Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About Valentine Democrat. (Valentine, Neb.) 1900-1930 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 20, 1902)
I 'Se ' 'H ' * ' ® * From < "Darkness \ ; To Light MARY CECIL HAY > 'SXS'S v CHAPTER IV.-cContimieiU "In tho pitcli-darkaess or the w nl Ight I awoK in a yrt-ut tremor , f some one had come noiselessly Jn.o i room. 1 ilon't know to this moment w It was ; for the hi.stant I heard the * 'i xnoQS I rose and went to Miss Kate.i Arthur had gone lor the doctor. Mi Kate ivas pressing brandy through t ; doseu teeth , the' old nurse was-chafi : I one hnnd ; but I saw in a minute th & "these Uungs were too late. " 'Wh-u did it hsiypenr I whispered the nu-se. And she whispered back , wi her lips qnitevhite , ' 1 was asleep. hall never forgive myself. ' The doct came and went through some forms , b f we knew that nothing could be done no' Jv But we all kuew want it meant whcu ] took up the vial and found it empty. At Fwhen he looked from it down upon ti lady , we knew she had died of poiso "On the third morning there was an i 'tuest called , aad theOiing doctor mat h all rleur enough , nnd we were all ma < to help. I don t know what w.is * ai kut everybody soon knew that Mr. A thur was sorely in need of the old lady money , and very tired of her tempti nd had to drop the poison becauseMi Kate had fallen asleep. Something pr Tented its being possible to end the i guest then either the great London ph ttcLm hadn't finished his exaimnatio : r the sudden heavy fall of snow hud i.e ] way somebody who was important i any rate , the inquest had to be aJjouri ed. When Mr. Artuur came m , late t all of us. from this first inqutst , was hi the little sitting room at the to < f that east tower , sir you see the t\v Barrow windows ? sitting with Mi Kate. Wh u Miss Kate heard his ste die got np very quietly from her scat an stood with hi.r face uiuden ou tho ch.n ney pioce. 'Don't go , Rachel , ' she sun very low ; buttnough she'd been cry.n c great deaJ. I t > aw she wasn't crym then. "Mr. Arthur came into the house s lently. He entered the room slowly : n f uietJy - Ah ! no wonder we'd all set the last of any life or spirit about Mi Arthur ! He weut up to the fire an tood opposite Miss Kate , telling he leiiat I've said about the inquest. I loot d first at one pale face , and then at th taer ; and then I went out of the rooi without a sound , and shut myself in m. bedroom , and cried for hours. "As I came down again from my rooit I stayed at one of the windows on th tairs , , and as I stood looking out , Mis Kate's old nurse came gentiy up an tood behind me. 'What do you see' ; he whispered , anxiously. I had beei nothing then ; but it made me watth , nn In a minuteor two afterward I tu.n < harp'y round , and , passing her , iai noiselessly downstairs anil into the litt ittiug room where 1 had left Mis. * K.m and Mr. Arthur. Miss Kate was Bittm. there alone , her face bowed in her hands and when I told her , whispering an ( ftammering , that the house was waUhed phe only raised it very slowly and weai Hy , and looked me in the lace dazed like 'Please tell Mr. Arthur , ' I enueattd 'pleaso warn him. ' 'You go , ' sue said almost in her natural tones. 'He is in tk < library. ' Thats the room , sir , that i told you witn the wide window opijuin , , to the steps. I knocked at the door ag.iir and again , but got no answer ; so at las I tried the handle , and found the dooi was locked on the inside. \ \ hen I weni " buck to Miss Kate , 1 expected her to bi aervous and' frightened ; but , somehow , J could not help fancying she was not sur prised at all. But when I told this lc thenurse , she cried like a baby. 'If he attempts to escape on such a night as this , ' she said , 'it will be as if he walked traigJit ; nfo prison of his own accord. ' "Oi course I knew , just as well as any one , that no escape could be possible for Mr. Arthur that night. The snow lay quite six in-hes deep all around toe house , and yet there was no hope of an other storm which could hide the "dt'ep marks which any footstep must ma.xe. Hour after hour went on , and Miss Kate seemed to have no thought of goiog to bed ; so nurse-and I sat up , too , listening keenly to every souuJ , yet d reading. above all , the opening of that one Ui.or into Mr. Arthur's "room. It was s > till about half an hour before the honr at which we ha.l calculated there wouid be daylight , when a long , sharp ring ct tho hall boll starred us both. Miss Kate had drawn the bolts even before 1 readi ed it , and was stamMng there with the lamplight before her , with her head bent forward , listening eagerly to a nun who had come up into the very doorway. I soon knew what it was. though I hadn't heard the first words. Th.s man had , as he went round the house even before the first giimmer of dawn , seen footmarks In the snow , and hau traced them from that wide window of Mr. Arthurs room down to the lake. There were no prints oC returning steps , and he must be al lowed to enter that room. I don't know what more he said , because that ua < uch a terrible morning for us all. Mr. Arthur's door was broken open lor , though we could , easily have walked in through the window , it was not allowed , because of those footprints in thesno\v and the room was empty. "They dragged the lake and onee , from : i quite the middle , they brought up Mr. Arthur's coat but the ; body was never found. I remember Mr. Arthur's cousin , who came over soon after he was tho gentleman who got the estate and all th > money said the body was never likely to be found , because the lake was full of such dangerous holes , and I heard the magistrate say so , too. Years and years before one of the children from the Hall had been drowned there , and the body never found. That's the story , sir. Do you wonder that we few servants who bad loved Mr. Arthur should have left when he died , even if we had had no oth er reason ? " "And Miss Kate- ? " "Miss Kate , " returned the woman , quietly , "went away from the Hall with her old nurse. I don't know where they are now. I thiinTTher heart was Broken. Poor Miss Kate ! " "Was there no faint chance of this crime having been committed by Mif-s Kate or the nurse ? " asked Mr. Poynz. i "They thought of that , sir. as th poeined to think of everything. " Had Corr answered , simply ; "but they con not think it long. " " 1 will not ask you any more , " sa Mark , hisoice full of sympathy , as rose ; ' 'and I am much obliged to you f interesting me so. If I chance to stay Ireland over to-morrow may I cad agin ? I have a proposal to make your son. " "To Micky , sir ? " inquired the worn ? with a smile toward the sick lad's cha "I haJ be very glad , sir. He's like n own , is Micky. " Mr. Poynz , ! u.ming with one hnnd i the kitchen chair from which he hi risen , understood in this speech an une pressed reservation with regard to h elder stepson , but did not notice it words. "Then good-evening , now , " he said , ai offered his hand both to Rachel and t ] sick boy. "Micky , " ' said his mother , after watc ing her visitor asar as she could the gloom , "I like him don't you , deai He didn't look tired of nie and my story "He know the house , mother , " observ < Michael. "Hfs eyes went roightly to ivei spot afore you pointed it out. I watcht him , and I'm sure I've nothin' to do bi watch now. have I ? Mother , " he wei on , presently , looking up at her as fil stood beside him. "I've bin thinkin' ai other thing while I listened to ye it little I do but think now. Was thj young docthor you're bin epeakin' < Doclnor Armstrong ? " "Dr. Nuel Arastiong yes. " CHAPTER V. Mr. Pennington luid performed tl usual duty of driving his guest to Loug Erne , and Miss Foster had uttered tb usual remarks on Irish lakes in geners compared with the English ones , and e : pressed the usual admiration for both i a voice of calm indifference. And nov glad to feel that the duty drive was ovc and her box must be packed that nighi she succumbed to an overpowering ser sation of mental fatigue , and made Cell the recipient of many a languid sigh , a the two girls took their afternoon tea i the quiet vicarage drawing room. "You must come over and visit us , said Miss Foster , languidly yielding he cup to Celia. "That will be a great en joyment for you , and do you good. " Celia received this tempting proposal ii silence. Of course it would be a goi geous thing to drive in Hyde Park , am she should be sure to have new dresses t take , and Will was such an old friend but the prospect had its drawbacks ; and besides that , , she knew very well that he parents would not consent to send her and could not well afford to do so if the : wished it. So she only smiled a vagm little appreciative smile , and let the sub ject drop as inertly as most subject dropped between these two. "And yet , " Celia sighed to herself , "i must be my fault , of course , , becaus ! Miss Foster is so clever , and so used t < clever society , and could , of course , tall so well if she had anyone worth talkinj to. " A pleasant interruption came at last and Celia's first idea was that this was the very pleasantest interruption whicl t-ould have come. Unheralded by th < boys , this time , Will came in and rousec them in his simple , cheery way ; but aftei the first minutes , while the blush ant smile with which she had met him stiL lingered on Celia's face , he went and stood at the window , looking out , im light words growing quieter and less fre quent "How very anxiously you hare hurried your return ! " observed his sister , prese ntly. "How exceedingly desirous you have been to make yourself agreeable to Miss Pennington and myself ! " "Miss Pennington , have I been rude ? " isked Will , in his frank , spontaneous tvay. tvay.He He was standing opposite to her , and iad need only to turn his eyes from .he gate to see her face full of pretty , lasty dissent. "I am so used to being here , you .sou. jenovieve , " he explained to his sister , 'that I fell quite naturally into all aiy > ld ways , and Celia understands. " "When a gentleman is ungentleuianly , " > bserved Miss Foster , "it is a pity that myone should understand him. " "I think , " returned Will , "it is far oore a pity to insinuate anything dis- : ourteous of Celia's kindness to me. " "If you were not thoroughly sus- licious , " said Miss Foster , coldly , "you rould not say such a thing as that. But ou always were suspicious , Will. " Before Will's second prompt rebuke ras uttered , Celia had quietly left the oom , conscious that family bickerings hould , if possible , be conducted private- 7. "You seem to be watching very anx- jusly , " observed Genevieve , presently. I suppose you are in a hurry to go back 3 What is the name of that Irish irl's .shabby old home ? " "Traveere , " replied Will , with placid- T. " 1 suppose you found the parting very ard to-day ? Was the good-by exquis- ely pathetic ? " "I heard no good-by , " was Will's care- sss retort. "I shall see Nora again to- lorrow , and , beyond that , I hope and use she is coming to London with 5. " "Coming with us ! " cried Genevlev * , lising her fair , arched eyebrows , and leaking with slow , amused contempt. There will be more , Voices than one re- aired to arrange such a ridiculous plan , o you suppose I would travel with that iini-barbarous girl ? If her relations ant her convoyed to England , let them ly someone else to see her safely lere. " "Mother has given me permission to .ilte her , " put in Will , his voice be- fcying all his own anxiety. "I tele- aphed to mother after you must have ft homeland she answered moat quick- and kindly. You have no Idea , Gene- ove , how anxious I am for poor little ora to have care and teaching for a me. " "Oh , yes , I have an idea ! " returned tea Foster , scoQlngly. "I am not quite so deus-i asou hope. And as for ino er , of course , if you took her unawai with a telegram , and put your stc plausibly , she would do whatever y wished. Yon know how easily she wouad around anybody's finger. " "Hold hard , Genevieve ! " put in W good-hunioredly. "She is our mother , y know , however flexible. " "Keiuember , Willoughby , " said his fl ter , with great emphasis , "if you utter word ot this absurd proposition befc Mr. Poynz , I shall hold you up to t keenest ridicule. " Therefore the laugh was all gone wh Celia came back , and she could plait see what .a relief her entrance wa ' him ; while , in her innocent delight seeing this , what wonder was it that t ' girl blushed in simple , frank confess ! of it , even though Miss Foster's ey , were on her ? I "See , " she said , as she came up to t window , "there is Mr. Poynz at the gai I am glad , " she added , simply , turni ; to Genevieve , as Will passed through t open window to meet Mark- ! ' ! am ve glad he came this evening. " "Are you ? " questioned Miss Fost < concealing her own joy with admiral address. "You see , it is so natural to t to see Mr. Poynz dropping in at all hou 'for a little music with me , or a chat , th ! I never could be surprised , as I dare BJ you are. " By this time Will had hurried dov the drive , and Mark , who was not hurr ing by any means , had barely pass < tie gate when his friend's eager questi < met him : "I am glad it is well ; I was rath doubtful about it myself. " "No ; but really , " persisted Will , eage ly , "what luck have you had ? Will tJ old man listen to my proposal ? " "You will see when you make it. " "But yon pleaded my cause for me ? " "Yos. " "Thank you , Poynz thank yon i ranch. " Something in the tone made Mai turn to look , and bis idea was at on < confirmed by Will's rubescent face. "Not in that way , Will , " he said quid ly. "I have only urged the advisabilii of Miss St. George going to England wit yon and your sister , instead of with D Armstrong. I am nonsuch a fool as t plead another man's love-suit , remembc that. 1 don't believe you would ask it c any man ; but if you ever asked it of mi I should refuse without a moment's hea tation. " "Of course you would , " returned Wil rather dejectedly. "I really did not ej pect it , Poynz. Is Nora alone witn he- grandfather at Traveere to-night ? " . "No ; Dr. Armstrong is there. " "You seem vexed about it , " observe Will , astonished. "I should be sorry j she were alone.7' "It is a trilling evil to be alone , " K turned Mark , coolly. And by this tim they had reached the window , and he wa greeting Celia , as she held it open fo them to enter the room that way. The dinner at the vicarage on tha evening was rather a silent meal. Neve a great talker , there was about Mr Poynz such a keen sense of humor , sucl quick appreciativeness , and such read ; sympathy and clearness of thought tha his presence relieved and brightened thi most somber table. Yet on this evenin ; Will was thoroughly aware that his si leuce was the silence not only of deep but even of disturbed thought. And Wil was yet wondering over this when he anc Mark and the vicar followed the ladies t < the drawing room. "As we have spent a whole day with out you , Mr. Poynz , " observed Miss Fos ter , "you must do your very best now t ( make up for it ; mustn't he , Mr. Penning ron ? " she added , smiling at the vicar , ant thinking ho\v very little tact he displayed to come and , seat himself in the vacant ihair beside her. "We sleepy aboriginals , " answered tht ricar , "who do not know what societj s doing , and scarcely sec the Times till t is a week old , can be but dull enter- .ainers. I'm sorry Mhss Foster has"not iad better amusement to-day than we : ould give her. I trust you understand , tfr. Poyiiz , how glad we should have > een to see you. " "Your generous hospitality tempted me o take that for granted , " returned Mark , ) l jasantly ; "but , as yon see , I am but a noody companion. " "Moody ! " eohied Will , in utter thought- essness. "I'mure I saw no inoodiuess n yon to-day , as we sat * oa that old pine rec you and I and Nora. " If , from a wide repertory of remarks , Vill had sought for the one most calcu- ited to annoy his sister , h6 could scarce- y have succeeded better than in selecting his. " Nora , " she repeated , turning to Celia ? ith a smile. "Isn't that the girl you old me of , who runs wild about the ountry , and scarcely knows good from vil ? " "I I think " began Celia ; but Will urst into the discussion. "Nora is one of the best girls I know , Jcnevieve. However she may have been rained , she is s * K 'IC ] : i ffirl at heart as ver lived. " "I did not ask you , " smiled Genevieve. As I happen to have heard a good many : ories of your yrauus here , and of the milar tastes of this Iris.h girl , you can- ot , of course , expect me to be much im- ressed by your view of the matter. " "She never did a thing that vras rong , " Will went on , with boyish vehe- lence ; but Mark interrupted him with a uiet remark to Genevieve. "His evidence is nothing , Is it , Miss oster ? They were confederates , and 1 ire say he felt his own inferiority , too ; ir aren't we told that women in mischief : e wiser than men ? " "She was a very small woman , " said Jill , laughing now. "As a child , " observed the vicar , "such induct was excusable in one who never as trained with any care or experience ; it Nora is growing up now , and I should : e to see a little more staidness and cir- imsoection. " "I suppose , " remarked Miss Foster , 1th a smile for Mr. Poynz , "that this rl found some way of amusing you this orning ? You are such a student of char ter. " "Am I ? Then I must go again to im- ovUl y opportunities especially with r g udfather. " "He's" very wicked old man , I've ard , " said Genevieve , more cheerful w she had won Mark's entire attention. ? ell me does he look as curious for a in as his granddaughter does for a : ir 'Well , that would be saying a great al wouldn't it ? Bat still he has a rions appearance. " ! " 'Sometimes he wears an old brown co Sometimes a pompadore ; Sometimes buttoned up behind , And 'sometimes down before. ' " "lie's a fright , of course ; " laugh Geneviere. But Will , asleep to the hint so ski fully prepared for him , put in his inti ruptioa. "But surely , Poynz , you don't deny th Nora is very beautiful ? Why , I neT j was so astonished in my life as when first saw her to-day ; yet I always fanci I knew how pretty she would bo. " "As none of us , " returned Mark , p < fectly aware in what mood Miss Fost awaited his reply , "have had your o portunities , Will , you must not expe us to see things exactly as you do. will either politely adopt your opini of Miss St. George's beauty , or be sile about it whichever you like. " ( To DB continued. ) A R tort from Nature.- Among the useful results of aeri excursions are the satisfactory ezpej ments in the way of echoes and reve Lerations. John Mackenzie Bacon b many opportunities of testing the ca rying of sounds to and from a bailoc at a great height , and Mr. Wise , tl American aeronaut , relates a case 1 point. He was ballooning one day above dense cloudstream when he beard cow-bell and the sounds of a woo < chopper's ax , whereupon to attract tl attention of the laborer be shoute "Halloo ! " He was immediately ai swered by another "Halloo ! " from tl ground. He then asked the question : "Ho1 far Is this from Lancaster ? " and wu annoyed by being mocked by his ow words. "Being in the clouds , " he says , "an not able to see things above or belov I felt somewhat nettled at this clowr teh display of wit , and in a very audibl tone of voice , while the foregoing wa still reverberating in my ear , Ian out : 'You're a fool ! ' which in a ver f iW seconds was answered by a equally distinct and measured tone o voice , 'You're a fool ! ' "Then It suddenly flashed upon m ; mind that It was the echo of'my owi voice , which opinion was ratiiied b ; the dying reverberations of my words which had now become as numerou as though a whole regiment had caugb the watchword and were passing It li quick succession through the whoL line. " Plan Polar Animal Park. People In Norway are now planning to construct In the northerly district 01 their country an immense natloua park In which animals from the polai regions are to be placed. Herr Mohn a scientist of Chrlstianla , Is the origin ator of tbis plan. He points out that there are some polar animals whlcb cannot live In tht ordinary zoological gardens of Europe as the climatic conditions do not still them , and be claims tbat the north of Norway is the only part of Europe In which a suitable home can be arranged for such animals. He admits that some animals from the polar regions , such as bears , foxes , hares , seals , iein- leers , Eskimo dogs and various species ) f birds , seem to thrive well enough In the zoological gardens In the north of Europe , but be claims that they would ) e much happier If allowed to rove over i large domain In tbe north of Norway , ind , furthermore , he points out tbat all ittempts which have yet been made to iccllmatize the musk ox In zoological gardens have failed , and that only by ) lacing several specimens of tbis inter- ssting animal in a national park inNor- vay can all danger of Its possible ex- ermlnation be guarded against Feminine Financiering. He You owe me ten kisses ! Pay up ! She Explain , sir ! flo Iwon'em ! Yon know very well wngered a dozen gloves against ten isses and wou ! I She Oh ! but klss ° s , yon know He ( firmly ) Kisses should be paid ust as religiously as any other debt. She ( thoughtfully ) Just the same as note ? . " " -"Yes. "Or a check ? " "Yes. " "Or or a draft ? " "Certainly r' "Then , you poor fellow. I'll give you a raft on mamma ! " ( He never smiled again. ) San Fran- isco Bulletin. UcI-Timo Custom in the Commons. When the House of Common's votes it larches out Into the lobbies , where the lembers are counted by the tellers , he average distance traversed by each icmber from his seat to the lobby Is 10 feet , so that at one all-night sitting jcently on an Important bill , when 33 [ visions were made , each member amped exactly a mile and a half , Ithout counting inofficial excursions the smoking and refreshment rooms , s a division usually takes 12 minutes le house was six. hours and a half on ? feet that night Something New in Surgery. German surgeons have discovered at the delicate membrane which eov- s the contents of an egg shell will iswer as well as bits of skin from a iman being to start the healing of leu wounds. The discovery has al- ady been successfully tested. Wanted to Be Snre of HTer. " 1 want to buy a monument fer aria's -grave , " said the Billville citl- n. n.'A 'A large one ? ' 'Well , I reckon 'bout ten ton will do. 11 take jest 'bout that much to hold r down ! " Atlanta Constitution. it is to laugh when one sees some 2atrical performances advertised un- r the bead of "Amusements. " DUE BODGET OF JTON. IUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO- INGS HERE AND THERE. okes and Jolcelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Kecently Born Sayings nnd Doinufa tbat Are Old , Curious and Laughable The Wcek'a Hmnor. Struggling Pastor Nearly all the - > ngreation has subscribed liberally > r the building fund , and I feel sure ! , -it Iin < nlo have your hearty co- How much will you - "Sirs. Leador Let mr sco. Oh. I am I .e only member who has a carriage : nd ooaohimin. I think. "Yos. The rest are poor. " "Well. I will drive around ami collect le subscriptions. " New York World. Kis Ixittle Game. Sandy PikesYer arc pretty lucky , > lly. Do yer go risht up sin * ask de 'omen folks for pie ? P illy Coalgate No , * ! nsks fer a cake f soup. Dut dazes clem so dut I just .il In and help myself to everything I i-fore fley recover.Chicago News. Obliging. Caller Dou't forget to tell Miss Maj % f called ? Servant I'll go up and tell her righl away. No Doubt Whatever. Mistress Did you tell the lady I was out ? Servant Girl Yes. ma'am. "Did she seem to have any doubt nbout it ? "No , ma'am ; she said she knew you wasn't" Glasgow Times. Worth Makes the Price. "Divorces , " said the man whowant ed to talk and philosophize , "cost more than marriages. " "Certainly , " paid the practical man. "Why not ? They are worth more ? " Life. He Wouldn't Tell. First Broker Did you win or lose In that big drop in stocks to-day ? Second Broker ( loftily ) That's my business , sir. Say. can you direct me : o a five-cent lunch counter ? New York Weekly. , The Truthful Baker. Mrs. Keepiuhouse Are you sure this bread Is fresh ? Baker Sure , ma'am. "It isn't yesterday's ? " "No. indeed. Why , this Is to-mor row's bread. " Philadelphia Press. Had Seen Better Days. Dirty Dumiigan Lady , I wasn't al ways as I am now. Kind Old Lady No ? Dirty Dunnigan ( gloomily ) No ; I once had a wife an' six children to sup port me. Brooklyn Eagle. Correct. Tom This music critic speaks of the soprano's high notes as "full of warmth" . Is that correct ? Jack Why not ? They come tipper register , you know. Philadelphia Press. His Dialect. She Mr. Niblack is a very skillful golfer , isn't he ? He I don't know about that , but he 2ertainly is a very fluent golfer. Easily Explained. Bobby Skinner Why do they call My. B. Z. Marks a "green grocer ? " Mrs. Skinner Because he trusts your father , I guess. A-way Up. She I've been living high dls sum mer. mer.He He What doln' ? She Danein * on a roof garden. Base Xiibel. Hungry Hlggins What do you think ? A woman called me an anima ted scarecrow this mornla' . Weary Watklns I've knowed you since the early eighties , but I never seen no animation about yon yet. istrny Storit-s. She Wonld Have Had More. Wife Seems to me that since wore married you might at least have doubled your income. "What good would that have done ? " Snd Evidences of Neglect , Mrs. Brown I've Just been to see Mrs. Swellman's new place. She has stained glass all through the house. Mrs. Parvenu The idea ! Her ser- raiits are too lazy to remove the stains , r suppose ? Stray Btorlea. Easily Traced. Mrs. Winks "Why in the world didn't you write to me while you were Mrs. Minks I did write. Mrs. Winks Then I presume gave the letter to your husband to malL and he Is still carrying It around In * * pocket. Mrs. Minks No. I posted the myself. Mrs. Winks Ah , then , It Is In m * husband's pocket. New York Weekly * Midnight Medicine. She ( rather wearily ) It must be IOT * ly to be a man. Ho ( a late stayer ) Why ? She A man can spend the evenlnf with whom he pleases and not have ta entertain anybody that comes along.- * New York Weekly. Her Little Scheme. "I hear that Miss Oldtlme retunet Skinner , and now is encouraging blot again ? " "Yes , he was her first offer.- cago Record Herald. An Important Consideration , She So you do not believe to marriages ? You think a man ought w have made his way first , I suppose. He To tell the truth , what welsfcl chiefly with me Is that the later o marries the less time one has to live one's illusions. Life. Appreciation. Mrs. Newlywed Oh , motherl Joh said this morning I was one woman f * a hundred. Her Mother I see In that no cause for tears. Mrs. Newlywed But , mother , h used to say I was one woman In thousand ! Puck. Equalizing Matters. Kuox Don't you believe in telllnf your wife everything that happens ? Proxy Well er I can't say tha $ but I do believe In telling her somt things that don't happen. Philadelphia Record. Hit ) Hallucination. Ex-Juryman There was one inen > ber of the jury who wasn't quite right in his mind. Friend You don't mean it ? Ex-juryman That's a fact H thought he knew what the expert * were talking about. Judge. Tnsnlt to Injury. Shiney Patches I tell you , Weary , 1 don't particularly object to having 9 dog set on me , for It is one of the rlakl of the business and I am willing ta take my chances , but when that dog U a water spaniel it's just a little to much. Waiting Patiently. Station Master What are yon sfttlnt here for , my man ? You've been around the station for daj'a. Uncle HI I loaned a man 54 In hen las' Thursday an' he toP me to wait un til he brought it back. Un paced. Commuter You Lonesomecroft pea pie didn't catch the 7:01 train thtt morning ? Other rommTit-r No ; our mounted policeman , v/h i sun oscd to pace us , broke his bicycle just . * we were start ing. Judge. Tnfornmtion Cheerfully Given. Inquiring Philosopher To what d * you attribute the increasing number ol old maids In this section ? Astute Native I couldn't quite say , but seems to me as If it might be dui to the Increasiu' number of old bach * lors about here. New York Weekly. Modern Monte Criato. "Is that the world ? " asked the Ma * tan as their exploring airship changed its course In time to avoid the earth'i attraction. "I think it used to be called that , " said the steersman , "but now It Ij merely the private estate of J. P. Mo * gan. " Chicago News. Danger In Delay. She Would you hesitate before ma * rying a woman for her money ? He Oh , no. A. man who is marrylni a -woman for her money haa no time tf lose Smart Set No Heat , No Fire. "Of course you have your furnltun Insured ? " "No , I don't see the use of it" "Your flat Is fireproof , eh ? " < lSeeins to be. There's never th , slightest suspicion of heat In It" Phil adelphla Press. Not a Miracle , Either. Larry Ph was thor iver Inything lirj more wonderful thon th' camel golnj tho thi eye av th' nadle ? DerinYis. . Oi've sane me 200 pound ouldwoman go tro me vist pock et , bedad. Chicago News. A Presentiment. "I have a presentiment that Eoms thing dreadful is going to happen to mj tmsband , " exclaimed the South Ame * lean lady. "Is he engaged hi another revoha tlon ? " "No ; there wasn't any revolution to lay , so he went out to try hU nen mtomoblle " Washington Bvenini Star. _ . . - , . " '
