Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The Omaha morning bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 1922-1927 | View Entire Issue (May 13, 1923)
MY WIFE RIDES THE ELEPHANT! - Hj O. O. MilXTYItE— It was Ray Long, the magazine editor, who thought up the bright idea. Dezter Fellows, the polysyl labic press purveyor, aided and abetted. And so our Wives rode the elephants in the Madison Square circus parade. Great is the circus, but you never experience the real thrill until you sit in a box and see your wife re clining languorously high up in the houda, robed magically as an Egyptian queen. There was a little trepidation on my part when we met Dex at the entrance, waiting to escort our wives to that enchantly spot where tired horses are suddenly trans formed to plumed romantic steeds; where seedy canvasmen become cavalier and knights, and dowdy women become great ladies. I have heard Courtney Ryley Cooper spin elephant eccentricities with Ar-hmed Abdullah until there was nothing left in the bottle. An elephant is an elephant—a big. kindly beast—until some trivial thing happens oil the side lines, and he goes rampaging and then he , doesn't give a hoot what lady is riding on his back. Rut Long, who has ridden a bi cycle. and on top of a haystack in Indiana, reassured me. So they tripped gaily away—leaving us to carry their furs and handbags. When full grown men stroll through a circus arena with a fur piece on one arm and a gaudy handbag in the other, It is small wonder little children cry: "O, look, Mama, the clowns.'" There was ‘time a long wait. It takes some time for ladies to dress under ordinary circumstances, but to dress to ride an elephant is long er It seemed ages. There were robes to be adjusted, high funnel hats to be arranged and then the climb up the ladder to the houda. "Maybe we better not let them rid-, after all,’ I ventured. And ad Pd "You know how elephants are!" I,s>ng. who had been silently spoil ing a fresh manicure, replied: “Per haps you're right. Wonder what they’re doing now?" And in unison w>- got up and began to move to ward the arena entrance. Hut it was too late! The Beau Brummel ringmaster in derh> hat, red vest, riding yams and elegant patent bather hint hful popped out and blown tin whistle. A drum major with his sil ver baton and high fur cap stepped into place, goose-stepped elegantly, and with a mighty cr* sCendo the Nobody heard up except an usher who yelled: "Sit down. Take off your hats.” Following the band, eame the drove of camels who stalked super ciliously, ready to curl a scornful lip tit the sight of a lorgnette. Then the "blood sweating behe “'There's my wife!' I shouted, and upset a bottle of pop in a lad>'s lap in the next box. band began to play. The parade was moving. "O, Mr. Fellows:- shouted Dong In a frightened voice that trailed off into a whisper. "Yoo, hoo! Oh Dexter!" I wailed. "\Ve want our wives.” moth or holy writ” who grunted md sozzled around In his tank. Cages of Hons—perhaps toothless— but roaring th«ir defiance of civili zation. The clown band playing magnificently out of tune. Behind the clowns came what used to be labelled "freaks" but are now "The Strange People.” The lion-faced boy was there gazing mournfully through his whiskers. Ttie "Blue Man,” perhaps father of the blue laws, Ko Ko. the bird girl, with real feathers. The fat lady, worrying lest the heat decrease her avordupois. The clumisly stepping midgets trying pathetically to march in time. The giants! The lady with glittering smiles who winds ser pents around her neck, The Afri can bushmen and the Dyack head hunters. The Pin Heads—man and wife. Itut not called that because they- are man and wife. Zip. the What Is It! Th*»n-great red wagons with brilliant gilded ornaments. The lady ami the tiger in the mammoth cage. The lady rending Zippy Stories while the tiger blissfully slept. H»re comes the ely-funts:" boomed a leather lunged voice through n megaphone. No S;gn of Friend Wife. And purely enough, they were coming—a herd of them with toe nails as neatly whitewashed as a back fence in the spring. But no one was riding them. They just lumbered along, swinging their trunks .from side to side. Following them came a herd of li by elephants and they, too, were unoccupied Well, if your wife ever went out t-i ride an elephant and then when the elephants came and she wasn't riding, you'll know exactly w-hat we thought. Flabbergasted, is the word. But hold! Here comes another hand! It is playing a lively tune. Out came two elephants in single file, fully caparisoned with gor eously trimmed houdas. “There's my wife!" I shouted, and upset a bottle of pop in a lady's lap in the next box. There she was in all her blonde lovelin- ss—her cheeks fltming pret tily with excitement. No queen in the story books ever looked so ma jestic. As the houda swung from side to side she swung gracefully with it. Hippies of applause floated across the arena. I got up and shouted again: "That's my wife. I began pounding Long on the back and it was a good thing, for he had tried to swallow three peanut* whole. He was shouting, too. Slowly they moved about the vast circle. "What if they should stampede?” whispered Long. But such was my intoxication of the moment I merely replied, ‘"Don’t Is* silly, 1 could stop any elephant living,” And I believe I could. Once in a Lifetime. Oh, yes, his wife, too. looked love ly and gorgeous, but I only gave her a passing glance. For only once in a lifetime do you get to wee your own wife riding an ele phant. As they passed our station they airly blew us a kiss—just as mag nificent gueens might to their loyal subjects in the coronation parade. IJex Fellows came strolling up, puffing at the stub end of his in evitable cigar. ine n.t oi the parade, he sam —always the press agent. "But "Hale? Why we weren't fr.ght enc-d a hi*," we lied. And then we added, "Anyone can ride an ele phant.” Great indeed is the circus. Mani fold are its wonders. But no flam ing poster, as hrilhant and chro matic as they are. can equal the real beauty of our wives sitting up in the houdas! We wanted to take a flashlight picture of them. "Flashlight?” snorted Dex Fellows. "Why. don’t you know that a flashlight will stampede the tamest herd of ele phants?” "Oh.” we said—completely sub dued. The parade was over. The p-dar bears were performing Gentlemen were hurling ladies through the air from trapeze to trapeze.. Seals were balancing bails and beating cymbals. Whips were cracking over the heads of cowed lions. And our wives came back to us. We babbled questions—seeking to learn of their great experience. "Oh, it was interesting,” they said, with a bored sort of nonchal ance. Circus folk are that way— quite blase! Copyright, i»2J. Iti>la Negri's Slranpe Rival far Charlie Chaplin s Love (Continued from Page Owe.) went to the door leading to the street and saw the same mysterious guest of earlier in the evening. Hefore he could make a move to pr* vent she lifted a bottle to her lips and drained its contents. Then with a little cry she slumped down on the floor of the vestibule like one dead. This time the swiftest of the fleet of motor cars in the Chaplin garage speeded Marina Vega away from the mansion where she had twice briefly been an unbidden guest At the hospital It was found she had swallowed enough of some myste rious poison to make her life for a time despaired of. She is recovering from the effects of the poison dose, but it is thought to Ik* a question whether she can Is* cured of the self-hypnotism which seems to have prompted her flight from Mexico and her In vasion of the Chaplin home Per haps the deeply etched delusion that Charlie Chaplin is the fairy prince who should be her own particular hero could be erased from her mind if she could be sent to live for sev eral years In some place where Chaplin's name Is never mentioned and pictures of him are never seen. Since it seems impossible to find such a place medical science will be forced to devise some other method of treating this unhappy girl's unusual case. Psychologist* see in the experi ence nf this unhappy young Mexi can girl now proof of the extraor dinary Influence which the movie may often exert on the human mind Of course Marina Vega was all the more susceptible to it be cause she was at her most Im pressionable age and because she was living in a place where there was little or nothing to amuse ex cept the occasional films. Doubtless Charlie Chaplin Is Just ns fondly enshrined in the love dreams of thouaands of other girls —but ones who lark the courage to try throwing themselves at Ills feet as Marina did. If this Is so, then how many mil lion more girlish henrts must sueh romantic personalities as ltodoipii Valentino lie the secret rulers of? The total, if there were any wny of computing it, could hardly fall to be one to stagger tho Imagina tion The island of Ceylon Is the only known place In the world where tho mineral tliorinalte is found. This metal Is largely used In the manu facture of the mantles for Incan lb - ■ '-nt gas lamps. ABE MARTIN On Topics o’ th’ D^~ /fH6 ffllifi XjheYc^jL^jy^^J i ftV'Banker Kliin-r Wilkin*, I’ooi W'ltanl. • U it better t be fairly efficient in several things than It is t' ex cel In some particular direction? ' is t' he thrashed out by th Apple drove Debatin’ society In th’ near future. We doubt if this problem lias been worryin' any considerable numiier o' people, hut a little arguin' o'er it won't hurt nothin'. Hlnce it seems like we have t' neglect ever thing else If we want t' excel at somethin' we think it's la-st t' keep in th' ordinary class We've known lots o' wizards, an' phenoms, an' humdingers, an’ past masters, an wonders, an' we rnn't say tlint they impressed us very favorably outside thor particular line. Th' liest pen man we ever knowed had never even heaid o' Tony Pastor, an' ho couldn't !«• trusted t’ go after a can o' corn. Loafers soon git to ex celin' at wood carvin' an dlsoussin’ grave national questions. Phenom enal mathematicians are th’ worst things. They Jest positively refuse t' know anything but flggers Pit less they're ill vaudeville they're o' no uso to anybuddy. Marvelous planner players are mueh th' same. They eat In bed an' don't know one state from another. Great singers have t' he coddled an' humored an' fed by hand. They git married an’ divorced an married agin Jest Ilk" they wuz talcin' a carpet sweeper out on approval, an' they don t care a thing about votin'. I’nparalleled theatrical stars are In a distinct class by 'eniselves. Applause an' press encomiums are th' only things they crave. Very often they don't see th' people they're talkin' to, an’ would fall utterly at anything or dinary like lain' u tradesman, or a bricklayer, or a postmaet* r, or a renntor, or liveryman. (Jenuine statesmen, when we used t’ have 'em, used t' unbend occasionally. Home wire peachy wa I trees, some were fair at rheas, while others were very capable horsemen Home times they dabbled in business with fair success. Alexander Hamilton, or Dan Webster, or drover Cleve land, we've forgotten which, used t' be Interested In a grocery that did right well. But as a rule great ab sorbed specialists are rarely known even t' ther Immediate families, an' rarely look at circus parades, or fool with flowers, or guns, or motor in'. It seems like It's Impossible for a celebrated doctor t' know th’ liver an' know nn>(hing else-—what's go In' on In world affairs, or what show is at th hall tiiight. or which is th' Is'st gas, or how t' collect what's coinin' t' him. Mavis' he'll drop i remark a bout Inkin' a vacation eventually, some time while he * thumpin' our stomach, hut he never does. Farmers are jest beginnin' t’ git Interested in economic questions, but nobuddy kin learn t talk intel ligently on anything like economics an' find time t' plow an* milk. We recall when Rimer Wilkins wu* an all around man. He owned a half Interest in the O. K livery lutrn. wu* president o' th’ bank, city clerk, an* fairly handy with tools. He wu* nothin wonderful, but he wu* doin' well. Then he started in t' master pool, an* finally let go his other h aidin'* an' started a shootin' gallery. Then he w u* constable one term. Now he's a niuht watch man an' a ikh>1 wizard with a wife In Iowa an’ three daughters clerkin' in th* Monarch R an’ 10. (Copyright. 1*21 > An electric railway in California operates a weed burning device that is said to eliminate the hard work of hundreds of laborers with mattocks and h<s»s The appara tus. using oil as fuel, is brought Into contact with live steam. This systwn forms a gas. emitted under the car. which ignites and burns the weeds to the roots, destroying all seeds that are cast on th»> right of way. Doings in the Realm of Science arul Invention The art of embalming became a regular profession which highly skilled men practiced in 450 B. C Carp*ts which are made on a pa per mesh foundation of being manu factured in Germany, but they will stand neither beating nor much wear. Tref George Petit, famous French veterinary, has d scovered a way to rejuvenate race horses, dogs and ether animals by the same operation Prof. \ oronoff uses to give vigor to men. A wheelbarrow that climbs stairs is in use in Shanghai. China. It is worked by a series of wheels. The wheelbarrow often carries as much as 400 pounds up steps, see sawing from wheel to wheel. To determine how long it takes to “tire ' a metal to the i>oint wheie it gives way under repeated strains or shocks, a number of engineer ing associations have undertaken a comprehensive program of research to establish the endurance limits. r sOs ailed “fatigue ‘ of copper, brass, bronze and other metals. General George O. Squier. the rhitf signal officer of the Fnited States army, has invented a new universal alphabet, to take the Place of the Morse code. The nett alphabet, hailed as the greatest ad vance In the science of communica tion in many years, is 1.65 times faster than the international Morse code. Among the most curious motors ever invented is one devised for delicate experiments in heat meas urement. It is so sensitive that it begins to revolve the moment it is exposed to daylight, even when the sun is hidden, and in clear weather it will work all night, af fected even by the radiant heat of moonlight. According to Hr Ia)uis A Bauer, a director of Carnegie Institute. Washington, n C.. the earth's magnetism is diminishing one thousandth part each year. This loss of magnetism, he explained, would affect the magnetic needles i f compasses and surveying instru ments. but with no appreciable trace of error. The largest saR> in the world is being installed In the new Federal Reserve Rank building in Cleveland. Ohio. Weighing 500,300 pounds, the vault is 13 feet square, and has an all round thickness of four feet (< the toughest chromium steel. In case of an attempted robbery, the vault would stand against a heavy ' artillery fire for half an hour as it- steel protection is four t‘i|f-s If' 11 ker than the armor pla;. <rf a battleship
