MUST HAVE MADE IT STRONG Flattering Recommendation That Caused Irishman to Think Well of Himself. An Irish gentleman of a very obliging disposition, who thinks that personal favors do not cost much, while they make friends, was ap plied to some time ago by a laborer for a certificate of character. The gentleman, taking the man into his study, wrote out a erv flattering recommendation, which he handed lo the applicant for perusal. The latter took it, spelled it through, scratched his head, and remained silent. “Well,” said the gentleman, “don’t yon consider it favorable enough ?” “Oh, no, sorr. not at all; shure it couldn’t be better, but—but—” “But what?” angrily inquired the gentleman. “Bcgorra. sorr,” said the man, ‘T was just thinking that ver honor might give me something to do yerself on the strength of this recommendation.” HELP WANTED—MALE. “Hey! Some one help me! I’ve been boldin’ this bloomin’ wall up all by myself since four o’clock.’’ ONLY AN ORNAMENT. Handsome Percy Esterbrook had lost, his job again—and winter com ing on. But. the tall, graceful youth took the matter philosophically. “You must remember”—thus over a gilt-topped cigarette he adjured his mother and sisters—“you must remember how seldom it is that the flower of the family provides the daily bread.” And in silent acquiescence the women took their lunch boxes in the shape of cameras and departed for the mill. AN UNEQUAL LOAD. Harry left the breakfast table with an exaggerated limp. His mother asked anxiously: “Why, Harry, have you a lame foot?” Little brother Bob solved the prob lem with: “Saw, he ain't loaded even. He's got more flapjacks down on one side than on the oilier.''—De lineator. OPPORTUNITIES. “Some of the mining enterprises you kept out of now reveal them selves as lost opportunities,” re marked the promoter, “Yes,” replied the man who is not lucky, “and those \ went into were opportunities to lose.” NOT SURPRISING. “Is Bill really dead?” asked Al kali Ike. “Sure,” replied Cactus Cal, “shot plumb through the heart.” “Oil, then 1 ain't surprised. His heart always was weak^.” FLY IN THE OINTMENT. Mrs. Homer Mrs. Xcurich seems to have refined tastes. Mrs. Caller—Yes; but she has such an unrefined way of bragging about them. A PROMPT AGREEMENT. Spoiled Star—So many tell me that I’m just killing in this part.” Tried Manager—Yes, the critics do say you murder it.—Baltimore American. “RUBBER.” Teacher—India rubber is com posed of carbon and hydrogen. Small Boy—Gee! it’s no wonder that a fellow gets a pain in his neck. ALL SURRENDERED. Howell—You should stand up for your rights. Powell—I haven’t any, my boy; I hare been married a good many yon. AUTO FOR TIGER HUNTING. Motor Car Is Supplanting the Ele phant and Howdah with Princes of India. No preparations have now to be made when 1 lie now« of a tiger roaming in a jungle is brought, says the Calcutta Statesman. IVtrol. and not a howdah, is the thing to he eared for. A few minutes’ drive brings the hunter and the tiger face to face with each other. News came in the other day of a tiger roaming on the hanks of the Sindh near I char, a village some 14 miles from Datia City. The mahara jah accordingly motored out to the village with his staff on the thir teen! h. That day was devoted sim ply to observing the movements of the tiger. A goat was tied up and 1 was duly slain hv the tiger, who, making for the river bed and plae I ing his prey on the sand close to the water, entered the cool pool and bathed and gamboled for some time. Having thoroughly enjoyed himself ho came out and after feasting in the ! clear moonlight, took his way back i to the jungle. Next day the maharajah sat up i for the tiger. ’The beast returned to his feed, and had just caught the goat by the right ear when the maharajah tired, hitting the tiger in the head, tin' first bullet proving fatal. The tiger rolled over on (lie ground, with the goat held fast in his jaws. Early in (lie morning the mahara jah returned in his motor ear with | the dead tiger placed in the rear seat, the goat still hanging in the tiger's mouth. So fa live -ons, engaged as loanrnongen: .Hider hint in Frankfort. Vienna, ’.ondon, Paris and Naples, not only o remain faithful to the law ol Moses and stand ever united, hut to undertake nothing of importance t ithoitt First consulting their mother. Nathan, founder of the London branch, also was so convinced of the business" capacities of his wife, a olion, that he not only left the huge residue of his fortune at her dis posal, but added instruction that his sons were to engage in no undertak ing of moment without her eon sent. How far the instruction was ob served one is not in a position to say. but it is certain the Rothschilds have done their best to live in fam ily unity, for from the gentile point if view the number that have mar ried cousins is appalling. Of the live hildren of the great Nathan each married a cousin. And coming to contemporaries, Lord Rothschild is the son of cousins and the husband of a cousin. Re turning to Nathan, the Sidonia of "(‘oningshv,” though bis offspring married cousins, a reaction followed n the next generation, for three of bis granddaughters, two of whom have been already named, married not only out of the family, but out of the faith. COLONY WITHOUT CRIME. Si. Helena, our little Napoleonic colony in mid-Atlantic, is a model community. Its governor, Col. Gall wey, is also its judge, but in the lat ter capacity ho lias little or nothing to do. He holds court at stated times, hut the only business is the presentation of white gloves. Nevertheless St. Helena lias an "inspector of police." and as the withdrawal of the garrison, hitherto the. chief consumer of local products, has adversely affected the finances the St. Helena Guardian urges tin abolition of this “unnecessary of ficial who has practically nothing to , do.5' His salary should go to a I "'miirli wanted assistant surgeon.” i There is only one surgeon in St. Helena, and if he became incapaci tated the little community on the lonely Napoleonic rock would lie in a parlous state. SCOTCH HOSPITALITY. George Conklin, the famous ani mal trainer, was talking to a reporter at the circus in New York. “The secret of animal training is gentleness. Nothing sudden or I brusque must he done. An unexpect j oil can s- may anger an animal more l than a kick in the ribs, '•Sudden, brusque, unexpected things never go, no matter how will they are meant. Once J was showing in Scotland,” Mr. Conklin smiled. “M'e trainers,” he said, “supped one night with a Scotch admirer. The old man was the soul of hos pitality, hut J admit I. was lnilur startled when he leaned toward me and said: ••‘Stick in, man Conklin, stick in. , Yer frien’ Coot’s two muffins ahead u" ve.’”—Rochester Herald. BROTHER DICKEY'S SAYINGS. Thunder is mighty good at hol lerin', but it's de lightnin’ dat gits dar an’Ate.nils ter busino-s. Ef you got ter have comp’ny on de road you traveling he sho’ dat Trou ble don't take up wid you an’ make believe lie's Happiness in disguise. W’en jedgmint day comes some or de lazy folks will sho’ say dat de Angel Oabrul blowed dat trumpet too soon.—Atlanta Constitution. AN URGENT CALL. A doctor spending a rare and I somewhat dull night at his own fire side received the following message i from three fellow practitioners: j "Please step over to the club and join us at a rubber of whist.” “Jane, ! dear,” lie said to his wife, “I am called away again. It appears to be a difficult case—there are three other doctors on the spot already.”—Lon 1 don News. ERROR IN THE FIGURES. Teacher—“What is wrong about this sentence: ‘I am 20 my last birthday P ” Little Johnny—“It should be ‘40’ instead of '20.’”— Cleveland Plain Dealer. MISTAKE AS TO OWNERSHIP Del ted Discovery That Caused Lady to Understand Embarrassment of the Fat Man. \ woman slipped a dime into her glove on her left hand. She would he at the subway in a moment and the dime so placed would facilitate matters. As she passed the foot of the bridge extension by the cilv hall the ring of a coin as it struck the ! pavement reached her ears. She 1 saw a <1 inn* rolling at her feet. A fat mail, subway hound, also i heard and saw it. Both stopped to 1 pick it tip. She was first. IIis hand 1 only fanned the dust from the side I walk. | “I beg your pardon,” lie said ns he straightened up rather red in the i face. j “Not at all," she said. “1 ‘thank I you for your courtesy.” Then she hurried down the stairs. Seated in an express train, tier gloved hand iuvoluntarilv went lip to her hair. A dime dropped in her lap. Then she understood. Outside the fat man slow ly closed | his mouth. Then he iiit Broadway ; in a northerly direction.- N. Y. I Sun. CERTAINLY, I The Heloved One—You object to Horace because lie's not business-like. Stern Parent—Certainly, lie’s only after you for your money. , Heloved One—Well, pa, doesn't that prove he's business like? SCIENCE AS A HOBBY. 1 Vary the routine of daily labor by cultivating a scientific hobby is the advice of Prof. S. P. Thompson, I who reminds us that much of the | world’s scientific work has been done by amateurs. For instance, I William Hcrseholl, the astronomer, was a music teacher; William Gil bert, author of Do Magnete, was a medical man; Dr. W. It. Dalliuger, authority on the inisero,scope, was a clergyman, and William Sturgeon, inventor of the electromagnet, was a shoemaker. COMPENSATION. Nervous Passenger (on lake steamer)—It must bo terrible to think of an accident happening to the boat while you are away down there in that hole. Stoker It's just the other way, ma'am. If the boat sinks l won’t have to go through inore’n about half as much warter as you will ’fore 1 git to the bottom o’ the lake. GIVING HIM A CHANCE. It was night. They—he and she —were sitting on the porch, looking at the stars. “You know, I suppose,” he whis pered. “what a young man’s priv ilege is when he sees a shooting star?” “Xo,” she answered. “I haven’t the slightest idea. There goes one.” SEEING BOTH SIDES. “Why are you always contending for shorter hours? " asked the cap italist. “Because,” answered the working man, earnestly, “so many states men are looking for mv vote that I want more time to read the speeches.” BREVITY’S VALUE. “An author should always strive to use 6hort words,” said the man who admires literary simplicity. “Yes,” answered the busy maga 7,inist, “when you get a dollar apiece for ’em, the smaller they are the big ger the profit.” HER USUAL PLACE. “Did you find out what caused that auto accident ?” “Not exactly, but when we lifted the machine and cleared away the wreckage we found that a woman was at the bottom of it.”—Houston Post. To Our Farmer Friends: \\ < aiv tun lnivv tu write an ad, so you will have to come in and see for cour se! I what we have in store for you. We can save you money if you will only give us a chance. Our stuck of Implements is complete and up-to-date and the wav they are sel ling shoes that they are allright. Our Buggies and Surries are the best that monev can buy and one trial will convince you. We are agents lor'" W. C. Shinn’s Soft ( upper Lightning Rods. Protect your house and barn and get cheaper in surance. \\Y also sell I engines, Windmills, Pumps, Tanks, Manure Spreaders, and in tact everything in the Implement line. Yours for Business, WERNERMOSIMAN & CO. UNLIKE ANY OTHER. NEWSPAPER IS The Weekly Kansas City Star Thu Wkkki.y Star, in addition to printing the entire news of the week in concise form, has Absolutely Accurate Market Quotations So valuable arc these that such are copyrighted by Tin; Star and appear only in this newspaper. Tin; Wkkki.y Star lias also the famous Chaperon Feature which furnishes free, advice and help on many perplexing problems. Also “Answers," which takes care of all questions the readers care to ask. It lias a practical, successful Kansas farmer in charge of its Farm Department, which is of great value to all farmers and stockmen. Tm; Wkkki.y Kansas City Star isn't for any lim ited set of people; it ’s tor every member of every family. If you don’t find something of interest in a particular issue, well, the office looks on that issue as a failure, 25c pays for one year. ADDRESS THE WEEKLY KANSAS CITY STAR KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI Another Good LAND OFFERING < In May 22d the Government will open it ’h second tract of 12,00' acres of perfectly irrigated land in th** Big Horn Basin, neat Garland and Powell, Wyoming. This irrigation project of the Government is first-class and reliable. This land ih adjacent to and along side of the Burlington Hoad. Powell and Garland are prosperous towns. The community is absolutely lirsl-class, and there is not a better place to live in the whole west for climate, sunshine,productiveness of soil and many other good reasons, than the Big Horn Basin. This land is SI5 an acre in ten annual installments, without interest. 320 Acre Mondell Act: Select locations for homesteading in Wyoming near Newcastle, Gpton and Moorcroft, Plats on tile. W rite me. I conduct an excursion m the first and third Tuesday of each month. Only $27.50 round trip homeseekers excursion rate. No charge for my services Write me at once about tins new tract. The excusion of May IS or in June will be in time for good selections. D- CLEM DEAVEIt, Genseal Ac.ent, Land Seekers Information Bureau, Omaha, Neb. Let Us Be Your Waiter We never tire of helping others when they ask for good job printing. We can tickle the most exacting typographic appetite. People who have partaken of our excellent service come back for a second serving. Our prices are the most reasonable, too, and you can always de pend on us giving your orders the most prompt and careful attention. Call at this office and look over our samples.