"7" wy attempts to haul doion the American Flag, shoot him on the spotS
VOL. 3.
PLATTSMOUTH, NEBRASKA, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 18G7.
NO 24
THE HERALD
IS PUBLISHED
WEEKLY,
ii. r. iiatiiaway,
EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
ryOIEce corner Maia street and Levee, second
fetory.
TeiEls: $2.50 per ancara.
Jlates of Advertising
Oae square (space of ten lines) one insertion, 9 1 .80
Eacn subsequent insertion - - l.i.O
Professional tarda not exceeding fix lines 10 00
Oat -quarter column or less, per annnm 3.VU0
sit months 20 P0
. three months 15 00
waehalf column twel re month 6".00
" six months a5.00
three months 'jo.ou
Oieeolumn twelve months - li'Mo
' six months - e',0.00
three months - - 85.00
All transient advertisements mast be paid for in
advance.
jfj-We are prepared to do all kin.' of Job Work
on snort notice, and in a style that wi.l give sstis
faction. WILLITT F0TTENGER
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
FLATTSM0UTU - - 'NEBRASKA.
" T. m MARQUETT,
ATTORNEY AT LAV
Anp
Solicitor in Chancery.
PLATTSMOUTH, - - NEBRASKA
' c ii- nincr
Carpenter and Jcinor
CONTRACT OS and BoITDER,
Will d work in hf line with u eatness cm dirpat
Va short not'.r.
Dr. J. S. McADOW,
UAVIN'S RF.TIT.NTD TO HOC K BLUFFS TO
practice I'hyaic. olT..! his prore--ion:il services
to hi- o!d patron? and public generally. Particular
attention paid to riiseasi s. of tb LYi;. A cure cvr
anti'ed in all curablu cases. Charg-i mod'-r-ito -same
as one jear aft. j lu$
3.RLIYIHOSTON, LI. D.
Physician and Surgeon,
Tenders hU professional services to the citizens of
Ca conpiy.
jfs-Kesidence In Frank White h-uc, corner cf
Oa' and Sixth streets; Otfice on Main street, oppo
site Court House, Platt.'month, SuLrask.
Platte Valley House
Ed. B. Mchpiiy, Proprietor.
CV.t.iot- c-f .1 '- tinil Fo-irik f'r-crfs,
Zattsruoufli, ST eta.
Tlilid"!! having been re fnt-1 an! netrjy fnr
nlsht 1 cllers flri-t-clads accon.nicda'.i.iu!. Uo.ird by
the day or week. r.up23
BURNS & CO.
Deal' rs in
DRY (SOOBS, fiROCKRIKS
AGRICULTURAL IUTLKIIESTS,
And a g-inerr.l assortment of (j.kj Is nsual y kept in a
llrst-class country store.
Ay oca, 0as9 Co., - - Neil
auBl
I. MAXWELL, SAM. M. CHVTMAN
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Solicitors in Chancery.
rlATTSMOUTII, - NEBRASKA.
Offlca over Black, Battery A Go's Dru Store,
aprl
CLARKE, PORTER & ER17IN,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
And Solicitors in Chancery,
maut st., or posits the court-house
TLATTSMODTII, NEB.
ATLORD J . CLARKE, B rOUKST POUTER,
W. W. ERWT.
IW REAL ESTATE A fEXC
JlB'Wtf
joseph
scniiATEn,
WATCJ MAKES and JEWELER,
mais Street,
FLATTSMOUTH, - - NEBRASKA
A rood assortment of Watches CI J Cold Ten',
Jewelry. SilverWare, Farcy 4oo.is. Violins and i
elin Trimmings always on hand. Ail work com
milted to his care will be warranted.
April 10, lrtio.
O. R, IRISH, CALHOT7S 4 CROXTOS,
late Sup't Indian Ajfairs. Attorneys at L-iw
IRISH, CALHOUN & CR0XT0N.
The above named centWnen have associated
themselves in business for the purpose of rosccut
in and collecting all claims against the Geiiernl
Government, or apainst any trile of Indians, and
Are prepared to pro.-ecnte such claims, either before
Conretss,or anv of t he Departments of Government
or before the Court of Claims,
Sla. Irish will devote bis personal attention to
Its uiness at VVa.-hiUfrton.
83" Office at Nebraska City.corner of Main and
FUth streets.
m. api.fr,
d A.rr.ixtMis.
S. ADLER Sc. CO..
BECTIFI EE S
.tf-V-D DISTILLERS,
Dealers in ail kinds of Foreign and Domestic
WINE3?LIQTT0RS AND CIGARS.
KO. 14, EAST SIDE MARKET SQ UAIIE,
St. Josepli, Itl.
oc25 ly
latiorj Claim Ageucj'.
VASH1NGTCN D C
F. M. DORRINGTON,
Sm AGENT:
FLATTSMOUTH, - . NEBRASKA,
Is prepared to present and presecnie claims-bcf r
Congress, Court of Claims and the Heps iments. Pa
tents, l'ens:ons, Bount es, and Bounty Lands se
cured. (""C'hnrues moderate, E. 1 in propirtion to
theamiunt of the claim. jj. DURKlNti TO.V.
April 10, '65
O K. LIcCALIiULI,
Mannf.icturer of and dealer In
Sadtlles and Harness,
Of every description, wholesale and retail. No. 130
Main street, between 5ih and 6th streets, Nt hraska
CU7; je!3
Hlace to gat cheap Lamps and 1 amp Chinina
-at t m.BLA0K, BUTTERY Jt 9.
29
vriiolcsoiuo Trntli for Irisli
raen. The Irish Republic, printed at Chi
cago, is one of the ablest newspapers
published in the West. It is earnest
in it support of the principles which
underlie the Feniau organization, and
battles manly for the disenthrallment
of Ireland from British domination and
tyranny. In a recent article, under
the head of "A Declaration of Princi
ples," the editor of the Republic ad
ministers some wholesome advice to
hi Irish brethren throughout the Uni
ted States, which cannot be too care
fully read and thoughtfully pondered
by every friend of Irish freedom. We
make the following extract from the
leader referred to, and commend it to
the attention of those who are blindly
following the lead of the enemies of
Human Progress and Human Free
dom in thid country, and throughout the
world :
Who knows not that the giant hand
of the American Republic could, at a
single blow, smash to atoms the blood
stained fabric of English tyranny, and
leave Ireland free from her deep deg
radation, and take her place of power
and prosperity among the free nations
of the earth ? Why has not that hand
been lifted up to strike in the name of
justice? Why has it hitherto been
hung paralj'zed while such murderous
wrong Las been perpetrated in the. face
of earth and heaven ? Let the quest
ions be fearlessly answered, according
to the demands of truth, and we will
make at least one step in advance of
the deplorable condition which, until
now, wo have been compelled to occu
py. We wi'.l, at all events, discover
the dreadful disease which has sapped
our strength and endangered our very
rxUtence. Whether or not it will be
in our p.wr i apply an cileulUttl rein
ed', and so to establish a complete
cure, remains hereafter to be seen.
The sovereign people of America have
stool by and suffered the sacrifice of
Ireland, without either earnest remon
strance cr anything like effectual inter
ference. To this course of conduct
there were, in our judgment, two grand
causes contributing, The first was the
curse of Amirican slavery. This was
a hereditary complaint. The virus
was derived, as a fatal inheritance,
from that destroying tyranny against
which the people of America had to
fight for their national existence. It
2rew and spread like a consuming can
cer, until it or the Republic had to be
exterminated, For fully three-quarters
of a century it polluted and pois
oned the fountains of national thought
and feeling, and compelled even the
most earnest advocates of Ameritan
freedom to think and act more for the
preservation of liberty, and the conse
quent necessary extinction of slavery,
in their own land, than the righting of
the wrongf, or the restoring of the
rights of the oppressed of other lands.
And, alas, it is a sad and sorrowful
confession, which truth compels us to
make, that, with noble exceptions, the
Irish race took sides with those who
would have continued the curse of hu
man slavery in this country, and who
etill lament its extinction. So long as
the majority of the Ariierican people
and their Government supported sla
very on one side of Atlantic, it could
hardly be expected that they would be
come the champions of liberty on the
other. Nor were they. And so long
as the Irish people exerted themselves
to rivet the chains of an oppressed race
in America, it was scarcely reasonable
for them to complain of the oppression
of their own race in Europe. But they
did; and we must do the world the
justice of admitting that it did not be
lieve either ia their consistency or sin
cerity, " Another leading cause of the in
difference and action with which the
people of America have treated the
question of Irish national independence
has been the spirit cf intolerance which
Irishmen have, in too many instances,
displayed towards each other. We
have, then, to do one thing before the
free people of America will either be
lieve or aid us, and that is, to proclaim
ourselves the enemies of human sla
very in its every form, whether among
blacks or whites ; whether in Ireland
or America, in Italy or England, in Af
rica or Europe its enemies in life, and ,
to death to proclaim ourselves the
friends of freedom, equal right? to ev
ery man, of every croed, o' t-very
country, and color, and clime. We
have to proclaim and prove that noth
ing, not even religion, will save ty
rants from our vengeance that noth
ing, not even difference of creed or
color of skin, will prevent u from do
ing full and equal justice to all our
fellow-men. Satisfy your American
brothers of this, satisfy the intelligent
world of it, and the tyrant injustice of
England will fall before you like grass
before the scythe of the mower, and
the liberty of Ireland will be foundsd
on the rock of everlasting justice and
truth. We are prepared, through weal
and woe, to work for cur country's in
dependence, with honest men, whether
they agree with our principles or differ
from them. But we again lift up, most
earnestly, a warning, that if ycu in
tend to build successfully, you must
build upon the rock of eternal justice
and universal liberty."
Cheap Telegraphing.
The recently published announce
ment ef the government of Prussia,
that il---will extend the telegraphing
system to every town of 1,500 inhabi
tants, is an earnest of what every gov
ernment should do for its people, and
might be more easily and profitably ac
complished in the United States than
elsewhere. The grand result- pro
duced by the reduction cf postage to
such rates as even now are charged,
eau scarcely be estimated by the hu
man mind. Probably, on no defensi
ble theory, has the government any ex
clusive right to monopolize the po?tl
business of the nation, and that any in
dividual or company of men have as
srood right to ctrry on the business as
the United States. This has b?n
mooted question, strongly argued ty
Lysander, Spooner ar.d other abl Nw
England theorist?, but so far, hae re
sulted in coofirming the assumed pow
ers of th government. But why should
not the United States, if they are justi
fied, in controlling the mail service, as
nmt ths telegraphic system of the
country, buy in every line, and extend
the same in a!l directions to every town
cf sufficient population to pay the ex
penses of an offise ? By so doing, and
reducing the tariff to prices adequate
to useet the bare cost of the system.ws
hould streightway be in possession of
the noblest and most philanthropic
work in the land. To what multifari
ous uses would the telegraph then be
put where now the click of the key is
unheard ! What incalculable benefits
to the poor would accrue therefrom !
Statistics last year at Washington,
show that the coit of telegraphing, if
reduced to the actual expense of main
taining the system, would fall below
present prices more than 75 per cent
If the government can afford us a cheap
postal system, it can also give us cheap
telegraphy, and that is one of the du
ties which the people will exact of
Congress, soeaer or later. Conserva
tive. Jfy Loyal Germans, do you know
that one of the Editors of the Inde
pendent! Council B:ufTs Press Mr,
Warden asserted not long since that
nine tenths of his German brethren,
the men of his own blood and nation
ality who entered the federal army,
had gone into the service for the pur
pose of making money ? and that in
the same conversation he stated he had
served the late slave holders rebellion
in Wheeler's rebel cavalry ? Such is
the case and the fact can be established
by giving the testimony of some of the
best and most responsible men - in this
city, some of whom are Germans.
One of his German brethren on the
occasion gave him the lie and he swal
lowed it. Do you want such a man to
stand at the head of the organ which
goes forth to the world as your repre
sentative ? or are you still true to those
principles which you have heretofore
espoused and for which so many of
you recently fought ? We letre it to
you to answer, and we believe you will
speak in the negative. We cannot be
lieve for one moment that the loyal
Germana of this city and Western Io
wa will support a paper under the edi
torial management of one cf Wheel
er's Rebel Cavalry Are we right?
Nonpareil.
Tlie Progress of tlic Conspiracy
It is but a few days more than one
month since Congress adjourned. One
of the most excising and interesting de
bates of theJuly session was on the
question of adjournment; and already
the country sees that it was one of the
most important questions considered at
that session. There were those in
Congress who had the sagacity to see
and the courage to say, that Congress
ought not to adjourn while Andrew
Johnson still possessed pow er. But they
were in the minority in both branches
of the national legislature. They were
squarely outvoted by a majority who
believed, or affected to believe, that
Mr. Johnson could do no harm. Some
of them asserted the opinion that he
did not desire to do harm. Already
this majority can see its mistake. Mr.
Johnson has shown that they have as
serted what they did not know, or he
has grown to be a worse man than they
were willing to believe he could be.
Which is it? Let those who trusted
him answer. But let us see hat a
month has brought forth.
1st. The President invited the Sec
ret.iry of War to resign.
2d. Mr. Stanton declined, lelieving
it to be his duty, and the will of the
loyal people of the nation that he should
hold on.
31. The President requests General
Grant to accept the War Office tempo
rarily. 4:h. Gen. Grant does accept, and so
informs Mr. Stanton, who, of course,
retires. TLere was no alternative.
Here was his successor, in the person
of General of the Army, bearing the
order of the Presidet come to relieve
him. The civil and the military uni
ted. Did the liyal people desire this
done ? Did one man loyal to the law
ask to have it done ? Hnve things pro
gressed letter since it was do.it? Let
the people answer.
oth. The President issues an eider
for the removal cf jGen. Sheridan.
6;h. Gen. LJrant protests in manly
terms and wih cogent reasons. But
the Presiden. will not relent. There
fore, Grant issues the order, and the
will of the nition is defied, and one of
its most faithful and trusted agents is
diihonored, so far as it is in the power
of Mr. Johnson to dishonor Lim. Did
any loyal man want this done ? Not
one. Only icbels and theirco-workers
wanted Sheridan removed.
7ih. General Sickles is ordered to
surrender his department to General
Canby. Did any loyal citizens ask for
the removal of Sickles ? Did any such
citizen ask for the appointment ef Can-
by? Why, then, were these changes
made ?
8:h. The President orders General
Thomas to Louisiana. He cannot go.
Therefore, he orders General Hancock
to be withdrawn from his command
and sent to Louisiana.
9'h. General Grant declines to order
Hancock to Louisiana for the all-sufficient
reason that Hancock is opposed
to the law he will be required to exe
cute. But finally Grant submits, but
directs that none cf the orders issued
by Sheridan shall be abrogated without
the assent of the General of the Army.
The President objects, and in a subse
quent order virtually annuls the saving
clauie of Grant's order.
10ih. The President directs that
Sheridan at once assume command in
the west, without reporting at Washing
ton, aj ordered by Grant.
These are the thinga accempliihed.
Those promised are
1st. The removal General Howard
from the charge of the Freedmen's
Bureau.
2d. The removal of General Pope.
3d. A reformation of the Cabinet
so as completely Jciinsonise it.
4th. War upon the loyal pres by
withholding information from papers
which do not support the Johnson non
reconstruction policy.
5th. Filling the South with emissa
ries to prevent the registration of loyal
men, and to thus enable the rebels to
vote down conventions, and prevent re
construction. 2yA correspondent wants to know
why an old maid is like a sucked or
ange, and then has the assurance to
answer his own question by giving the
reply: Because neither one is worth
squeezing !
;raitls Indictment of f lie Pres
ident. The Detroit Post regards the letter
of General Grant as the grand indict
ment on which Andrew Johnson "will
be tried and convicted, and removed
from office." In the language of Grant,
he is charged with an "effort to defeat
the laws of Congress;'' for granting a
"triumph" to the "unreconstructed ele
ment in the South those who did all
they could to break up this Government
by arms, and now wish to be the only
element consulted as to the method of
restoring order," for "emboldening
them to renewed opposition to the will
of the loyal masses, believing that they
had the Executive with them," for re
moving General Sheridan, though "he
had performed his civil duties faith
fully and intelligently," for disregard
ing General Thomas' services in bat
tling for the Union, and assigning him
to relieve General Sheridan against his
earnest protest ; for removing General
Hancock when the public interests de
manded his services in a "complicated
department;" for disregarding "mili
tary interests and pecuniary interests;''
for defying "the expressed wuh of the
country that General Sheridan should
no', be removed," and the earnest re
monstrance of the General of the Ar
my, who protested, in vain against it.
in the name of a patriotic people who
have sacrificsd hundreds ef thousands
of lives and thousands of millions of
treasure to preserve the integrity and
union cf this country.
f3 Thurlow Weed says in the
New York Commercial Advertiser.
"We are not likely to forget or un
dervalue the services rendered by Mr.
Stanton to our Government in 1SG0.
He discovered in Buchanan's Cabinet a
conspiracy to seize the archives, pre
vent the inauguaration of Mr. Lincoln
and usurp the Government. Tbu3 far
Jake Thompson, Cobb. Slidell, Mason,
Benjamin, &c.,&,c, proceeded whhthe
co-operation of Toucey, when Mr.
Stanton with Governor Seward, wisely
determined to arrest the calamity.
Judge Hult was loyal. General Dix
was brought into the Cabinet. The
intended coup d' etat was prevented.
We saw on that occasion while Mr.
Lincoln was being sworn, Generals
Scott and Wool standing by their guns,
pointed in the vicinity of the capiiol,
with less than a thousand regular
troops for its defense. Floyd, the
secession Secretary of the Navy, had
all the troops and ships of the Govern
ment sent out on distant service. We
believed then, as we firmly believe now
that but for Edwin M. Stanton, traitors
would usurped the Gevernment on the
4th of March 1861."
JKSThe below named gentlemen
constitute the Board of Directors of the
St. Joseph and Council Bluffs Railroad.
We give the names and residences:
Hon. J. F. Joy, of Detroit Michigan.
Hon Willis Phelps and N. Thayer, of
Boston, Mass.
Hon. James Craig, St. Joseph, Mo.
Thos. E. Tootle, Esq., do
Abram Nave, Esq., do
P. L. McLaughlin, Esq., do
It'ts ihe understanding as we are in
formed, that the President of the new
road is to be chosen from those cf the
Directory residing in thii city. St. Joe
Herald.
rS5 A Western paper state that
in a passenger train to Chicago from
the East, a young father and mother
were traveling with a sick and weary
child. There were also in the same
car half a dozen coarse fellows, who,
with their noise, kept the child awake
and crying. At last one beeame tired
of the little one's wailing, and ex
cla'med : "Seeme to me that young
one is making too much noise ; won't
somebody nurse it ?" The color flushed
over the pale face of the mother, es
she cuttingly replied : "If nursing
wjll stop that man's noise, tomebody
had better nurse him." The man sank
into his coat collar, and that was the last
of him. His companions, who greeted
the retort of the mother with a cheer,
were also silenced for the remainder of
the journey.
J3 An afflicted editor who is
troubled with hand organs under his
window, longs for the "evil days"
mentioned in Ecclesiaste?, when the
"grinders shall cease because they are
few," and the "sound of grinding,
shall be "low."
&"The following extract in regard
to delinquent subscribers, we take from
an exchange. It speaks the sentiments
of the press generally, when it says:
"Except the cash system is exclusive
ly and rigidly observed, we know of
no business whose bil's are so difficult
to collect. This is not because the
subscribers are unwilling to pay, but it
is principly owing to neglect. Each
one imagines that because his year's
indebtedness amounts to a small sum
the printer cannot be much in want of
it, without for a moment thinking that
the fruits of his entire business are
made up of exactly such little sums,
and that the aggregate of all the sub
scribers is by no means an inconsider
able amount of money, and without
which the publisher could not for a sin
gle month.continus to issue his paper."
COiN. A. Gray, formerlya staunch
Democrat, and connected with the
Cleveland Plaindealer, has experienced
a change of heart :
" I am in favor of giving a vote to
four classes of colored men: Firs' I
would give it to all who had borne arms
in putting down the accursed rebellion.
Second To all who read and write.
Third To all who had the thrift and
energy io accumulate sufficient to take
care of himself and friends. Fourth
and last To the balance.
- US'1" As an indication of the in
creasing tendency cf the public mind
to favor the proposed impeachment of
ihe President, it is mentioned that
among the newspapers which now fa
vor it is The Chicago Republican, a pa
per that has previously been quite earn
est in denouncing i'.. The Republican,
it is believed, reflects the sentiments of
the Hon. James F. Wilson, and if this
is true it gives a majority cf the Con
gressional Ctiiiu'i sts la lH'fQt of the
impeachment.
The Chicago Tribune very
justly observes that the recent 'charge'
cf Judge Underwood to the grand jury
of Richmond "is a disgrace to the
benh." After quoting a passage cf
the Judge's foolery, the Tribune asks:
" Is this a judicial charge or is it a cav
alry charge ?" It is neither. It is "a
charge to keep I have," that is, a judge
ship for life, in spite of his unfitness
for the office.
JrA gentleman called en a rich
miser, and found him at the table en
deavoring to catch a fly. Presently he
succeeded in entrapping one, which he
immediately put into the sugar bowl
and ehut down the cover. The gen
tleman asked for an explanation of this
singular sport. "I'll tell you," replied
the miser, with a triumphant grin over
spreading his countenance as he spoke.
"I trant to ascertain if the servants
steal the sugar."
JCSFThe velocity with which sound
travels depends to a great extent upon
the temperature and condition of the
atmosphere. When at the freezing
point it passes at the rate of 303 yards
per second, but when the thermometer
attains to 62 deg. Fahrenheit, sound
runs at the rate of 765 miles an hour,
which is about three fourths of the di
urnal velocity of the earth's equator. '
Faith. Dr. Mountain, chaplain to
Charles II, was asked one day, by that
monarch, to whom he should present a
certain bishopric just then vacant. "If
you have but faith, Bire," replied he,
"I could tell who," "How so," said
Charles, "if I had but faith?" "Why,
yes," said the witty cleric, "your Ma
jesty might say to this Mountain, be
thou rtmoved into that Sea." The
chaplain succeeded.
S5 The great railroad bridge
across the Mississippi river at Quincy,
which was begun in December last, is
being pushed ahead, and it is expected
that it will be completed by Septem
ber, 1S6S. It is to be the longest of
its kind in the United States, measur
ing one mile and four rods from shore
to shore, with a main draw 360 feet in
length both worked by steam. The
estimated cost is Sl.250,000.
One of the boys in a New Or
leans school was asked, after various
definitions had been given by others,
mostly quite correct, what was meant
by the verb to tantalize. He replied :
' It was to ask a great man- questions,
and then to criticise the answers."
Jf"" Bayard Taylor says that men
of all parlies in Europe speak of Andy
Johnson in terms of contempt the
"governing classes," because he ha
disgraced the highest office of the Re
public, and the masses because he has
done so much to hinder the progress
of freedem. This opinion of disinter
ested persons entirely coincides wit.'r
the general opinion of Andy in this
country.
A Missourian informed a trav
eler who had inquired about corn, that
'each stalk had nine ears on it and was
fifteen feet high."
"That's nothing to our corn," re
plied the traveler. "Up in Illinois
where I came from we always had nine
ears to each stalk and a peck of shelled
corn hanging to each tassel; but never
could raise any field beans with it."
" Why ?" asked the other.
"B2cause the corn grew so it always
pulled the beans up."
Editorial Cocrtest. The editor
cf the Foxtown Fusilecr is a generous
fellow. In his last number he says:
" Postscript We stop the press
with pleaure to announce the decease
of our contemporary, Mr. Snaggs, ed
itor of the Foxtown Flash. He is now
gone to another and better world.
Persons who have taken the Flash will
find the Fusilcer a good paper.
S?(Jones has been telling Robin
son one of his splitting stories.) Rob
inson "Ya-as it's very funny!" Jones
"Then, why the deuce don't you
laugh!" Robinson "My dear fellah
I would with pleasure, but I daren't
display any emotien these trousers
are so tremendeous tijrh:!"
33 "YTby don't you wheel that
barrow of coals, Ned?" said a learned
miner to one of his sons, vlt is rtat .
very hard job; there is an inclined
plane to relieve you." "Ah," replied
Ned, who had more relish for wiljhan
work, "The plane may be inclined bu:
hang me if I am."
Cr A Gipsy woman once promised
for a dollar to show two young ladies
the faces of their future husbands in a
pail of water. They looked and ex
claimed: "Why we see nothing but
ourfacee!" "Well," said the Gipsy,
"those faces will be your husbands'
when you are married."
JbsfiT" " Jennie," said a venerable
Camoronian to his daughter, who was
asking his consent to accompany her
urgent and favored suitor to the altar,
"Jennie, its a very solemn thing to get
married." "I know it," replied Jen
nie, "but its a deal more solemner not
to."
EST The New York gamblers have
organized a protective union with Hee
nan for President, to fight "The Soci
ety for the Suppression of Gambling."
At one of their meetings, a speaker
claimed that the business was as legit
imate as stock speculating. It would
be hard to dispute tha proposition.
As the steamboat Oregon was
passing a few days since, a newly ar
rived Irishman belonging to the cele
brated O'Regan family, was heard to
exclaim "O-r-e-g-o-n-O'Regan: oh,
be jabers! only four weeks in the coun
try yet, and a steamboat christened
after me!"
' Where wa3 John Rogers
burned to death ?" said the teacher to
me in a commanding voice. I couldn't
tell ; to the next, ns answer. "Joshua
knows" said a little girl at the foot of
the cla3f. "Well," said the teacher,
"if Joshua knows he may tell." "In
the fire," said Joshua, looking very
wise.
Es3 A boy who asked a Boston po
lice officer for shelter in the station-
house, said :
" See, Cap'n, first my father died,
and my mother married again, aad then
my mother died, and my father married
again, and somehow or other I don't
seem to have no parents at all, nor no
home, nor no nothing."
l?r A countryman going to market
with a load of pork, was met by a young
girl who very genteely mad&him a low
courtesy, when he exclaimed ;
,l What ! do you make n eourtesy to
dead hogs?"
" No, sir," answered the girl, "to
live one."
. I:
if
hi
,1
; 11
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