MUST HAVE MADE IT STRONG
Flattering Recommendation That
Caused Irishman to Think Well
of Himself.
An Irish gentleman of a very
obliging disposition, who thinks that
personal favors do not cost much,
while they make friends, was ap
plied to some time ago by a laborer
for a certificate of character. The
gentleman, taking the man into his
study, wrote out a erv flattering
recommendation, which he handed
lo the applicant for perusal. The
latter took it, spelled it through,
scratched his head, and remained
silent.
“Well,” said the gentleman,
“don’t yon consider it favorable
enough ?”
“Oh, no, sorr. not at all; shure it
couldn’t be better, but—but—”
“But what?” angrily inquired the
gentleman.
“Bcgorra. sorr,” said the man, ‘T
was just thinking that ver honor
might give me something to do
yerself on the strength of this
recommendation.”
HELP WANTED—MALE.
“Hey! Some one help me! I’ve
been boldin’ this bloomin’ wall up all
by myself since four o’clock.’’
ONLY AN ORNAMENT.
Handsome Percy Esterbrook had
lost, his job again—and winter com
ing on.
But. the tall, graceful youth took
the matter philosophically.
“You must remember”—thus over
a gilt-topped cigarette he adjured
his mother and sisters—“you must
remember how seldom it is that the
flower of the family provides the
daily bread.”
And in silent acquiescence the
women took their lunch boxes in the
shape of cameras and departed for
the mill.
AN UNEQUAL LOAD.
Harry left the breakfast table
with an exaggerated limp. His
mother asked anxiously: “Why,
Harry, have you a lame foot?”
Little brother Bob solved the prob
lem with: “Saw, he ain't loaded
even. He's got more flapjacks down
on one side than on the oilier.''—De
lineator.
OPPORTUNITIES.
“Some of the mining enterprises
you kept out of now reveal them
selves as lost opportunities,” re
marked the promoter,
“Yes,” replied the man who is not
lucky, “and those \ went into were
opportunities to lose.”
NOT SURPRISING.
“Is Bill really dead?” asked Al
kali Ike.
“Sure,” replied Cactus Cal, “shot
plumb through the heart.”
“Oil, then 1 ain't surprised. His
heart always was weak^.”
FLY IN THE OINTMENT.
Mrs. Homer Mrs. Xcurich seems
to have refined tastes.
Mrs. Caller—Yes; but she has
such an unrefined way of bragging
about them.
A PROMPT AGREEMENT.
Spoiled Star—So many tell me
that I’m just killing in this part.”
Tried Manager—Yes, the critics
do say you murder it.—Baltimore
American.
“RUBBER.”
Teacher—India rubber is com
posed of carbon and hydrogen.
Small Boy—Gee! it’s no wonder
that a fellow gets a pain in his
neck.
ALL SURRENDERED.
Howell—You should stand up for
your rights.
Powell—I haven’t any, my boy;
I hare been married a good many
yon.
AUTO FOR TIGER HUNTING.
Motor Car Is Supplanting the Ele
phant and Howdah with
Princes of India.
No preparations have now to be
made when 1 lie now« of a tiger
roaming in a jungle is brought, says
the Calcutta Statesman. IVtrol. and
not a howdah, is the thing to he
eared for. A few minutes’ drive
brings the hunter and the tiger face
to face with each other.
News came in the other day of a
tiger roaming on the hanks of the
Sindh near I char, a village some 14
miles from Datia City. The mahara
jah accordingly motored out to the
village with his staff on the thir
teen! h. That day was devoted sim
ply to observing the movements of
the tiger. A goat was tied up and
1 was duly slain hv the tiger, who,
making for the river bed and plae
I ing his prey on the sand close to the
water, entered the cool pool and
bathed and gamboled for some time.
Having thoroughly enjoyed himself
ho came out and after feasting in the
! clear moonlight, took his way back
i to the jungle.
Next day the maharajah sat up
i for the tiger. ’The beast returned to
his feed, and had just caught the
goat by the right ear when the
maharajah tired, hitting the tiger in
the head, tin' first bullet proving
fatal. The tiger rolled over on (lie
ground, with the goat held fast in
his jaws.
Early in (lie morning the mahara
jah returned in his motor ear with
| the dead tiger placed in the rear
seat, the goat still hanging in the
tiger's mouth. So fa<t was the grip
that the goat did not fall down,
though the motor was run at full
speed. It was a very strange sight
to see 1 he slayer and (lie slain driv
ing and driven together and I he goat
hanging in the jaws of the dead
tiger.
FIJI GOLF.
_
The Fijian game of liga is prob
ably as ancient as golf, which it
somewhat resembles. The brown
warriors play along Ihe roadway,
and the game consists of long drives
with a reed, one end of which is set
in a large brown bean. Balancing
a javelin nicely in the hand, with
the forefinger as the driving power
they project it swiftly at a mound
on (lie road ahead, from which it
glances, falling 200 or 300 yards
away. Thus they walk and play for
miles, vying with each other for Ihe
longest drive. The Fijians “keep
their eye on (ho mound.” for it needs
some skill to strike the heap of
stones at the right spot on the reed
so as to secure a long straight flight.
WOMEN OYSTER GATHERERS.
The work of oyster collecting and
culture is most unsuitable for wom
en, but in Frame, owing to it- tedi
ous nature, it does not appeal to
men.
Often from an early hour in the
morning till late into the evening
the women are standing up to the
knees in water, with a strong sun
healing down on them. The result
is that never a year passes without
some of them going mad and having
to be hurried away to the asylums.
The work is well paid—as, indeed,
it ought to be—while in the case of
the few who own beds the profits
are large and small fortunes are
quickly amassed.
A LESSON.
^5»'\m,;i jjt vbjJ|/aIu<
The Lady—Look here, you said that
if I’d give you your dinner you'd mow
the lawn for me.
The llobo—I’d like to do it, ma’am,
but I gutter teach you a lesson. Never
trust th’ word of a total stranger.
POOR CHOLLY.
Ethel—I ant a little worried about
Cholly! ITe told me yesterday that
if I didn’t marry him he would
blow out his brains.
Kate—Oh, nonsense! Don’t you
fret. If Cholly should blow out all
the brains he has it wouldn’t make
any noticeable difference.—Somer
ville Journal.
R01 HSCliILD MARRIAGES.
Mun ber of Unions Between Couslne
Belonging to the Famous
Family.
The founder of the Rothschild
1 inilv. Mayer Amsehel of the Wed
'shield, dying ill IS IV, exhorted hi>
live -ons, engaged as loanrnongen:
.Hider hint in Frankfort. Vienna,
’.ondon, Paris and Naples, not only
o remain faithful to the law ol
Moses and stand ever united, hut to
undertake nothing of importance
t ithoitt First consulting their mother.
Nathan, founder of the London
branch, also was so convinced of the
business" capacities of his wife, a
olion, that he not only left the huge
residue of his fortune at her dis
posal, but added instruction that his
sons were to engage in no undertak
ing of moment without her eon sent.
How far the instruction was ob
served one is not in a position to
say. but it is certain the Rothschilds
have done their best to live in fam
ily unity, for from the gentile point
if view the number that have mar
ried cousins is appalling. Of the live
hildren of the great Nathan each
married a cousin.
And coming to contemporaries,
Lord Rothschild is the son of cousins
and the husband of a cousin. Re
turning to Nathan, the Sidonia of
"(‘oningshv,” though bis offspring
married cousins, a reaction followed
n the next generation, for three of
bis granddaughters, two of whom
have been already named, married
not only out of the family, but out
of the faith.
COLONY WITHOUT CRIME.
Si. Helena, our little Napoleonic
colony in mid-Atlantic, is a model
community. Its governor, Col. Gall
wey, is also its judge, but in the lat
ter capacity ho lias little or nothing
to do. He holds court at stated
times, hut the only business is the
presentation of white gloves.
Nevertheless St. Helena lias an
"inspector of police." and as the
withdrawal of the garrison, hitherto
the. chief consumer of local products,
has adversely affected the finances
the St. Helena Guardian urges tin
abolition of this “unnecessary of
ficial who has practically nothing to
, do.5' His salary should go to a
I "'miirli wanted assistant surgeon.”
i There is only one surgeon in St.
Helena, and if he became incapaci
tated the little community on the
lonely Napoleonic rock would lie in a
parlous state.
SCOTCH HOSPITALITY.
George Conklin, the famous ani
mal trainer, was talking to a reporter
at the circus in New York.
“The secret of animal training is
gentleness. Nothing sudden or
I brusque must he done. An unexpect
j oil can s- may anger an animal more
l than a kick in the ribs,
'•Sudden, brusque, unexpected
things never go, no matter how will
they are meant. Once J was showing
in Scotland,”
Mr. Conklin smiled.
“M'e trainers,” he said, “supped
one night with a Scotch admirer.
The old man was the soul of hos
pitality, hut J admit I. was lnilur
startled when he leaned toward me
and said:
••‘Stick in, man Conklin, stick in.
, Yer frien’ Coot’s two muffins ahead
u" ve.’”—Rochester Herald.
BROTHER DICKEY'S SAYINGS.
Thunder is mighty good at hol
lerin', but it's de lightnin’ dat gits
dar an’Ate.nils ter busino-s.
Ef you got ter have comp’ny on de
road you traveling he sho’ dat Trou
ble don't take up wid you an’ make
believe lie's Happiness in disguise.
W’en jedgmint day comes some or
de lazy folks will sho’ say dat de
Angel Oabrul blowed dat trumpet
too soon.—Atlanta Constitution.
AN URGENT CALL.
A doctor spending a rare and
I somewhat dull night at his own fire
side received the following message
i from three fellow practitioners:
j "Please step over to the club and
join us at a rubber of whist.” “Jane,
! dear,” lie said to his wife, “I am
called away again. It appears to be
a difficult case—there are three other
doctors on the spot already.”—Lon
1 don News.
ERROR IN THE FIGURES.
Teacher—“What is wrong about
this sentence: ‘I am 20 my last
birthday P ” Little Johnny—“It
should be ‘40’ instead of '20.’”—
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
MISTAKE AS TO OWNERSHIP
Del ted Discovery That Caused Lady
to Understand Embarrassment
of the Fat Man.
\ woman slipped a dime into her
glove on her left hand. She would
he at the subway in a moment and
the dime so placed would facilitate
matters. As she passed the foot of
the bridge extension by the cilv hall
the ring of a coin as it struck the
! pavement reached her ears. She
1 saw a <1 inn* rolling at her feet.
A fat mail, subway hound, also
i heard and saw it. Both stopped to
1 pick it tip. She was first. IIis hand
1 only fanned the dust from the side
I walk.
| “I beg your pardon,” lie said ns
he straightened up rather red in the
i face.
j “Not at all," she said. “1 ‘thank
I you for your courtesy.” Then she
hurried down the stairs.
Seated in an express train, tier
gloved hand iuvoluntarilv went lip
to her hair. A dime dropped in her
lap. Then she understood.
Outside the fat man slow ly closed
| his mouth. Then he iiit Broadway
; in a northerly direction.- N. Y.
I Sun.
CERTAINLY,
I
The Heloved One—You object to
Horace because lie's not business-like.
Stern Parent—Certainly, lie’s only
after you for your money.
, Heloved One—Well, pa, doesn't that
prove he's business like?
SCIENCE AS A HOBBY.
1 Vary the routine of daily labor by
cultivating a scientific hobby is the
advice of Prof. S. P. Thompson,
I who reminds us that much of the
| world’s scientific work has been
done by amateurs. For instance,
I William Hcrseholl, the astronomer,
was a music teacher; William Gil
bert, author of Do Magnete, was a
medical man; Dr. W. It. Dalliuger,
authority on the inisero,scope, was a
clergyman, and William Sturgeon,
inventor of the electromagnet, was a
shoemaker.
COMPENSATION.
Nervous Passenger (on lake
steamer)—It must bo terrible to
think of an accident happening to
the boat while you are away down
there in that hole.
Stoker It's just the other way,
ma'am. If the boat sinks l won’t
have to go through inore’n about
half as much warter as you will
’fore 1 git to the bottom o’ the lake.
GIVING HIM A CHANCE.
It was night. They—he and she
—were sitting on the porch, looking
at the stars.
“You know, I suppose,” he whis
pered. “what a young man’s priv
ilege is when he sees a shooting
star?”
“Xo,” she answered. “I haven’t
the slightest idea. There goes one.”
SEEING BOTH SIDES.
“Why are you always contending
for shorter hours? " asked the cap
italist.
“Because,” answered the working
man, earnestly, “so many states
men are looking for mv vote that I
want more time to read the
speeches.”
BREVITY’S VALUE.
“An author should always strive
to use 6hort words,” said the man
who admires literary simplicity.
“Yes,” answered the busy maga
7,inist, “when you get a dollar apiece
for ’em, the smaller they are the big
ger the profit.”
HER USUAL PLACE.
“Did you find out what caused
that auto accident ?”
“Not exactly, but when we lifted
the machine and cleared away the
wreckage we found that a woman
was at the bottom of it.”—Houston
Post.
To Our Farmer Friends:
\\ < aiv tun lnivv tu write an ad, so
you will have to come in and see for cour
se! I what we have in store for you.
We can save you money if you will
only give us a chance.
Our stuck of Implements is complete
and up-to-date and the wav they are sel
ling shoes that they are allright.
Our Buggies and Surries are the
best that monev can buy and one trial
will convince you.
We are agents lor'" W. C. Shinn’s
Soft ( upper Lightning Rods. Protect
your house and barn and get cheaper in
surance.
\\Y also sell I engines, Windmills,
Pumps, Tanks, Manure Spreaders, and in
tact everything in the Implement line.
Yours for Business,
WERNERMOSIMAN & CO.
UNLIKE ANY OTHER.
NEWSPAPER IS
The Weekly Kansas City Star
Thu Wkkki.y Star, in addition to printing the
entire news of the week in concise form, has
Absolutely Accurate Market Quotations
So valuable arc these that such are copyrighted by Tin;
Star and appear only in this newspaper.
Tin; Wkkki.y Star lias also the famous Chaperon
Feature which furnishes free, advice and help on many
perplexing problems. Also “Answers," which takes care
of all questions the readers care to ask.
It lias a practical, successful Kansas farmer in
charge of its Farm Department, which is of great value
to all farmers and stockmen.
Tm; Wkkki.y Kansas City Star isn't for any lim
ited set of people; it ’s tor every member of every family.
If you don’t find something of interest in a particular
issue, well, the office looks on that issue as a failure,
25c pays for one year.
ADDRESS
THE WEEKLY KANSAS CITY STAR
KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI
Another Good
LAND OFFERING
< In May 22d the Government will open it ’h second tract of 12,00'
acres of perfectly irrigated land in th** Big Horn Basin, neat Garland
and Powell, Wyoming. This irrigation project of the Government is
first-class and reliable. This land ih adjacent to and along side of the
Burlington Hoad. Powell and Garland are prosperous towns. The
community is absolutely lirsl-class, and there is not a better place to
live in the whole west for climate, sunshine,productiveness of soil and
many other good reasons, than the Big Horn Basin. This land is
SI5 an acre in ten annual installments, without interest.
320 Acre Mondell Act: Select locations for homesteading in
Wyoming near Newcastle, Gpton and Moorcroft, Plats on tile.
W rite me.
I conduct an excursion m the first and third Tuesday of each
month. Only $27.50 round trip homeseekers excursion rate. No
charge for my services Write me at once about tins new tract. The
excusion of May IS or in June will be in time for good selections.
D- CLEM DEAVEIt, Genseal Ac.ent,
Land Seekers Information Bureau, Omaha, Neb.
Let Us Be Your Waiter
We never tire of helping others when they ask
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exacting typographic appetite. People who
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and careful attention. Call at this office and look over our samples.
