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About The Omaha morning bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 1922-1927 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 7, 1923)
STRIKING A FEW OCTAVES! -By o. o. McIntyre— I have recently been taking piano lessons by mail. I had high hopes of being able to offer something In the way of a parlor trick when Invited out for the evening. I am Sone of those mental zeros to be found in almost any gathering where everybody else is merry and bright. I somehow manage to find the moet uncomfortable chair in the place and while the others exchange what is known in New Yorks as gossip and in Hollywood as dirt I just twiddle my thumbs. There comes a time when the hostess usually has a pang of sym pathy for me and tries to bright»n my evening by showing me a hand painted miniature of grandpop. Whenever they begin showing you miniatures it means that if you ever had an idea there was a wild strain in you and that you might become the life of the parly you were being kidded. You are just a social dud. So that is why I fell for the lure of a music by mail ad. The trouble with those birds is that they never give a sucker an even break. I thought in two weeks 1 would be able to play one of those dashing tunes they play at the movies. Vou know—"Launching of the S. 8. Colorado"—and then the close-up. 'The Governor’s Daughter.” But after a month 1 can’t even play "Blue Bells of Scotland” and 1 will be willing to trade all my music lessons for a couple of ani mal crackers. I don’t even know how to put on the loud pedal and the second Instalment on the piano Is due Tuesday. Defeated by the Villain. There was s time when I was something of a mandolin player. I used to sit out on the front porches with the girls, play, “1 Guess I’ll Have to Telegraph My Baby,” be served with one of those medicated bandage things known as a Jelly roll and a glass of milk and go home imagining I awas cat's cuff. About that time a new hotel clerk arlved from the city with an ac cordion and left us mandolin play ers high and dry. How we hated fellow . nere is something about a fel low who plays the piano the girls like. They cluster about him. fix I S'N'T HE JUST TOO, cure» rnij .. I ..........--...ss wssw iSWSi “Cake eaten are now known aa nx hounds." his tie. and pick fluff of his shoul der. He seems to wear a halo of romance. It might be—and often is—the only thing he can do, but he manages to have a dinner suit and be invited everywhere. I'm not knocking the mualc-by mail idea. There ' may be those who can master It in this fashion, but I'm not one of them. It was rather disconcerting to be at the dally practice just as a bellboy at my hotel came to deliver a package. I did a two finger exercise for his benefit and he said It was rather good. It’s Just a Gift. “I play a little myself.” he ven tured and I gave over the piano stool to him. He sat down and made the piano birtn. He had nev er taken a music lesson in his life and played entirely by ear. He even did some of those pieces where you cross your hands and run a few scales by ripping proc ess, with the index finger. If he had been a good strong boy I would have given him the piano to carry away with him. I wonder why it is you rarely find a real fat man who plays the piano. As a rule piano players are thin, rangey and have to stand twice to make a shadow. I sup pose if the fingers are pudgy you can't reach the octaves. Also you never find a fat pickpocket. If I can’t learn to play the piano I can at least sneer at those who do. Piano players should be started on their career early in life. I got away to a bad start. I took three lessons from the piano professor in our town. He charged 25 cents a lesson and made $20 a month ex tra by being the depot agent. Aft er the third lesson he got a regu lar job as a brakeman and left all the piano fledglings in town flat. Turning Back the Pages. I used to make quite a study of piano players in the old days of .the saloon back room. Just a soci ological study, of course. They were good tough lads who gave freely of their art for pitched nick els and free drinks^ They had a way of throwing one leg across the other sitting half sidewise and per mitting a rolled cigaret to hang loosely from their lips. They •’improvised" things and about the only exercise they got was shortly before the last round when they plopped off the stool to the floor in a sort of haze. Some times they slept on the pool table and other times where they hap pened to fall. The barkeeps spoke of them as "piano artists" and most of them had gold teeth and wore careless looking flannel shirts. I remember in the days when “Over the Rhine” in Cincinnati was a flourishing row of beer concert halls and the piano player was quite a fellow. If he looked over at your table and bowed a greeting you got about the same reaction that some people get when Belasco greets them in the lobby. Important, Yet Democratic. The beer hall pianist seemed to ua In those days as a personage. When the girl with the pale taffy hair sang her sentimental songs she had a way of flashing him a smile that rather made you envious. And the cross table comedians with green whiskers would speak to him familiarly as Eddie or Jimmie. Still, at that, he was democrtic and easy to meet. The offer to buy him a beer made him your friend. But that type of pia.-*-* - issed out with the saloon. Today they take their cue from Paderewski— wear flowing locks, flowing ties and handkerchiefs in their cuffs. They seem far above mundane things an# go in for atmosphere. The juvenile phenoma wear Lor# Kauntleroy suits and are as rare fully guarded as a dauphin. Whe» the needs of genius were planted they appear to have garnered the entire crop. in one of the great concert halls not long ago the pianist was ren dering one of those Intricate pieces. A woman in the balcony happened i to cough, lie stopped, snapped Into I a spell of hysteria and went shriek- 1 ing into the wings and it took sever- I al doctors to bring him around to his normal self. Of course, it was ail right. After all, th#e are tricks in all trades but you cannot help but think the lad lived for years in a tenement flat on the level with the elevated railroad where you have to close the windows to carry an ordinary conversation. And then for one suppressed little cough to upset him so Well it is daubing it on a bit thick. Girls who have to be coaxed *4 play the piano are a nuisance After persuading them you general ly find they have brought their music along and expected to play anyway and would have been hurt if they hadn’t been asked. Sax Hounds Hold Sway. Just now the saxophone business is putting a crimp in the popularity of the pianist. The fellow who can play a saxophone has the edge, especially in New York. And while I started talking about pianos there is r*o reason why a few paragraphs may not be de voted to the saxophone. There is, in the metropolis, an army of 16, 000 saxophone players. Every boy going to college now equips himself with one. Even old men. daunted by the chill indiffer ence that comes with years, are learning to give forth the moaning arias. And young girls carry them in stead of the uke. You can stir up a duplicate of the Six Brown Brothers in almost any gathering. In one night cafe there is a sign: "Patrons are not permitted to bring saxophones to the table." Cake enters are being referred to as sax hounds.” And they must be seen and heard to be ap preciated. (Copyright, liit) Latest Developments Resereh ami Invention Throughout World According to steam engineers, M takes 10 tons of black coal, turned into steam, to make one horse power. An all metal electric Incubator haa been Invented, to hold from 60 to 100 eggs. It is heated automat ically. A pitchfork with removable prongs, which can be replaced If broken, ha* been invented by a Ca nadian. A substitute for wool is being manufactured from cork in Spain. The cork is first treated with chem icals to remove any resinous sub stances and to make it flex.ble. The new anesthetic, made up of ethylene gas. is a derivative of coal tar. and is sn:<l to be non nauseating and quicker in effect than any other gaseous anesthetic now in use. p^aftcientific engineers at work in the bureau of standards in Wash ington are paid from $1,400 to $4,000 or $5,000 ji year. At the age of 70, the head of a bureau receives a pension of $1,000 a year. To record the speed of racing cars, an electrical timing device, costing $6,000, is used. The time is recorded as the front wheels of the speeding machine touch a wire which is stretched across the track. A new tire Inflating safety device, haa been tmtented. It is an air guage which automatically cuts olT the flow after the pressure has risen to a point previously set on an Indicator attached to the regular hose connection. The Prussian state library In Ber lin, (lermany, haa a “talking de part ment,“ which collection con tains actual sounds of all languages and dialects of the world. The rec ords were made with the aid of a talking machine The new Don Pedro dam on the Tuolumne river, near Modesto. Cal,, la the highest dam In the world It rises 2K3 feet. With appurtenances It cost about $1,000,000. The wall la 1,040 feet long and 17$ feet thick at base. The arch has a radius of 675 feet. The meet famous rug In the world, worth about $250,000, la in the South Kensington museum, In Kngland. It la known as the Arba dll dug. ns It wns mnde In a little Sown by that name. This wonderful H$pet measures 34 by 17 feet, and contains 30.000,000 knots. It took 16 years to make. A process has been discovered is England whereby skimmed milk can be made Into a substitute for ivory, ebony, amber, tortoise shell, horn and other similar materials. The composition is nonhiflamable. odorless and can be drilled, glued and dyed. Prof. W. Lee Lewis of North western university, inventor of lewisite and other high explosives and deadly gases used in the world war. has equipped his borne with a burglar alarm attached to a tear gaa bomb. A11 he has to do when the bomb goes off la to call the police and tell them to bring an ambulance. Through a new proeeaa of ateel tempering, a cold crowbar can be chopped Into chunks with an az, and a ateel rod can be whittled Into shavings with a pocketknlfe. The proeeaa consists of the use of cer tain chemicals in water or oH In the tempering vessel. It la declared that any kind of tool—from a blunt hammer head to a keen edged razor —can be tempered to a perfection never before attained. According to students of ethnol ogy, II great fundamental factor* hav» Influenced the evolution of civilized man. They are: Fire, the bow and arrow, pottery, domestic animals. Iron smelting writing, gunpowder, printing, steam and electricity. ABE MARTIN On What the Auto Is Doing • a ■ Our Idw of a Futile Cano. we oo not oeny mat in automo bile t* a great Invention an- a great bleaain' to' mankind when properly used, an’ we might In all truthrul ness nay th' same thing about alco hol. But how la th' automobile bein’ used? We don't believe no invented contrivance In all hiatory, not barrin' th’ ahotgun. ot pistol, th* golf stick, th' automatic planner, th’ dlstillm' coll, th' bathin' suit, or even th' roller skate, haa done ao much toward th' general de moralization of a nation aa th' auto mobile. Th’ automobile la used t' negotiate ever' sort o' deviltry un der th' sun. 'cepi probly poison pen letter wrltln’ Nine tenths of our crimes an' calamities are made pos sible by th' automobile. It haa un leashed all th' pent up criminal tendencies o' th’ agea. It’s th' cen tral figure in murders, holdups, burglaries, accidents, eio|iements. failures an' sbscnndments It re tards th’ realization o' th' prohibt tlon amendment, an' It has well nigh Jimmied th' American home. No crime story is complete without she or he or they tore out in a high powered car. no robbery has th' true ring unless th' bandits Jumped in a waitin' csr an' mails good ther escape. No girl la mlssln' that wuin' last seen steppln’ in a strange automobile. It didn’ used f be so blamed easy t‘ rob a bank, or murder snmebuddy. an' git away In a buggy, or on a hand car. In th‘ ole dot's criminals occasionally grabbl'd a passin' freight train, an' sometimes they had t' hide in swamps an' thickets fer week*. High brow defaulter* list'd t' have r cover ther tracks till they could climb In a Pullman an' start fer Mexico, but they nearly alius got caught. Hut t'day most any kind of a criminal ia a couple o' hundred miles t' th' good before a sheriff kin find his hat. an' a daughter kin elope an' be married an' settled in Erie, Pennsylvania, before her par ents miss her. Ever’ day marks some nsw an’ disgraceful automo bile escapade, some awful automo bile calamity, or some sensational escape in an automobile. An' ever' minute in th' day somebuddy is stealin’ an automobile. An' ther haln't a day rolls by that some buddy hain't soilin' ther sewin’ nut chine, or ther home, or somethin' on acoourft of an automobile. An' it's too had that anything as grand an' comfortable and useful as th' automobile must be constantly mix ed up In shady transactions o' ever' sort, fer it must be admitted that it's th' leadin’ figure in all th’ mischief that's goin' on. Maybe th jails an' workhouses are empty, hut that's not because th’ world is gtttln' better. IPs because all th' criminals escape tn automobiles (Copyright. i»iS.) Mars Nearer Earth in 1924 Than Any Time During This Century By PKOF. W. IL PICKERING. Mandeville, Jamaica, Oct 6—At midnight (London time) on August SI, 1S24, the planet Mars will be nearer the earth than has been the case for over 12* years, and nearer than it will be again during the present century. It will appear brighter than Jup iter, and during the whole of the months of August and September will hang like a great red lantern is our southern skies. Regarding possible communication with Mars little ran be said. Two expert observers have, how ever, in different years, independ ently seen what appeared to be mi nute bright flashes coming from the planet One of these observers was so explicit as to say that they came from the region of the Mare Aci dalium. and that he saw three n rapid succession early in the eve ning and then, later, three more. He has seen none since. (The M are AcJdal.uro is one of those dark patches on the surface of the planet which, following the same reasoning as that adopted in the case of the me n. the 14th cen tury astronomers thought to be seas. Hence the name Their pre cise nature is still unknown.) Both observers agreed, however that what they saw were probably simply optical illusions, due to fa tigue of the eye and could not jv'* sibly have been real. We have satisfactory evidence ot intelligent life on the planet. As to the "canals,” they certa.n ly are not water channels, nor veg etation growing along w.tter chan nels Wh»» the xanais Are. They ire e.ther Kind* of m> ,st ened soil or vegetation growing on moistened soil They cannot be any thing else, for we know of no solid in the mineral world that darkens and then fades out again in the sunlight. Nor is it likely that they are strings cf animals. If there are nocturnal shi'wera on Mars these as they traveled along would leave narrow hands of moistened surface along which vegetation could spring up. If we assume Martians on th* other hand, with intelligence at least as gnat as that of ants, *hey might, for some reason chooae te plant the.: vegrtet n r. 1 r.g hard*.