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About The Valentine Democrat. (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 29, 1896)
i v V ii S IF E- Thoir Turn cd IUin A boar hunt which terminate in a at ouce disappointing and sur prlslng is described by the Portland Orcgonian It occurred in the moun tains of Oregon whither two gentlemen had betaken themselves for a vacation trip Several days were spent in trout fisn Ing Then one of the men expressed i strong desire for a days shooting foi large game They set out the next morning bright and early and aftei hours of fruitless tramping were about returning to camp when suddenly they saw straight before them a brown bear sitting on his haunches under a blue berry bush and gorging himself wittf the berries Both hunters fired and the bear witn an ugly growl disappeared The men hastened after him but were unable to overtake him For half an hour or more they followed the trail Then all at once they came to a clearing In the clearing was a cabin and on the porch of the cabin sat the brown bear with one of its forelegs in a sling The hunters were greatly taken aback as may well be supposed but were still more surprised when they saw a man hastening toward them with a gun They turned and ran the man after them They got away in safety and learned afterward that the bear was a family pet the owner of which was naturally angry at finding it ill- treated Y I A Tenacious Clutch is that of dyspepsia Few remedies do more tunn palliate this obstinate complaint Try Hostetters Stomach Bitters however and 3ou will find that It is conquerable along with its symptoms heartburn flatulence nervousness und loss of flesh and vigor Bil iousness and constipation frequently accom pany it These besides malarial rheu matic and kidney complaints are also suU duable with the Bitters YIiy He Whistled Ho was whistling and she didnt it I wish she said when you are walking with me you wouldnt whistle It is extremely rude I am whistling for the want of thought he ireplied with evident intent to be very crushing If that is what its for she remarked I think I may say without fear of successful contradic ition by anyone who knows you that you dont have to Hulls Catarrh Cure Is a constitutional cure Price 75 cents To Use Cold Potatoes Cold boiled potatoes are a nuisance In a family that doesnt like them fried or in salad One woman of economical turn puts them into boiling water and Jlets them bubble for about ten minutes then she peels them and mashes in a kettle over the heat puts in butter and cream and beats them for five minutes xind you wouldnt know them from per fectly fresh mashed potatoes Cascarets stimulate liver kidneys and Dowels Never sicken weaken or gripe l Rats the Cause of It kj The much areaded tmbonic epidemic rrv lias spread from Hong Kong into bay and tne situation in the latter country is serious The spread of the disease has been caused by rats which became inoculated with the disease and jfound their way from Hong Kong in freight ships I know that my life was saved by Pisos Cure for Consumption John A Miller Au Sable Mich April 21 1S93 The Sultans Busy liife The Sultan of Turkey is a busy man His working day is from 0 in the morn ing until noon After lunch and a stroll he gives audience until 8 oclock In the evening he plays with his children and takes a turn at the piano Just try a 10c box of Cascarets the fin est liver and bowel regulator ever made The Malay language spoken in the South Seas is softer than the Italian and is said to be totally unlike any oth or known language Gladness Comes With a better understanding of the transient nature of the many phys ical ills which vanish before proper ef fortsgentle efforts pleasant efforts rightly directed There is comfort in the knowledge that so many forms of sickness are not due to any actual dis ease but simply to s constipated condi tion of the system which the pleasant family laxative Syrup of Figs prompt ly removes That is why it is the only remedy with millions of families and is everywhere esteemed so highly by all who value good health Its beneficial effects are due to the fact that it is the one remedy vhich promotes internal cleanliness without debilitating the organs on which it acts It is therefore all important in order to get its bene ficial effects to note when you pur chase t hat you have the genuine article whkh is manuf actured by the California Fig- iSyrup Co only and sold by all rep utaba druggists If in the enjoyment of good health and the system is regular1 then i fives or other remedies are not needed If aiJieted with any actual disease one tmoy be commended to the most skillful physicians but if in need of a laxative then one should have the best and with the well informed everywhere Syrunof Fics stands highest and is most iargely used and gives moi general satisfaction iENSIONS PATENTS CLAIMS iSfiSL 193 imBm m 3S JsJm vur 15aiiJBdJcttoj cUlms tty Mho LET US ALL LAUGH JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VARIOUS HUMORISTS Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over Sayings that Are Cheer ful to Old or Yonns Funny Selections that You Will Enjoy Too Literal Mother said the old farmer who for years had saved up his cash as he gazed sadly on the ashes before him when I said wed have money to burn I didnt mean for you to take it so durn litrally I swow I didnt As usual he had hidden his roll of bills in the stove and she had kindled a fire therein the fix st cool day New York World LncyV Wish Lucy Mamma may I go over there to the bridge Mamma Why do you want to go over there dear Lucy Oh I just want to gargle my feet in the brook Truth Has Money to Burn A miser grown old Ran his hand through his gold And wondered if more he could earn But he felt Deaths embrace And was sent to a place Where well now he has money to burn Kasy to Promise Mrs Bingo Bobbie will you promise hie not to fight any more after this Bobbie firmly I will mamma This was the only boy in the neighborhood I hadnt licked New York Herald Reginald Cheap A vaunt woman he hissed His words sent a chill to her heart It wasnt much of a chill but it was a lot cheaper than ice Detroit Tribune Ijcnortmce How did you and mamma come to get married anyhow asked Johnnie Chaffie of his father Ask your mamma she knows more about -it than I do was the reply Texas Sifter How He Preferred Em Oh Mr Kohlspring how do you like babies exclaimed a gushing young West Side matron Inrepose maam replied the crusty bachelor Buffalo Times Conundrum WOT1SIN jL J Hiram Summerboard When kin I collect this bill Business Manager See the puzzle ed itor Principles Not Men That cant be Jerkins over there blind drunk Thats who it is But I thought that he was a dele gate to the prohibition convention that is meeting in town He bolted the convention Buffalo Express That Fashionable Hand Harry What are you doing with all those books Reggy Studying the i dear boy Theyre the latest things on hierogly phics and cipher writing Harry How does that interest you Reggy Why you see Ive commenc ed a correspondence with Miss Frills and am still at work deciphering her first letter Cleveland Plain Dealer To Burn Boy Say aint you going to stand treat I thought you had money to UUiil Dick I should if you would furnish the draft Boston Transcript Equivocal Ghollie blindfolding Dollie Now are you quite sure you cant see me Dollie Didnt I tell you I couldnt see a thing Yonkers Statesman f5fc Impolite Boarder Did my singing disturb you yester day said the musical young woman Were you singing asked the impo lite boarder Why of course Didnt you hear me I believe it was voice I heard but I thought you had seen a mouse Washington Star A Unique Idea Mrs Dreamer What funny wall pa per Where did you get it Mrs Schemer They are my marriage certificates Consoling Cholly Chumpleigh I have been trou bled a great deal lately about my head Miss Coldeal consolingly Nonsense Mr Chumpleigh I dont think I would worry about a little matter like that Boston Globe A Doubter No said the man with blue glasses I never encourage mendicancy But here is a book which I will give you Read it my friend Read it and im prove your mind What is ifabout Money Mister Im sorry I cant act grateful I know you mean well but Im a ma terialist I cant believe there is any such thing until I see it Washington Star The Usual Way Nell Do you like the girl your broth er Tom is engaged to Amy Nc but Tom likes her enough for the whole family so what earthly difference does it make New York Weekly Why Women Kiss What makes you women kiss when you meet It is a sort of apology in advance for what we mean to say about each other after we part Indianapolis Journal Misunderstood fy if A n o He Your heart is cold She Yes I should have taken motn ers advice and worn a high necked dress Too Much Obligation Say old man if youll lend me 5 Ill be under everlasting obligations to you Not on your life If you will cut the obligation down to a week Ill consider the proposition New York World An Era of Sore Throats It is mighty inspiring to think of all the oratory which a period of national excitement like the present produces said the man who was waiting for his train Thats right Every time I think of it Im tickled nearly to death Are you interested in politics No I sell cough drops Washing ton Star Beinsr Charitable She has a Greek face Oh I wouldnt put it as bad as that I should give her the benefit of the doubt and say Byzantine Detroit Tribune Dead Too Lone This meat does not seem to me to be very fresh said Mrs Bellefield as she sniffed at the fresh beef which the butchers boy had just left Nor to me nather mum replied the cook Its mesilf as thinks that cow died afore they killed it Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph Modern Architecture 3 f tsgr I w I rtrtar Mr Sububs who has ordered draw ings for a new cottage Ah what is that room adjoining the parlor Architect Thatls for your bicycles Mr Sububs And that room adjoining the kitchen Architect Thats for the cooks bU cycle Hardly Knew Himself Why youre a new man theyve shaved you out of all recognition he he es the first time I looked in the glass I only knew myseLf by my voice London Judy lf SCATTERED FAR ND NEAR Remnants of Indian Tribes Are Found in Every Part of the Country The Indians under jurisdiction of the Cnited States are divided with very lit tle sentiment into two classes the taxed Indians and the Indians not taxed The taxed Indians are those who are recognized by law as civilized the untaxed Indians are those who are regarded by law as savages the test f civilization established by Uncle Sams Government being in the case of Indians but of nobody else taxes There are in all the United -States 250 D00 Indians at present and of these about 00000 come under the designa tion of civilized Indians taxed and 100000 are barbarian Indians or sav ages untaxed The theory of the law appears to be that when an Indian knows enough to pay taxes or to be subject to taxation then he is civilized When he refrains from paying taxes or has no money to pay them with then he is not civilized There are 00000 Indians in the In dian Territory maintaining a separate tribal government of their own inde pendent of the laws of the United Slates except so far as their actions alfect American citizens but who have not the right to vote to participate in political matters or to leave their re spective nations In addition to these Indians under tribal government there are 8000 other Indians in the Indian Territory and a number scattered over some of tlie other territories 20000 in New Mexico 8500 of them civilized 16000 in Arizona 1500 of them civil ized 5G00 in Oklahoma ten returned by the census as civilized This list does not exhaust the number of In dians in the United States for nearly every State has a few some civilized and taxed some barbarians and un taxed By the last Federal report for instance there were four Indians in Delaware all civilized There was one Indian in Ilinois the condition of whose civilization was not reported and there were twenty eight civilized Indians in New York most of them on Long Island exclusive of 720 more or less civilized Indians in the various coun ties of the State in addition to the In dians of the Six Nations on reserva tions the largest of which is in the vi cinity of Syracuse The Indians of the Six nations in cluded by the last report 5300 persons though at one time the total number was 12000 By the last report there were 559 Indians in Maine 424 in Mas sachusetts 180 in Rhode Island 22S in Connecticut 94 in New Jersey 34 in Vermont and 10 in New Hampshire The census of West Virginia returned nine Indians within that State but the neighboring State of North Carolina had 1514 South Carolina 173 Ala bama 759 and Mississippi 203G There were but vestiges of the once numerous Indian population of Florida and Tex as has fewer than 700 The Pacific coast States however continue to have fairly large Indian population there being 15000 in California 11000 civil ized 4200 in Oregon 1200 civilized 5000 in Nevada 3500 civilized 2400 in Utah and 10000 4000 civilized in Washington All the trans Mississippi States have a resident Indian popula tion Montana has 10000 but the Ohio valley States have few there being 200 in Ohio 300 in Indiana and 100 in Kentucky In government bulletins the Indians are treated with very little consideration one item of the Indian population being Indians in prison 184 New York Sun- In Due Form A man was arraigned in an Arkansas court many years ago for stealing a young pig out of his neighbors pen said pig or shoat being alleged to be worth a dollar and a half The evidence was conclusive and the jury after a brief retirement brought -in their verdict Guilty of hog stealing in the first degree The judge remarked that the finding was proper enough except that it fail ed to assess the value of the pig and further that there were no degrees in hog stealing He inust ask the jury to retire again and bring in a verdict in due form The jury went out with pen ink and paper but were badly nonplused over that word form Finally one of them who had formerly been a justice of the peace drew up a document to which the other eleven assented and with which all hands returned to the court room This was the verdict We the jeurey pusilanimously find the defend ant gilty in the sum of 1 dollar and a y3 in favor of the hog Squaring the Circle One of the problems that are as old as the science of mathematics is that of squaring the circle By squaring the circle is meant the problem of finding the sides of a square exactly equal in area to a circle of given diameter To do this either by elementary geometry or by expressing it arithmetically in commensurable numbers has been found to be an impossibility In other words the ratio between the diameter and the circumference of a circle can not be exactly found even though in the division the decimal may be car ried out to ten thousand figures The above being the exact facts in the case we will say that the problem of squar ing the circle is one that has long been given up by the mathematicians as in soluble The Brute Could you spare me a little money this morning dear said she Really the brutal husband replied with a harsh dyspeptic laugh ing from the biscuits I thought you had more dough to burn Cincinnati Enquirer What has become of the old fashioned boy who spat in- his hand and hit it with two fingers to ascertain the di rection of something he had lost New Yorks School Children There are 75000 children attending private schools and 160000 attending public schools in New York city There will soon be room for 13000 more in the public schools This will make a total of 24S000 attending the schools but there are 50000 more who are of school age but not going to school Dont Tobacco Spit nnd Smoke Yonr Life Away If you want to quit tobacco using easily and forever regain lost manhood w made well strong magnetic full of new life and vigor take the wonder-worker that makes weak men strong Many gain ten pounds in ten days Over 00000 cured Buy from your own druggist who will guarantee a cure Booklet and sample free Address Ster ling Remedy Cp Chicago or New York Nothing is more disheartening to a man than the discovery that he has married a woman who loves to keep When bilious or costive eat a Cascaret candy cathartic cure guaranteed 10 2c When a man starts out for blood he generally has to furnish it Milwau kee Journal Those who use nobblns Electric Soap each week ami their name is legion save their clothes and strength andletthosoajiilothe work Did y u ever try it It not do to next Monday nitre Aslc your grocer for It Many a blessing in disguise effect ually eludes detection Puck Mrs Wlnslowa BooTniHorROP for Children teething sottena the KUinb reduces inflammation llas pain cure vvind colic 25 cents a bottler 3 Vkl MmSm oti xK ajeI dSr 1 n 3a Mid ft 3 m Sk SarsapariSIa Is the Best In fcvet the One True IJIo hI Pitrthpr Hoods Piils u Lhor b elis take ciy to operate uu his writing table in order Albany PATENTS TRADE MARKS Telegram Chronic Caturrh cannot be cured far local appli cations It is a constitutional disease and requires a constitutional remedy lik Floods Sarsaparilio which working through the btood eradicates the Impuri ty which canses and promotes thy dis ease and soon effects a permani nt cure At the same time Woods Sarsnparilla builds up the whole system and maker yon feel renewed in strength Examination tnd adrlce as to Patentability of Inren ions Send for Intxntoks Guide or Ho to Uxta Patxnt Iatrlck OFarrell Washington DCr fc C N U SStirerellcfiomTTsrn IDDER8 PAOTUKSSCuiS ihTqTfi nnn tarlcstownMaji rji Battle Ax bridges a man over many a tight place when his pocket book is lean A 5 -cent piece of Battle Ax will last about as long as a JO cent piece of other good tobaccos This thing of gettmg double value for your money is a great help Try it and save money i gsiiri VsM 1A MFZrCam kfl Z 3 I will see why i m S 5t 41 00 CU HkS HHtHt ALL rlbh rA La Beat Couzh Syrup Tastes Good TJeo In tlnw Bold by draggUM I It Bridges You Over m fril if mm m 4SI Bk W m w WHmmM WLMmmSLSSe 9 ffml B MrdlnKH WBM J - niHHtf4tfl 8 aw Ea m vftwsM - rrrrTssaats te aafiPn 1 01 WsjMsr jjF wy m st Si ltoJKv72f 9 m m I w 9 AfdtfdAAfAAtftfd OR one hundred and fifteen fir years Walter Baker Co jg have made Cocoa and Choc- j olate and the demand for it jfc I fe increases every year Try it and you S rsk It Walter Baker Co Ltd Dorchester Mass jK - j WMwmfwmnfmmmf lf 1 1 iII I i iiivi K3EBk A TUTTL - CAS AND Economical Safe Cleanlyy Relia ble Simple Available for Grain Elevators Creameries Cider Mills Printing Offices GrindicR Mills Ventilating Fans Dyna mos Laundries Smal Factories Foundries Machine Shops etc Will run with natural gas arti ficial gas gasoline or kerosene a3 fuel Alvras ready for work re quires no attention Send for de scriptive circular and state your wants Chicago Newspaper Uniou 313 Pearl Street Sioux City Iowa Cleanliness Is Nae Pride Dirts Nae Honesty Common Sense Dic tates the Use of APOL
