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About Hemingford herald. (Hemingford, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1895-190? | View Entire Issue (Sept. 20, 1895)
OT? - V u SI l THK SO.3 OK Till: GUN. Tlio furnace was white, with steel alight, "When my new-born spit It came, la 11 inolton Hood of the war god's blood, la a passion of Arc mid flame. I looked o'er the deep from a lofty steep With a strong heart full of pride; Like n king alone on his stately throno "Whoso word no man denied. My thunder spoke from the battle smoke, When iho waves ran crimson red, And heroes died by iny Iron side, Till the foreign focman fled. Tho sentence of death was In my breath, And many n ship went down Oh, the gun Is lord of the feeble sword, And gi eater Is his renown.. Now the long grass hides my rusty sides. And round me the children play; But I dream by night of a last great tight, Ere tho trump of the Judgment Day. Kor men must fight In the cause of right, Till the tltno when war shall cease; And tho song of the gun will ne'er be done Till tho dawn of lasting peace. I THE PKOFESSOirs 1TKAKNKSS. J lamp" 1 1 "'" 1 fiT "Has the mall gone?'' asked the Hour Iland. It gavo a scarcely per ceptible jerk as it spoke. "Tho moll has gone," n.pllcd the Minute Iland, with some uccihlty. "And If you hadn't been so ucar asleep as doesn't matter, you'd know tho mall was gone. You'd know, too, that it was two minutes late starting. "Why on earth don't you look jibout you? Ton me word, you glvo mo tho fair humpl" Charing Cross station was, .by com parison with its recent stress and tur moil, deserted. A few people who wero still waiting under the clock for other pcoplo who had arranged to go with them to the play, but had mis taken the year, looked anxiously up at the .Mlnuto Hand aud said: "Bother!" and mentally gavo themselves Just tho five minutes more. Porters came back from tho platforms, furtively counting gains and mopping their foreheads with tho backs of their bauds. "Oh. two minutes late, was It?" said the Hour Hand slowly, "By gad!" said tho other, with af fected admiration, "you ran grasp an idea quickly when you like. How on earth do you manage It?" "It reminds mo'" went on the Hour Hand, placidly, "of one night " And told this tale. O i Young Mrs, Watcrhouso llnUhed tho writing of a dutiful letter to her moth er. The letter assured tho anxious old lady that the writer was quite happy; that there was really no necessity for wonv: and that mamma might make hoi Keif quite content at Biarritz. Geoffrey was tho best of husbands, and. although, of cour.se, much en gaged ot South Kensington with his f earl ully abstruse experiments aud his new book on steel libers, he was ex tremely attentive and kind. And she was, with much love, mamma's offee tlouato .daughter, Helen Watcrhouso. "Mamma won't believe It," said young Mrs. Wnterhouse, with a kind of comic despair. "She Is always wanting to know about tho skeleton. Thank goodness there Isn't one!" On the clean blotting paper thero was au Impress of some of her hus band') writing. A palette-shaped mir ror stood on tho table and, half un consciously, sho turned the pad to ward It. "Wonder to whom he has been writ ing?" It was quite easy to hop. Mrs. Wa terhousc glanced at It casually at first, then her face fiercely pink, with much attention. "I want you, my dearest, to behove that 1 am quite true to you. I am bound by certain ties to others, but to yon. my sweetheart, my own dearest Alicia-" "Alicia!" cried Mrs. Waterhouso jilmnl. as she panted aud sat back lu her chair. "Allclut Alicia who, I won der?" Sho knew his writing so well that the could scarce be deceived on that point. The whole thing In a moment was clear. Her dear mother, with a less cramped experience of the world, had been right after all. "There Is u. skeleton," said the trem bling Mrs. Wnterhouse. She tore up her letter to Biarritz Into many small pieces. As the Inst fragment went Into tho ferns In the fireplace she felt a kiss upon her neck. "Dou't do that, please," Bhe said. "Beg pardon," said her husband, "Did I frighten you?" He took off his hat and adjusted his piuceuez. His coolness almost took her breath awa. "I must say, Geoffrey," she declared, "that I can't help admiring your your cheek!" "Sly love 1 admire yours. I meant to have kissed It Just now." She took up a newspaper and. twist ing It violently In her excitement, made an endeavor to speak with calm ness. "I have been reading rather an In teresting fragment, Geoffrey. Shall I tell you what It was?" "Quote away." Mrs. Waterhousc recited from tho colgne of Mintage furnished by a rug the letter to Atlcla. The professor dropped his glasses aud locltd intensely disturbed. "Now, my dear love." "Oh, no!" Bald Mrs. Wnterhouse. "My dear Helen, then, will you al low mo to say" "I only want to know one thing. Did you write this ridiculous stuff, please?" Why, yes. I'm not going to deny that. Of course, it's only part of the letter to the girl, but If you like I can tell you what happens afterward." "I don't want to know. If this gets known, what will be thought of you? You will be tho laughing stock of your colleagues." "That's very true," acknowledged Prof. Wnterhouse, with concern; "that Is very true, and It must never bo known. I can't drop the nffnlf now, unfortunately, but you know" ho smiled at his wife a little anxiously "there's really no harm lu It, and I'm not tho only man who" "Itenlly?" In a tone of remote and frigid Interest. "I frankly admit, though, that I should bo very sorry for It to become known. Of course, It seems to you a very foolish thing to do." "By no menns." "Hut I really don't believe that I could have endured the strain of writ ing that now work of mine if, nt the samo time, I had not" "Let mo ask you one moro question, please. I understand, Geoffrey, thnt you aro sorry now that you over lent yourself to bucIi n such a despicable business." "Thaffl not quite the point, my deaf." Ho was recovering now his usual composure. "That's not whnt Pin sorry for. I'm sorry to bo found out. I wanted to keep It quiet. But there's no earthly reasou why anybody but oui-scIvch should know. After all, overy man has his hobby." "Geoffrey, I won't listen to you!" "Well, my dear, I can't force you to, can I? I bellevo if you would only let me tell you tho whole affair from beginning to cud, you wouldn't bo so much annoyed about It. It really Isn't so bad ns you think. Alicia's a most delightful girl, and It has been a re creation for me. you know. And 1 have been slogging away so of late, and-" Tho door slammed. Mis. Watcr houso went upstnirs to her room, and hurriedly, very hurriedly, packed up a portmanteau. Thero was time to catch tho mall at Charing Cross, and she meant to catch It. The great thing was to get away to Biarritz, away from the stifling atmosphere of this house, away from Loudon. Sho rang for her maid. "Parker." "Yes, ma'am." "The mall goes at 8 from Charing Cross, I think?" "It used to go at 8. mii'nni," said Parker, cautiously. "When wo went nwny, If you remember" "Yes, yes, of course. I want you to pack n bag for yourself, and wo will catch tho mall to-night." "Catch the mall, ma'am, to-night?" "Yes, yes. Lose no time, and send out for a cab." "Well, I never," murmured Parker. Mrs. Watcrhouso had some Intention of having one fine, big, square scene with her husband before sho left, but thero was little time to spare. More over, It occurred to her that she could bo quite as bitter In a well-composed letter, to be dispatched from Biarritz as In a hasty Interview. "Come along, Parker," sho called. "It's all very well to say, 'come nlong,' " muttered Parker, discontent edly, "but this Is a rum sort of a game, and I don't half cotton to it." "We've got twenty minutes. Tell the man to drive carefully, but to drive very fast." Tho most galling thing about tho whole deplorable affair was the ccr- 1 tainty that her mother would meet her nt the statlou with an "I told yon so, my poor lamb," expression. Still thero was no one else to whom she could go, ut any rate she could always control mamma. She always had done ho. Charing Cross. "Tho mall, lady," said tho porter civilly. "The mnil goes ot eight fif teen. It's later'n It used to be." "Parker, will you get some papers? Get one or two for yourself, you know." Parker, still rather Inclined to be cross, went to the book stall. It half restored tho excellent maid to compla cent submission to what she termed all this romping about, to find the new number of tho Lady's Own Chatter box on sale, It was her own particu lar favorite journal. "We'll get In now, Parker," said Mrs. Wnterhouse. There twenty minutes to wait, but wo may as well take our seats. Seconds, please, por ter." They found comfortable corner seats. For a while they watched tho stout, perspiring ladles and slim daughters and tho pet dogs. The us ually demure Parker sniggered so much when she saw the Freuehmah kiss each other that she dropped the Lady's Own Chatterbox. Mrs. Water housc took It up aud held It In her hand, "Professor Is not coining, ma'am, I suppose?" asked Parker, respectfully. "No, Pnrkor; he Is not coming." "Reminds me," said Parker, cough ing slightly, and pulling on her loose, black cotton gloves; "reminds me of the time when wo all went out to Ituly, when you was marlred, ma'am. I shall never for get that time. There was me and you and the professor"' Mrs. Waterhouse gave scream. a .little. "Please don't speak to me for a lit tle while, Parker. I I want to rend." She began, now that the first heat was over, to wonder what her future life would be like. She was a dutiful daughter, but life with mamma at Biarritz (mamma especially strong In regard to Inconvenient reminiscences, mamma with a predilection In regard to the table In favor of everything be ing boiled), did not seem to her to be the cheeriest possible existence. She looked at the tiny gold watch on her wrist, but could not sec the time until she hnd patted each eye with her handkerchief. Parker, bolt upright In her corner, after the fnanner of Mrs. Willis, gave a sympathetic Bnlff. Eight teu. Doors were being closed, second einsB iviijeoeers were rushing on. cry ing, "Get In anywhere!" It Is never yoor Uist-cinss passengers who cry "Get In anywhere!" "I must read," whispered young Mrs. Wlnterhouse to herself. "I must do something to keep myself from thinking. I shall faint If I don't di vert my thoughts." The "Lady's Own Chatterbox" lay on her lap. She put one small foot against the scat opposite and leaned forward to get the steady glare of the electric light on the page. "Any more going on?" cried the Jn- epector on the platform, aggressively. I "We eormeuce this week a Btory j by a new writer, Walter House, entlt- led 'Alicia's Only Lovc. It will bo found replcto with romantic Interest, and, In short, a wonderful picture of high-class life of tho present day, with all Its faults aud foibles." "Now, then," cried the Inspector on the platform In an nggrlcvcd tone to a belated passenger, "are you going on there, or are you not going?" Mrs. Waterhousc began to read. Chapter I. was headed the Countess. "Alicia was half-leaning, half re clining on an ottomon, reading a deli cately scented letter from Sir Harold Do Beer. It opened thus: 'I want you, my dearest, to believe that I am qulto true to you. I am bound by certain tics to others, but to you, iny sweet heart, my own dearest Alicia " "Parker!" screamed Mrs. Water house, with n gasp of delight. "Come out quickly!" "Bight away!" shouted tho Inspec tor. "Stand away there, please!" ' "Here, stop!" cried Mrs. Water house. Sho caught up her skirts aud Jump ed nimbly out. An active porter seiz ed tho bags, and as the train was moving, caught the descending Park er neatly and swung her round upon her feet. " 'Ow's that' umpire?" asked tho porter. "0-u-t, out," said the inspector. He. turned his hnud-lamp to Mrs. Water house. "Hope you're all right, ma'am." "Thank you, yes," sold Mrs. Wnter house, breathlessly, "I'm all right now." Tho Hour Haud Interested In his story had not noticed the close ap proach of tho other. Down below, the porters, armed .with giant brooms, wero sweeping tho dirt off tho plat form onto the waiting passengers. The book stores were closing and the boys were having n furtive game of snowball with tho rolled up discarded placards of tho evening papers. "Tho professor Is still writing nnoiiymously for the 'Lady's Chatter box," remarked the Hour Iland, "and Tils wife doesn't mind" "1 wish you'd mind," said the Min ute Hand, will) some bitterness. It was seventeen minutes to nine. "When you've finished your chow chow, perhaps you will kindly allow mo to pass." Pall Mall Budget. HONOR AMONG GAMINS. ToucliliiMT Story Hrlnted of. tho Hoot. IiIucIcm of GIiimkott. A few weeks ago a gentleman, go ing through a crowded part of tho city of Glasgow, Scotland, noticed a pale-faced Httlo bootblack waiting for hire. Touched with the delicate look of tho child, ho thought he would give him the blacking of his boots to do. Accordingly, ho gave the little fellow tho signal. Tho boy at once crept lamely toward the gentleman, and, as he pulled himself along, was nimbly supplanted by another little boot black, who was immediately nt tho gentleman's feet and ready to begin. "What Is this for?" asked the gen tleman of the Intruder, somewhat an grily. "It's a rlcht," said tho newcomer, brightly "Jamie's list a wee while oot o' the hospital, and the rest o ns take turn nboot o' brushln' for him." Jamie smiled pleasantly by way of assuring the gentleman that his com- 1 rudo's story was true. I Tho gentleman was so gratified by this act of brotherly kindness that he gave Jamie's friend a whole shilling for his work, telling him to give slx- 1 pence to Jamie and keep the other ' sixpence himself. 1 "Na, na, sir," quickly replied this little hero, giving the shilling to Ja mie and hurrying from the spot na, na, sir; nnnc o' us over take ony o' Jamie's siller." Children's Kecord. I.n.vliiK' nn Army Telephone. An interesting experiment of install ing a telephono by trotting cavalry was recently successfully undertaken by some Prussian I'hlans between Berlin and Potsdam. Two sets of one officer and two non-commissioned otll cers proceeded In the early morning respectively from Berlin and Tots da in. Kach set was equipped with a complete telephone apparatus which one of the men carried in a leather mse on his chest, besides the requis ite quantity of thin wire. The end of the wire was connected with the re- I speetlve towns' telephone stntlou, nud I tho wire was, by means of a fork fixed at the end of the lance, thrown over the tops of the trees along the road. As each kilometer of wire was thus suspended a halt was made, aud it was ascertained whether there was connection with the station. A new kilometer of wire was then connected with the former, and on went the men. The two sets met at Teltow. Tho wires. liavliiK been respectively tested I with their respective stations, were connected, and telephone connection between Berlin and Potsdam was es tablished. The distance is about twen ty miles, and the whole thing was done In nbout four hours. Scientific American, Cannibal Cranocn. One of the tales dug up ont of the misty past Is that given by the York (Me.) Courant of the wreck of the Not tingham galley on Boon Island. This vessel, which was bound to Boston from Loudon, was driven on the Island In a terrible gale on the night of Dec. 11, 1710. The weather was bo dread ful that some of tho sufferers Boon died. There was nothing to eat but shreds of raw htde, roekweed and a few mussels. After a few days two of the men attempted to get to York on a raft, but were drowned. At last the hunger of the survivors became so raging that they nto some of the flesh of their dead comrades, nud, having no Are, muBt, perforce, swallow this raw. Immediately their dispositions, which had been kind and helpful, seemed to undergo a total change. In stead of praying, they began to swear, and quarrels commenced. At last, after twenty-three days of this horri ble life, they were rescued, being then mere skeletons and unable to walk. A lighthouse was erected on this isl and In 181L BICYCLE MANNERS. I'OI.ITD ARTS OF Tlltt ROAD FUa FAIR WHKttl.KRS. Fnftlilonnlile Glrl'n I.ntnent YVIint Yon Should nml Should Not Do AVhlle l'eilnlliiK In the l'nrk or In the Country. Youug Indies of the fashionable world, and for thnt matter, the older ones, too, who have become slaves of the wheel, have recently been discus sing the urgent -need of a recognized formula of bicycle etiquette. As far as swelldom is concerned, tho sport Is In Its infancy; everything Is 'crude and unconventional to the delieatelv-nurturod social eve. and the I young huds of the ballroom are all al , P' One AilrnntnKe ot llloomera. sea when they Hud themelves out on tho road spinning along on the demo cratic "bike." It may not be long be fore regular professors of bicycle de portment will be making the rounds of tho homes of the rich, Instructing the maids and matrons In the etiquette of tho wheel, just ns the little boys and girls are uow being tnught the polite arts of the ball room. But at tho moment everything Is chaotic In this most Important field of tho fashionable woman. She uses her good common sense and her Innate gentility is a sufllclcnt guide to meet correctly the ordinary happenings of life n-wheel, but bicycling Is no or dinary sport and happenings of an ex traordinary kind continually occur. The laws of conventional life cannot apply to these unforseen events, and tho well-bred woman who Insists upon being conventional, and at the same time 11 bicyclist, does not know quite where she Is at. Tho instructors in the big academies where women are taught to ride the bicycle aro taking cognizance of tho peculiar state of affairs, aud instil in the minds of their pupils a few of the primary laws of wheel etiquette, while their bodies are being educated In the mysteries of the "bike." Here are some of the etiquette rules which a fashionable girl said she re ceived from the woman Instructor of tho academy where she rides. She ac knowledged that she may have for got ten some of them. Just as she for gets the vital point lu the art of dls mounting and frequently comes a nasty cropper in consequence. The first one was, never criticise a fellow bicyclist, particularly If she Is a woman aud inclined to stoutness. The moral of this Is that lu a few years 1 you may be stout yourseir, and a bicycle rider for the sole purpose of reducing weight. Another Is, when you are riding In the park or on the road and a cranky horse which comes along which rears and plunges at sight of your bicycle, always dismount without delay and turn your wheel flat on the ground. Serious runaway accidents can some times bo averted by a little courtesy of this kind. It only takes a minute or two of time, aud as all women bicyc lists rido for pleasure, that much lost time is of little consequence to them. Always keep to the light lu riding. You may bo called names If you forget this rule on a crowded rood, lu pass ing a vchlelo or wheel going In the ers. Itomenibor that accidents happen to the best bicyclists Just as they do lu the best regulated families. If any thing goeH wrong with a man or wom an wheeler.render any assistance you cau. No man will take advantage of such tu'jstauce to thrust his acquain tance upon you at a future time. He would nin the risk of ostracism by fel low bicyclists who, perhaps have sis ters, wives or sweethearts devoted to the sport. If you are unfortunate enough to have any accident happen to your wheel, do uoi hesitate to accept the proffered assistance of the first wheel man who conies along. If he Is of the right kind, as he probably will be, he will set your wheel right and then pur- " .' - o tl t- tehi l GiSf -5 Aid for the Injured. sue his Journey. Should he ever pass you ogaiu he will gbre no sign that ho bad ever met you before. Don't be afraid to mention the word bloomers In the pretence of a man. If he be versed in bike manners, as nil true wheelers should be, he will regard the word purely ns one for or dinary conversation as It surely Is, In bicycle talk. " BUl l"B "r.Ub.. ,".," ."T. .C? " ?,"" SI,? TSoSSS r She din cct regard the garments favorably S samo direction, It Is usually safest to , , tl)e , ,C8 turogUout the licet go by them on the left. 1 h0UIMn,w merrily the "officers' Try to foster the feeling of bro her- d .,,K.tIoIIt.. Columns of dense hood mid sisterhood among all wheel- 1 . ,n .. .... shootilli: onward from when she first took to bicycling, but thinks differently now. The way of her conversation happened In the fol lowing mnnner, as told by herself: "I was riding on the boulevard one morning when something happened to my wheel. I dou't know what the na ture of It was. but the wheel wouldn't work. I got off and waited for some time, hoping that someone would come nlong to fix It. But there were only some women wheelers out besides ped estrians, and iliey didn't know any more than I did. "At last 1 decided on heroic meas ures, and began to push my wheel to ward home, two miles distant. I must have walked a mile In this uncom fortable manner when a wheelman came along. Ho dismounted and ask ed me what the matter was. I told him I didn't know. Then he took hold of my bike, turned It Upside down nud. putting It between his legs gave It a good shaking. Then to my surprise it worked all right. ' 'Why didn't you do that?' he asked. "Before 1 knew what I was saying I replied: " 'Because I couldn't. I don't wear bloomers," "But 1 wear them now" sho oulto . unnecessarily ndded, the fact fxlng easily appaient. Coming back to the question of bike manners, the other laws laid down are these: Don't ride on a bicycle built for two, as It nttracts attention and comments I from passcrsby, which may not be pleasant. Avoid in every possible way anything that will distinguish you in a marked way from the grand army of wheelers. Some men in riding out with women are inclined to help the latter when a hill Is reached by placing one hand on the girl's shoulder and pushing her nlong. Hiding a bicycle up an ordin ary hill Is too easy for the average wheeler to need aid. If the hill is very steep dismount and push your wheel to the top. Tlrm't nllnw nwn vnimir ninn. nni nil either side to speed you by catching J hold of your handles and pulling you along. It's dangerous, and may result In a bad accident. Then, again, it does not look well, and attracts attention. If one fears the attention of pedes trians, wears a veil, not thick, enough affect the vision. It will protect the face from dust, and thoroughly con ceal identity. Don't try to ride rapidly. Fast rid ers meet with accidents sooner or lat er, and a woman In n snmshup does not nppear to advantage. It's bad bike form, too. For tho same reason, be careful about coasting, and always be certain in advance that the brake Is In good working order. ' Always respect the feelings of ped estrians and be careful of their safety. In streets frequently ciosscd, ride as e.2 c2v . . 1 -. UI 1. "Turn lour ll!ejolr Ilimn." slowly sis possible. Kindly considera tion of the pedestrians will beget the 1 same for the wheeler. , Thus it can lie seen that the true woman wheeler has more to learn In bicycling than Use mere pushing of pedals. COIMi INTO ACTION. Sccni-M on llir I'liliirne I'tert Jut Iteforc- tht' V11I11 I'lulit. The Chen Yuen's forenoon loiitluc, drills and exenite had been carried out, aud the cooks were preparing the midday meal, when tho smoke from the enemy's ships was sighted by the lookout man at the masthead. They weie made out almost simultaneously from several vessels, and before even a signal could be made from the flag our funnels told that In the depths of I each vessel stokers were spreading 1 fires, and, using forced draft with 1 closed stoke holes, were storing up , energy In the boilers, that breath 1 might not fall when most needed In ' the coming tight. These black plllais of smoke must have signalled our . presence to the enemy, for their ' "smokes" now luci eased In volume and height, showing that they had also put on forced draft, and, like ourselves, wore preparing for the con test. ' For weeks we hod anticipated an engagement, and had had dally exer cise ut general quarters, etc., -aud lit- ' tie remained to be done. There were woful defects lu our ammunition sup plies, s will be seeu; but had we . kept the seas for a year longer before lighting, there would nave ueen no Improvement lu that respect, aluce ! the 1 actloi esponslblllty ror tne defect my leutslu. So the fleet went iuto lion aB well prepared as It was hu. manly possible for It to be with the same officers aud men, handicapped us they were by official corruption and treachery ushore. lu far less time than It takes to read these lines signals hud been made from the Ting Yuen to "weigh Immediately," 1 ud never were cables shortened in and anchors weighed more speedily. The old Choa Yung and Yang Wcl, being always longer In weighing anchor, were left astern, and, afterward, pushing on to gain station, probably gave the fleet a seeming wedge-shaped formation for a short time, thereby giving rise to the report, widely circulated, that we used that formation In advancing to the attack. Our actual formation, which has Justly been criticised, was an Indented or zig-zag line, the two Irou-clads In the center. As the fleets nenred each other, officers and men strained their eyes toward the mag nificent fleet of their country's hered Itnrr foe. and. on all sides, there were animation and connuence. Commander McGlffln, of the Chen ! Yuen, In the ceutury. -MOrWr Gilbert Parker recently encountered a Canadian bishop whom he had known lu bis boyhood. The bishop pompously inquired: "Ah, Gilbert! and arc you still writing your ah lit tle books?" Mr. Parker promptly an swered: "Yes, bishop. And are joii still preaching your nh little ser mons?" Dean Hole tells of an old-fashioned cathedral verger, "lord of the aisles." who, one noon, found a pious visitor on his knees in the sacred building. Tho verger hastened up to him and said, In a tone of indignant excite ment;"The services nt this cathedral aie at 10 In the morning and at 4 in the afternoon, and we don't have any fancy prayers." Tho late Sir John A. Macdonald was once at a. reception, and a bishop from Belgium amis present. As the party were being escorted by a body of men in Highland costume, the foreign bish op, seeing the bare legs and kilts, asked why these men were without trouseis. "It's Just a local custom," gravely replied Sir John; "In some places people take off their hats as a mark of honor to distinguished guests; here they take off their trousers."' At one time the Duke of Welling ton's extreme popularity was rather embarrassing. For Instance, on leav ing home each day, he was always Intercepted by an affectionate mob, who Insisted on hoisting htm 011 their shoulders and iiBklng where they should carry him. It was not always convenient for him to say where he was going, so he used to say, "Carry mo home; carry me hone;" and so he used to be brought home half a dozen times a day a few minutes after leav ing his own door. Siianno Lazier was a good actress, but extremely stout. She was one night enacting a part lu a melodrama with Tnlllnde, the original Pierre of "The Two Orphans," and this actor had at one moment to carry her faint ing off the stage. He tried with all lijs might to lift the "fleshy" heroine, but, although she helped her Httlo comrade by standing on tiptoe, In the usual manner, he was unable to move her an inch. At this Juncture one of the deities cried from tho gallery: "Take what you can ai.d come back for flu; rest." The lectures of a certain Oxford tutor were once reported to be "cut and dried." "Yes 'said Prof. II. J. Smith, tho witty mathematician, "dried by the tutor and cut by the men." A dispute aroso at an Oxford dinner tabh as to the comparative pres tige of bishops and Judges. The argu ment, as might bo expected at a party of laymen, went in favor of the latter. "No," said Henry Smith, "for a Judge can only say. 'Hang you. but a bishop cau say i-i a on." Speaking of an eminent sclent lil man, to whom ho gave considerable praise, he said: "Vet he soiiieiiiucs forgets that ln Is only the editor, and not the author tiff Nntiiie." Bishop Sinqwou preached soineyeais ago in 1)10 .Memorial hall, London. For half au hour he spoke quietly, without gesticulation or uplifting of his voice; then, picturing the Son of God bearing our sins in his own body on the tree, he stooped, its If laden with au im measurable burden and, rising to Ids full height, he seemed to throw It from him, crying: "How far? As far as the cast Is from the west, so far hath ho removed our transgressions from us." The whole assembly, as If moved by an Irresistible impulse, rose, remained standing for a second or two, then sank back Into their seats. A profess or of elocution was there. A friend who observed him and knew that ho had come to criticise, asked him, when the service was oer: "Well, what do you think ot the doctor's elocution?" "Elocution?" said he; "that man doesu want elocution; he's got tho Holy Ghost!"' The Scotch Aid bishop Foreman Mil the sl.MieiiMi century) was so poor a Latin scholar that, when lie was obliged to visit Koine, lie iounu great ditliciilty In confouulug to some of the customs of the pope's table, to which ho was Invited. Etiquette required that the. Scotch bishop should take part in uttering a Latin benediction owr the repast, and the Illiterate guest had carefully committed to memory what ho believed to be the orthodox form of words. He began with his "Benedlcito," expecting the cardinals to respond with "Domluus," but they replying "Dcus" (Italian fashion) so confused the good bishop that he for gol his carefully-conned phrases, and, "hi good, broad Scotch," said: "To tho deH I give you all, false cardinals," to which devout aspiration pope aud cardinals (who understood only their own language) piously replied, "Amen." Mis. B Is one of those good-natured women who are always wanting to make other people comfortable. She happened to be In the railway sta tion the other day, says the Washing ton Post, when n man she knew came lu. He said he was going to Pitts burg. Mrs. B , whose husband Is a director of the rood, knew the conduct or of the Pittsburg train, who passed through the waiting room just then. Mrs. B called to him. "Conduct or." she said, "this Is my especial friend. Mr. Smith. He is going ou your train, and I want you to show him every nttentlon possible." The conductor, of course, Bald he would, but when he went away, Mr, Smith turned to Mrs. B with a sickly smile. "I did intend to go to Pitts burg to-day, and I was in an awful hurry, but, on the whole, I think I'll wait for the next train." And he handed the kind-hearted woman a slip of paper. It was a nass. but It I wus made out to one Jones. ( 4 s v-i if "-"nil ''' '5KuuS? iUBTKTMiBKMiHv t
