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About Nebraska advertiser. (Brownville, Nemaha County, N.T. [Neb.]) 1856-1882 | View Entire Issue (May 25, 1882)
0. W. FA1RDR0THER CO., Proprietor.
CALVKRT, "i T NEBRASKA.
1 MY BORROW. r x
I nw Death's angel ns It oiimo from ITonven,
'Mid clotnl mill blunt;
I Bald: " I Pity those who mourn.to-morrow;
Muah pqtnfnrt from my own, their Uourta shall
UOTTOW '" r i w .
Whn it hiw
And taken from
tho mourning onos their
When they havo seen
Their loved oiipb sulTorlng, chiinglnar.jiylnffl
Have lo ked tlioirliiat
Upon tbom.'tnid thrroses in thq'coula . t
v'8oiikoBOHtranirO." ' r
Yes, I will comfort Uirm whilo saying, ,
With npmlscd tlngor "
Turning their oyoti to the t)luo sky o'orhend:
Ho hopeful; hut ii moment you Bhuil linger,
Then Join your Mend. , ..
'MM beauty fudeloft and 'mid Joy ecstatic,'
To dwell lor.uye.' , ,
"Tills and much hioro of faltlj and resignation
My lli.'d shall wy;
For all Is well that la tho Father orders.
'(Jo, stricken one,
Mourn not tho dead; thoy rest from toll and
. dangor; , ., v t'
Hlswlllbodouot'" ...'. ;
Death's angel nearer camo. Lot my poor cot
timo Ho did hot puss,
Dut took from out my anna my cherished dar
j lings; - ' - ' -''"
And now, alasl - nf
Not ono of all tho words can I romombcr
1 would havo said,
Had Death loft ino my own lovod onos and
My friends' Insteiiu
Mtllte C. t'omeraut tn Our Continent.
Story of the
Land and Sea.
T WAWEII 1IKSANT AND JAtE9 HICR, IN ALL
nia YKAIl HOUND.
What should. wo havo on. i this
tlo island? Wo live on
you want to buy any?
44 Barnabas B. Wattles, Cap'en of tlio
Fair Maria, lying yonder. Guess 3011' d
like to bo aboard her. Well, business
first. Let's trade something. Got no
"'No." .. ,
" No berho do nier? No copra?
' Wo have, nothing."
44 Very well, then, 'said Captain Wat
tles. " After business, pleasure. Mate,
1 guess you are tired of this gom of tho
44 So tired," replied Box Armigor,
44 that if you had not turned up 1 bchovo
I should have made a raft out of tho
pamlang leaves and tried my luck."
44 Then I'm mighty glad wo csrmo,"
said Captain Wattles. 44 Tho more sons
I have a little bargain to propose before
you eoino aboard mv craft." ,-
44 Any bargain that's fair."
44 1 guess this is quite fair and honor
attic," tho Qaptain went 011. 44 You
havo been a beach-comber upon this
island for nigh upon three years. Throe
yea iv is a long time. Tho goll you wore
in love with has likely got tired of
waiting. Your name is wrote olF tho
. books; your ship is long since posted;
your friends have put on mourning for
44 What's the good of so much talk?",
interrupted Iiex.tt "I want to be taken'
off this island! What's your bargain?"
44 Fair and easy, lad. Let mo havo
my talk out." Captain Wattles looked
at him with a curious expression.
44 Why, you are as good as (load al
ready." 44 What do you mean?"
44 1 mean this,
men who would
There's ono or two
like vou to bo dead.
I'm one of those. What's more, I ain't
goin', for my part, to bo the means of
restoring you to life. No, sir. I don't
exactly wish you dead, and yet 1 don't
want to seo you alivo in England.", tt
This was said with great decision;
Kox listened with amazement. "
44 What harm havo I over dono to
you, manP" he cried. 44You wish mo
44 There's no use keeping secrets be
tween us two," continued tho strango
trader. "Look here, thrco years no,
boforo you got command of tho Philip
pine, you were in lovo with a certain
young lady who lives inllothorhitho."
"(To on. For God's sako, go on."
44 That sweot young thing.iSir, whom
it's a privilege to know and a prido to
fall in lovo with, peaked and pined
more than a bit, thinking about you
and wonderin' whero you wero."
44 Poor Lai! dear Lai 1"
44 Yes, sho was real faithful and kind
hearted, that gell. Ilor friends, and
Aaitnrtinlltf linn inMmi tiflir i nrta n Irirwl
of pleasure inreckoningtup,tho doadj
Sen sno Knows locaiou at uio Douonvoi
0 briny, gave fyon' upij IJitt sho noyor
gave youVun. No.movorr"! "- .f h
44 Poor Lai! dear Lai!"
Tho toars stood in tho castaway's
oyos as ho sat and listonpd.' Behind
14m tho mon of tho island stood liko
wild boasts on tho alort.Svaltlng for tho
moment of flight or attack. And nlso
liko wild boasts, they wero Jiovorw.cor
tain whether to fly pr to fight,- ft
"Noonediko' that? goll,-siiy no oho,4-"
continued Captain Wattles; "which is
$11 tho more reason why othor follows
Want to cut in." -,,- r '
Box began to understand. ' J J '
4 'Among othor follows' is'mysolf,
Barnabas B. Wattles. Very good. Now
you seo why. I would rathor hear you
wero dead than alive, and why I'm
darned disappointed to moot ,you hero.
Howover, you aro oil about as des
olate a placo as 1 know of, that's ono
Tho'fact brought no comfort to Rox,
but quito the rgvorso
"Mate, IJjviint'totoll you tho whole
Btory fair and ibovoiboard. I will toll
you no 1109. Theroforo, you may trust
WUai 1 Sav. . Aniltirat. Inhmi L-timu knur
ou oaino bore, and all about it." L"'
Rox told his story. It was nil as Lai
had divined from Dick's action. Thoy
sighted tho Island, boing thon half
doad with Winger1, and with difficulty
managed to paddlo thomsolvcs ashore.
Thoy wore seized by tho natives and a
consultation was hold as to whether they
should bo killed. Thoy wordparoiL
Life on that island is nocossarily.slm-
Elc. Tho people livo entirely on knbo
o, which Is a sort of rough bread mado
of tho pandang nut. Thoy have no
choice, because there is nothing else to
livo upon. It is tho only trco that grows
upon this lonely land. Kubobo is said
to bo wholesome, but it is monotonous.
Rex explained briofly that ho had
learned to Utile with thorn, and won by
lBlowjdbgrecs'Jt thoir confidence; that ho
had .taught thoin a fow dimple things
nhd that ho was regarded by thorn with
some sort of affection; that after a year's
Residence on tho island, a ship camo in
sight, but did not anchor. That a boat
put off. manned by an armed croyv, who,
wnen me people camo uowu iu muui
thorn, half disposed to bo friendly, at
tacked them, Killed some and carried
off othors, among whom was tho Malay
This mado thorn oxtrcmoly suspicious;
Sinco that event nothing ha'd'fiapponod;
nothing but tho slow surge of tho wave
upon tho reef and tho sigh of tho Wind
in tho pandang trees. , T fi
44 Now that you have como," Rox con
cluded, "you who know her," -ho
added, cheerfully, though his heart was
heavy in thinkiug of the bargain, "you,
will take mo off this islahd for her
44 For hor sakqP" echoed Captain Wat
tles. "Maifalivo! It is for hor sako
Jhat I won't do such apilly thing. No,j
sir. You understand that slib thinks'
you' ro alive. Very good then. Boin' n
faithful gell, 6ho keeps her word with
you. Onco she knows you aro dead,
why, there will bo a chanco for another
chap. And who so lil'elyas tho man
who camo all tho way out hero to dis
cover that intcrcslin' fact? See, pard?"
"Good God!" cried Rex. "Do you
mean that you will Iwivo mo hero and
say I am dead?"
44 That is exactly what I am coming
to, Cap'en Anniger. I take it, sir, that
you air a sensible man, and I havo been
told that you know better than most
which way that head of yours is screwed
on. You can understand what it is to
bo in lovo with that most beautiful
creature. What you've got to do is to
buy your freedom.
" llow am T to buy my freedom P"
"I've thought of this meeting, sir"
this was a happy invention of tho mo
ment "and I considered within myself
what would bo best. Tho easiest "way
out of it, and tho way most men would
choose, would bo to gel up a little shindy
with those brown devils there and to
take that opportunity of dropping a
'bead into your vitals. That way, I con
fess, did seem to me, at first sight, tho
best. But why kill a man when you
nccdn'tP I know it's foolish, but I
should, liko to go back to Unit young
creature without thinking thnt film d dis
approve if she knew.'"
Rex sprang to his foot. Tho man
who lay thero in tho stern of tho boat,
six feet from tho shore, his head upon
his hands, calmly explaining why ho
did not murder him, was going back to
England to many Lai ids Lai. To
marry licr! Ho throw up his arms and
was speechless with rage and horror.
Behind him tho savages stood
grouped, waiting for any sign from him
to lly or rush upon tho stra ngers with
The day was perfectly calm, tho sea
was motionless in tho land-locked
water, and, in tho calm and peace of
tho hotjioonday, the words fell upon his
brain liko words ono hears in a ghastly
dream of tho night.
41 Yes," tho man wont on, "I wnnt
to do what is right, and this is my pro
posal, Cap'en Anniger. I know you
can bo trusted, because I've made in
quiries. Some Englishmen can lie liko
Rooshan's, but some can't. You, I am
told, aro ono of that sort who can't.
Promise mo to drop your own name, not
to go back to England for twenty years
at least, never to let out that you are
Rox Armigor, to stay in those seas, and
I'll take you aboard my schooner and
land you at Levuka or Honolulu, or
wherever you please. Come, you may
oven'go to Australia if you liko. As for
names, I'll lend you mine. You shall
havo the name of my brother, Jacob H.
Wattles, now in Abraham's bosom.
He won't mind, and if ho docs it don't
matter. As for work, there's plenty to
get and plenty to do among these isl
ands. Thore's tho labor traffic; thoro's
pearl-fishing; - thoro's trading. You
may liijo among thom, marry among.:
them, turn, beaen-comborjfor life;- you
may got to. Fiji' and run a plantation.
Cap'en Armigor, if I were you, I would
rathor not go back.
"As for this placo, nmv, I don't sup
nose aimau crrows'to croi a venrninsr for
'kabobo for a permanence, and on this
durncd one-horso island thero doesn't
seem much ehoico outside the pandans
reojl Likewise, those young gentlemen'
picks aro not quito the
you wero brought up to, l
Whoreas, except for tho mis
sionaries, who.spoil everything, I don't
hinposo 'there's ootter company to bo
fmt anywhoro injthis world than you'll
ind in this ocean when I land you on
an island worth tho namo. At Ilono
lulii, f6i4 instance, thoro's nobblers and
champagne and, Wal, I'd rathor
liVo'thoto, or in ono or two othor islands
that I know, than anywhere in Europe
or tho States. And so would you, como
to look at things rightly." , ,
Rox still kept silent, pacing ton the
narrow bench. , it..
44 As for being dead, you'mboon dead
f tlirnn vmiN. art thnt. min't. bn nYivK-
for three vcars. so th
Llnntinn. Wliv. mail. 1 PlVO VOI1
-" -- - MW ..J SWJ
l cjvo you. life: I
resurrect vou. Think'of tHatl'
" As for boing altorod, you aro so
ohangod that your own mother would
not know you again. No foar of any
old friends recognizing you. And, so
far as a fow dollars go to start with, Bay
tho word and you shall havo thorn, with
a now rig out. '
.Still Itox mado no reply.
44 Thoro is my offer, plain and open.
I'm sorry for you, Cap'on Armigor, I
ro'lly am, bocauso she's out on1 out tho
best sot-up goll that walks. Hut two
mon can't both havo her. And I moan
to be tho man that does not you. And
all is fair in love." .
44 And if I rofuso your offer?"
44 Thon, Cap'en Armigor, you stay
just whero you now happen to bo. And
a mpst comfortablo location. Now, sir,
mako no error., r, Since tho day that you
landed on this island, havo you seen ary
a sail on the sea? No. Ships don't
come hero. .Even tho Germaus at Yap
know that it's no' manner of jjood com
ing hero. You aro out of tho reach of
hurricanes, so you can't expect so much
as it wreck. You aro hundreds of miles
from any land; you havo got no tools to
mako n raft, and no provisions to put
aboard hor if you could mako ono; you
aro altogether lonoly, and hopeless, and
destitute. Robinson Crusoo hadn't a
moro miserable a look-out. As for that
yoUng lady, j'ou havo no chanco, hot tho
least mito of a ohauce, sir, of seeing hor
cveragain. , YpU'linvodpst hor. Why,,
thonj'givfi her atibthorVchanco, and 'let
me say you" aro dea'd. '.Cap'on, you calf
write that'jS another of my conditions
a last dying will and testimony on a
bit of paper, which I will send hor.
Como, bo reasonable."
Rox stood still, staring blankly boforo
him. On tlio ono hand, liberty and lifo
for to stay upon tho island was death;
on the other, perhaps a hopeless prison.
Yet Lai Rydquist! If she mourned
him us ono doad, would it hurt to lot
her mourn until sho forgot him? Ho
shuddered as ho thought of her marry
ing tho cold-blooded villain boforo him.
Perhaps sho would never marry any
one; but go in- sadness nil her days.
I am happy to say that iho third
course open to him to givo his parole
and thon to break it did not ocour to
him as possible.
llo decided according to tho nobler
Go without mo," ho said. . And
then, "without a 'word of reproach or
further entreat', ho left tho beach and
walked away, and was lost among tho
palm-trees standing' thickly upon tho
thin and sandy soil.
Captain Wattles gazed after him in
"There goes," ho said, 44one of tho
rcalold sort. Bully for tho British bull
The group of savages stood still,
look'ing on and wondering. Thoy sus
pected many things: -that their white
prisoner would run away with tho boat;
that'tho'crcw might firo upon thom or
try to kidnap thom. Thoy also hoped a
fowUhings, such as that tlio white Captain-would
give thom things, lino beads,
finocolorod stuffs, or rum to get drunk
with. Yet nothing happened. Then
Captain Wattles, seeing that Rex Ar
migor had disappeared, bethought him
of something. And ho began to mako
signs to tho black fellows and to show
them from tho stern of his boat things
wonderful and greatly to bo desired,
nndjat tho samo timo ho gave cortain
directions to his crew.
Thereupon the savages, moved with
the envy and desire of those things,
did jjvith ono accord advance a fow yards
Captain Wattles spread out more
things, holding them up in-tho-sun. for
theirndmiration, and making signs of
Then thoy divided into two groups, of
whom ouo retreated and tho othor ad
vanced. Captain Wattles next displayed a
couple of most boautiful knives, tho
blades of which, when he opened thehi,
Hashed in tho sun in a most surprising
manner. And ho pointed to two of tho
islanders, young and stalwart follows,
and invited thom by gestures to como
into tho water and tako these knives.
The crow meantime remained perfect
ly motionless, hands on oars. Only
thosOj experienced in rowing might havo
obsorved that their oars wore well 'for
ward;, ready for the stroke.
The advanced roup again separated
into tjyo more groups, of which one, con
sisting of a'dozon of tho younger men,
including tho" two invited, advanced still
nearer, until they were close to tho wa
ter's', edge, ami tho others retreated
further back. All of thom,- both thoso
behind and thoso in front,' remained
iwatohful and suspicious, liko a herd of
' Presently tho two singled out plunged
into the water and swain out to tho boat.
At prst thoy swam round it, whilo
Captain Wattles continued to smilo
pleasantly at thom and to exhibit tho
knives. Also tho crow dipped thoir oars
without thoieast noise, and'with a half
stroke, short and sharp, not moving
their bodies, got a little wnyHipon tho
boat. T'hpwimmprs, with, their eyes
upon, the knives, dhlnotseom tonptico
this maneuver. Nor did they suspect
though the oars woro dipped again and
tho boat fairly moving.
For just thon thoy nlado up their
minds that Captain Wattles was a kind
and bcnovolont person, and, thoy swum
close ,o tho stern of tho vessel and hold
up their hands for tho knives.
It is very well known that tho Poly
nosIarunutiYcs. havo long and thiok bjack
hair, which thoy tlo up in a knot at tho
ton of thoir heads. . , w r
j, WhaJJftdjenJVas tho surpriso;of thoso"
qvo poor fellqws to 'find thoirltop knots
S'aspcU, ono'by Captain Wattles,? and
o other by his interpreter, and thoir
"own hOads hold under water Jill thoy
woVo half drowned, whilo tlio crow gavo
way and tho hoa't shot out t9 8Q&. ' '
Thoro was a wild yell of tho natives
on shore, and a .rush to tho water. But
tho boat was too far out for missllos to
reach or shouts to terrify.
44 Now, said Captain Wattles, whon
tho half-drowned follows woro hauled
up tho ship's sido, "wo didn't exactly
want this kind o' cargo, and I had
hoped to havo stuck to legitimate trade!
Wal! this will mako it very awkward for
tho noxt ship which touches hero, and I
don't think it will add to Cap'en Ar
mlgor's popularity. After all," ho add
ed, "I doubt I was a fool not to finish
this job and havo dono with it. Who
knows but some blundering ship may
find out tlio placo by mistake and pick
him up?" ,
Whon tho Fair Maria returned to S vil
li oy, some months later, tho very ilrst
thing Captain Wattles did was to put
into tlio post a bulky letter.
Liko Captain Horllnder ho had writ
ten a Narrative. Unlike that worthy's
story, this had all tho' outward appear
ance of yraisomblaneo. I would fain
enrioh this history with it, at length,
but forbear. ( 11) t was it a production of
retnarkablo merit, combining so much
that was true witli so much that wa?
As a basis wo may recall tho history,
briefly touched upon, of tho kidnapping
by tho ship from tho Ladroncs.
This story put Captain Wattles upon
tho track of as good a tale of adventure
ending with tho death of Rox Armigor
as was over told. Some day, perhaps,
with changed names, it may seo tho
light as a tale for boys.
Tho local .coloring was excellent, and
tho writer's' knowlodgo of. tho natives
mado every detail absolutely correct,
It ended by an appeal, earnest, relig
ious, to Lai's duties us a Christian. No
woman, said Captain Harnalms, was al
lowed to mourn beyond a term; nor was
any woman (by tho Lovitieal law) al
lowed to consider herself as belonging
to ono man, should that man die.
Wherefore, ho taught her, it was hor
boundeu duty to accept tho past as a
thing to be put away and dono with.
"Wo forget," ho concluded, "tho
sorrows of childhood; tlio hopes and dis
appointments of early youth aro remem
bered no moro by healthy minds. So
lot it bo with tlio memory of tlio bravo
and good man who loved you, doubtless
failhtiilly as you loved him. Do not
hide it, or stifle it. Let it die away into
a recollection of sadness endured with
resignation. I would to Heaven that it
had been my lot to touch upon this
island, whero ho lived so long, boforo
tho fatal event which carried him oil".
1 would that it had been my privilege to
bring him homo with mo to your arms.
I cannot do this now. Rut when I re
turn to England, and call at Seven
Houses, muy it bo my happiness to ad
minister that consolation which becomes
ono who bears my christian mime."
This was very sweet and beautiful.
Indeed, Captain Wattles had a poetical
spirit, and would doubtless have written
most sweet verses had ho turned ids at
tention to that trade.
Aftor tho letter was posted, ho wassit
ting in a veranda, his feet up, reading
the last San Francisco paper. Suddenly
Ho dropped it, and turned white with
some sudden shock.
His friends thought he would faint,
and mado haste with a nobbier which ho
drank. Then ho sat up in his chair and
s'aid, solemnly: .
f " I havo lost tho sweetest goll in all
tho world through tho darndest folly!
Don'ft lot any man ask. my what it was.
I' had tho game in my own hands, and
threw it 'away. . Matps! I sha' n't never
no, never be able to hohj my head
up again. A nobbier?, Ton nobblers?"
Tho letter reached England in duo
course, and, for reasons which will im
mediately appear, was opened by Cap
tain' Zachariascn. Ho read it aloud
right through twieo. Then ho put it
down, anil the skin of his face wrinkled
itself in a thousand additional crows' -foot,
and a ray of profound wisdom
Beamed from his sagacious eyes, and ho
4 " Mrs. Rydquist, ma'am, I said at first
gooff that I didn't trust that Yankee
any moro than tho Borfindcr lubber.
Blame mo if they ain't both iu tho samo
tale. You and mo, ma'am, will livo to
"I liopo wo may, Captain Zacharia
scn; I hopo wo may. Last night I lay
awake threo hours, and I heard voices.
Wo havo vet to loarn what thoso voices
mean. Winding-sheets in candles I
never know to fail, but voices aro uncer
TO RE CONTINUKT).
,v Castle Garden, which lias been given
over for many years to tho invading
hordes from Europo, was nt ono timo
(and to tho present older generation of
Now Yorkers it must seem)jiot long ago)
the most widoly known and generally
frequented place of .popular amusement
in the oily. It began" to bo, so' used in
tho daysjiwlign tlio lower part of Broad
wayT anul Greenwich street were
44 fashionable" and when the battery
was tho fdvorito promenade; tlio great
walk being thronged on fair afternoons,
by elegant folk who took thoir daily
needed "constitutional" of air and
gossip. At Castlo Garden wero tho
grand, .exhibitions of iiro'-wovks; from
Castle Garden balloons went up in tho
days whon that .peril supplied tho
craving for oxciterh'ont now afforded by
the flying trapozo; at Castlo Garden the
American Institute had it first fairs; at
Castlo Garden thoro- wero 'concert's and
theatrical performances and opqras; and
.thoro Beethoven's Ninth Symphony was
performed, ana won ponormcu, at a
time whereof thoso who went with largo
eyes and long oars to hear it at Stejiit
way Hall, big with a consciousness of
first discfivory of its greatness, hayo no
memory. . Richard Grant White, in
FACT AM) FIOUItES.
Of tho English-speaking pooplo 13,1
fiOO.000 aro Romnn Catholics and' B9,
Over 12,600,000 feot of lumber aro
estimated to havo been dostroyed by tho
recent Pennsylvania forest fires.
Tho Eureka District, Novada, has
produced ores to tho valuo of $31,000,
000 during tho past sovon years.
Tho Georgia Railroad and Ranking
Company has paid in dividend sinco tho
war tho linmenso sum of $l,6i!0,676. ,
Ohio hist year mado about 450,000
gallons of maple syrup and , 3,000,000
pounds of sugar, and will havo as much ,
moro this year. Detroit 1'ost.
Tho English Channel tunnel is to bo
22 milos long, 18 by '20 foot iu diameter. ,
with two railroad traoks, and tho in
come is expected to be $13,000,000 an
nually, from which, if tho eggs all
hatch, thero wilt bo $3,GG0,000 In divi
dends, r ,
Tho average distanco for4- tho old
fashioned railroad wheols to traverse
was about fiO.OOO milos, but with tho
wheols with steel bands actually em
ployed on passenger cars 5100,000 milos
have boon froquontly traversed, whilo ,
600,000 miles woro traversed by two
wheels belonging to ono of tho largest
In New York last year thero woro
9,81-1 white males marriod, and 9,8137,
white females. Thirteen white women
theroforo married colored men. Of tho
men married -1,-177 were iiativo bom,
and of tho women r,!l!)(J, so that moro
than 800 native born brides took foreign
born husbands. Of tho births during
thosamo poriod (5,886 woro children of
native born parents, and K1.75 1 of chil
dren of foreign born parents. Chicago
A fow days ago tho application 'for
sottloment of final account and distribu
tion of tho estate of tho Into William S.
O'Brien was granted in a modifiotl
form by Judge l'inii, of San Francisco.
Under this order a total amount of 80,
328,652.70, less $1, 1-13,7(10 to satisfy
future claims against tho estate, will bof
distributed. Of this amount Mra'
Maria Coleman receives 2,692.461.39;
Mrs. Knto Mary Macdonough reooives
$2,160,376.17; Joseph Macdonough ro
Tho cost of a privato wiro from
Now York to Philadelphia is $2,500 a
year, the company furnishing nothing
but the wiro and tho instruments at
both ends of the lino. To Boston it is
$4,600 a year, and to Chicago $7,000 rf ,
year. The expense . of an operator at
each end udds .about $1,600 a year to,
tho total cost. Then) is a saving of
nionoy to concerns doing a largo busi
ness, but tho chief advantage is in tho
saving of lime, especially to stock brok
ers, as minutes on tho stock oxohango
sometimes represent fortunes. Utica
(N. 1'.) Herald.
WIT AND WISDOM.
Can a shepherd's crook bo termed
a ram-rod P .
"I'll mako a nb'to of' this'," nu tho
sharper said when ho got a armor to
writo his' namo on a slip of paper.
Smiles is tho longest word iu tho
langungo. Botweon tho beginning and
tho end of it thero is just a wiiVe.
Ex-Secretary Evarts, who is in
creasing tho size of his Vermont farm,
is tho man who, when asked by a frionil
for something from his pen, sent tho
gentleman a fine young porker. Chi
. Just as wo expected. Thomas
Hardy's now novel is called "Two on a
Towqr," and already :mi intelligent
compositor has set it up "Two on u
Tare" Ho'b boon there him.-olf with
moro than two. Burlington Ilawkcyc.
Powder explosion:' " A literary man, '
who had recently published a book,
was observed to bo vorydowncast'last
weok. ,4What io the maltorP" said a
friond; "you ldok all broken up." "No
wonder," was tho answer, "I'vo just
been blown up by a magazine."
It is alleged of Melville that ho is
an inveterate punster, and that aftor
tho wreck of tho Jeannotto, as thoy
woro trying to mako their way through
a fiold of ice, ono or his men' remarked:
4 4 That ieo will surely opposo our pro
gress." " So ice suppose," was Mel- v
Useful dentistry: . " You look.ohcor
ful, Mr. Spisor," said a friend who mot
tho old gentleman ambling down tho
avenue. "Yes," said tho Interrogated:
. "1 havo just had a troublCsomo grindor
'pulled," and when the sympathizing
gentleman asked him if ft hurt him
much, Soth cheerfully respondod: "Not
a bit; it was an organ-grinder, nnd a
. policeman pulled him." Chicago Times.
How denr to my heart la tho uohool I nt
tonilcd, And how I romcinbor, bo distant nn film,
' That rotl-hondod Hill, und tho pin that I
And ourof ully put on. tho bench under
And how I recnll theflurprfso of tho miutor 1
Whon Illll Ktivo u yeU'uud opnuiK up with "
So IiIkIi Unit his bullet head burstcd tho
Above, und tho scholars nil set up n grin. ,
That nctivo boy, Hilly, that high-lcuplng '
That loiid-Hhoutliitf Hilly that sat on a pin.
A littlo Albany boy, aged eight
years, was greatly annoyed by tho de
struction wrought upon his toys by his
two-year-old brother. Tho othor night
ho asked his father how to spell tlio
wor"d " dangerous," and tho next morn
ing his mother was startled at tho warn
ing " dangerous" printed in big black
iciiors across mo top oi ino nox. " wny,
Tommy," said sho, "why havo ydtl
spoiled your nice, now prosont?" "I
ain't, ma. Jamia spoils all my things,
and I put that on to scare him, so he? 11
loavo my box nlouo. Albany (N, Y.)
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