An, y. vin.hln.ky 8eYe ODServerS, ment will add the desired weight and strength to the aluminum. "It is beyond a doubt," ob- Bualneas Msim Manager IsaHatant Business Managers. (Npealallon tght News Editor Nebraska coeds can, with this innovation, battle the cold winds l.ucretla Borrla with th pvtrn-nrlripH woicrht nn Ireaay Thumb" Ouilli, Moo Tw Tung,, ui: . t 4V, , Richard Iludnut nemlines and 8t the Same tlme shir'ey May France stifle the hot-winded manufac- Queen Elisabeth turers in Chicago, Ferguson Nanied. As Fire Hazard rerguson halt has been con demned as a fire hazard. This announcement was made by Dean Roy M. Green, dean of the College of Engineering and Architecture. "It appears we have been gypped," he said. "A report by the University engineer indicates that construction of the building was very sloppily done. I am hor- Tified, not to say shocked." engineering classes will have to be moved back to their former quarters, Dean Green said. Status of the astronomy classes was un certain, since the building which formerly housed them has been ning and will not crawl under torn down. i any condition. Hoods, preferably anchored to the coat, dyed mouton (bunny to you) mittens and comfortable Cu ban heels are a neccesity in ac cessories this season. The hood serves a double purpose as a windbreak and a cover-up for un ruly locks. The mitten are not only colorful, dyed to match any costume, but will provide excell ent protection in case of a boxing match with a Roman. Shoes with the low heels and stable shoe strings will prevent any coed from getting cought in man-hole covers, side walk vents and mud traps by the Phi Psi house. This stylish heel also pro vides a stable base for any inebri ated action that is to be taken. Skirts are to be shortened a few inches to presribe to the new length, 21 inches from the floor. The new length also enables the viewer a scenic glance of the new cotton mesh hose which are guaranteed to cover up all knee dimples and keep knock knees in check. These hose are non-run In evening wear turtle neck gowns of such lavish materials as burlap and soft spun barbed wire will find a lovely setting at the Plamour brawlroom. The slender figure may be highlighted by shoulder pads, hip pads, knee pads and "falsie" pads. Something new in accessories for evening is the shoulder feed bag. These bags are easily ob tained from any deserted horse barn or may be whipped up from any old plaid blanket, used or unused. A. T. Anderson Gives Report On False Russian Claims The Russians did not win the las war single-handed. This was revealed in a report by Alben T. Anderson, following five years of research on the subject. In his report. Anderson savs that the Russians did not invent the sewing machine, liquor, wom en, Hadacol, the electric light, the revolving door, reducing ma chines, automobiles or kitty cars, as was claimed in a report by the Russian press, Pravda. Anderson spent years pouring over repo-ls from both sides of the Iron Curtain. He spent hours interviewing Sen. Joseph Mc Carthy, Sen. Dudley LeBlanc and others to determine the truth of the Russian statements. "Such reports are vicious and untrue," Anderson said. "It ap pears that the Russian government nas lied irom the start to finish about its achievements. It would almost appear that the govern ment has lied from start to fin ish." First Publication This is undoubtedly the first pa per to publish the dramatic story of Anderson's adventures while he carried on his research from both sides of the Iron Curtain. He spent two months learning to manipulate the acetalyne torch. At the end of this period he was able to sear a hole in the Iron Curtain, big enough to take a push cart through, In less than five minutes. To escape detection he immediately welded the open ing shut again in the spectacularly short time of seven minutes and four tenths seconds. Once through, Anderson donned the clothes of the laborer and proceeded along the highways (dirt pathways) to the various cities where files on Russian achievements were kept. When he had gathered suffici ent data Anderson changed into a military uniform and victori ously strolled through the sliding door the Russians had made into the American sector of Germany. From Germany Anderson rushed via rubber life raft to the United States and Morrill hall where he compared his findings with those of U of N scientists (music majors). However it seems that Ander son's movements were not entire ly authorized by the government and the dean's office. The Student Council promptly opened an in vestigation which is broadcast in ts entrety over a major network of wheh KNU s afflated. Anderson has been ill these last few days and prior to that he was reluctant to answer the questions of interrlgator Louis Pierce. Anderson objected strong ly to publicity given him by Frank Jacobs, editor of Corn shucks, a notoriously known scandal sheet. Many believe that all charges will eventually be dropped but the investigation nevertheless has been effective in arousing interest in Russian claims of inventions. Because of the proceedings it ap pears likely that more Russian firsts will be proved stolen. was cruelly shot to death by a vil lainous policemen while staging one of the most spectacular and heroic gun battles in history against Kansas City cops. This memorial will be a huga fourteen-carat-gold bullet with the awe-inspiring inscription, "To my favorite promoter, Charlie, from your little pal, Harry." The President plans to have the memorial finished by the time of his retirement from the presi dency, in 1995. Minor Drunks Foreseen Beginning April 1, all minors will be allowed to buy beer, whiskey and to gamble anywhere in Nebraska. This decision was made by the Nebraska Legislature last week after five thousand Lincoln chil dren, ranging from two to thir teen years old, stormed the state capitol in protest. "Give me thome whithkey,"pro tested one three-year-old, "or I'll tell my Daddy!" A ten-year-old girl stated that she was in dire need of a daily supply of gin to cure her rheumatism. Professor Old Grandad Blatz told state senators that what had formerly been called "intoxicat ing" drinks have proved to be as mild and healthful as milk. The senate finally voted 649 to 1 for the measure. However, the senate has re ceived many protests against the bill. University students especially feel the new bill may pull other wise innocent freshmen and soph omores into habits that may ruin the non-drinking, non-gambling college community. Rod Smod, in The Daily Nebraskan, expressed the feelings of students all over the campus with his unforgettable words, "No, never, not this!" A-Bomb Attack Awaited Two men and a woman were found guilty of stealing America's A-bomb secret in behalf of com munist Russia. The trio were congratulated by the President and commended by the federal court jury. "They have done us an outstanding serv ice," commented the court judge, Irving R. Kaufman. "With our new anti-A-bomb spray gun, we dare Russia to bomb the U.S." The President stated, "It's about time Russia got hold of that bomb. They finally got the brains to dis cover what we've been trying to give them for thirty years." The country will anxiously await an attack by Russia within the next few months in "Order that they may test the new spray gun. NU Bulletin Board Monday BABW final meeting at 8 p.m. in the Barb activities office. All outgoing board members are urged to be present. Thomas N. Ekberg will meet his friends in Joe's at 7 p.m. Ti'fsHav. Gurgling Geishas meeting at 2 a.iis. in faculty lounge. Idiots Anonymous meeting in 201 Union Mortae Board monthly meet ing at first floor lounge at men's dormitory. Faction meeting at the witch ing hour at the third TNE sign west of 16th street. The public is cordially invited. Connie Gordon will meet any one at 4 p.m. in the "Rag" office, i Lavendar Lovers meet in the! linen closet from midnight on. Al Prices Cut Food, clothing and cigarets will be cut to at least one-half their former price within the next month. Women's suits will be priced at $15 or less. Men's suit-nd over coats will not be priced above $30. Butter will go down to 16 cents, and a good T-bone steak dinner can be purchased for 65 cents. Cigarets will be priced at 39 cents per carton and free lighters will be included with each car ton. However, the average worker's income may go up to $35 billion a year, according to Price Con troller, Lucky Spendthrift. The price outs and increased wages were brought about be cause of the terrific decrease of needed funds for the national budget. Also, sixty-five countries have paid back $75 trillion dol lars of the $76 trillion owed the U.S. Main Features Start State "Virginia City," 1:26, 5:23, 9:20. "Dodge City," 3:31, 7:28. Husker: "Navy Bound," 1:00, 3:07, 5:14, 7:21, 9:28. "Sinister Journey," 2:04, 4:11, 6:18, 8:25, 10:32. Varsity: "Lullaby of Broad way," 1:28, 3:28, 5:28, 7:28, 9:30. All students who want to see their name in print on the Honors Day convocation pro gram, see Hank Cech, scholas tic honorary chairman, Booth 2, DB & G, any time during the day. There is no deadline that must be met, since the program will not be printed until at least one person re ceives a passing grade. Cech blames the dense feeling caused by the dense interna tional situation for the low grades. SNEAK PREVIEW TONIGHT COME AND SEE "LULLABY OF BROADWAY" & A SPECIAL SNEAK Rand to Address June Graduates Sally Rand Inoted performer, will address the University grad uates in ceremonies, June 5. This was announced today by the chairman of the convocations committee. Miss Rand will dis cuss, "How I Became a Success." She will describe her efforts to get to the top and how she got there. Each graduate will be allowed a personal interview with Miss Rand if they so desire. .11 tM rl 4 WITH AU-STAR CAST DODGE CITY' AND 'VIRGINIA CITY' H0PALONG CASSSDY "SINISTER JOURNEY" lot BIO HIT i . L 4 PLUS GENE NKAL "NAVY BOUND"