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About Hemingford herald. (Hemingford, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1895-190? | View Entire Issue (July 31, 1896)
The war-cry lliro' the land Is stilled,
The cannon's sullen lips are dumb;
Tn-day throughout out land c hear
The solemn beat of mufllcd drum.
The flags bang droop'ng f mm the tad
'Ihe streets are filled with gravc-cyed men;
Long dormant memories sprint; to life
We llvo the dead past o'er agalu.
We secthro' minis of falllne- tnaii
The wild, fierce strife of armc
We near the clash of hostile stttl
. We feci the touch of YanJshcd.UMik
Ve nart as In the dtn of vow.
From loved onrn In'nr Htnpn In tlul
We hear that mournful sound giln "
luecianKiug letters 01 mo slave.
Wo seo the Mnes of Blue and Gray
Abased for the flclit, as In Urn paBt;
e heir the neigh "ug of the steeds
And waken to ourselves at last.
Instead of rlfc, the lute ot peace
H'cnlh. a softly o'er a itntcful laud;
Instead of arms the dulrry (loners,
Are strewn about on every hand,
The Gray now mingles with the Blue
In that cU-rnnl sleep called death,
Their trlfe Is o'crand In the end
Wc mourn them all with equal breath.
From far-off lands wo como to place
Sweet blossoms on the honored tombs
Andwcder vauuely will they sec
Our offerings from their narrow rooms
The emptv sleeve a Northman licars
Is matched I y one from Southern lands;
The fair May-blossoms they would strew
Find other eager, will tig hands.
And as the one-lime wan fori stand
With tear-dlmmcd eyes, to lend their aid
Thc'r very actions seem to soy
"This brotherhood hath all repjld."
Thtlr str fe Is o'er, their work c mplcte,
And that for wiilih they strove Is done:
We who rrmaln can but applaud
A noble battle grauilly won.
"They bullded tetter than the; knew"
A goodly structure i.urfnir land;
no mourn the dead butgladlv se
The Blue and Grav aud hand In hand.
JRIw'n O. "H heeler, in The Current
Snows Mrs. S. How His Mother
Used to Make 'Em.
"My dear." said Mr. Spoopcndykc,
folding his napkin and pushing his
chair back from tho table, "my dear,
you are a pretty good housokcopor,
and onco in a while you contrive to
cook up n fair meal, hut you have no
business fooling around n minco pie.
Thoro never was but one woman who
could mako a minco pio, and that was
"I thought this was nice," returned
Mrs. Spoopcndye, with just a little
quiver resting on her lip. "I got it
UlllUl IUO COUK UOOK -
"And you'd better nut it right back
in tho book as a warning to other am
ateurs," continued Mr. Spoopondyke.
"I don't say that this is especially bad,
only it doesn't moot with all tho re
quirements of pio ns they were in
stilled into my young mind. You
might work it on foundling hospitals
that nevoi had any mother, but it
hasn't tho soul I used to got out of pio
when I lived at home."
How did your mother mako tho
tumco pio, dear?" askod Mrs. Spoop
cndykc. "If I know what she usod,
perhaps I could get un ono of which
you would cat six slices instead of
four." And with this purely feminine
dig, Mrs. Spoopcndyko looked mod
estly downward and begun folding
knifo ploatings in tho tablo cloth.
"Comet" exclaimed Mr. Spoopon
ooraoi- cxcinimeu Air. Spoopon
;o, jumping impetuously from his
Ir. "If you've got tho ingredi
8, I'll show you how to make a pio
that will draw howls of envy from tho
neighbors," nnd Mr. Spoopkendvfce
led tho way to tho kitchen. "Where's
your chopping tray and tho apples?
Fetch mo tho hand guillotine nnd tho
beef! Look alivo now. mv doar. and
we'll etartlo the world with somo rev
elations on tho abstruse subject of
"Lot mo put this big towel around
your neok, so you won't grease vour
clothes," suggested Mrs. Spoopondyke,
dr.tgcing out a huso crash towel.
"What's that for?" demanded her
husband, contemplating it with no
amount of favor. "Which end of tho
pio is that thing supposed to have iu
lluenco with? if 1 mako up my mind
when I get through that this pie wants
to bo shaved, I'll put on this skirt, but
in tho meantimo I want room for all
my limbs. Now," ho continuod, as ho
dumped tho beef and apples into tho
tray nnd went at them vigorously with
tho chopping knifo; "now you watch
tho proceedings and note how this pio
Degms 10 assume -proportions.
"Didn't your mother peol tho apples
before she chopped them?" asked Mrs.
"Eh!" ojuculatcd Mr. Spoopondyke,
slowing up n llCtlo and looking into
tho tray distruutfnlly. "Of course
not," and ho. rcauined'his labors with
more energy. "If you did, thero's
whero you made your mistnko. I sup
pose you peeled tho beef, too, didn't
ye? Though I don't know," and ho
btopptid short and regarded his work
attentively. "It strikes mo tills moat
would chop finer if somo one had drop
ped a pilo driver on it onco or twice.
Anyway, you don't want your meat
too line, aud I guess this will do," and
Mr. Spoopondyke sot tho tray full of
lumps on tho tablo and rolled up his
"What will you have now, dear?"
inquired his wife, tenderly.
"Some Hour and water," replied
Mr. Spoopondyke, cheerily. "It'sjlio
crust of a pio that is its genius,
and I'm going to turn out a slab
of pastiy that will bo a monu
ment to tho artist
itig this job. Gimme
water, wiiilo I feel
wno is weav-
tho Hour and
as ono upon
whom tho spirit of a
Mrs. Spoopondyke brought out tho
matorial and onco moro resum
ed tho relation as a pupil to tho ex
ercises. "Anything else, dear?" sho ask
ed, as Mr. Spoopcndyko wot down
his Hour and jammed his fists in tho
"Nothing but profound silence" ;e-
torted hor nusband. "Tho chief trou
ble with tho crust to your pio Is that
you allow your attention to bo dis
tracted from it at the critical moment.
I, on tho contrary, will stop boxlug
this overcoat for that mince meat just
at the second it reaches flaklness," and
ho slammed in moro Hour and plunged
again into his ambitious effort in the
wayofcruHt. "Thero!" said ho when
ho had fought it to tho consistency of
sand and mucilage and rolled it out
into two thick chuuks. "There is tho
triumph of pio over puttcrlngl Lead
out tho pan whom tho cods would
honor, nnd let's seo how this combina
tion of hereditary intelligence nnd ac
quired brains "will go when it's
Mrs. Spoopondyke handed him n plo
pan into which he dropped his bottom
crust, nnd then poured in tho minco
"Got to lift your teeth pretty high
to got around somo of tho meat," ho
observed, as ho tried to poko tho
lumps into position with n slick.
"I'm not sure whether mothor used to
grato tho meat or crack it with a ham
mer, but it don't mako so much dif
ference. It's tho crust that talks,
when you come to conversation on pio.
Now, you do this," nnd ho marked'
out a sprig on tho top crust with his
thumb: "and when you got it on, thus,
you pinch it around tho edges, so.
beef My mother used to liavo an old
wheel out of n woodon clock, nnd sho
printed landscapes in holes all ovor
tho pio. But that isn't necessary. It
adds luster, but no dignity, to tho per
formance. .Now, wo put it in tuo
ovon, this -wise, and in a short thuowo
will have accomplished results in tho
immediate lino of pie."
"It is really wonderful how wollyou
remember how your mothor mado
them," smiled Mrs. Spoopondyke.
"You won't fcol badly because it
beats yours?" said Mr. Spoonoudyko,
kindly. "You won't cry?" and ho
chucked her under tho chin, nnd
opened tho stove door cautiously to soo
how a Hairs were progressing.
"I'll try not to," replied Mrs.
SpDopendykc, casting her oyos down,
aud suppressing something that sound
ed like a sob.
"Let's seo. You stick in a broom
splint, don't you, when you want to
know if tho pio Is done? Where's
your broom? Show mo tho happy
broom that is to bo immortalized by
testing tliis grand apotheosis of pio!"
Mrs. Spoopcndyko produced tho
broom, and tho husband, carefully se
lecting ono of tho splints, jabbod r.way
at tho upper crust.
"It won't go in," ho remarked, rath
er dolefully, selecting another with
similar results. "Tho trouble is with
tho broom. Haven't you got a broom
that knows something about its busi
ness or is tills ono of those pious
brooms thnt won't work ouSundavsP"
and ho broke up sevoral moro splints
in a vain endeavor to penetrato tho
"Hadn't you bettor try tho hnndlo,
dear?" suggested Mrs. Spoopondyke.
"No, I hadn't hotter try tho handle,
dear!" mimicked Mr. S'poopondyko.
"Como out hero, and lot's seo what's
the occasion of this uncalled for resist
ance!" and Mr. Spoopondyke hauled
his pin out of the oven and tired it
down on the table. "Got an idoa that
vou'ro going to bo nssassinntod with a
broom splint, haven't ye? Think
you're a sort of a bulwark of Ameri
can liberties nnd bound to resont for
eign intervention, don't yo? Well,
you ain't; you're only a measly pie,
and you're going to liavo something
Btuck in ye, if it takes a cold chisel
and a cannon!" and Mr. Spoodendyko
stnbbcd at it with a fork, and then
with a ckopping-knlfe, without pro
ducing tho fniutest impression.
"You're up In pie, what d'yo supposo
is tho matter with the thing?'1 ho
asked, turning on his wifo.
"If J'd been your mother, I should
havo put somo lard in tho crust," re
turned Mrs. Spoopcndykc, compla
cently. "I don't know how you're going to
get lard in a crust thnt you can't peno
with a lieyonet!" retorted Mr. Spoo
pendyko, upon whom it bocan to dawn
that there was a hitch somewhere.
"I've almost forgotten how mother
did try pies to see if thoy wore done."
"Did she over try a club?" inquired
Mrs. Spoopendyke, timidly.
"No, she didn't try a club!" roarod
Mr. Spoopcndykc. Come thither, my
gentle pio!" ho howled, planting his
list in the middlo of tiie apparatus.
"Listen to tho voice of the siren in
quiringly within! and ho dropped it on
the Hour, nnd plauted his heel upon it.
"Front door closed for repairs; on
trancn at tho back!" aud ho kicked the
whole business to tho ceiling.
"Your mother must havo been very
vigorous for her age," observed Mrs.
"I'ts thoso gasted lumps of meat,"
snarled Mr. Spoopendyke picking up
his pie, nnd examining its knobs nnd
bumps attentively. "I thought they'd
melt when subjected to intense heat.
Anyway, tho insido of that pio is all
right, if l could only got tho lid oil.
Got anything I can get under tho
edgo and lift the roof oil this business?
Gimme that can opener! Givo way,
now! Whoop! Onco moro! Ki yah! All
together, now! Whc-o-e! There sho
comes!" And tho crush gnvo way re
vealing chunks of boot nnd applo'pnr.
ings, huif-eookcd.and still steaming.
"I supposo your mother put in tho
spicoi und cider after tho hired man
had wrenched the pio open," remarked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, solemnly.
"You do, do ye?" squealed Mr.
Spoopendyke, squtting down and
resting his hands on his knees, while
ho grinned in his wife's face. "That
lump of quicksilver you call your
mind, has got around to whero it
transacts the supposing business, has
it? P'raps you don't like the pie! I
s'po3o you've got somo fashionnblo no
tion that you don't care to associate
with this pie! Well, you needn't. I
don't force unpleasant acquaintances
on my wifo. I believe in making homo
a paradise, 1 do! Go forth, pio!" und
ho shied it through tho window, glass,
sash, and all. "That suit you?" ho
yelled. "Hoes your moral nature fool
relioved by tho absonco of tho pio vou
navo been instrumental in castfnar,
upon tho chilled charities of an uu
"l guess mat pio can tauo euro or
ilsolf." suggested Mrs. Spoopondyke,
soothingly. "Tho next time I mako
one, I'll try and havo it just as your
mother used to."
"You'll fetch It!" roarod Mr.
Spoopendyke, stamping up and down
tho kitchen nnd slapping the Hour off
his coat. "You never hud any trouble
with things, ntter I had shown you
how! Somo day I'll pour lard in your
car. and spico in your eye, aud leave
vou in tho oven to rolled en how voa'd
like to bo cut off from intellectual so
cial intercourse, just becaustj yott aln
half baked 1" nnd Mr. Spoopondykt
slammed tho door after him, ani
mounted tho staircase with hcavj
I don't care," murmured Mrs
Spoopondvke, ns sho swopt up tho tic
bris, "I don't caro. If that is tki
way his mothor mado pio, I don't
wonder It left a Btrong Impression oe
And with this charitable vlow oi
tho situation, Mrs. Spoopondyke sal
down to tho consideration of whothct
sho'd bottor mako a falso train foi
her now blnoksllk. -Drake' Traveler
In Yields Floral Magazine wo road
of a flower which crcutos laughter. It
grows in Ainbia; tho tlowors nro of a
bright yellow and tho sood resembles
small black beans, Thoso nro dried
by tho natives and pulvorizod. and it
is said that small doses mako a person
bohavo like a circus olown or n mad
man, for ho will dnuco, sing and laugh
most boistorously, nnd carry on in a
ridiculous way for about an hour. Tho
stago of excitement Ib followed by ex
haustion nnd sleop.
This reminds us ot an oxoorimont
wo mado many years ago. "Wo had
soon Prof. Jnmes 11. lSuchnnnn ex
perimenting with ptilvorizcd herbs by
placing tliom in the pnlms of tho
hands of a class of medical students.
While they snt in n sort of oxpoctant
mood, waiting for somothing to turn
up and holding various powdorcd
herbs in closed lists, evory now and
then some ono of thorn would tell of
tho symptoms which woro boing pro
duced upon him. It was to us then a
now and surprising rovolation that
medicine could thus not withoutbeing
taken into tho stomach, and wo aro
not yet fully satisfied ns to tho way
thoy do net under such circumstances.
But having seen Prof. Buchanan's ox
experiments wo wero lod to try it our
selves on n couple of boys about sev
enteen your of ago. Powdorod Can
nabis liidica from tho snmo plant
which gives hasheesh, u nurcotio usod
by tho natives of India, was placed in
ono hand of each of tho boys, whilo
thoy sat quiotly waiting to seo what
would turnup. One of thorn soon com
menced to titter and thou to laugh
boistorously, and soon ho became so
hilarious with excitomont that wo
thought best to tnko tho drug away
from him. Ho soon sobered down.
During tho period of excitement wo
tried to get him to say why ho was
carrying on in such a way, but ho was
utterly utiublo to givo any explanation
for it othor than lie felt that way.
Tho other boy quiotly nodded off to
sleep in his chair.
This experiment illustrates two im
portant things; first, thnt medicino
can exert nn action in this curious
manner, and second, that a medicino
will act differently on dilleront per
sons, according to temporament or
indjosyncraoy, or suscoptibllity, what
ever you choose to call it. Further
more, it may bo remarked that both
tho exhilera'ting and tho stupifymg re
sults obsorvcif In theso coses aro
known to bo tho effects of hasheos
upon tho human system when taken
The description of tho "laughing
plant" given by Tick does not corre
spond with tho botanical description
of tho Cannabis Indica plant, though
there urc somo similarities, but in ef
fects they aro evidently qulto nliko.
FihIi and Fishermen.
Trout nro caught in tho Truckeo
Rivor, Nov., so easily that auy one
with n bit of crooked wiro tied to a
stick cau got a basketful.
Winter fishing in Luko Manitoba
has becomo quito an industry, several
hundred persons boing engaged in it.
Tho fish is sold on tho ico at a cent
nnd n quarter a pound, or threo cents
delivered at tho railway.
In Lord Mansfield's hshing grounds,
near Saono Pulaco on tho Tuy, n sal
mon weighing oighty pounds was re
cently taken. It wn's returned to its
clomont. Tho heaviest Tuy fish on
record weighed sovonty pounds.
In 1872 1,000 markcd'sulmon wore
turned into tho Wosor, but not until
recently was tho first capturo reported.
Tho tish was taken near tho place
whero it was put into the water. It
woighed thirty pouuds, and its marks
showed that it was thirteen years old
A raco between a trout and a water
snako was recently witnessed noar
Oswego, N. Y. Tho fish was on its
spawning ground, and kept swimming
about in a circle, a little in advance
of its pursuer. Tho snako finally
caught the fish by tho tail, but tho
trout had tiio use of its fins, and kept
its body well ahead of tho snake. Tho
snako thon backed up towurd shore,
and with ono final cllort drew the fish
nut of tho water and swallowed it.
Wilkin's Star Proverbs.
Give tho devil his du-do.
Many a many is a fool for revenuo
Sunbeams support tho floor of
Tho waste baskol is mightier than
Silence is tho gold plating for a
Tho drunkard's thread of lifo is
wound on reel.
When hope dies tho devil adds an
other sculp to his belt.
Splitting heirs is
Solomon attempted it.
And he said: "Let
thero bo olito,"
nnd tho 'first family"
IIopo builds a nest in a roan's hoart
whero disappointuiunt- hatches its
A littlo learning in a fool, liko
scanty powder in a largo gun, will
sometimes mako considerable noise.
Not So Sensible.
"Father," oxcluimod voting Jenkins,
entering tho old geutiomau's ofOce,
"I have sold mv printing ollijo "
"Sit down, Tom. I am glud to seo
thnt you aro so sensible."
"Yes, father, 1 havo sold my office,
but I havo bought another ono."
"Get up! You h v- lost what littlo
i nave." Auaiuuic
OLD MITCHELL'S LAST VICTIMS.
The Dangers Th.it Environ lien Who Meddle
with n hwnmp Angel.
Ono of tho worst man In tho world,
so far as reputation goes, hold Martin
Mitchell, who lives in the swamp just
back of hero, wrilos a Blnokllsh, Ark.,
oorrcspodent to The New York. Sim, Ho
is a terror to tho hard men for liundrods
of miles nround, nnd vet personally ho is
ono of tho most nffnulo old follows that
ovor lived. Not ouo porson in n
thousand who tells with prodigious
adjectives nnd expletives of tho
"swamp nngol's" ioroelty ovor saw
him. His roputntatlon has grown by
dogroos, until tho old colored pooplo
havo como to look upon him ns in
partnership with Satau, nnd many n
black mothor and nurse scares hor lit
tle ones by tolling thorn that "dnt olo
tlobbll what swiims nroim' in do mash
es is nrtoryo!"
Now, tho fact Is that old man Mitch
ell, according to his own story nnd tho
common judgment of his fellow-men
in this vicinity, is n harmless aud law
abiding citizen. Ho has a hut of somo
kind in tho swamp, whore ho makes
his headquarters, but whou tho weath
er is good ho Is just as likely to camp
twenty or thitty miles away, whorovor
nightfall may find him, as ho is to bo
at home. Ho is a hunter and fisher,
and it is probably truo that If nobody
had ovor bothorcd him ho would not
havo hurt anybody. He has been in
tho swamp for thirty years or more,
killing a man now and thon, as oc
casion soomed to warrant, and making
no fuss about it. Heretofore, when
theso diflloultlos havo occurred, tho
old man has not thought it worth'
whilo to. como in nnd explain matters,
or oven pay much attention to his vic
tims. It no ono claimed thoni ho has
buried thorn iu tho bullrushos nnd
gono on about his business. Tho othor
day, howovor, ho found that ho had to
kill threo men iu a bunch, and as this
was somothing unusual, ho cauio to
Blneklish to apologize, nnd eventually
wont ovor to Memphis nnd communi
cated witli tho Bhoriff thoro on tho
point. This was tho first reul glimpso
of civilization that tho "swamp angel"
has hud in many year?, and ho enjoyed
Two men named Cummlngs and
Uryson, living at Memphis, came over
into tho swamps a short time ago fish
ing and hunting, and knowing old
Mitchell only by reputation thoy fired
several shots at him, onu of thorn in
dicting a painful wound. Tho old
man Iny low for a while, thon arming
himself ho got a canoe nnd mado pur
suit. Ho found tho trail n difficult one,
but boing thoroughly acquainted witli
every nook in tho great rivor, ho kuow
that unless thoy took to land ho would
eventually overtake thorn. Ho follow
ed thorn sovcnty-livo mllos docu
stream and thon lost then. Ho waitod
thero threo or four days without find
ing a trace of them, but at lougth ho
was informed that thoy had gono
north, nnd ho started nfte'r thorn. Dur
ing all tliis long chase lie' passod al
most his eutirn time in his dugout, and
only went ashore as ho found it
necessary in order to lay iu provis
ions. At length ho found thorn, near his
own swamp. Ho had gono ashore in
tho brush in order to ccok n littlo cof
fee, and, hearing voices, pcerod out
on tho river. Thero wns a boat, with
Cummlngs, Bryson, and an unknown
man in it. Seizing his rilles. the old
man made for a troo and ononcd fire.
tho men in tho boat standing up and
returning it with great spirit. At
Mitchelrs second shot Cummings
droppoi and fell into tho river. Ho
next brought down Bryson, who nlo
foil out of tho boat. Tho stranger
was thon left standing nlono. with a
revolver in each hand, with which ho
was making tho bark on the old man's
treo fly. Mitchell took careful aim
and fired, nnd tiio stranger dropped in
tho boat, which was drifting slowly
down strenin. Satisfying himself that
the job hud been well-done, tho old
man got into his ennoo and cauio up
to his hut, whero ho rested a day or
two, and then, with tho idoa of tolling
how it happened, ho cumo to town
In conversation Mitchell is vory
agreeable. He said to the sliorifi'liore:
"This here last little difficulty of mine
was on u bigger scale than anything
that I've ever boon iu before, aud
that's what troubled mo u littlo. You
see, I know a white man's rights ev
ery time, and I wouldn't botheryou at
all with this matter only I wanted tho
thing all straight. If it ain't all
straight just put your clamps on mo.
If it is I waut to bo getting back to
business. I've had shooting before,
but only ono at a time, aud overyono
of them was of some cuss who want
ed to murder mo. I'm a harmless
man, and yet I never shoot without
hitting something. It's boon my luck
always to be ou the defensive. Every
man that I've been compelled to kill
has como at mo wronir, and I wouldn't
harm anybody If everybody would lot
mo alone. Tho reason that l'vo never
been in before is because vou wero
busy, und 1 know there w"'un't any
case iigatust me. If this lust thing is
ull right I'll get back to the swamp."
As no coimdaint has buoii filed, the
swamp angel is evidently to lio left un
disturbed by tho nuthorltos. Witli n
littlo better understanding between
him and tho follows that prowl around
his headquarters and take him for n
wild man thero might bo loss blood
shod. Lord Dudley's Heavy Bets.
Thoso sporting papers which havo
alluded to the sensational wages with
which tho luto Earl of Dudley usod
from time to time to astonish the rac
ing world have somehow omitted to
record the lust hot which ho over
made, ami which consisted in laying
10,000 to 1,000 on Petrarch, at As
cot, for the twenty-third Trionnial,
when Morning Star won. Into tho
circumstances of that momorablo rueo
wo have no wish to inquire. Lord
Dudley, it is woll known, rcfusod to
sottlo tho bet for somo weeks after
ward, and did not ougnsro in any sub
sequent turf transactions. Ho had
not, indeed, paid a visit to any race
courso of recent years, und hud long
since ceased to tnko any interest in the
"snort of kings." Hi's wagers, a9 a
rule, were very successful ones wero
chiefly negotiated on tho olnsslo races.
UohadU.000 to 2,000 about Koino
for tho Oaks of 1872, nnd in a lntor ,
year nottod an equally lnrgo amount
by tho successes of Mario Stownrt,
Apology and Spinawuy. With many
racing men tho story of his having
offered to hot 20,000 to 10,000' ou
MuOgregor for tho Derby ot 1870 la
vory fnmlllar. Tho lato Mr. J. B.
Morris wns tho bookmaker who on
that occasion dcellnod the sensational
wngor, only to boo Macgregor bonton
a qunrtor of an hour afterward. His
footings may bo imagined. Whitehall
Disposal of tho Dead.
"A stntomont mado by tho counsol
for tho Greenwood cemetery associa
tion at tho recent investigation into
tho management of tho cotuetory's af
fairs Is ono to mako pooplo think moro
of cremation than over before," said n
gontlomnn who was present at tho in
vestigation to a Mail ami Exprcm ro
portor. "This wns, that It was most
injudloious to allow relatives or frionds
to bo present when remains which had
long boon iu a grnvo woro tnkon out to
be transferred to somo othor place, bo
oauso tho collln was likely to navo be
come decayed aud tho remains had to
be takeu up with a shovel. Just think
of that! I actually hollo vo I'd rather
havo tho i. rn iden adopted iu pluco of
tho presonv. burial system, odd ns it
An officor of a cromatlon company,
when asked by a reporter for particu
lars regarding tho mode of disposing
of tho dead suggested by tho abovo
remark, said that from all observations
cremation is destined at no dlstnnt
day to suporsodo tho praotico ot grave
burials becauso it had nono of their
offensive features. "Ab how conduct
ed at Gotha. Milan, and othor points
of Europe," ho added, "cremation Is
not for a moment to bo confounded
with tho oflunstvo custom of burning
on tho opon pyre, ni practiced by tho
nncionts. It is effected in n super
heated air chamber, which allows no
contact of Hnmo or f uol with tho body,
whilo all tho gasos and vc.lntllo pro
ducts of combustion nro completely re
generated aud rondorod innocuous nnd
odorloss boforo boing liberated. Why,
nn approved modorn crematory might
bo erected in Madison square, and but
for transporting tho dead bodios
thithor, could not bo nn offonso to any
ono. Tho procoss Is accompanied with
no ropulslvo sight, sound, smell, noiso
"What is this procoss?" was nsked.
"Tho bodv. covered with a nail, is
placed on a catafalque in tho chapel
or reception hall, whenco it descends
noiselessly by menus of an olovator to
tho Incinerating chamber. This, by
means of superheated air, lias boon
raised to a whito boat at a Umipora
turo of about 2,000 dcirrcos fahrenhoit.
When oponed to receive tho body tho
in-rushing cold air cools this chamber
to a dollcato roso tint, nnd the body,
after remaining an fiottr In this bath of
rosy light, is complotoly decomposed.
Nothing remains but a few pouuds
(about 4 por cent of tho original
weight) of clean, pure, pearly ashes.
Theso aro then taken out and put in an
Urn of terra cotta, marblo. or othor
suilnblo matorial, and placed in a
nlcho of the columbarium or delivered
to the friends of tho deceased."
"What is tho usual cost of crema
tion?" "Tho cost of such a disposal of tho
human body, after It readies tho cre
matory, is from 810 to 25, according
to circumstances. To this may bo
ndded, if desired, $5 for an urn and
10 each for a nicho iu tho colum
barium, whore tho urn may bo kept,
with an inscribed tablet placed in tho
wall bolow tho nlcho commomorntivo
of tho deceased. Thus tho ontiro ox
ponso would not bo ovor 50. New
York Mail and Kxurcsn.
11 - limn ii -H f li-iw
Tho Publisher Crushed.
"I am, indeed, glad to hoar that you
aro prospering in journowspnperven
tureV said a gentlomau to tho editor.
"Thuuks," responded tho quill
"Yes, I am indcod, glad to hear that
vou aro doing so well. A man who
lias struggleiralong so bravely us you
have, deserves to bo successful. Close
application and porsUtunt work do
mnnds recognition. Seo how I lmvo
labored, long aud most industriously,
aud cau look bnok to the tlmo when a
dollar wttb as big us a curt wheel, but,
by preservanco and hard work, I havo
been enabled to oniut my wealth by
"Fortune has, indeed, favored you."
"It has for u fact, and the heroic ef
forts of every man should bo fully ap
preciated by those who have a sou)
within him, and is financially able to
"True, evory word of it," said tho
oditor, who was now assured that a
two dollar subscription wns almost
within his grasp, and another honored
name would find itself on tho "an
uoiutod list" of Ills subscribers. But
you kuow us publishers experience
great dilllculty in collecting our sub
scription money, wo are put off with
various excuses, and winr out our
sums in our frantic efforts to collect
what Is due us."
"What is ho subscription prico to
your paper?" uked tho gentleman as
ho put his hand in his pocket.
"Only two dollars," replied tho edi
tor. "Only two dollars a year, post
"Let mo seo," suid the gentleman,
"that's only Hvo cents a week, cheap
enough, lou may &eud it to mo for u
Tho editor smiled a beautiful smile,
which wus instantaneously trans
inogrllicd into u scowl that wasn cross
between tho laugh of a frightened
dude, and the biiarl of a subdued
nurion, when tho gentleman concluded
""Henrs live conts for tho next issue,
nnd you cuu send your boy to the house
evory Saturday and collect tho same
amount. I like to eucourago home
talout." PntztVs Weekly.
American earpjt-iunkers ure excelling their
Kug.Uh competitor iu srlUile achievements.
Aiuirlcau nrllmns aud ait.tU have so often
tboHu that tlict cau. If properly eu con Tuned,
come off triumphantly Iu auy Held of rivalry,
that It behooves American buyer to wholly
abandou their utipalural wora'ilp of Europ au
traie uurka. The Current.
FACT AND FAKCY.
A public safety commlttoo of onn
hundred has boon organized in How
Orleans to reform tho bad local gov
ernment. About fifty thousand peonlo visit
tho White mountains during' tho sum
mer nnd fall. The hotels can accom
modate about twolvo thousand souls
at ono time. Tho guests avorago a
stay of two weeks.
Tho will of a morohnntof Troy,
after boing boforo tho courts for sav
oral vears on tho suit of a Bister, has
finally boon established as valid. Tho
cost of tho coutpst has boon $.10,000
nearly hnlt of tho amount involved.
"What did vou mean by tolling that
infernal lle?"'"Whut Ho?" "You said
5 'ou wero with Grunt at tho battle of
hill Htm. Grant wns not at Bull Hun
at all." "Wasn't ho?" "No, ho
wasn't." "Woll, thou, thoro ain't no
lio out, for I wasn't thoro, olthor."
A man in n smoking car on a Dan
bury aud Norwulk railway train lean
ed ovor to n uitin who sat In front of
him and said: "Have you a match?"
"Yes but I havon't got any cigar,"
was the prompt reply. "Titen yott
can't want tho match, ' said tho man,
A young minister of Oglothorpo
county, Georgia, in ordor to ntiso
funds for his Sunday scnool, requests
tho scholars in the school to bring au
egg ovory Sunday, for which ho pays
them, and by rcsolllng tho eggs se
cures tho needed money to moot tho
expenses of tho school.
"I say, Longshot, vhoro's tho Irish
sottor you hunted with la9t Boason?"
"Oh, 1 had to shoot him. Good dog;
cost mo 985 wliea a pup." "What
was tho matter wjth him?" "Hydro
phobia; worst wny." "Sure?" "Yes,
howled nnd hnu fits ovory tinio a milk
wagon passed the house."
A houso nt Schenectady, N. Y., was
for a long timo infestod by roaches aud
water-bugs. Last fall a servant, hear
ing that toads woroan antidote, caught
threo ordinnrv hop toads and put
them in tho kitchen. Not a ronuh or
water-bug can now bo fouud in tho
house. Tho toads havo become domes
ticated, novor wandor about tho house,
and aro so cleanly and liioflonslvo that
thoro Is uo objection to tlioir prosonco.
A professional athloto prints Instruc
tions "how to walk up stairs without
getting tired." Pnh! Any fool can do
that if ho'll Only tako enough time.
What tho American pooplo want to
know Is how to walk up stairs at 2 a. tu.
in the dark without falling down twico,
wakinguptho wholohouso, and taking
ono oxtra stop after reaching tho top.
It's stopping up tho stop that Isn't
thero thnt shakes mnn's faith in tho
integrity of tho human organism.
"Lot us go back," said tho scientist,
beginning his lecture, "into tho dim
past of tho Tortlnry ages." And his
audience arose as ono man, and left
tho hall. Thoy didn't objeot to going
bnck to tho Tertiary ages particular
ly, but thoy didn't proposo to start
off ou such n reinoto oxcursion with
out feeling pretty certain that tho re
turn tickets wouldn't oxpiro boforo
tho homo trip was concluded. Any
body can go to tho Tertiary ages; it
doesn't require a 'scientist to tuko us
thore. Tho trouble is to gat back
Two Kansas City young ladies wore
lately mado acquainted with grief
tnrougn tuo instrumentality ot castor
beans. Two goutlomon wugorod that
they could eat moro of them than the
ladies, nnd swallowed two or throe;
tho girls ato a dozen or moro ouch. It
was rather dangerous" business. Tho
symptoms of poisoning wero painfully
severe, nnd lasted several hours, leav
ing tho patients greatly prostrated.
Hicinine, tho toxic prfncfplo of tho
bean, is an acrid poison. A number
of writers report deaths from eating
A Bridgeport druggist has discov
ered a compound which, whon applied
to a base-ball, render that object lum
inous. Ono of tho drawbacks of play
ing ba?o-ball nt night under tho elec
tric light Is tho inability to soo tho
bull when thrown or nnttcd into tho
air with tho black night background
of sky behind it. By saturating it with
tho new compound tho ball whilo in
motion is luminous. At rest it does
not givo out -auy light. Tho illumin
ating ball retains its meteoric irrita
tion for forty-live minutes. Two or
threo therefore, would bo required to
play a gamo of nino innings, and sov
oral could bo kept in picklo to that
A new summer "cottago" at Long
Branch shows to what extent of com
fort tho modorn resort has attained.
The interior oi tho cottago is finished
in natural woods, olivo, bainboo.chost
nut, cherry, ash, English oak, and
other woods richly curved by hand.
Thero ure no insido doors on tho lower
tidor, with tho execution of those
which cut off tho butler's pantry from
the hall nnd dining-room. Somo of
tho elegancies aro largo panels con
taining historical scenes in colored
sill; tapestry, a huge Moorish Hreplaco
surmounted with quaintly-designed
iron-work, stuiued-gluns wiudows, in
laid flooring, an electric-bell system
through the houso, and model plumb
ing. Tho library is fitted up in tho
Japanese style, and has a heavy blue
silk canopy colling, ou which dranous
nnd other fabulous reptiles disport
Tho a.sertiou is mado by tho Phila
delphia papers that fiction was re
sponsible for tho met that Odium
dropped from tho Brooklyn bridge.
Ouo of tho story papers published a
tale, in tho first chanter of which tho
heroine was do-cribed as attempting
suicide by falling from a considerable
hoight into the water below. Tho ro
mance was advertised throughout tho
country by means ot huge posters con
taining a big picture of tuo descend
ing girl. Thero soomed to bo somo
thing fascinnting in tho idea. Threo
suicides wero ropnrted from as many
parts of tho country in eloso imita
tion of tho imaginary ono. Odium
was thon in Philadelphia, whero a
girl undertook to realize tho romance;
and it was tho reading of hor case, it is
declared, that put tho project luto
lila liaml rt ra1ttlrifv tintni'iaK lii atinli
a leap as at length killed h.m.
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