LOST WiTH ADVANCING AGE
Why the Man of Middle Age Does
Not Retain the Taste of His
Boyhood.
I’ve just discovered why things
tasted better to ine when 1 was a boy
than they do now,” sail the man. as
he indifferently surveyed the viands
the "alter put before him. "It's nor
because my appetite has become blase
with age. but because 1 really had a
larger sense of taste when I was a
kid. \es, I just got that information
straight from a scientific friend. He
said that kids have a sense of taste
at the sides of their cheeks which dis
appears with maturity. He also told
tme that sour, sweet, bitter, alkali and
salt are the only taste sensations, and
the other things I eat 1 enjoy from
my sense of smell rather than a sense
nil taste. Ho said if I would put sweet
things on the tip of my tongue they
would taste sweeter to me than if 1
just put them in my mouth indiscrim
inately. as it were and that if 1 want
ed to make ilie taking of bitter medi
cine less disagreeable I should avoid
.putting it at the back of my tongue.
"Really, the tbings he told me about
taste and my tongue made me almost
afraid of eating. 1 didn't know ray
tongue was such a complex affair. I
only wish the sense of taste in my
cheeks would return while I tackle
this piece of apple pie, so that it1
would taste as good lo me as it used
to in my boyhood days.”
WAGNER AS A STATESMAN
Writer Gives an Intimation of What
Great Ballplayer’s Speech Would
Be Like.
if Shortstop Hans Wagner should
H ally be electcd to congress it is pos
sible that his maiden speech in the
house would go something like litis:
‘Tm swinging hard against this bill,
Mr. Speaker," lie might say. "and if it
'comes within reaching distance I'm
going to slant it against the score
board. I've been watching this play
front the bench and it looks like a hip
podrome to me. Tit' guys that are
trying to get the hill over are doing a
funny stunt all right, but they ain’t
cut the corner of the plate with me.
No, sir. O, I'm on to the signals!
While our side is stealing second the
other fellers will steal everything in
sight. That ain't the way I was
brought up to run the bases. I slide
for 'em—an' no spiking! If I'm thrown
out 1 take my medicine like it little
infttt. I ain't used to playing in the
dark with a lot of tricky outlaws. Give
tm a fair field and no favor, and
straight umpiring and a sevdu-pound
wagon tongur. and 1 11 hand this bill
a smote that will carry it over the
fence of defeat, and drop it in the back
alloy of oblivion. That’s me, Honus
Wagner!”—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Schooling the Parrot.
Fnder tlie famllj,'s tutelage chatter
ing seemed about all that (he parrot
was capable of, so an expert in the
teaching of parrots was called in. The
fit st thing the expert did was to
feed him. Presently the bird blinked
drowsily and the lesson began. The
bird appeared tQ profit by his in
struction. bill his owner was not satis
fied.
"I am afraid you have a harmful
influence over him,” said she. “He
gets so dopey after you have been
here a few minutes.”
"That is because he has been doped
a little,” said the expert. “I mix a
light sleeping potion with his food.
He doesn't get enough to put him to
sleep, but it makes him drowsy. All
parrots learn better just before they
go to sleep. If you can catch them
on the edge of natural sleep you get
better results, but this fellow is so
lively that doping won’t hurt him and
he will learn more in a month that
way than in a year of flopping arotfnd.”
To Ward Off Old Age.
Without advancing t lie hope of
lengthening the span of life by the
sour-mllk diet of Prof. Metehnikoff or
any other plan. Dr. IJoyen of Paris be
lieves senile decay may be retarded
and {lie body kept in healthful activity
throughout the natural period. To
preserve vitality he invokes the aid
if ferments to increase the white cor
puscles in the blood, which are known
to work so effectively ‘against, para
sitic germs. He has named his ener
gizer "mycolysine,” and lie states that
it powerfully siiniulates tin white cor
puscles, ibus not only lessening the
inactivity el the old-age period, but
giving resistance to various digestive
and respiratory maladies. hie claims
shat it acts against colds, bronchitis
and even epidt mic diseases. .
Recovery of Lost Standards.
A curious experiment was once
made to determine whether a lost
standard could he recovered by purely
personal efforts. The assumption was
made that the standard of length was
lost. One hundred operatives and oth
i rs accustomed to dealing with meas
urements were asked to give by esti
mate their ideas of what the given
standard was—in other words, to
guess at length of the meter. It was
found that the guesses were most, ac
curate for lengths of about six inches
—that small lengths were underesti
mated and larger ones were overesti
mated. Taking the average of tlie
100 subjects tiie result varied but a
jt w one thousandths from the truth.
Money-Making Thoughts. »
darker—You seem in a deep study.
A penny for jour thoughts, old man.
Bluffwood—O, I'm a rapid thinker
and have 500 thoughts at once. I’ah.'i
me over a five spot.
OVERSHADOWED POET’S FAME
Thrifty Fellow-Cltlx«n of Whlttlsi*
Pointed Out Blot on Hie
Memory.
Will Carleton, In a speech before
the Writer’s club, related the follow
ing remlnlBcense of a vlBit to the
poet Whittier’s old home:
"I was billed to lecture one even
ing at the town which had been for
long years the home of the Good
Quaker poet. Just before I went over
to the hall, a thrifty-luoklng citizen
accosted me.
"Will you probably say anything in
praise of Mr. Whittier, to-night?” he
asked, after a few general remarks.
“Why, yes,” I replied: ”1 had
thought of referring to him, and in a*
very complimentary way. 1 have
read, admired, and revered him, all
my life, and it will be a privilege, here
in his own town, to add my humble
tribute to that of the world at large.”
“Well, that’s all right," responded
the thrifty-looking citizen,” and we've
no objection in particular, to your do
ing so; hut you mustn't be disappoint
ed if you don’t get any applause with
it.”
“Why?" T inquired. “Was lie not
idolized here—is not his memory held
in veneration? lias he not advertised
this town all over the world?”
_ “Well, perhaps so,” was the reply,
"’’but after lie died, we found out that
he wasn’t paying taxes enough onj
what property he owned, and, don’t
you see, it has kind of made him un
popular."
EDUCATOR TOO POORLY PAID
Telling Point Made by President of
Brown University i_n a Re
cent Speech.
President Faunee, of Brown univer
sity, at a dinner of the alumni of that
institution the other day, spoke sym
pathetically of the work of the college
professor, whose real business, he de-,
clared to be “not to stuff the student’s,
mind with Information, but to train
the intellect to grapple with and ana
lyze complex situations.”
That this important business is ill
paid he illustrated by telling of a
'question and its answer.
"If you won't take offense,” said a
rich man to a college professor, “what
salary do you receive?"
“Twelve hundred dollars,” was the
■reply.
“Why,” replied the rich man, “that
is just, what I pay my chauffeur, ex
cept that when 1 take him out of town
1 pay all his expenses.”
Then Dr. Faunce asked his audi
ence: “Can we afford to pay our chauf
feurs as much as we pay the men who
edticate our sons?”
It was a pertinent question, telling
ly put. Which should have the great
er reward, the man who drives an au
tomobile or the man who trains the
intellect for the tasks of life?
He Was Prepared.
Blanche Ring, the actress, is always
preaching caution whether she prac
tices it or not is, as Kipling says, an
other story. "If everyone was only as
cautious as a man I once knew,” she
said the other night, “nobody would
ever go broke. He called at the
money-order window of the local post
otiice and asked permission to send an
order for $100 to the ‘old country.’
'Then the man with the money gave
his own name as payee. ,
“ 'I’m going over next week,’ he vol
unteered, ‘and I want to have the
money waiting for me on the other
side, so that I can give it to my
mother.’
“ ‘Why don't you take it with you?’
asked the clerk. ‘You would save 40
cents.’
“ ‘Well, suppose the ship sinks and
I drown?’’’—Young's Magazine.
Photographic Detective.
A scientific organization in France
has employed an ingenious device to
test the alleged power of a young
woman to tell the contents of un
.opened boxes. The committee, ap
pointed by the organization to make
the test, took a photographic plate
and exposed it in a camera as if for
an ordinary picture. Then the plate
was cut in two, and one-half of it,
carefully protected from the light,
was enclosed with other objects in a
sealed box. After the young woman
had described the contents of the box
the committee developed the two
halves of the plate. Tha't which was
in the box was “fogged,” showing
that it had been exposed to light,
while the other half developed a per
fectly clear picture.
Deaf Hear at Telephone.
Among the many curiosities of the
telephone anil one which certainly
never was thought of when the instru
ment was invented, is the fact that
persons who are extremely deaf oft
en can hear perfectly over the tele
phone. Those who are so deaf that
they can distinguish nothing which
1s said to them except by the motion
of the lips or by the use of an ear
trumpet or other similar device can
carry on long distance telephone con
versations with perfect ease and nev
er miss a word.
Enthusiasm Extraordinary.
Many Chinamen were wrought up to
n high state of enthusiasm by the pro
vincial,- assemblies opened last De
cember throughout the empire. One
native schoolmaster was especially
fervent. To express his feelings ho
chopped off one of his fingers and with
the stump wrote out eight characters
showing his hearty approval. He
brought this testimony to the dele
gates from his district in bidding
them farewell.
v
ROYALTY ON ITS TRAVELS
Gcod Stories Told by Senator Depew
of the Doing* of Potentates
of Hawell.
Senator Depew of New York, fa
ui6us hh an after dinner speaker, told
two good stories In the senate while
he was speaking on a hill to regulate
the government of Hawaii. He said,
in reviewing the history of the Is'ands,
I that the king and queen of the Islands
once came to America and then went
to Europe.
"An incident of this trip," said the
senator, "was one of the rare con
tributions to the jsedate movement of.
history, which promotes good fellow
ship by adding to the gaity of nations.
Chicago received the king with im
pressive ceremonies on his arrival.
After a weary day of parades and re
views the then mayor of the metropo
lis of the west found a king on his
hands. Kings were not In his line,
nor was he familiar with their attri
butes, the customs of court or the
methods of addressing them. To re
lieve himself of embarrassment he,
drove ills majesty to the lending hotel,
and, leaving him In the lobby, said:
‘Good afternoon, king; we have had
a hard day, and I think you hud better
go up to your room and wash up.’
"When their majesties arrived in
London they were entertained by
royalty and were guests at Windsor,"
continued the senator. "There was a
current story at the time," he said,
“that at the dinner the Hawaiian
queen said to Queen Victoria: 'Your
majesty, I am a blood relative.' To
the astonished inquiry, 'How so?' the
Hawaiian queen answered. 'My grand
father ate Capt. Cook.' ”
NONE TO DO HIM REVERENCE
Sad Time, Indeed, for the One Time
Political Boss, When He Is
"Down and Out."
No better exposition of the cold
blooded nature of the political ma
chine, with the quick desertion of its
adherents when "there's nothing to
it,” could there be than the lonely
death of the man who ruled New
York state and for a while made gov
ernors, senators, and even tried his
hand at presidentmaking, says the
New York Post.
A man who called to see him in his
little Eleventh stieet flat about a year
ago asked if it was in this place lie re
ceived his friends.
"1 have no friends,” said the old
man bitterly.
"Hut your old associates, the men
for whom you did things; surely they
come to see you?”
“No, they don’t.”
"But how about your classmates in
Yale—are any of them alive?”
"I don't know," was the indifferent
reply.
"Don't you ever go down to the
Yale club?”
"I never was a member of the Yale
club.”
Another reference to neglectful
friends seemed to wake in him a new
vigor.
"I'll expose I hem. I'll expose them,"
he exclaimed. "I’m writing my
memoirs, and I'll expose them."
First English Words.
"It is a libel on foreigners to say
that the first English word they
learn is ‘damn,’” said the trained
nurse. "It isn’t 'damn' at all, it is
‘upsey daisy.’ There is something
about that classic nursery phrase that
tickles their ears. They seem to pick
it up the day they leave Ellis island.
I know hundreds of foreigners—the
poor, hard-working kind, with big fam
ilies—and am familiar with their lin
guistic attainments. They are fond
fathers and mothers, most of them,
and they jabber baby talk as volu
bly as American parents. Most of it
Is their native jargon, but‘upsey daisy’
Is the gem of their vocabulary. (!o into
any foreign quarter you please, ami
watch the grown-ups toss the babies
to the celling. Nine times out of
ten they will preface that stunt, with
'upsey daisy.’ ’’
The Shortest Biography.
"This is the life of little me. I am I
the wife of Heerbohm Tree." Thus
Lady Heerbohm Tree when asked to
write her "life"—surely (he shortest
[ autobiography on record. Lady Tree
is shortly to appear on the variety
; stage, and patrons of the music hails
i will then have an opportunity of
i seeing one of England's cleverest and I
most distinguished actresses; for. be:
sides her histrionic gifts, Lady Tree
from an early age developed a taste j
for classics and mathematic:;. Her
favorite subject was Greek, at w hich I
she was most learned, and many !
! years ago she tok- part in a Greek
play before an audience which in
cluded so distinguished a classical au
1 thority as the late Mr, Gladstone.—
Tit-Hits.
Hanged Wrong Man.
Lesurqnes’. the principal figure in
| the famous judicial tragedy of the Ly
ons mail, which has been staged the
world over. left a number of relatives,
at the time of his execution. When
his innocence was subseinientiy estab
lished, Napou-on HI., in 1865. granted
a pension in perpetuity to the man's
lineal descendants. The pension was
paid by the French government until
quite recently. A few days ago a
Mine. Rehague. who described herself
us the direct descendant ot Lesurqnes
on the female side, wrote to the min
i islet- of justice iti Paris, insisting upon
her right to the pension The lady,
who is GO years old. is prepared lo
produce the t:> ■ ary proofs in or
• <Jer to establish hi r identity
DEFECTS OF THF EYESIGHT
Curious Connection Between the Or
gans of Vision and the Teeth
Has Been Proved.
Mnny eye defects, of course, are due
1o the bad habits of their possessors.
Tobacco, for instnnca, is generally
held to impair their vision, usually In
juring the color seuse so that gold and
silver become indistinguishable Ac
cording to some medical authorities,
again, the connection between eye
and tooth trouble Is more than an old
wife's fable. In bis book dealing with
the subject. Hancock relates the story
of a boy who woke up one morning to
find himself blind. On examination,
his teeth were discovered to be
crowded together, and a few of them
were removed, with the result that by
evening he could distinguish between
light and darkness. More teeth were
removed, and In II days his sight was
fully restored. Other cases which
tend to show the connection between
eye and tooth trouble have nlso been
noted. Very frequently occupation lias
much to do with one or other eye de
fect. Thus, nystagmus is sometimes
known ns the miners' disease.
Nystagmus Is an involuntary oscilla
tion of the eyeball to and fro or round
in its orbit. In contradistinction to
glaucoma, if. is a young defect, having
been noticed in Infants, but some
times It attaeks miners after 40.
Miners are Inclined to attribute the
failing to the bail light, but it Is more
likely lo be caused by the continual
upward glance so often necessitated
by their occupation.
An Amateur of Wives.
Luther Burbank, al the cactus din
ner that he recently gave in Santa
Kosa. said:
“As we all see, the fruit of the cac
tus is not bad. Some people, though,
would turn from cactus with horror.
Tastes differ. One man, such a man
as myself, for Instance, (hiding a sin
gle wife too many, remains unmarried.
Another man, like C'etewayo, finds a
thousand wives scarcely enough.
“When Wolseley conquered Cete
wayo, lie took nearly nil Ills wives
away from him. I believe lie left the
monarch only a half-dozen or (here
abouts.
"Cetevvayo, day affer day, sent pite
ous messages to Wolseley, pleading
for the rest, of his wives, but Ihe Brit
ish soldier refused sternly.
“When Wolseley came lo leave the
country, t’etowayo, in desperation,
sent this message to him:
“ ‘If you will not send me any more
wives, will you not, at least, he enough
of a gentleman lo exchange the six I
have for six others?’"
Unkind Reminder.
The dialogue between President
Taft and the Chicago newspaper men,
in which he spoke feelingly of I lie
time when Cincinnati considered her
self a rival of Chicago as to popula
tion, and Ills home city's having re
duced her "brag" now to nge only,
reminded a former resident of Cin
cinnati of this story: Some years
ago a number of commercial Iravelers
met after business hours in (lie lobby
of n big hotel In Chicngo and (lie va
rious cities which they "drummed’'
were (lie topic of conversation. The
travelers were nearly all New York
ers and the vulnerable points of tho
various cities were attacked. A Cin
cinnati whisky salesman In the crowd
took up the cudgel for Ills city, 'and
among other things In its favor spoke
of its beautiful suburbs, its good beer,
Its fondness for music, its educational’
institutions and Us patronage of the
fine arts. “There’s one tiling you
haven't mentioned," said a St. Louis
man. “Cincinnati isn't as dirty as
Pittsburg."
His Life Enriched the World.
Happy is the man who knows how
to enjoy Ids leisure in a way to alle
viate the cares of life. Such a man,
says the Springfield Republican, was
]>r. Matthias Cook, a physician of
Utica, N. Y, who recently died at
the age of 70 years lie was a lead :
ing member of the Oneida County
Medical society, but beyond his pro
fessional work did other things well
He was well known as a singer lie
had a famous flower garden. He made
an entomological collection of over
5,000 specimens, which he gave to
the Utica Free academy, lie became
known through the world as a raiser 1
of high-bred pigeons He had a rep
utation for microscopical studies. He
gathered a collection of postage
stamps, which he Anally sold for
$3,000 Besides all these things, no
physician in Utica did more charitable
work than llr Cools He would seem
to have been as well cut Hied to be
called an "all-round man" as anybody.
The Bomb Man.
Lecoq, the detective, ordered a
fourth eggnog
“Bomb men are the pest of Russia,"
lie said. “As we have green-goods
men here, so they have bomb men
there.
"You, for Instance, are a farmer.
Stepan Stepauoviteh You Como to
Petersburg to see the sights and sud
denly a man thrusts his hand in your
pocket and says:
" ‘Cursed aristocrat, I have placed a
bomb In your trousers. Move a mus
cle and it will go off.'
“You stand perfectly still. You are
half dead with fright. After ten min
utes or so, though, you collect enough'
courage to ask a passerby if ho will
please remove very carefully the bomb
placed In your pocket by an anarchist,
and the passerby draws forth gingerly
a brick.”
“A brick,” he repeated. "But Step
an Stepanovltch’s purse, containing 17
roubles and -IS kopecks, Is quite gone.”
'You Arc Articular
RUT you are no more particular
when you buy a suit than we are. You
strive to get the greatest value for your money. So do
we. It’s good business. \\ here you would lose $1 —
we would lose $1,000. We are proud of our buying
ability when we oiler you Clothcralt Clothes.
We brin<r them v > you
from a maker w ho has
achieved wonders in flu- cloih.t ;
world. ]>y scientific tailoring
the Clothcraft manufacturers reduced the
cost of production one-third. And the
gain to 5011 is pure wool clothes- with
lasting shape and style to sell a treason
able prices.
With < \cry Clothcraft garment goes a
guarantee sigtn d by the maker that trees
you forever from clothes troubles.
All-Wool Clothes $10 to$25
Let ns show you this splendid line.
" Miise/rrffF*
Odd
Pieces
of Art
(Hand Moulded)
Decorated Pottery
In 3-Piece Sets Creamers, Steins. See
the new Jardinier a Jardinier and Flow
er Pot Combined. Nothing like it ever
shown before. See these goods at
Chas. M. Wilson's
LOWE BROTHERS
MELLOTONE Paint
Ready for Use on Walls
Woodwork, Burlap, Etc.
Put up in gallons, half gallons and quarts. Flat colors for Inte
rior decoration on woodwork and walls. Has no equal.
Permanent, Washable
Practical, Beautiful
Ready to use at any time. It is a revelation in its results it has
all the excellences of water colors, the soft, beautiful effect.
WE ARE AGENTS FOR
Pittsburg Electrically Welded Fence Wire
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They have'fcw equals and no superiors. It will pay you to inves
tigate ourclaims for these wares—they are reputation builders.
J. C. TANNER
Tinning and Plumbing Falls City, Nebraska j
__ I
y,.j..j..% *j«4*•>•'I**!'*•* 4*4*'»•*!* v*X*4* v 4*4**1*4*4*
f PRANK PECK !
Auctioneer
V . Y
y
y if you contemplate having a X
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y FALLS CITY, NEIiltASKA
I ' i
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