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To the Ambitious
e
The International Correspondence School
of Scranton, Pa.,
are doing more for the ambitious man and woman of the United
States than any other institution in existence. With a million and a
quarter students enrolled, ten million dollars capitalization, seventeen
years' experience and two hundred and nine courses, they arc in a
position to furnish education to all classes of people.
P. J. Foster, president of this unique and wonderful institution,
has just granted a special discount to any person in Red Cloud or
vicinity who may be interested in home study, and in the near future
the representatives of the schools will have a display in the window of
THE NEW YORK DEPARTMENT STORE
showing workings, results, etc. Opportunity knocks at least once at
every.one's door. Do not let it knock in vain. For one whole week
From Monday, March 30, to Saturday, April 4.
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Watsr and Life.
Of ail the conditions preparatory to
JIfe the preseuco of water, composed of.
oxygen nnd hydrog.-n. 1b at once the
most essential and the most worldwide,
for If water bo present the presence or
other1 necessary elements Is prebably
assured. It' water exist, that fact goes
ball for the necessary temperature, the
gamut of life being coextensive with
the existence of water art Htich. It is
consequentially, life being impossi
ble without water Whatever tho pluu
et, this is of necessity true. But the
absolute decrees of temperature with
in wliich life can exist vary according
to tho mass of the body, another of tho
ways in which mere size tells. On tin;
earth 212 degrees F limits tho ranee
ut fluk tint mill ft4 liiirnuic fi ill- flu IliJ.1
v torn In the case of frsh water, 27 do-
grees K In the case of Bait On a
smaller planet both limits would be
lowered, the top one the most On
Mara the boiling point would probably
Ik? about 110 degrees V. Secondly,
iroin the general Initial oneness of their
oiut(tueuts a planet that still pos
sesses water wJH probably retalu the
other substances that are essential to
life pises, (or the reason that water
vaKr Is next to hydrogen-' a ndi helium
the lightest of them all. aud solids be
:ausi' their weight would still more
conduce to keep them there. Water,
Indeed, acts as a solution to the whole
.problem. -Professor l.owcll'8 "The Ev
ol tit Jon of Life" in Century Magazine.
rat nign giass rounciabouts, nenv up
lUBlStcd.
"Not that I know of," replied the
guide.' "Why do you ask such odd
questions?"
"Why, 111 tell you, boss. 1 was think
in' of the mighty uncommon inuguitudo
of them grasshoppers." Kansas CU
Independent
An Artist's Ruse.
A llomnti cavalier commissioned a
great artist to paint his portrait. ik
definite price being agreed upon. When
the portrait was Unbilled, the painter
asked 10(i crowns In payment. The
highborn sitteramazed at the demand,
returned no more nor dared to send for
his counterfeit presentment, whereup
on the artist hit upon the happy expe
dient of first painting bars across the
portrait, then atUxlug the doleful leg
end. "Imprisoned for debt" rtiul liually
placing It In a prominent part of his
studio, to which Itoman nobles fre
quently resorted. Ere long a rich rela
tive came to the rescue aud released
his kinsman.
I n Other Reacon.
A teamster retires ,ut the age of
ninety with an accumulation of $50,
000. lie says he wants and is entitled
to a rest Homo inquirers want to
know how he could have saved so
much ou $12 u week, the highest woges
lie eer received. The answer Is easy.
lie got 9K a day. Ho lived on 22 cent:)
a day. He saved tho difference. I lived
in New York on 0 cents a day for
nearly six uroliths and was in magnlll
cent health. Some people cat to llc:
others live to eat As the old chap on
tho ferryboat said to the small boy:
"Sonny, why does a pig eat?"
"'Cause he's hungry."
"No. There's another reason."
"Whufs dnt?"
"lie wunts to make a hog of him
self." New York Press.
Only an Office Boy.
"If you want a ready-to-haud study
in the downright eusuedncss of human
nature unwarped." said an Insurance
ugeut. "just watch the otllco boys in
jour own or any other place of busi
ness In four cases out of five the
thing will come out this way:
"A new boy Is engaged, ilp is meek
and mild, apologetic of bearing and
courteous of speech, lie is apparently
seeking an excuse for during to make
.n living. He looks reproachfully at
the head of lice boy, who orders uhu
around in a rough, catch-as-catch-can
st.lc Such rudeness pains him.
"Note this boy a little later. His
rude superior hue resigned or been dis
missed, and he is now head oflice boy.
Is he meek and mild, apologetic and
reproachful? Say, he's a worse young
rulllan than his predecessor-bullyrags
, 1he newcomer, ignores -the cuspidor,
' uses language not fit to print and
" -comes dangerously near "sussing' ills
employer. Ho knows It all. and a lit
tle more.
"There are exceptions, but they prove
the rule." New York Ololte.
A Big Grasshopper.
A geographical expedition which set
iut for Australia ou un exploring and
mapuiaklng tour had engaged a negro
.Hiok. who took great Interest lu every
thing he saw. While the party wiib en
route a kangaroo broke out of the grass
and made for the horizon with pro
digious leaps, an event that interested
iho colored gontlemuu exceedingly.
"You all have pretty wide meadows
hereabouts, I reckou." he said to the
native who was guiding the party,
"Not any larger than tho. e of other
countries," returned the guide most po
litely. I '.'iV.eiJ. there must b 7. jvupw.
Newton'a Telescope.
Newton's, telescope Is a clumsy look
ing instrument uine Inches in length,
two inches In aperture and capable of
magnifying thirty-eight times. It was
entirely made by Nowtou himself, who
first exhibited it before the Itoyal so
ciety In 1071, and more than 100 years
later his successor In the presidency of
the society laid before George III. Sir
William Herschel's scheme for mak
ing a telescope on Newton's plan, to be
forty feet In length nnd four feet la
aperture. Pall Mall Gazette.
8am Weller.
It wns Sam Weller who made Dick
ens famous. "Pickwick Papers" wer
a complete failure financially until tlii
unique character was Introduced. Th
press was all but unanimous In prulr
lng Samlval as an entirely orlgiiiu
character whom none hut a great gen
lus could have created. Dickens re
celvod over $10,000 for "Pickwick Pa
pers." and at the age of twenty-six hi
was Incomparably the most populn
author of his day. Loudon Standard
Tame Your Rattlesnakes.
A tame rattlesnake lielonglng to h
Arizona farmer sleeps every night
the frout gate of Its owner's garden
colling himself around Uie gate am.
gatepost, so that n lock aud chain t
keep out Intruders are not ueeded
Pittsburg Dispatch
Financial Expedient.
Shoeblackr-Rhlne sir? I'our sous''
Passerby No. thank you SI' c'llnck
Two sous? Passerby -No. Shoeblack
For nothing, then? Passerby A
right, if you like. Shoeblack (nftci
having finished one shoei It's (I sous
to clean the other, sir. Nor Iolslrs.
Kept Busy.
One of the contemporary poets ask' .
"Whore are the bright girls of the
past?" Our own observation Is that
pome of them are administering ca
tions doses of paregoric to the brig'
girls of the future.
Tender Hearted.
Mrs. Muggins- My husband Is loo
tender hearted in whip the 'd 'n
Mrs. Rugglus- Humph! l, husband
Is so tender hearted that he can't even
beat the carpet!
Where envying Is there Is confusion
nnd every evil work. New Testament.
Foiled.
"Ah!" said Rraglc.i. with a view to
making Miss Wise Jealous "1 wns
alone last evening with some one I ad
mire very much."
"Ah!" echoed the bright girl. "Alone
were you?" Philadelphia Press.
A Losing Scheme,
"They tell me that poor .lolly Is a
victim of his own good fellowship "
"That's so. He lost his own health
in drinking other p.-opio's "-Baltimore
American
Tho Cocp.
"This flat Is a mere coop"
"Y"s. John." said his wife sweetly,
":' 1 the cook hns Just Hew It." Pitta
ti"i. Vwr
How to Stop a Nose Bleed.
When the bellboy responded to the
Ignal lie found the elderly traveling
nan Mantling In the center of the room
milling a handkerchief to his nose.
oni which the blood was oozing.
"Give me a l p alongside of the
end, good aud hard." said the elderly
an. ttriiliig his laic to -n rd the bo.
id speaking with dllllctilty.
"Hut. sir. I"
"Don't stop to talk." sputtered the
aveilng man "Slap me. I tell you."
;ilu ho! Mug his head :! aid. The
he I'iitcd !' ;i iiio'iti'iit. then tim .
'.ly slapped the man's lace. "Harder!'
i inuiiui e,l the suihti'ii one The box
i- it 'I'd nit I'tnwr. but I h Ills open !
t:i! hi dealt tin- tii.-iu a vigorous blow. I
"That's better." grunted the gory one '
is he removed tle liauil'.ii'rchlef ami '
a'"ter a test found the b. ceding had
-topped. "I'm su'ijeit to these attacks
if n.i-U' bleed." lie c. plained to the as-
i ihhc.l .v until, handing him a lip "I
have tried all soils of reme'.les. but
nothing acts mti.e promptly than a
'l-iw iilmig Ide the brad 'I lie shock
Winn to p.iral.xze the ruptured blond
vessels and the qi'lt un-k ei om
Try It some time If yon h.i.c the ncen
Ion. I got the Idea lioui an o. I physl
lau lu Mclco." New York Pi ess
Could Sco For Himself.
Clarence I-osier t"Pop"i the old bah
player, was always hus. e nig in hi
pare moments in the clubhouse I'os
(er was a Intiuisnuie fellow and took
pride lu keeping himself looking ilea
,iiid natty as far as his attire went, and
lie was as particular as an old maid re i
KlIiuiiiK inn vmilll-.i. tn lin ui-ii iMin.i
doing the tailor act with the needle and
bread. One August "Pop" was tukeu 111
mil was nlllng for some few days. The
'net of his Illness got Into the public
press and so became common talk
among the players. A few days after
he announcement was made that Fos
ter was III the St. Louis aggregation
blew into the Washington grounds. The
first day Foster was discovered sitting
in front of the clubhouse, busy at his
everlasting sewing.
"Hello. Pop!" shouted Catcher Jooj
Miguen. i ucarii you were bick, out
how are you now?"
"Well, loe," carelessly responded
Foster as he pnuBed a moment In bis
tailor stunt, "I have been sick,. but Just
at present, as you can neo for yourself,
I happou to be on tho mend." Wash
ington Star.
L. SHERMAN,
General
Auctioneer
Residence: Firt door south of
Ked Cloud .Mill, 101 South Webster
street.
Can bo found at homo ovory fore
noon. Terms reasonable.
T?"!WWR
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--5 Jf 1
VMM
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PARKER'S
HAIR BALSAM
Clfin."! ami li-mctim the hair.
I'riiiiinlrt it tiivulniil growth.
Mvcr Vail to llr.toro Ory
linn- to tin fuutliful Color.
Cut!'. .ii f .-.. fi holr t.llloE.
W it DfiigitUll
Don't Biy land nor loan
(Money on Real Estate
without getting ouo of Tcel's
perfect Alwtrncta of Title. The
oldest and most reliable sot of
Abstract Iiooks in Webster Co.
910,000 bond filed and approved.
Represent nix of the best In
surance companies doing busi
ness in the state.
aNPMWMwaaaMiwHHMmaHHi(
LOANS MADE o CITY PROPERTIES
O. C. TEEL,
Red Cloud, Nebr.
OtHem Im Ovmrtrng Blotk.
No Coma Back.
Borne of the West Indian Islandern
have learned that when n foreigner
misbehaves on their shores It Is Isjtter
to suffer In silence than to mete out
punishment at the risk of a descending
gunboat from the miscreant's native
land. A judge In Haiti, however, re
cently took occasion to pay off old
'cores and to redeem his self respect
lu the case of an oircuder brought be
fore him.
To his first question us to the nation
ality of the accused the interpreter had
answered that the prisoner was from
Hwltzerlaud.
"Switzerland!" snld the Judgo. "AmF
Switzerland has no seat-oast, has it?"
"No seacoast. your honor." repllc''
tho interpreter.
"And no nnvy," continued tho Judge
"And no navy, your honor." wns the
reply.
"Very well, then," said the Judge
"give him one year at hurd lalior."
Hrooklyu Life.
CATARRH
&Y
lY-fEVER
RMtt
""I tV
rovju
fiH
Si
'1
&
m
x&
v
"Doctor, you have saved my life!
feel thut I can uever repay you!"
"1 feel that I'll sue you If you don't
Houston Post.
y0jirm
Ely's Cream Balm
8uro to Clve Satisfaction.
OIVK8 RKLMEP AT ONOI.
It cloansos, sootkm, heals and protects tho
diseased membrane nwulting from Cntorrh
wid drives awuy n Colli iu tho Head quickl v.
Iteatorcs tho Bonnes of Tnsto ami BmclL
Eoay to two. Contains no injurious drugs
Applied Into tho nostrils and absorbed.
Largo Bizo, 50 conts at Pruggista or by
mnil Liquid Cream Balm for uso
atomizers, 75 cent.
IX BROTHERS, 66 Warren St.. New York.
JklUlMttaA
A man was recc-i.tly be.ng . '
murder, but the evidence again
was so weak that the Judge i'.:.
tho Jury to flud u verdict of
guilty" aud notified the court ot
Intention to stop the case Hir t
youthful counsel for the defouse wan
cd the opportunity of becoming fa
mous. Ho asked permission to addrers
the court. "Certulnly. Mr. Cuntspout.'"
remarked the Judge. "We'll hear .wu
with pleasure, but first for safetv'
sake, we'll acquit the prisoner"
The learned el In. i lied. Loo
Rcduceo Size.
fter a conceit at Matiehester, Kt'g
land. Joachlu.. tin- " cit violinist, '.v.u
at a s(,t;loii. waiting nr a train
..cctable looking inaii. appuient-
t.i .. ,..vvy in Uls be-1 clothes, paced at
u - .... Idle, ...ii. lilug him vvl i
ti .ciest. I-'ln.i .l. he asked fm .
.id got It. A .ie drew at I
g.'t It htarteu lie looked .loin '., i
lie face i b. i JUt as be .h
i . gn im lie . 'I the vlolluiM h
. .e i i,.,.
iinanini t.ie uiaii." - I
. mil iiKfd ie sn. declaies
- -'-"W
The Safest ReguBBi"
for Children
Children require the very gentlest
and safest bowel regulator you can Thi
give them. Violent purgatives are ffogJU
UL-nlv to An more, harm than pood. alW
A nd moreover, thev caulie unnecessary GuiranUt
..CCnr-Xnrr fnm rrrininfT ini nnUir!.1.
auiibiiu iiui" t3l-'"&
1 IUV IUUWV..
ever made. If
these Orderlies
do not benefit
you, if you're
not entirely sat
isfied with them,
bring back
the empty box
and wo will
promptly hand
back your mon
ey. The com
plete formu
la of these new
laxatives given
vpon request
3g2sS
Orderlies
arc undoubtedly the best bowel-medicine for
children ever discovered. They assist Na
ture to renew her functions so quietly and
naturally that there is no unpleasantness
whatever. They cure constipation without
griping or nausea, and afford immediate and
lasting relief.
Rcxall Orderlies are pleasant tasting,
vanilla flavored tablets, and children take
them as eagerly as they would candy.
Large Box (38 tablets), 25c.
Small Box (12 tablets), 10o.
)..
ol t P Sti
mil in I
i mil h
;iiit to whittle '
that he tiev
Whole p ,i
1 a had i.e r
' o tine
The h. B. Gricc Drug Co.,
THB REXALL STORE.
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