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About Nebraska advertiser. (Brownville, Nemaha County, N.T. [Neb.]) 1856-1882 | View Entire Issue (May 11, 1865)
1 1 7 .JflASKA ADVERTISER 1 rl fe.:'.'S. V7. EUi w Cskilf eoosaa csjesr Cca Xiixtil ct'laczea jaf ' 0a nciusaiix tccata -Oa hLfetlima six saoatll Oafootao2affiJ iLzinoati Oa ejjbta coiazna lixmc-.-ii 0e colaaa tar iccft'.a Oaehklfoolssanniix E&atia Oat fourta co!catare n.i-J A Hfl(Mininr ! 1st T rT t !K5 ? 21 C It Ci :r cr it :) :j ti si c 21 C5 1J C) A Block, tfin 8t Betwesalgt it 2d. r 1 I' 1" V j J , . CI a. Alltraaiieatd?tni3aati tixtiijIJU 4 r - prion HSU"" tork. end 'lln nd rncT Work, aCoTT''" ' . i.rilUf. bl Mil lBlfllM rnc. - - . f Allkiadi of Job, DfKk and C.fd pnalir.j.tfcn 1 be bsi tj2 oa hort aoti a4 rtflBbl uraj LIBERTY AND UNION, ONE..AND INSEPARABLE NOW AND FOItEVE R." BROWNVILLE, -NEBRASKA, -THURSDAY, MAY 11, 1865. NO. 34. f v ; 1 '.. i i : i - " i ; ; ? - . s ' . . - V i 3'. q t N B S S C A It D ; . Tas. G. DO KS BY. FORNEY AT M' rpr XVILLE, NEBRASKA. T.;.tl 1S64. . niar8yly WARD W. -THOMAS, IJirOHHtlAl LAW,, Itf ITOB;' MC'HANCERr, (' .., .rre- of Kti and First Stret. -.VANVIM.B; NEBRASKA. m mmm w .1 . A. ii :V Ij. ATTORRtY AT-LAW - 'olicitbr iu Chancery. J3 0D COLLECTING AGENT. ( ,pBOWKVlIiLE N. T." , - , JL C. TIIURMAN, ' "ROlfATiLLE, NEBRASKA. Tol9-o2-Ij-pd If . STEWART, M. D., KYSiCiAH AIJD SUF.GEOIi. j Lut fornei' of Uio ixis Fiwt Street :roit.tilli:, kediiaska. Eoras-7 to 9 a. K.and 1 to 2 aci to Vwin,Strajk, May Sti, 1864- No 35, 1 j. j E.-S, BURNS, M. D., WSICIAH k SURGEON ! ZcxsxtitLSKf City, 1N3". I. I OFFICE AT HIS RESIDENCE. !jJ8ta,184. JAMES MEDFOItD, 1B1HET - MAKER . ' , AND 'CoruttSod and Main Streett, frrptred to do all kinds of work In bU line on tsetie and rcaaoo&ble termi. 21-6m . c. w. wueeler; ' ABINET'MAKER AND CARPENTER. rncj cpened np permanently on . . . , . , ; , oTa1zx Otroot, 'dckVrf the Baltimore Clothing Store, ia trtdip c;iV, k.cis f work in bia line in the 7 v. s'.j t. l'articular attentione given to uvw. T-nl4 6m p'd ATIAG HOUSE! WIRED. AUGUST, BET. TIEST AND SECOND STS. r f'iMrt, Ctkfi, I'k-n, '.....;', Otnrcr Bre&d, etc I !1 dcni..T,:; tT-4i. 'V ft) hrl. K)I KKALS cti5 ;ji )p tel style an1 on short -l.lUrriiortnifnt8: 3ao, Ctar. A uits, , Candies, . Canxtil Fruit, Oysltrs, Sovpt . Crackers, Raiens, Cur " rants, aud a supply of C0JFCCTIOISARIC8. i "miCH IN TIKE 8AVZ8 NINZr LOl tS WALDTER, "M bit ruiit TFt.re&dv to nerform aJt work.Tar- CJ'HtoliabaaiBeea. and ,in p!Dting, glaring, and paper bang J,'"cltihort notice, and tbe moat approved Ttnn,c"h. Give him a call. I Mspoa Main Street, east of Atkinaon'a aotb-,-tNto.i, , yy.' He Is prepared to do all ' , AND C O L O R I N O , umt.t cteapekt etyle for cah. Mrs m w-a 1 '.'r. ay e AyvvMvt .JHliiiery & Fancy Goods OTOR23. tetet one door weat of the Poat Offlc OlTXTILLi:, ICEnRASILA. 'Iv0' ,tock of Png n4 Summer Gooda i,D.Vc,1TPa. Ererything in the Millinery line BT6,1nt,T a bend. Drew-Making, Bonnet 'RSCW. WILLI ALISON, JlGE.F FOR Florence Sewing HacKnes -FPoeita Hi-, He wetfa Kiliic er S tore. VinM JU,l,eeiTea a good assortment of these -l&etoVtTPTfun3r inT ber friends and the Uki Tr "dta,em,aa they need only te be M aak. i .?llne aaaadTaetacea over all others lUrii.ill h nhl lb operator, by f riftt.:, . umbtcr"T to bare tbe work run Tklat St. ... u l1not boisaless, very rapid u ' E.r "f1 wlth 'u1 'VrlUT- A supe- Br - . boa. h-i.v ...l u--k.i.r- .:.. in Kscq Vacttue has era, w,tlhjroJdee tbe rlu?1 CMf'"' Meat, la 1 ' Car Eojg ere Ccnlns LTonc. from tb Satardaj Ert&Isg PoatJ TUak God , tb tkj la .I.irlcj I Tha clonda art barrjicg pf t ; Tbank Gd , U day U netrinj 1 Tk. dawa Uocming fact. And when (lad berald Toieea libaU tall aa peaoa baa eoaa, Tbia tbonjbt aball most rejoictaa t Oar boja art comiaj bona I " 'i . - Boon ibsll the roioe cf eicj'ot; Drown war 'a tremendoas d:'a : Sooa aball tba joj-bella' ringicj Bri&s peaea and freedom ia. Tba Jabilea bonfires lumiaj, . v Shall aooa lifbt op tba de mt, ' And aooa, to rootba our jiaruiaj, Oar boja art coaitg borne. i . Tba raeaal treiide flwea Eara waited for Ibemleag! Tba lota light laeka tbeir faaea, Tbe cborai waita tbeir aoag; A abadowj fear baa baaatai Tbe loijg deaertad room ; Bat new our pray era are granted, Oar boya aie coming bme I O, mother, calmly waiting For that belored aon I 0 ,alater, proudly dating Tbe Tict'ri.s be haa woa I 0, maiden, aoftly bumming Tbe lore-fong while you roam Jey, joy,tbeboya are eomirjg Oar boy a are coming borne 1 And yet ob, keenest Borrow I They're coming , bat aot aJl ; Fall may a dark to-morrow faball I wear ita aable pall . For tbonsanda who are aleepiag Beneath the empurpled loam ; Woe 1 woe 1 far tboaa we're weeplag, "Who B.rer will eome borne. - O sad heart, bait ibelr gTleriog ; Wait bat a little while 1 With h.ping and be'.ieving Thy woe and fear beguile. ' , Wait for tbe joyoua meeting Beyond tbe i tarry dome, For there oar boya ae waiting To bid oa welcome heme. Mo beisama, April 8, 1885. . W.G. A Sons San? In Richmond. A correspondent of tbe New York Times, wrl- ting from Richmond a few daya ago, aays : 'Imagine sitting in a theatre, ia Richmond, Ta- eatedby JeffUaria only fire daya ago, and listen ing to tbe following ditty," composed by Harry Hail, and sung by Billy Lewia, of Buckley & Dadd'a Op- era House, here, with rociferoua applause : "To Richmond t own the Yaakeea came, To whip the Southern rebel; . There old Bob Lee did make a stand, And got whipped like the devil ; Tbeir handbill tbey distributed, Tbeir beads were full of fun; Of coarse they eay the ball commenced Witb rturid fbot, graje atd bum bomb). Ceobc-Let 'embnm, let 'em bum The way ia always clear ; " - And while 'bey are a b tmniirjg Wall take m in tbe rear. -"You talk about your horseB fr.st , Or take a two-mile beater, But if you ium a rebel loose, ' . lie's much the fittest crtatare ; -Now, we would to tbe rebtls say. To one and ail i&ir Kir&ing, ' If onoe the Yankee tt.le The Lord bare mercy on 'em. Now, here's a health to Gecial Grant I . Who wli hia words fulfill ; And alwaya to the rebels gire Bia lead and iron pill ; And when Phil Sheridan catches them, Oh Lord hew bad tbey fare; . Be flanks them on the right and left, And begs them in tbe rear. Twu neck and neck on either aide, . And neither thought tbe beat; Tbt Yankeeaand therebela then : Wore fighting breast to breast; Twaa then Bob Lee rode up bia Usee, nd rising in bis aaddle, . .. , . Be w ared bia aword aod gara command To right faea and skedaddle. , " The Frogtown Dss FlsnU 1 . v A Comic alictclx. - j - " .BB.Basa m eas...""." ... r There is an excellent moral to the fol lowing story' which is told with great fkill. It show's how a whole Tillage is sometimes torn to pieces by a fight be tween two puppies. The most remarkable dog fight on rec ord come off at Frogtown, od the f rent, ier of Maine, eome years ego. It en grossed the entire community in one in discriminate melee interminable law suits or suits at law diEtracUon cf the town, its down-fall and ruin. A fansiful genius, named Joe Tucker a man about town, a lounger, without visible means of support a do-nothing loafing, cigar-amcker, good natured' fel low, owned a dog; a sleek, intelligible, and rather pretty least, always at Joe's heels.fand known as townees. One day Joe and his. dog were passing Bunion' crocerr iters, when a pie-bald," ugly. looking dog, standing alongside a wood wtron.bonnded en to .Jee 4?S ! knocked him hels over bead, arid so frightened BcV Carter' wife,! who Wa passing towarda her husband's black trnith shop with dinner, that she 6tum bled backward; and her old sun bonnet flopped off", and scarred the Horses at teched to the wagon. He : started, hit Latherem'a barber pole, opsst a load of wood, all of which falling down Gumbo's refreshment cellar, struck one of Gum bo's children on the tead, killed it for a short time stone deed, and. so alarmed a r i . mrs. uutnbo, mat sne drorpea. a stew pan cf boiling hot sters 'into' the lap instead of the dish of the customer who sat waiting for the savory concoction by a table in the corner. Mrs. Gumbo screamed, tht child screamed, and -the customer yelled ! . - -:: ! "Oh, oh ! ch-oh-oh, my poor child 1 i cried Mrs. Gumbo. -. d i i ' "Eh, e-he-e-e," screamed the ' poor child! ;'. r f,0h, murder-w !" "Murder, mur der!" roared .'the poor customer.' Th horse, Ihe.pirt. of theagca,and some wood were in their mad career.' The owner of the strange dog came out of the store just in time to ie Joe Tuck er seize a rock to demolish the sarage dog ; and; tct waiting - to tee,) Joe let, drire, gare him such a pop on the back, that poor Joe fell forty rods up the street and striking a long ladder upon which Jim Ederby was perched, paint pot in hand, some thirty fext from terra firm, brought ladder,. Jim, and paint-pot sprawling to the : earth, crippliag poor Jim for life, and sprinkling blue paint over the broadcloths, satinets, and cali coes of Abraham Miller, a'formal and eren tempered Quaker, ran out to lb door just as the two dogs had gfine fairly at it hip and thigh, nip and catch. A glance at matters seemed to convince Abraham of the true state of tht cast ; and in an unusually elevated roice, Abra ham called out to Joe Tucker, who had righted up: Joseph Tucker, thy dog's afight- ins Let 'em fight it out," yelled the pug nacious owner of the strange "dog.. "Let them fight it out; "I'll bet a log of wood my dog can eat any dog in' town, and l ean eat the owner." Wehave said Abraham Miller was a quiet man ; Quakers are proverbially ao. But the gauntlet thrown down by tbe stranger from the cou.ntry,stirred the gall of Abarham, and he. rushed into the store ;-frcro the back yard, haying slip ped his collar, Abraham brought forth a brindle cur, strong, low and powerful. 'Friend," said the excited Quaker, "thy dcgihall be well beaten, I promise thee!. Hyke, seize upon him!" , '-Ttirk, here, boy.' ' ' - ' ' And the jlogs went at it. . -Bob Carter, uie smith, comirg up in time to hear the- stratger's defiance to the town,and bent ipn a fight with some body for the insult and damage done to his wife, clapped the collar of the stran ger, and by a seriesofMen-pound-ten upon the face, back and sides of his buU ly antagonist, with his, natural sledge hammers, Bob stirred up tbe strength and ire of tbe bully stranger to the tob of his compass',, .and ' they -made, t the sprarks flf ttttdtiM?. (I y'l ) f;l Q , Joe Tucker's dog, reinforced by Abra ham Miller'stook a' fresh atkrtl ( an3 oe tween the twp,th strange' dog. was being cruelly put to bis' tramps. Deacon Pugh one of the most", pious : and , substantial men in frogtown, came upF-and indeed the whole town wjjs assembling, and Deacon Pugh armed with a heavy walk-ing-sCicVj'antf ihocie'd at the jpecacfs be fore him, marched up;to tht ,dogg'-e. claiming, as he did liYjc "Fie fie", for shame ! disgraceful ! " -Don't thee, doo't strike my dog, Deacon Pugh !" cried Abraham Miller, advancing to the Deacon, who was about to cut ought and let among the dogs with his cane. Your bogs 1" shouted the deacon.with evident fervor.' ; "Not my dogs, Deacon Pua, taid the Quaker. "What did you say to for, tfafen 'y shouted the Deacon. "I never said dogs. Deacon, Pugh. "You did!" responded the Dvacon, with exeitement. . "Deacon Pugh. thee speaks ground lessly," said the Quaker. "You tell a falsehood, Abraham Mil- lerl'V . ' y' -"Thee utters a mendacious assertion," reiterated Abraham. You vou vou tell a lie!" bawled the descoQ. 1 -i. " "Thee has provoked my evil passion, Deacon Pugh," shouted the stalwart Qua - ker, "and I will chastts'e thte." ! And into the Deacon's wcol "went the Quaker. " Th Deaccn, nothing loth,1 en- lered inlo the thing, ci:Q we leave them thus t6 ''nip and .tuck, to 'leal to : the stranger and Bob Carter, who fought and fit, and fit and fought, until Squire Catch em and the constable came up, and in the attempt to f serve the peace and arresf the ofTerjder". the' Squire, was thrusr through the window nf r neigh - boring watchmaker, doing a heap of dam - age, wnue lawyerUooker, .in- attempt - ing to aid the constable mistake by the furious hlack snort ribs, and went reeling down Uum - bo's cellar with 'frightful velocity. The friends and fellow diurclmen of Deacon Pugh took sides against the -Quaker an - tagonist, and the shop boys of Abraham seeing their employer, thus beset; came to the rescue, while two Irishmen,, full of fun i and. frolic belie vine it to be a "free fight, tried, their hands;and sticks unon the combatants indiscriminately, so i that in less than half an; hour the happy village, of Frogtown was shaken from-its propriety, by one grand, sublimely, iidic- ulous and most terrific - batUe. ' l Heads and windows were smashed, and women screamed, dogs barked, dust flew, labor ceased, and so furious, mad and ezcided became the whole commu nity, that a quiet. looker on, if there hd been any, would, have sworn r the evil were all in i rogtown. i A heavy thunder sterna finally put an end to the row, tht dogs were all more or less killed, & childteverely wcunded. a man scalded, a wagon broke, the horse ran himself to death, his owner badly beaten by Bob Carter, whose wife and the wives of many others, were danger- ously scared, the painter was crippled, dry goods ruined; a Quaker and a De a liked a mattress stuffed with rats made looking from one to the oiher, in most con, two Irishmen Joe Tucker, town, it lively he thought. But one night every unprincely confusion, No. 1 , again ral constable, lawyer Hooker,'. Squire Catch- particle of Captain Mason's love for the lied em, and some fifty others most shame - ullv wbinDed. .Lawsuits ensued, feuds followed, and the, entire peace and good repute of Frogtown annihilated all by a remarkable doif fight. American Mis-1 cellany. .... ...... . .... v,. WllSOG'S Ka 1(3. The Herald's Savannah correspond-1 ence, dated tne yin, ult., says Gen. dated Wilson's famous raiding expedition ar rivt-d Le're yesterday from Macon. The following is -a"' coadeLstd history of the trip : a.- . a t - 4 A.. - J-eit Lnickasaw Ala., on tne .a. oi March. "It is not v proper to stale the number of, his force. . Edevangh. neaj j Plantersville, Ala., was taken alter a I short engajgement .wiih 'cavalry, capturvJ ing 3,000 prisoners and three guns. Forrest's forces were driven to the west j of :Cha,waba and separated A: xoluiaD j ,was sent to Tuscaloosa which they cap- a " I .tured and destroyed much 'Government! property. Selraa, 241 miles from the base was captured "on the 2d of April, with 2,500 prisoners and 32 guns in po sition and 75 in" the atse hall 'We de stroyed three rolling mills and fixtures, a very large naval foundry, an arsenal J secona in importance ia tne.lonieaeracy i powder work and, magazines.. We re - mained at Selma eight days The Ala., j river was bridged 84 feet the; operation J occupying five days. The next place at- tacKea was monigomerv.ou. miica ua i dant, destroying all the bridges on the! Alabama and Tennessee rivers. The tailroad to Columbia was destroyed.- about 2o,000 bales of Cut ton. Montgom ery surrendered .without en -assail. - " a ew Five runs fell into our nands; ryi de- stroyed two roling mills, a foundry, two magazines, one locomotive, 53 cars and five steamboats. Tfie rebels burned 65- 000 bales of cotton before evacuating Columbus, Ge. was taken by assault capturing prisoners, guns aoa aiso ira- mense quantities of Commissary stores, a large arsenal and pistol factory, ad ac- couterment factory, a naval foundry, a rolling mail1 and foundiy, an arsenal,' thirteen locomotives, over ou9 hundred cars' depots, machine shops, &c. were Captured and destroyed. A gunboat, mounting six 7-inch rifled guns, now called the Jackson, but the name of which has been recently changed was captured here. I A detour to West point was made by Lagrange's, brigade, attacked the works. and carried them by storm capturing tne - e" I garreson, three hurdred and fifty men, tne wnoie snip e company cad been at and four guns,- and killling the rebel taeked with a sudden fit of delirium tru Gentral Taylor in command. FifteenlcmgVT locomotives 4were destroyedt 200 cars, Itwoihridgesandtwolarce factoritSjlirgipht cook'e big eoppers burst up like quantities of quartermaster and com'mis- 1 sary stores at GrifBn and ; the railroad bridge on the selma and "Montgomery Railroad. We captured along the rest Hire guns.- ' l ?!' ; Macon was captured with no opposi- uon. We captured Generals Howell Cobb, Go Smith; formerly Street Inspector of New York city ; Robinson. Mercer and McCall., The captures are , 132 guns in I arsenals and .in store, with immense 1 amounts of ordinance, quartermaster and J commissary stores, cotton and machinery ana railroad stock., l Union soldiers, tormerly impr I Andersonsville, were on the mornirag lo" th? 28th ult., transported by the reb 1 els down the Florida Central- Railroad, I within ten' miles -of Jacksonville Here they were unconditionally released and left to make their way into the Federal lines.-which several hundred of theml did before night. . All pmented a piti ! ful ti?ht. and many i were barelv able to I ' . walk. ..-' - ; - We had in the Metoka, when we sailed from New Orleans for Messina, upon a moderate; computation, I should say, a cord and a quarter of rats ; snd the increase during' the voyage was so- rapid that by the time we got back to ; Gibral- tar, 'tween decks, lower hold, forecastle, cabin, and store-room, literally swarmed with the obnoxious sodtnts obnoxious to everybody fore and aft, except Cap tain Mason. . He was on the best possi - ble terms with the vermin. . A dozen of thebigest blueskini in the ship hsd se cured homesteads in the "old man's mat ters, and a great 'motherly old rat was actually rearing her family under his pillow. Captain Mason said he rather! 1 rodents was changed to inveterate hate, I and be swore to exterminate the whole! I race. Somehow in his dreams, or only I half awake, the old man had managed to smash into utter worthlessness his gold ! watch; and he swore that a big rat got! it down from the hook to see what time I it was. and when he veiled at him 'the bloody lubber dropped it oa the floor, I.m..v:nrr .n tn The old man stuttered a string as long 0 . i , . as the mizzen topsail halyards when he got his salt water up, and the next mor ning, it took him nearly a whole watch to get out clearly the following bid: "Mr. R.r.r eef-t-t-t-acle ! I'll g-g- iye ye ar-r-ial a-p-p-iece for ev-ev-eve ry d-d-d d-nm'd r-r-at you'll ke-ke-ke- I w catch !" "Acreed. Captain! I'll 'xo in.' and own the ship before she leaves Gibral tar ! ' So that every day I went ashore, get a: bis wire trap,' an ounce of oil of rhodium and a lot of sardines for bait. At night I set my trap in the store room und after breakfast don't believe there was less than five dozen" of 'em, though I never counted noses. 1 1 was bending a spare line to-the trap, thinking to hang it over the side, down my game, ana inen count neaas tor jtials. But Captain Mason interf erred with that intention most disastrously. ' Com iCg out of the cabin, his collar and shirt- oosoni an open, ana armea witn a rat tan that; the steward beat the dust out of his clothes with ' "Ho-ho-hold on, Mr. R-r.reef-t.t-tack le ! I'll n-n-ick 'em ! You M-Ie-let 'em out, and I'll r-r-ra-t-t-tan 'em !" and he stood by to "nick" the first one that should escape, Out popped a thundering big rat, slap into the old man's bare 'bosom scooted in under hes shirt, and in a second du? rund on his back. . Hah : Bl aa-oo-ah j Ke-ke-kiii the d-dam'd thing! .T L , Down went the trap, and . out bolted the whole rat brigade, scampering and dodging under every thing that would cover a rat Grabbing the carpenter's mullet I took after the old man, and hit him a blow in the back that sent him Sprawiinff imo lne scuppers. J' ' ja len Be'co'n(jg the"old Metoka's deck . universal hurrah. All hands' and tlxe cook, armed with belaying-pinr. handspikes, heavers, sheath-knives, and haU5hets..weni into the rat hunt, yelliog wnooping. aancmg, ana leaping, as u t S I A I . The result of the rat foray was, ene . wat hit-in a ! The Herald's Jacksonville (Florida) lorcea to suppiy wi ptsco as cest smith ia the correspondent saya about 15,000 of the could. Ia due time the play went ca ; bomb-shell; a scalded leg for tht VoX mab," that laid him up for a month ; ths heads of three water-casks stove in ; the loss of the second mate's little firmer from a clip of a hatchet ; a dozen black eyes and bloody noses; and--ry:p rats I Some few years ago. at a benefit giv ea to a Fire Company' ia Philadelphia, a C9W aspirant tor nircnic oonors ap peared on ' the boards of tbe Walnut Street Theatrei The play was vHsxn let." Just before the curtain rose, the gentleman engaged to play the "Ghott," struck for fwsges," and . the manager saying in his usual lugabrious tone : "Hamlet, 1 aril thy father's Ghcst !" ' When.even as the Prince of Denmark was contemplating the image cf his f&th- I er's ghost, a voice "was heard .from an otner wing "Don't you believe him, Hamlet: I - 1 am father's ghostthii f ell ow under bid I tae. And with the word, another I ' 4 '' "Ghost" in blue armor, of course, step ped oa the stage. The embarrassment I of Hamlet was extreme. -Two ghosts of I one father, both dressed ia'blue armor. I speaking at once, each, .claiming to be the Simon Purs, as thus . ' n "Hamlet, I am' thy father's ghost," began No. 1. f "No, Hamlet, I'm ybsr fsther's ghost,' cried No. 2. I "Doomed for a eertsia time te walk l ihe earth," continued No. 1. l' "No, Hamlet," continued Ghost No. 1 2, insinuatingly, "it's me that's doomed to walk the earth not him. You see he plays for five dollars a week ; and I would not do it under six. I'm your fath- I er's ghost, Hamlet." At this juncture, while Hamlet stood I "I could a tale unfold," he said. "All fudge, Hamlet; it's me that could a. tale unfold," cried Ghost No. 2 j'-This fellow aint got aay tare to unfold I I'm your father's Ghost, my boy. 3 At this crisis the curtain fell, leaving 1 in? Hamlet to settle the matter with the I Ghosts, behind the scenes." while the audience were shedding tears, cot of sorrow. Artenus 7crd Insures Eh Life. I ' kum to the conclusion lately, that life waz so onsartain, that the only way for me tu stand a fair chance with other folks, wuz to git my life insured, and so I ka'ld on the Agent ov the ' Garden Life Insurance Company 'rnd ansered the following questions, which vwux put to me over the top ov a pair ov gold ( specks, by a slick little fat old feller, with a little round grey beard as enny man ever owned : 1st. Are you male er f email? If so. state how long you have been so. " 2d. Are you subject to fits, if so, do you have more than one at a time! ..'j 3d. What is your precise fiteing weight? . 4th. Did you ever have enny ances tors, and if eojbow much ? 5th- What is your opinion ov the con stitutionality ov the 10 commandments? . 6ih. Did you ever have enny nite mares ? ' 7th. Are you married and single, or are you a bachelor ? - ' : 8th. Du yu believe in a future state ? If yu du, state it. 9th. What is your private sentiments about a rush of rats tu the head ; e&a it be did successfully I . , 10th Have you ever committed sui cide, and if to; how did it seem to ef feet yu ? . . After answering the above questions like a man, in the confirmatif,' the slick little fat old fellow with geld specks on CpfLI wuz insured for life, and probably wothd remain so for a term or years I thanked him and .sailed one ov my most pensive smiles. An English paper contains an adver tisement : "A piano for salt by a ladv about to cross the Channel in an cak case with carved legs. 1 A clergyman lately travelisr in the 0l rCgion. saw a child in the road stum- tling and failing. He kindly picked her . - - 0p, saying, "poor, dear ! are you hart 1" when she cried out, I ain't poor ! Dad struck a ile well yesterday T' 1 1 The human hem gives 60,000 t.iokt 3 every 21 hear?. "' isoned at sou. ice uauat in uiua miuivi acsiau, Gaxly's Pacific Munthly ttllaa pretiy good story cf a scrub-head Icy fcavir been brought befora the court a a. wit ness, when tha following colloquy., en Where do you live V said thi Jsi;t. Lite with my mother.' , . . Wberedoes your mother live V t , , 'She lives . with father.' ' . Where doea he lie?'. . r ... . 1 He lives' with the old folks. 'Where do they lire?' says ths Jud;99 getting very 'red, as an audible suicks; goes' rousd the rccn. , ' They lire t home.' ' '. .. . Where in thunder is their hcsl'rcua 'ha Judge. ' . t .' . t , . That's where I'rafrcm, isid the bsy.r sticking his tongue ia a .ecrser cf tl cheek,' and slowly dosing one eye cs tht Judge. r Here, Mr. Constablesays tht. court," take the witness out and tell him. lo, - travel; he evidently doss not csdsrstasd iie nature of an oath. y Yoa' would think differnt,'. says the - boy, going toward the doorway, if 'I was , mce te give you a cussia'l' If a man talks insolently .!tt you uaier the plea of candor, you may knock bin down under a pies of an infirmity cf tsm MA- ) Somebody says that "ensricg is th spontaneous' escspe' cf 'these cailgsr feelings which the sleeper has not that 13 . vent when a wake." t Many men's praying and swearing art-3 pretty much the same; whin they tray : tney tnink of nt good, and when thsy swear, they think cf no harm. - Mrs. Partinztsa sars that Ike who has w Just returned from Franee, "spealcs hkt aPariihioner." : 'v '. e - . w Sambo says : "Dese folks make a gocl many cf dees patches frornde seato! war out of whole clof." - " Some harts, like primroses, cpta czz Kienf ifulltr in tfta iV.n. r.$ t:tm A bonny bride is socndresssi, a shtrt horse is quickly carried. , At the gate which suipicica e&ttrs,isr ' steps out. A maid that laoghi is half takes. 1 a emit a viocK, ana a woman, aiwsys want mending." v" As the good can saith, so ssy w; tit as the gtod woman saith, ss-it must It- ' small in the waiju A little house well filled, a '.little' lasi well tilled and a little wife well wills J. Young women married tt old men, ' must be like 6ld women. Women are all good good for ssss thing or nothing. Women are known by their walk, their' dress, and their talk. A virtuous woman, though ely, is th ornament cf the house. - . Obedient wives command tht ir hit bands. . . Woman and cherries are paintic tsi , . their own harm. : ' . . - A good wife is the workmanship cf a good husband. The best or worst fsrtuns a man ,taa have is his wife.' ' Men would cot be alone even ia Para- dise. A lewd batchelor makesa jealsus hri band. f ; . - 1 ' A groaning wife and a grunting horw never fail their master. , Fair woman, without virtue, are . like A handsome courtezan is the hell ! the soul and tht scourer ef i. rt-rt a - mt Very great beauties are apt tobertry : foolish or very proud. A barren sow is nsver good u pigs. A friend that yea buy with prmz'J will be bought from yea. Enemies to bfiiuty are foes to natsrs, A dor's cose and a maid's knsaa ar alwsys cold. .... The msid that talketh yieldeii. Women conceal what they know ast, ' Lasses that have many wooers eft fail the worst. Men must ask their wives texf b thrive. It is good occasion for "courtship whra' Bare walls make gsdding housswivij. Beau ty will buy no be ef. " ' i!?;i 1 . - - : The following note was lately recsiy ed by a gentleman from his raach-kssp- "Please sssd me.'by tha boy, a pair cftJatt chains and two door hinges. v,- 1. twins list, nijht also, :w , J.-L r - . X tr V -la. m i- Jl W' "Nj