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About Hemingford herald. (Hemingford, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1895-190? | View Entire Issue (Sept. 20, 1895)
OT? - V
THK SO.3 OK Till: GUN.
Tlio furnace was white, with steel
"When my new-born spit It came,
la 11 inolton Hood of the war god's
la a passion of Arc mid flame.
I looked o'er the deep from a lofty
With a strong heart full of pride;
Like n king alone on his stately
"Whoso word no man denied.
My thunder spoke from the battle
When iho waves ran crimson red,
And heroes died by iny Iron side,
Till the foreign focman fled.
Tho sentence of death was In my
And many n ship went down
Oh, the gun Is lord of the feeble
And gi eater Is his renown..
Now the long grass hides my rusty
And round me the children play;
But I dream by night of a last great
Ere tho trump of the Judgment Day.
Kor men must fight In the cause of
Till the tltno when war shall cease;
And tho song of the gun will ne'er be
Till tho dawn of lasting peace.
I THE PKOFESSOirs 1TKAKNKSS. J
lamp" 1 1 "'" 1 fiT
"Has the mall gone?'' asked the
Hour Iland. It gavo a scarcely per
ceptible jerk as it spoke.
"Tho moll has gone," n.pllcd the
Minute Iland, with some uccihlty.
"And If you hadn't been so ucar asleep
as doesn't matter, you'd know tho mall
was gone. You'd know, too, that it
was two minutes late starting. "Why
on earth don't you look jibout you?
Ton me word, you glvo mo tho fair
Charing Cross station was, .by com
parison with its recent stress and tur
moil, deserted. A few people who
wero still waiting under the clock for
other pcoplo who had arranged to go
with them to the play, but had mis
taken the year, looked anxiously up at
the .Mlnuto Hand aud said: "Bother!"
and mentally gavo themselves Just tho
five minutes more. Porters came back
from tho platforms, furtively counting
gains and mopping their foreheads
with tho backs of their bauds.
"Oh. two minutes late, was It?" said
the Hour Hand slowly,
"By gad!" said tho other, with af
fected admiration, "you ran grasp an
idea quickly when you like. How on
earth do you manage It?"
"It reminds mo'" went on the Hour
Hand, placidly, "of one night "
And told this tale.
Young Mrs, Watcrhouso llnUhed tho
writing of a dutiful letter to her moth
er. The letter assured tho anxious old
lady that the writer was quite happy;
that there was really no necessity for
wonv: and that mamma might make
hoi Keif quite content at Biarritz.
Geoffrey was tho best of husbands,
and. although, of cour.se, much en
gaged ot South Kensington with his
f earl ully abstruse experiments aud his
new book on steel libers, he was ex
tremely attentive and kind. And she
was, with much love, mamma's offee
tlouato .daughter, Helen Watcrhouso.
"Mamma won't believe It," said
young Mrs. Wnterhouse, with a kind
of comic despair. "She Is always
wanting to know about tho skeleton.
Thank goodness there Isn't one!"
On the clean blotting paper thero
was au Impress of some of her hus
band') writing. A palette-shaped mir
ror stood on tho table and, half un
consciously, sho turned the pad to
"Wonder to whom he has been writ
ing?" It was quite easy to hop. Mrs. Wa
terhousc glanced at It casually at first,
then her face fiercely pink, with much
"I want you, my dearest, to behove
that 1 am quite true to you. I am
bound by certain ties to others, but to
yon. my sweetheart, my own dearest
"Alicia!" cried Mrs. Waterhouso
jilmnl. as she panted aud sat back lu
her chair. "Allclut Alicia who, I won
der?" Sho knew his writing so well that
the could scarce be deceived on that
point. The whole thing In a moment
was clear. Her dear mother, with a
less cramped experience of the world,
had been right after all.
"There Is u. skeleton," said the trem
bling Mrs. Wnterhouse. She tore up
her letter to Biarritz Into many small
pieces. As the Inst fragment went
Into tho ferns In the fireplace she felt
a kiss upon her neck.
"Dou't do that, please," Bhe said.
"Beg pardon," said her husband,
"Did I frighten you?"
He took off his hat and adjusted his
piuceuez. His coolness almost took
her breath awa.
"I must say, Geoffrey," she declared,
"that I can't help admiring your your
"Sly love 1 admire yours. I meant
to have kissed It Just now."
She took up a newspaper and. twist
ing It violently In her excitement,
made an endeavor to speak with calm
ness. "I have been reading rather an In
teresting fragment, Geoffrey. Shall I
tell you what It was?"
Mrs. Waterhousc recited from tho
colgne of Mintage furnished by a rug
the letter to Atlcla.
The professor dropped his glasses
aud locltd intensely disturbed.
"Now, my dear love."
"Oh, no!" Bald Mrs. Wnterhouse.
"My dear Helen, then, will you al
low mo to say"
"I only want to know one thing. Did
you write this ridiculous stuff, please?"
Why, yes. I'm not going to deny
that. Of course, it's only part of the
letter to the girl, but If you like I can
tell you what happens afterward."
"I don't want to know. If this gets
known, what will be thought of you?
You will be tho laughing stock of your
"That's very true," acknowledged
Prof. Wnterhouse, with concern; "that
Is very true, and It must never bo
known. I can't drop the nffnlf now,
unfortunately, but you know" ho
smiled at his wife a little anxiously
"there's really no harm lu It, and I'm
not tho only man who"
"Itenlly?" In a tone of remote and
"I frankly admit, though, that I
should bo very sorry for It to become
known. Of course, It seems to you a
very foolish thing to do."
"By no menns."
"Hut I really don't believe that I
could have endured the strain of writ
ing that now work of mine if, nt the
samo time, I had not"
"Let mo ask you one moro question,
please. I understand, Geoffrey, thnt
you aro sorry now that you over lent
yourself to bucIi n such a despicable
"Thaffl not quite the point, my
deaf." Ho was recovering now his
usual composure. "That's not whnt
Pin sorry for. I'm sorry to bo found
out. I wanted to keep It quiet. But
there's no earthly reasou why anybody
but oui-scIvch should know. After all,
overy man has his hobby."
"Geoffrey, I won't listen to you!"
"Well, my dear, I can't force you to,
can I? I bellevo if you would only
let me tell you tho whole affair from
beginning to cud, you wouldn't bo so
much annoyed about It. It really Isn't
so bad ns you think. Alicia's a most
delightful girl, and It has been a re
creation for me. you know. And 1
have been slogging away so of late,
Tho door slammed. Mis. Watcr
houso went upstnirs to her room,
and hurriedly, very hurriedly, packed
up a portmanteau. Thero was time
to catch tho mall at Charing Cross,
and she meant to catch It. The great
thing was to get away to Biarritz,
away from the stifling atmosphere of
this house, away from Loudon. Sho
rang for her maid.
"The mall goes at 8 from Charing
Cross, I think?"
"It used to go at 8. mii'nni," said
Parker, cautiously. "When wo went
nwny, If you remember"
"Yes, yes, of course. I want you
to pack n bag for yourself, and wo
will catch tho mall to-night."
"Catch the mall, ma'am, to-night?"
"Yes, yes. Lose no time, and send
out for a cab."
"Well, I never," murmured Parker.
Mrs. Watcrhouso had some Intention
of having one fine, big, square scene
with her husband before sho left, but
thero was little time to spare. More
over, It occurred to her that she could
bo quite as bitter In a well-composed
letter, to be dispatched from Biarritz
as In a hasty Interview.
"Come along, Parker," sho called.
"It's all very well to say, 'come
nlong,' " muttered Parker, discontent
edly, "but this Is a rum sort of a game,
and I don't half cotton to it."
"We've got twenty minutes. Tell
the man to drive carefully, but to
drive very fast."
Tho most galling thing about tho
whole deplorable affair was the ccr- 1
tainty that her mother would meet
her nt the statlou with an "I told yon
so, my poor lamb," expression. Still
thero was no one else to whom she
could go, ut any rate she could always
control mamma. She always had
"Tho mall, lady," said tho porter
civilly. "The mnil goes ot eight fif
teen. It's later'n It used to be."
"Parker, will you get some papers?
Get one or two for yourself, you
Parker, still rather Inclined to be
cross, went to the book stall. It half
restored tho excellent maid to compla
cent submission to what she termed
all this romping about, to find the new
number of tho Lady's Own Chatter
box on sale, It was her own particu
lar favorite journal.
"We'll get In now, Parker," said
Mrs. Wnterhouse. There twenty
minutes to wait, but wo may as well
take our seats. Seconds, please, por
They found comfortable corner
seats. For a while they watched tho
stout, perspiring ladles and slim
daughters and tho pet dogs. The us
ually demure Parker sniggered so
much when she saw the Freuehmah
kiss each other that she dropped the
Lady's Own Chatterbox. Mrs. Water
housc took It up aud held It In her
"Professor Is not coining, ma'am, I
suppose?" asked Parker, respectfully.
"No, Pnrkor; he Is not coming."
"Reminds me," said Parker, cough
ing slightly, and pulling on her loose,
black cotton gloves; "reminds me of
the time when wo all went out to
Ituly, when you was marlred, ma'am.
I shall never for get that time. There
was me and you and the professor"'
Mrs. Waterhouse gave
"Please don't speak to me for a lit
tle while, Parker. I I want to rend."
She began, now that the first heat
was over, to wonder what her future
life would be like. She was a dutiful
daughter, but life with mamma at
Biarritz (mamma especially strong In
regard to Inconvenient reminiscences,
mamma with a predilection In regard
to the table In favor of everything be
ing boiled), did not seem to her to be
the cheeriest possible existence. She
looked at the tiny gold watch on her
wrist, but could not sec the time until
she hnd patted each eye with her
handkerchief. Parker, bolt upright In
her corner, after the fnanner of Mrs.
Willis, gave a sympathetic Bnlff.
Doors were being closed, second
einsB iviijeoeers were rushing on. cry
ing, "Get In anywhere!" It Is never
yoor Uist-cinss passengers who cry
"Get In anywhere!"
"I must read," whispered young
Mrs. Wlnterhouse to herself. "I must
do something to keep myself from
thinking. I shall faint If I don't di
vert my thoughts."
The "Lady's Own Chatterbox" lay
on her lap. She put one small foot
against the scat opposite and leaned
forward to get the steady glare of the
electric light on the page.
"Any more going on?" cried the Jn-
epector on the platform, aggressively.
I "We eormeuce this week a Btory
j by a new writer, Walter House, entlt-
led 'Alicia's Only Lovc. It will bo
found replcto with romantic Interest,
and, In short, a wonderful picture of
high-class life of tho present day,
with all Its faults aud foibles."
"Now, then," cried the Inspector on
the platform In an nggrlcvcd tone to
a belated passenger, "are you going on
there, or are you not going?"
Mrs. Waterhousc began to read.
Chapter I. was headed the Countess.
"Alicia was half-leaning, half re
clining on an ottomon, reading a deli
cately scented letter from Sir Harold
Do Beer. It opened thus: 'I want you,
my dearest, to believe that I am qulto
true to you. I am bound by certain
tics to others, but to you, iny sweet
heart, my own dearest Alicia "
"Parker!" screamed Mrs. Water
house, with n gasp of delight. "Come
"Bight away!" shouted tho Inspec
tor. "Stand away there, please!"
' "Here, stop!" cried Mrs. Water
house. Sho caught up her skirts aud Jump
ed nimbly out. An active porter seiz
ed tho bags, and as the train was
moving, caught the descending Park
er neatly and swung her round upon
" 'Ow's that' umpire?" asked tho
"0-u-t, out," said the inspector. He.
turned his hnud-lamp to Mrs. Water
house. "Hope you're all right,
"Thank you, yes," sold Mrs. Wnter
house, breathlessly, "I'm all right
Tho Hour Haud Interested In his
story had not noticed the close ap
proach of tho other. Down below, the
porters, armed .with giant brooms,
wero sweeping tho dirt off tho plat
form onto the waiting passengers.
The book stores were closing and the
boys were having n furtive game of
snowball with tho rolled up discarded
placards of tho evening papers.
"Tho professor Is still writing
nnoiiymously for the 'Lady's Chatter
box," remarked the Hour Iland, "and
Tils wife doesn't mind"
"1 wish you'd mind," said the Min
ute Hand, will) some bitterness. It
was seventeen minutes to nine.
"When you've finished your chow
chow, perhaps you will kindly allow
mo to pass." Pall Mall Budget.
HONOR AMONG GAMINS.
ToucliliiMT Story Hrlnted of. tho Hoot.
IiIucIcm of GIiimkott.
A few weeks ago a gentleman, go
ing through a crowded part of tho
city of Glasgow, Scotland, noticed a
pale-faced Httlo bootblack waiting for
hire. Touched with the delicate look
of tho child, ho thought he would give
him the blacking of his boots to do.
Accordingly, ho gave the little fellow
tho signal. Tho boy at once crept
lamely toward the gentleman, and, as
he pulled himself along, was nimbly
supplanted by another little boot
black, who was immediately nt tho
gentleman's feet and ready to begin.
"What Is this for?" asked the gen
tleman of the Intruder, somewhat an
grily. "It's a rlcht," said tho newcomer,
"Jamie's list a wee while oot o' the
hospital, and the rest o ns take turn
nboot o' brushln' for him."
Jamie smiled pleasantly by way of
assuring the gentleman that his com-
1 rudo's story was true.
I Tho gentleman was so gratified by
this act of brotherly kindness that he
gave Jamie's friend a whole shilling
for his work, telling him to give slx-
1 pence to Jamie and keep the other
' sixpence himself.
1 "Na, na, sir," quickly replied this
little hero, giving the shilling to Ja
mie and hurrying from the spot na,
na, sir; nnnc o' us over take ony o'
Jamie's siller." Children's Kecord.
I.n.vliiK' nn Army Telephone.
An interesting experiment of install
ing a telephono by trotting cavalry
was recently successfully undertaken
by some Prussian I'hlans between
Berlin and Potsdam. Two sets of one
officer and two non-commissioned otll
cers proceeded In the early morning
respectively from Berlin and Tots
da in. Kach set was equipped with a
complete telephone apparatus which
one of the men carried in a leather
mse on his chest, besides the requis
ite quantity of thin wire. The end of
the wire was connected with the re-
I speetlve towns' telephone stntlou, nud
I tho wire was, by means of a fork fixed
at the end of the lance, thrown over
the tops of the trees along the road.
As each kilometer of wire was thus
suspended a halt was made, aud it
was ascertained whether there was
connection with the station. A new
kilometer of wire was then connected
with the former, and on went the men.
The two sets met at Teltow. Tho
wires. liavliiK been respectively tested
I with their respective stations, were
connected, and telephone connection
between Berlin and Potsdam was es
tablished. The distance is about twen
ty miles, and the whole thing was
done In nbout four hours. Scientific
One of the tales dug up ont of the
misty past Is that given by the York
(Me.) Courant of the wreck of the Not
tingham galley on Boon Island. This
vessel, which was bound to Boston
from Loudon, was driven on the Island
In a terrible gale on the night of Dec.
11, 1710. The weather was bo dread
ful that some of tho sufferers Boon
died. There was nothing to eat but
shreds of raw htde, roekweed and a
few mussels. After a few days two
of the men attempted to get to York
on a raft, but were drowned. At last
the hunger of the survivors became so
raging that they nto some of the flesh
of their dead comrades, nud, having
no Are, muBt, perforce, swallow this
raw. Immediately their dispositions,
which had been kind and helpful,
seemed to undergo a total change. In
stead of praying, they began to swear,
and quarrels commenced. At last,
after twenty-three days of this horri
ble life, they were rescued, being then
mere skeletons and unable to walk.
A lighthouse was erected on this isl
and In 181L
I'OI.ITD ARTS OF Tlltt ROAD FUa
Fnftlilonnlile Glrl'n I.ntnent YVIint
Yon Should nml Should Not Do
AVhlle l'eilnlliiK In the l'nrk or
In the Country.
Youug Indies of the fashionable
world, and for thnt matter, the older
ones, too, who have become slaves of
the wheel, have recently been discus
sing the urgent -need of a recognized
formula of bicycle etiquette.
As far as swelldom is concerned,
tho sport Is In Its infancy; everything
Is 'crude and unconventional to the
delieatelv-nurturod social eve. and the I
young huds of the ballroom are all al
One AilrnntnKe ot llloomera.
sea when they Hud themelves out on
tho road spinning along on the demo
cratic "bike." It may not be long be
fore regular professors of bicycle de
portment will be making the rounds
of tho homes of the rich, Instructing
the maids and matrons In the etiquette
of tho wheel, just ns the little boys
and girls are uow being tnught the
polite arts of the ball room.
But at tho moment everything Is
chaotic In this most Important field of
tho fashionable woman. She uses her
good common sense and her Innate
gentility is a sufllclcnt guide to meet
correctly the ordinary happenings of
life n-wheel, but bicycling Is no or
dinary sport and happenings of an ex
traordinary kind continually occur.
The laws of conventional life cannot
apply to these unforseen events, and
tho well-bred woman who Insists upon
being conventional, and at the same
time 11 bicyclist, does not know quite
where she Is at.
Tho instructors in the big academies
where women are taught to ride the
bicycle aro taking cognizance of tho
peculiar state of affairs, aud instil in
the minds of their pupils a few of the
primary laws of wheel etiquette, while
their bodies are being educated In the
mysteries of the "bike."
Here are some of the etiquette rules
which a fashionable girl said she re
ceived from the woman Instructor of
tho academy where she rides. She ac
knowledged that she may have for
got ten some of them. Just as she for
gets the vital point lu the art of dls
mounting and frequently comes a
nasty cropper in consequence.
The first one was, never criticise a
fellow bicyclist, particularly If she Is a
woman aud inclined to stoutness. The
moral of this Is that lu a few years 1
you may be stout yourseir, and a
bicycle rider for the sole purpose of
Another Is, when you are riding In
the park or on the road and a cranky
horse which comes along which rears
and plunges at sight of your bicycle,
always dismount without delay and
turn your wheel flat on the ground.
Serious runaway accidents can some
times bo averted by a little courtesy
of this kind. It only takes a minute or
two of time, aud as all women bicyc
lists rido for pleasure, that much lost
time is of little consequence to them.
Always keep to the light lu riding.
You may bo called names If you forget
this rule on a crowded rood, lu pass
ing a vchlelo or wheel going In the
ers. Itomenibor that accidents happen
to the best bicyclists Just as they do
lu the best regulated families. If any
thing goeH wrong with a man or wom
an wheeler.render any assistance you
cau. No man will take advantage of
such tu'jstauce to thrust his acquain
tance upon you at a future time. He
would nin the risk of ostracism by fel
low bicyclists who, perhaps have sis
ters, wives or sweethearts devoted to
If you are unfortunate enough to
have any accident happen to your
wheel, do uoi hesitate to accept the
proffered assistance of the first wheel
man who conies along. If he Is of the
right kind, as he probably will be, he
will set your wheel right and then pur-
l GiSf -5
Aid for the Injured.
sue his Journey. Should he ever pass
you ogaiu he will gbre no sign that ho
bad ever met you before.
Don't be afraid to mention the word
bloomers In the pretence of a man.
If he be versed in bike manners, as
nil true wheelers should be, he will
regard the word purely ns one for or
dinary conversation as It surely Is, In
" BUl l"B "r.Ub.. ,".," ."T.
.C? " ?,"" SI,? TSoSSS r She din
cct regard the garments favorably
samo direction, It Is usually safest to , , tl)e , ,C8 turogUout the licet
go by them on the left. 1 h0UIMn,w merrily the "officers'
Try to foster the feeling of bro her- d .,,K.tIoIIt.. Columns of dense
hood mid sisterhood among all wheel- 1 . ,n .. .... shootilli: onward from
when she first took to bicycling, but
thinks differently now. The way of
her conversation happened In the fol
lowing mnnner, as told by herself:
"I was riding on the boulevard one
morning when something happened to
my wheel. I dou't know what the na
ture of It was. but the wheel wouldn't
work. I got off and waited for some
time, hoping that someone would come
nlong to fix It. But there were only
some women wheelers out besides ped
estrians, and iliey didn't know any
more than I did.
"At last 1 decided on heroic meas
ures, and began to push my wheel to
ward home, two miles distant. I must
have walked a mile In this uncom
fortable manner when a wheelman
came along. Ho dismounted and ask
ed me what the matter was. I told
him I didn't know. Then he took hold
of my bike, turned It Upside down nud.
putting It between his legs gave It a
good shaking. Then to my surprise
it worked all right.
' 'Why didn't you do that?' he asked.
"Before 1 knew what I was saying
" 'Because I couldn't. I don't wear
"But 1 wear them now" sho oulto
. unnecessarily ndded, the fact fxlng
Coming back to the question of bike
manners, the other laws laid down
Don't ride on a bicycle built for two,
as It nttracts attention and comments
I from passcrsby, which may not be
pleasant. Avoid in every possible way
anything that will distinguish you in
a marked way from the grand army
Some men in riding out with women
are inclined to help the latter when a
hill Is reached by placing one hand on
the girl's shoulder and pushing her
nlong. Hiding a bicycle up an ordin
ary hill Is too easy for the average
wheeler to need aid. If the hill is
very steep dismount and push your
wheel to the top.
Tlrm't nllnw nwn vnimir ninn. nni nil
either side to speed you by catching J
hold of your handles and pulling you
along. It's dangerous, and may result
In a bad accident. Then, again, it does
not look well, and attracts attention.
If one fears the attention of pedes
trians, wears a veil, not thick, enough
affect the vision. It will protect the
face from dust, and thoroughly con
Don't try to ride rapidly. Fast rid
ers meet with accidents sooner or lat
er, and a woman In n snmshup does
not nppear to advantage. It's bad
bike form, too. For tho same reason,
be careful about coasting, and always
be certain in advance that the brake Is
In good working order.
' Always respect the feelings of ped
estrians and be careful of their safety.
In streets frequently ciosscd, ride as
. . 1 -.
"Turn lour ll!ejolr Ilimn."
slowly sis possible. Kindly considera
tion of the pedestrians will beget the
1 same for the wheeler.
, Thus it can lie seen that the true
woman wheeler has more to learn In
bicycling than Use mere pushing of
COIMi INTO ACTION.
Sccni-M on llir I'liliirne I'tert Jut
Iteforc- tht' V11I11 I'lulit.
The Chen Yuen's forenoon loiitluc,
drills and exenite had been carried
out, aud the cooks were preparing the
midday meal, when tho smoke from
the enemy's ships was sighted by the
lookout man at the masthead. They
weie made out almost simultaneously
from several vessels, and before even
a signal could be made from the flag
our funnels told that In the depths of
I each vessel stokers were spreading
1 fires, and, using forced draft with
1 closed stoke holes, were storing up
, energy In the boilers, that breath
1 might not fall when most needed In
' the coming tight. These black plllais
of smoke must have signalled our
. presence to the enemy, for their
' "smokes" now luci eased In volume
and height, showing that they had
also put on forced draft, and, like
ourselves, wore preparing for the con
test. ' For weeks we hod anticipated an
engagement, and had had dally exer
cise ut general quarters, etc., -aud lit-
' tie remained to be done. There were
woful defects lu our ammunition sup
plies, s will be seeu; but had we
. kept the seas for a year longer before
lighting, there would nave ueen no
Improvement lu that respect, aluce
! the 1
esponslblllty ror tne defect my
leutslu. So the fleet went iuto
lion aB well prepared as It was hu.
manly possible for It to be with the
same officers aud men, handicapped
us they were by official corruption
and treachery ushore.
lu far less time than It takes to
read these lines signals hud been
made from the Ting Yuen to "weigh
Immediately," 1 ud never were cables
shortened in and anchors weighed
more speedily. The old Choa Yung
and Yang Wcl, being always longer
In weighing anchor, were left astern,
and, afterward, pushing on to gain
station, probably gave the fleet a
seeming wedge-shaped formation for
a short time, thereby giving rise to
the report, widely circulated, that we
used that formation In advancing to
the attack. Our actual formation,
which has Justly been criticised, was
an Indented or zig-zag line, the two
Irou-clads In the center. As the fleets
nenred each other, officers and men
strained their eyes toward the mag
nificent fleet of their country's hered
Itnrr foe. and. on all sides, there
were animation and
Commander McGlffln, of the Chen
! Yuen, In the ceutury.
Gilbert Parker recently encountered
a Canadian bishop whom he had
known lu bis boyhood. The bishop
pompously inquired: "Ah, Gilbert!
and arc you still writing your ah lit
tle books?" Mr. Parker promptly an
swered: "Yes, bishop. And are joii
still preaching your nh little ser
mons?" Dean Hole tells of an old-fashioned
cathedral verger, "lord of the aisles."
who, one noon, found a pious visitor
on his knees in the sacred building.
Tho verger hastened up to him and
said, In a tone of indignant excite
ment;"The services nt this cathedral
aie at 10 In the morning and at 4 in
the afternoon, and we don't have any
Tho late Sir John A. Macdonald was
once at a. reception, and a bishop from
Belgium amis present. As the party
were being escorted by a body of men
in Highland costume, the foreign bish
op, seeing the bare legs and kilts,
asked why these men were without
trouseis. "It's Just a local custom,"
gravely replied Sir John; "In some
places people take off their hats as a
mark of honor to distinguished guests;
here they take off their trousers."'
At one time the Duke of Welling
ton's extreme popularity was rather
embarrassing. For Instance, on leav
ing home each day, he was always
Intercepted by an affectionate mob,
who Insisted on hoisting htm 011 their
shoulders and iiBklng where they
should carry him. It was not always
convenient for him to say where he
was going, so he used to say, "Carry
mo home; carry me hone;" and so he
used to be brought home half a dozen
times a day a few minutes after leav
ing his own door.
Siianno Lazier was a good actress,
but extremely stout. She was one
night enacting a part lu a melodrama
with Tnlllnde, the original Pierre of
"The Two Orphans," and this actor
had at one moment to carry her faint
ing off the stage. He tried with all
lijs might to lift the "fleshy" heroine,
but, although she helped her Httlo
comrade by standing on tiptoe, In the
usual manner, he was unable to move
her an inch. At this Juncture one of
the deities cried from tho gallery:
"Take what you can ai.d come back
for flu; rest."
The lectures of a certain Oxford
tutor were once reported to be "cut
and dried." "Yes 'said Prof. II. J.
Smith, tho witty mathematician,
"dried by the tutor and cut by the
men." A dispute aroso at an Oxford
dinner tabh as to the comparative pres
tige of bishops and Judges. The argu
ment, as might bo expected at a party
of laymen, went in favor of the latter.
"No," said Henry Smith, "for a Judge
can only say. 'Hang you. but a bishop
cau say i-i a on." Speaking of an
eminent sclent lil man, to whom ho
gave considerable praise, he said:
"Vet he soiiieiiiucs forgets that ln Is
only the editor, and not the author tiff
Bishop Sinqwou preached soineyeais
ago in 1)10 .Memorial hall, London. For
half au hour he spoke quietly, without
gesticulation or uplifting of his voice;
then, picturing the Son of God bearing
our sins in his own body on the tree,
he stooped, its If laden with au im
measurable burden and, rising to Ids
full height, he seemed to throw It from
him, crying: "How far? As far as the
cast Is from the west, so far hath ho
removed our transgressions from us."
The whole assembly, as If moved by
an Irresistible impulse, rose, remained
standing for a second or two, then
sank back Into their seats. A profess
or of elocution was there. A friend
who observed him and knew that ho
had come to criticise, asked him, when
the service was oer: "Well, what do
you think ot the doctor's elocution?"
"Elocution?" said he; "that man
doesu want elocution; he's got tho
The Scotch Aid bishop Foreman Mil
the sl.MieiiMi century) was so poor a
Latin scholar that, when lie was
obliged to visit Koine, lie iounu great
ditliciilty In confouulug to some of the
customs of the pope's table, to which
ho was Invited. Etiquette required
that the. Scotch bishop should take
part in uttering a Latin benediction
owr the repast, and the Illiterate guest
had carefully committed to memory
what ho believed to be the orthodox
form of words. He began with his
"Benedlcito," expecting the cardinals
to respond with "Domluus," but they
replying "Dcus" (Italian fashion) so
confused the good bishop that he for
gol his carefully-conned phrases, and,
"hi good, broad Scotch," said: "To tho
deH I give you all, false cardinals,"
to which devout aspiration pope aud
cardinals (who understood only their
own language) piously replied,
Mis. B Is one of those good-natured
women who are always wanting
to make other people comfortable.
She happened to be In the railway sta
tion the other day, says the Washing
ton Post, when n man she knew came
lu. He said he was going to Pitts
burg. Mrs. B , whose husband Is a
director of the rood, knew the conduct
or of the Pittsburg train, who passed
through the waiting room just then.
Mrs. B called to him. "Conduct
or." she said, "this Is my especial
friend. Mr. Smith. He is going ou
your train, and I want you to show
him every nttentlon possible." The
conductor, of course, Bald he would,
but when he went away, Mr, Smith
turned to Mrs. B with a sickly
smile. "I did intend to go to Pitts
burg to-day, and I was in an awful
hurry, but, on the whole, I think I'll
wait for the next train." And he
handed the kind-hearted woman a
slip of paper. It was a nass. but It
I wus made out to one Jones.
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